confused about moving back

[livelife123]

Hello guys

I am living with my husband in London. Its been four years now, since the very first day we came me & my husband knew that we will R2I, & now have decided to move after 3-5 years. Since we don't have kids yet so it can be possible to stay a little longer. Now the problem is I somehow started loving Uk & I dont feel to move back to India. I have discuss this with my husband & he thinks its just temporary & I will be alright once we will move back. My husband is planing to invest in real estate in his hometown & I am not very happy with it, I think we can save some more money for the deposit & buy a property here rather than back home, but he thinks its more worth there than here in terms of appreciation. And my husband keep telling me how difficult it will be here to raise kids & away from our loved ones. Plus I am a house wife, I dont like to work, just do some of my charity work & take care of home. I know here its too difficult to survive on ones salary, & if we will settle down will have to work, which i hate. Then i think to go back to India. Guys i am really very confused, I need your help. Sometimes it happen we are stuck & unable to see the other side of coin, I need your all opinion.Will appreciate your help & time.

[Sid]

3 to 5 years is a long time. As a housewife, wouldn't you have much more to do in India, and much larger family to interact with? It actually depends on your equation with your in-laws and relatives. Do you have a bigger circle of friends in UK?

Your husband is right from the investing perspective. UK housing is going down, and that country is in a deflationary cycle. Buying real-estate in India (especially in tier2-tier3) cities is a much better decision. Tier1 cities in India may not see that much growth (but again 5 years is a loooong time to make such predictions). Regardless of where you are going to settle down, I think its a better decision to buy real-estate in India, if you are going to maintain ties in India.

Also, I wouldn't want to raise my kids in UK, which I feel is much more racist. I wouldn't want my kids to be called and treated as pakis in their school. But having a EU citizenship might be helpful to your kids in future. Taxes too are rising in UK, so it will be difficult to save much, while living in such an expensive city like London. DBS and Sumachechi are other members who have lived in UK, and might be able to give you a better perspective.

[bearcat]

I think you are going through the normal NRI phases. everybody thinks about going back when they initially land. Then comes the getting comfortable phase. in this phase you start liking and enjoying your stay. I think some years down the line you will start feeling the r2i phase . At that point some of people try X+1 approach while some return to R2i. If you have children then you will start thinking about the future rather than enjoying the present and this comfortable phase will end.
bearcat :)

[farfromhome]

DBS and Sumachechi are other members who have lived in UK, and might be able to give you a better perspective.

I would add maya1 to the above list.

livelife123,

You might want to take a look at this R2I Diary from maya1

http://www.r2iclubforums.com/forums/showthread.php/18263-Confessions-of-a-confused-aspiring-returnee?highlight=confused

[dbs]

Now the problem is I somehow started loving Uk & I dont feel to move back to India.

My husband is planing to invest in real estate in his hometown & I am not very happy with it,

I dont like to work, just do some of my charity work & take care of home. I know here its too difficult to survive on ones salary, & if we will settle down will have to work, which i hate.

Yes, the confusion is apparent. It would probably help, if you can articulate what do you love in UK as well as why you do not want to move back to India.

We lived for 14 years in UK and then returned to India. Of course, our case was different, like every one else's. When we went there, we knew that we were coming back, only variable was when and it was not for financial reasons. We were quite happy in UK, me perhaps more than my wife. She was not working regularly in UK. She had not been working in an office before we came to UK, but she had a good circle of fellow writers and probably missed their company. A husband can never be like a girl friend, I guess. She did some work with schools and colleges and was not too unsatisfied.

We had a satisfactory house, satisfactory earnings, enjoyable friends and children that were doing well.

Perhaps if you can be a little more specific, people in the forum can be more helpful.

[Journeywoman]

Also, I wouldn't want to raise my kids in UK, which I feel is much more racist. I wouldn't want my kids to be called and treated as pakis in their school. But having a EU citizenship might be helpful to your kids in future. Taxes too are rising in UK, so it will be difficult to save much, while living in such an expensive city like London. DBS and Sumachechi are other members who have lived in UK, and might be able to give you a better perspective.

I have to say that I have experienced more racism ( or should I say casteism) in India than I ever did in the U.K. I am also not entirely sure that raising children in India is easier than in the UK. Some things are easier, some much harder.

OP, you need to think a little more carefully about your lifestyle and what you like about it in the Uk, and how that will change in India.

[rajradio]

Having lived in US and UK I disagree that UK is more racist than US. Taxes are a little higher than US but at the top tax bracket will be around 6-8 % between US and UK. In return health care is totally free(though not as good).

That said, stay back in UK if you feel like it. R2I needs 100 % commitment IMHO. So introspect hard and decide, all the best.

RK

[sumachechi]

I have lived in the Uk for nearly 13 years before moving back to India. Like dbs said, nothing major wrong with life- good earnings , good lifestyle, great friends etc etc. Never felt like home, though which is why we moved back to India. That deficiency has now been set right although you have to weigh it against the rest of the India package. We are happy with our move , but the only way for r2i to suceed is if you are happy to live in India as it comes. Racism exists and you feel it when you have achieved above your peers. It is not insurmountable ,however and with planning and strategy, one can come up.
Would you be happy living in the UK when you are old and grey? If you would, that's fine.

[maya1]

You are right now living in UK..so there is no point in telling you how life is in UK..
Like many of us you are sailing in the same boat.Most of the Indians who have parents to look after decide before hand that they will go back when time is right meaning when they accumulate enough wealth...few years down the like confusion and dilemma starts and if the children are involved another dimension gets added.

You have lived there for four years and still planing to be in UK for next 4-5 years. Now you are in UK...you love being there why not enjoy you stay right now.and see where life takes you...I feel if you still have 4-5 years to move than its too early to worry about the r2i as of today.There is always a possibility that down the line you husband may want to stay and you may prefer to come back to India..things change..thinking changes, and life situations also change..so just sit on it.

Meanwhile if you really want to stay in UK and if you feel one salary wont be sufficient for you to settle down then are you willing to make compromise on work front.??.as when children come and if you want to stay in London you will have to consider huge cost of private schooling as i know for sure getting admission in good state school is really difficult and for that living the catchment area is again really expensive affair...in these areas property prices are really high..you do the math and infer from it what you would prefer...working?? which you hate or going back to india.??..be honest to yourself when you answer that qustion..many things will be clear at that point.We make choices depending on the payback..what choice will give both of you good returns,will make both of you happy.. should be your choice..and will be your choice for sure.

On the other note investing in Indian RE in not at all bad idea.Right now UK real estate market is not really good so you never know where things may go from here..and even if you decide down the line that you want to be in UK than you can decide at that time and sell the property in India if invested wisely ..which i am sure will give you handsome returns.
So chin up and enjoy.

[srinivas74]

As you know its a tough decision, you need to sit down and think what ur future options are and what you want to do. As you said u started loving UK, can u elaborate on that. What makes you more comfy. I am also staying here for the past 11 yrs and I would say surviving with one income is really tough. In my case we have decided we would be moving back as I also have a daughter whom I would want to make her study in india. If you guys can survive with one salary even after u have kids then its fine. But trust me this schools affair is very complex, if you have to send ur kid to private school even more expensive. In terms of investment, i wuld also concur that india is the best place to invest, right now UK is in doldrums,may be it will pick up in a longer term (we never know). I m in the same boat as urs, one thing is we have already made up or our mind to move back so we are clear in that aspect. Yeah taking citizenship counts may be useful in terms if the kid wants to come down for higher studes, (thats again different topic).