R2I Dilemma: Concerns for my child\'s education front

[Pranjjal]

Hi everyone,

I’m a silent reader of this forum whenever get a chance to do so I prefer to read posts.
My dilemma is not about whether to R2I or LIA because we're going to R2I in the summer of 2017.
We had been living in India for 7-8 yrs of our marriage and then came to USA with intracompany transfer.
Firstly I want to state some positives/negatives of us staying in USA vs in India.

Our stay in USA:
Both of us are IT engineers, In early yrs of our marriage I was working in India and then quit my job when my child was born. So when I came to USA, initially I was stay at home mom then studied here and started working again. This gave me immense pleasure as I couldn't imagine now if I was in India I would have been stay at home forever(it’s not very easy in India to join workforce again after a long career break). If I think only about myself then I'm happy to stay here. So far I enjoyed being in USA, understanding new diversified culture, luxurious life in terms of infrastructure etc. The only time ones in a yr I feel to go back to India to be close to my parents when I get sick due to allergies :-). Now you may think I’m being selfish so it’s not like that I just miss my mom during that time. And when I think about it vice versa what my parents would be feeling being lonely during their illness. We have extended family out there but still. My sister and I are only daughters to my parents and we both are outside.
We do call them both my parents and in-laws everyday but being close enough to meet them personally is a different ballgame altogether; this is one of the reasons to R2I.

About my husband, only one sentence “He is bored to death staying in USA”. He is busy in his work, but not surrounded by many people only through video calls and meetings. He is missing daily interactions he used to have with his colleague friends, college friends or family friends in india. After working on a cutting edge technologies for few years now, he feels his work and career is stagnant(which I still feel complicated). He is interacting with people in a different parts of world through emails and conference calls which he now feels boring thing to do and I agree to it. This is another reason of R2I.

About my child, He has started his schooling from Kindergarten adjusted pretty soon even after attending 2yrs of schooling in India. Initial 2 years he attended public school but we felt that environment is not challenging enough for him and switched him to private school and since then he is busy and progressing on every front. He is a single child and he is missing out fun of having “true friends”/”friends forever” as well. This is another the most important reason of our R2I. Also the most worrisome reason.

My dilemmas:


[LIST=1]

Although my son has made up his mind that he has to return to India but occasionally says can’t we continue to stay here. I’m crossing my fingers that he’ll soon adapt to surroundings in India. But I’m worried whether he’ll be happy there? He’ll be joining middle school(7th) there. How children from India treat NRI kids in general? How will be the communication between teachers and my son because teachers mostly interacts with familiar faces in school? I’m worried about small small things but yet sound so big now like whether teachers in India will understand his cursive handwriting? Will he be able to adapt many units differences in maths etc? Vast difference in English literature, Learning Indian history, learning Second language other than foreign lang, not able to understand Hindi at all. He can at least understand our mother tongue lang and speaks little bit. Any first hand experience would highly be appreciated for this age group.

He is a brilliant student in general but if we choose to stay in India will he able to able to score high in high school in india or in any competitive exams in India. What are general observations about NRI kids, does this transition(at a later stage) from American education system to Indian education system take a toll on them.

If he struggles to settle there we want to keep the option open to come back again in that case should we keep our savings here or transferring money to India is advisable in terms of tax implications?
[/LIST]

As the days are passing and our R2I time is getting closer I'm getting tensed(regarding my hubby he is day dreaming these days about his R2I life) sometimes in this thought process I question myself did we make a mistake coming to USA, but its of no use now regretting the decision weighing against some positive impacts on our life as well. So any questions, suggestions or thoughts would be highly appreciated, Thanks!!

[okonomi]

Hi everyone,
I’m a silent reader of this forum whenever get a chance to do so I prefer to read posts.
My dilemma is not about whether to R2I or LIA because we're going to R2I in the summer of 2017.
We had been living in India for 7-8 yrs of our marriage and then came to USA with intracompany transfer.
Firstly I want to state some positives/negatives of us staying in USA vs in India.

Our stay in USA:
Both of us are IT engineers, In early yrs of our marriage I was working in India and then quit my job when my child was born. So when I came to USA, initially I was stay at home mom then studied here and started working again. This gave me immense pleasure as I couldn't imagine now if I was in India I would have been stay at home forever(it’s not very easy in India to join workforce again after a long career break). If I think only about myself then I'm happy to stay here. So far I enjoyed being in USA, understanding new diversified culture, luxurious life in terms of infrastructure etc. The only time ones in a yr I feel to go back to India to be close to my parents when I get sick due to allergies :-). Now you may think I’m being selfish so it’s not like that I just miss my mom during that time. And when I think about it vice versa what my parents would be feeling being lonely during their illness. We have extended family out there but still. My sister and I are only daughters to my parents and we both are outside.
We do call them both my parents and in-laws everyday but being close enough to meet them personally is a different ballgame altogether; this is one of the reasons to R2I.

About my husband, only one sentence “He is bored to death staying in USA”. He is busy in his work, but not surrounded by many people only through video calls and meetings. He is missing daily interactions he used to have with his colleague friends, college friends or family friends in india. After working on a cutting edge technologies for few years now, he feels his work and career is stagnant(which I still feel complicated). He is interacting with people in a different parts of world through emails and conference calls which he now feels boring thing to do and I agree to it. This is another reason of R2I.

About my child, He has started his schooling from Kindergarten adjusted pretty soon even after attending 2yrs of schooling in India. Initial 2 years he attended public school but we felt that environment is not challenging enough for him and switched him to private school and since then he is busy and progressing on every front. He is a single child and he is missing out fun of having “true friends”/”friends forever” as well. This is another the most important reason of our R2I. Also the most worrisome reason.

My dilemmas:


[LIST=1]

Although my son has made up his mind that he has to return to India but occasionally says can’t we continue to stay here. I’m crossing my fingers that he’ll soon adapt to surroundings in India. But I’m worried whether he’ll be happy there? He’ll be joining middle school(7th) there. How children from India treat NRI kids in general? How will be the communication between teachers and my son because teachers mostly interacts with familiar faces in school? I’m worried about small small things but yet sound so big now like whether teachers in India will understand his cursive handwriting? Will he be able to adapt many units differences in maths etc? Vast difference in English literature, Learning Indian history, learning Second language other than foreign lang, not able to understand Hindi at all. He can at least understand our mother tongue lang and speak little bit. Any first hand experience would highly be appreciated for this age group.

He is a brilliant student in general but if we choose to stay in India will he able to able to score high in high school in india or in any competitive exams in India. What is general observations about NRI kids, does this transition(at a later stage) from American education system to Indian education system take a toll on them.

If he struggles to settle there we want to keep the option open to come back again in that case should we keep our savings here or transferring money to India is advisable in terms of tax implications?
[/LIST]

As the days are passing and our R2I time is getting closer I'm getting tensed(regarding my hubby he is day dreaming these days about his R2I life) sometimes in this thought process I question myself did we make a mistake coming to USA, but its of no use now regretting the decision weighing against some positive impacts on our life as well. So any questions, suggestions or thoughts would be highly appreciated, Thanks!!

You need another baby.

[RRS]

There are many members who returned when their kids were in middle school and found kids adjusted faster than the parents. So you should have least worries on that front.

Don't regret coming to US as you earned your master's degree which will be valuable anywhere. Women(and men) need to have employable skills and solid education to be in work force in current economy anywhere, so your decision to go to college to earn a master's degree when you were taking career break is commendable. As far as your return to be successful, count 1 month for every year you were away from India as adjustment, then you will be fine.

On positive side, you don't have to worry about inflated rent or real estate in Bay Area anymore as you could own RE in India with your savings : )

Wish you the best!

[Pranjjal]

You need another baby.

Haha This option is ruled out

[Pranjjal]

Duplicate

There are many members who returned when their kids were in middle school and found kids adjusted faster than the parents. So you should have least worries on that front.

Don't regret coming to US as you earned your master's degree which will be valuable anywhere. Women(and men) need to have employable skills and solid education to be in work force in current economy anywhere, so your decision to go to college to earn a master's degree when you were taking career break is commendable. As far as your return to be successful, count 1 month for every year you were away from India as adjustment, then you will be fine.

On positive side, you don't have to worry about inflated rent or real estate in Bay Area anymore as you could own RE in India with your savings :wink

Wish you the best!

Thank you RRS for ur reply. Yes many members do say that their kids adjusted faster but doing ok in India and at par excellence is different. I've also seen people who returned back to UK or USA just for the sake of their kids. I want to hear from parents who returned to India with their middle schoolers. I want them to share their experiences and how their kids are doing in school after transition.

RRS, you caught me hmm! yes I don't have to worry about inflated rent or real estate in Bay Area :wink also don't have to cash out to buy RE at exorbitant prices in India. My home in India has been waiting for us to return.

[okonomi]

Haha This option is ruled out

As a parent concerned with the development of a child, I am sure you'd have given much thought to "that option" in the years past. After all we had known full well that a child would prefer to have the total focus, concentration and expectations of a set of parents be shared with one or more siblings at home. It eases the pressure to perform, and offers the chance to slack off now and then. While children do not know the full scope of the utility of a sibling, they'd grow up with the manifestations of having had none. This has been shown to be the case, time and again, in that big country to the north (of India) which had a government imposed "one child policy" for a few decades and now suffering the after-effects on both the nuclear family and the nation.
[QUOTE]I want to hear from parents who returned to India with their middle schoolers. I want them to share their experiences and how their kids are doing in school after transition. In your stay in the USA, you'd have heard that cutesy reference to one's individuality, namely, "your mileage would vary". This is quite true for how NRI children adapt to the Indian conditions of life, school and a larger set of relatives who want to hug and kiss them.

Parents have the right to inflict what they choose on their children. Whether it be some weird firangi culture, or even weirder native one. If a mother is given a larger child in the form of a husband (who ought to know better.... about life and what is responsibility) and a smaller one, who is dealing with the challenge of 4th grade mathematics, if is my opinion that she owes it to herself and her child to get the larger child to straighten out, quit day-dreams, and behave. The critical kwestin to ask is whether the couple are willing to put their middle schooler through a couple of years of a wringer, with the possibility of a total breakdown, just so that one or both grownups can hug their parents now and then.

R2I with 2 or more kids is a lot easier on the children than with just one child. If parents have only one child, and do not expect to have any more, it would make perfect sense if they wanted the maximum safety and opportunities for that child. OTOH, parents have the right to inflict what they choose on their children. Did I say that already ? :wink

[plansup]

I have a feeling most of this will be lost on intended audience.

As a parent concerned with the development of a child, I am sure you'd have given much thought to "that option" in the years past. After all we had known full well that a child would prefer to have the total focus, concentration and expectations of a set of parents be shared with one or more siblings at home. It eases the pressure to perform, and offers the chance to slack off now and then. While children do not know the full scope of the utility of a sibling, they'd grow up with the manifestations of having had none. This has been shown to be the case, time and again, in that big country to the north (of India) which had a government imposed "one child policy" for a few decades and now suffering the after-effects on both the nuclear family and the nation.
In your stay in the USA, you'd have heard that cutesy reference to one's individuality, namely, "your mileage would vary". This is quite true for how NRI children adapt to the Indian conditions of life, school and a larger set of relatives who want to hug and kiss them.

Parents have the right to inflict what they choose on their children. Whether it be some weird firangi culture, or even weirder native one. If a mother is given a larger child in the form of a husband (who ought to know better.... about life and what is responsibility) and a smaller one, who is dealing with the challenge of 4th grade mathematics, if is my opinion that she owes it to herself and her child to get the larger child to straighten out, quit day-dreams, and behave. The critical kwestin to ask is whether the couple are willing to put their middle schooler through a couple of years of a wringer, with the possibility of a total breakdown, just so that one or both grownups can hug their parents now and then.

R2I with 2 or more kids is a lot easier on the children than with just one child. If parents have only one child, and do not expect to have any more, it would make perfect sense if they wanted the maximum safety and opportunities for that child. OTOH, parents have the right to inflict what they choose on their children. Did I say that already ? :wink

[RRP]

Hi Pranjjal
We moved 2 years ago when my kids were 8 and 4 and they are having a blast in India. I agree with the point of having a BFF or to be part of a gang of very close friends. It is important for the child in the long run.
Regarding cursive writing, here in India they start with cursive writing from LKG. And the teachers emphasize on reading too.
Hope your home is part of a gated community (apartment or villa community). If not then consider renting in a community with lots of kids at least for couple of years until your child settles down. Please do not take this point lightly.
Also hope you are moving to your home town where your family lives (but not under the same roof with parents/in laws…not until they need your help for day to day activities). This is a very important factor for successful R2I. And if it’s a tier 2 city then even better.
But most important factor of all, is to have your finances sorted. If you have enough dough then no other place in the world is as luxurious as India!!
With regards to you, the lady of the house, you will be losing some of your privacy. This will be annoying initially coz you don’t want to be seen by neighbors/relatives in your pajamas and messy hair bun, but you will feel better once you get to see them in their atta smeared nighties.
You are definitely not “inflicting” your child with a “weirder culture”….you are “imparting” your child with, “a culture where children still think of their parents” and THAT is what ‘life’ and ‘responsibility’ is all about!!
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY EVERYONE!!

[Pranjjal]

Hi Pranjjal
We moved 2 years ago when my kids were 8 and 4 and they are having a blast in India. I agree with the point of having a BFF or to be part of a gang of very close friends. It is important for the child in the long run.
Regarding cursive writing, here in India they start with cursive writing from LKG. And the teachers emphasize on reading too.
Hope your home is part of a gated community (apartment or villa community). If not then consider renting in a community with lots of kids at least for couple of years until your child settles down. Please do not take this point lightly.
Also hope you are moving to your home town where your family lives (but not under the same roof with parents/in laws…not until they need your help for day to day activities). This is a very important factor for successful R2I. And if it’s a tier 2 city then even better.
But most important factor of all, is to have your finances sorted. If you have enough dough then no other place in the world is as luxurious as India!!
With regards to you, the lady of the house, you will be losing some of your privacy. This will be annoying initially coz you don’t want to be seen by neighbors/relatives in your pajamas and messy hair bun, but you will feel better once you get to see them in their atta smeared nighties.
You are definitely not “inflicting” your child with a “weirder culture”….you are “imparting” your child with, “a culture where children still think of their parents” and THAT is what ‘life’ and ‘responsibility’ is all about!!
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY EVERYONE!!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY to you too and to our entire R2I forum community!

Thanks for your reply RRP. Glad to hear that your kids are enjoying their life in India. Yes my home is in gated community with facilities like club house, swimming pool, children play area etc and also there are many kids of his age group. We had been living there for 6-7 yrs before we moved here in USA. Most couples living there are of our age group and our friends too. Our backgrounds and wavelength matches too so we're not worried about that part.
We're born and brought up in Tier 1 city in India and moved to Tier 2 city to settle after marriage. My parents are living in close proximity to our home. My in laws are living still in the same city where my hubby was born and brought up. My brother in law and sis in law are also in same metro area but different towns. What I feel is more than me my in laws like their privacy :) and still if they come to stay with us I know how to handle them very well :p so I don't loose my privacy either :e. But that's also not the possibility as we own another house in close proximity where we can bring them if needed. So both sets of parents can live within 4 miles of distance from us :)).

I'm still waiting for answers to my original questions...:o

[direstraits88]

I didn't see any mention of the city you plan to move back to.

You can choose to send your kid to a school offering the IGCSE/IB curriculum where other kids have similar background.
Parents who are typically returning desis or expats on assignment to India. So the kid will not have the challenges of CBSE curriculum (learning hindi, etc).

Couple of schools that i visited in Bangalore mentioned about kids from 10+ countries attending their school and some teachers are from US/UK/Canada/Spain.