5 most difficult adjustment problems of moving back from the US (West)

Retrophile · Post by **Retrophile** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 7:49 am

My husband and I are decided on returning from the UK with our 15 month old son, by the end of August 2011. My husband has been here since 2000 and I joined him in 2005. I'm not sure it's been the most through decision. Our primary reason, is that my husband doesn't see any growth prospects for him career-wise in the UK over the next 1-2 years - he's an architect/urban planner/designer. He put in his resignation last week. I'm currently working with a top International Market Research company and will be putting in my resignation at the end of the month; I've worked with them since 2007. My m-i-law came to the UK to help with my son, as I returned to work three months ago. We were really concerned with how we would manage looking after our son after she left, as good day care is so expensive in the UK (almost £1000 a month where we live). It would not have made sense for me to work to then put all that money into day care, and also miss being with my son through the day. And, if I weren't to work, with the rising costs here, we would've been able to save very little (we are able to save very little even now!). It all came to head last week and my husband resigned from his job. He hopes to start out on his own and I primarily want to focus on settling my son in, after returning to India (Bangalore mostly).

I've only had experience of setting-up home in the UK as I got here two weeks after I got married! After reading some of the concerns here, I'm now terrified about doing the same in India.

Could someone who has made the move back in the past one or two years, tell me what the 5 most challenging adjustment issues have been since returning to India? Admittedly, 6 years is not a great deal of time, but I still want to brace myself for the reverse culture shock.

Thanks!

LoveIndia · Post by **LoveIndia** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 11:47 am

With just 6 years in UK, adjusting in India will not be difficult and it will take roughly 6 months to get back the normal routine. Here are the 5 most challenging adjustment issues which I am facing and hope it differs from person to person.

- Traffic : Traffic is horrible where people ride their vehicle at both sides of the road. Please ensure when you cross the road, better tilt your head on both sides (in fact all round 360 degree angle :-)) so that you will not get hit by a vehicle. Even some people travel on opposite side of one way roads and hope if they die, they are saving india.

- Road Dust/Noise/Pollution: Muds are everywhere in India especially in cities where when a vehicle passes on the road, the tires hit the mud which are at the side of the road and the dust pollution happens. Noise emanating from vehicle is another nuisance where our ears get irritated and the pollution emanating from diesel vehicles where black color fumes will make your face blackened.

- School Management : Schooling for kids is a corrupt business where black money flourishes. Some reputed schools will take black money right in front of Mother Theresa/Mahatma Gandhi/Abdul Kalam on the background pictures and will claim that they are humble/simple/modest - A bunch of Baloney, deceit and full lies

- Overpopulation : People are everywhere with no concern to environment and in fact it was shocking to me that the river which connects adayar to beach in chennai is filled with Debris/trash and people are living on top of the that. Please visit Lattice Bridge Road in adayar to view this illegal encroachment. Trash is everywhere where stinking smell originate and you will need to close your nose.

- Human Rights - No dignity for human being as Poor people lead a misearble life where as Politicians/BusinessMen/Bureaucrats Babus/IT/NRI people like us display their pompous wealth by their flashy cars/Rs. 600 pizaas/Rs. 200 Burgers but will pay a paltry salary to their poor domestic help where they will have to work 7 days a week!! The disparity between Rich and Poor has widen a lot and it's pathetic to see small young poor children begging and collecting plastics from trash so that they can sell it for paltry sum.

Now, on a lighter vein, our ears/eyes/nose/faces are damaged by noise/dust/stinking smell/air pollution, what is left is our body alone. Once we live there, we will soon see the light at the end of our tunnel which is heaven or hell :-)

OP - If you have a place which is suburb or far away from city or Tier II/III cities, then India is good and hope you find such place. My advance congrats for your successful R2I!!

Anyway, I Love India as she has given so much to me personally and hope not to run away from her:-)

sweet_honey · Post by **sweet_honey** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 2:43 pm

Hi,
Well I was a passionate R2Ier ready to count off the ills of American life in a jiffy until the time I was there. However, now after seeing both sides of the coin my worldview has altered like anything. There is no black or white. Its upon you to find your happiness in whichever part of the world. Challenges in India--I can list at least 50 but now that you have asked for just 5...here they go.

1) My biggest peeve with life here is lack of sanitation. There is no mechanism for garbage disposal it seems. Anywhere you go (and yes I can say this after visiting many cities in India) you find filth and garbage strewn on the roadsides, open drains, unclean public bathrooms. Basically its an assault on the senses. Its also very hazardous from health point of view....but who cares?

2) Pollution- now where do I start. Its a mess. So much dust all around. Is there any urban planning at all in this country? No idea about vehicular emission norms either. You just have to brace yourself against it.

3) Hardly any recreational facilities for kids/family in general. For eg:- Aquariums, Beaches, Theme parks, or for that matter well maintained society parks either. The one place where we go frequently is Malls which I must admit are as international as it gets with kid play area and all that stuff. The crowd in the malls might get to you initially but u will get used to it.

4) Power cuts in even the best areas of New Delhi is plain shocking.

5) The helplessness you feel when you cant say or do anything as you witness utter lack of governance all around you.

Huh...do u need to know positives about India too ? ha ha...let me know I can rant them off too. Would just say one thing- Life in India is anything but boring. Its very very interesting and challenging on an every day basis. This place is full of vigor and madness. I get soooooo frustrated but the truth is I feel more alive here.

VS007 · Post by **VS007** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 4:42 pm

LoveIndia;395108 Human Rights - No dignity for human being as Poor people lead a misearble life where as IT/NRI people like us display their pompous wealth by their flashy cars/Rs. 600 pizzaas/Rs. 200 Burgers but will pay a paltry salary to their domestic help.

Thats true, you witness abuses everyday everywhere from child labour in reputed superstores to bound animals transported cruelly to total disregard to others lives.

However if you think IT/NRI crowd are the pompous wealthy people, then my friend you have not seen the nuveau rich and the business communities here.

moneyIsNot_funny · Post by **moneyIsNot_funny** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 5:08 pm

LoveIndia;395108

- Human Rights - No dignity for human being as Poor people lead a misearble life where as IT/NRI people like us display their pompous wealth by their flashy cars/Rs. 600 pizaas/Rs. 200 Burgers but will pay a paltry salary to their poor domestic help where they will have to work 7 days a week!!

Just out of curiosity, what do you think you would want to pay a full time driver, a full time non-live in maid, and a full time cook in Chennai, that you think is fair to them?

LoveIndia · Post by **LoveIndia** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 9:02 pm

moneyIsNot_funny;395121Just out of curiosity, what do you think you would want to pay a full time driver, a full time non-live in maid, and a full time cook in Chennai, that you think is fair to them?

I am new here in chennai after 14 years of life in USA and honestly I don't know. However, the maid who worked in my mom's house for 16 years, I paid a salary of Rs. 3000 (Not informing my mother) + my mom paid Rs. 1000 as she did a outstanding job of Cooking + Cleaning daily for 6 days a week where one day is leave for her. Apart from that, I sponsored her kids education where her daughter got 75% in 12th standard and completed her B.Com in English Medium with 61% marks and she is working now in a MNC company at Rs. 7000 per month.

moneyIsNot_funny · Post by **moneyIsNot_funny** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 9:16 pm

LoveIndia;395134I am new here in chennai after 14 years of life in USA and honestly I don't know. However, the maid who worked in my mom's house for 16 years, I paid a salary of Rs. 3000 (Not informing my mother) + my mom paid Rs. 1000 as she did a outstanding job of Cooking + Cleaning daily for 6 days a week where one day is leave for her. Apart from that, I sponsored her kids education where her daughter got 75% in 12th standard and completed her B.Com in English Medium with 61% marks and she is working now in a MNC company at Rs. 7000 per month.

Your numbers seem just about in line with the going rate - so I am not sure why you need to say that:

LoveIndia;395108

where as IT/NRI people like us display their pompous wealth by their flashy cars/Rs. 600 pizaas/Rs. 200 Burgers but will pay a paltry salary to their poor domestic help where they will have to work 7 days a week!!

There's no harm in paying the going rate. And certainly, its upto "pompously wealthy" NRIs to buy Rs. 600 pizzas, and Rs 200 burgers. In addition, its the locals who splurge and earn a lot more than the NRIs, trust me on this.

Granted, you could have gone a bit above the line in sponsoring their education, but I am sure you would agree that its more of an exception than the norm and you certainly dont expect everyone else to do the same as a matter of right.

LoveIndia · Post by **LoveIndia** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 9:23 pm

I don't expect anyone to do the same and at the same time I don't like your curiosity from you to ask me what I am doing and then trashing me!!

If you want further info, I gave Rs. 1 lakh to her to get a small patta plot where she built a small home outskirts of chennai back in 2003 and I have paid for her medical expenses. Now I don't expect further trashing from you as I think I have done my duty atleast to help one family in India where she could educate her 2 kids decently :-)

moneyIsNot_funny · Post by **moneyIsNot_funny** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 10:10 pm

LoveIndia;395143I don't expect anyone to do the same and at the same time I don't like your curiosity from you to ask me what I am doing and then trashing me!!

I gave you my opinion. Its upto you interpret it as trashing. You shouldnt have to expect to agree with you every time - thats why we have this discussion forum.

Perhaps not all of us are lucky to have the same maid for 16 years. Perhaps not all of us are lucky to have drivers who serve well and dont run away after taking huge loans. Perhaps not all of us have good maids who rob old people and abscond. It goes both ways.

LoveIndia;395143
If you want further info, I gave Rs. 1 lakh to her to get a small patta plot where she built a small home outskirts of chennai back in 2003 and I have paid for her medical expenses. Now I don't expect further trashing from you as I think I have done my duty atleast to help one family in India where she could educate her 2 kids decently :-)

Its upto you to give that 1 lakh to someone or not - I hope your expectation is not that we should agree (i.e not disagree or "trash") just because you gave money? Similarly, its upto each member of the society to have the freewill to decide if they want to spend 200 on a burger or 600 on a pizza or drive a flashy car. How do you know they havent done their charity through other means? A society should have the freedom to have both kinds of people coexist, and all the shades of grey in between without having cast aspersions on each other. In addition, we all operate in different ways - one shouldnt need to put down someone because they spend 600 Rs on a pizza.

LoveIndia · Post by **LoveIndia** » Mon Jun 20, 2011 9:54 am

MoneyIsNot_Funny - Everyone is different and who am I to question other people's opinion or judgement and where did I say that everyone should agree with my opinion. As you have every right to put forth your thoughts which I appreciate or some times depreciate, I have put my thoughts and opinion which may or may not be applicable to everyone. I hope everyone has that includes me as well have 100% freedom and rights in accordance with the forum's policy to post whatever we want as long as we don't personally attack the members. I don't expect you or anyone to agree what I am saying and no one can agree 100% on issues and if it is so, then democracy won't work.