r2i forum

This is my first post regarding us considering R2I, I request the readers to please weigh in with their opinions, all opinions are welcome.
I have a series of questions that I would like to get thoughts on, in this post I would like to request opinions on one area... please read on.

A little bit of a background:
Myself: Been in the US for 11 years.
Wife: Been in the US for 14 years.
Present Loc: San Francisco, CA
Children: Two Boys, Older is 3 Yrs, Younger is 3 months
R2I Location: Banglore or Chennai
R2I Target Year: 2013

As one would expect there are a lot of questions that need to be answered and decisions that need to be made. I am not sure if this is how most/few/all decide on R2I but as far as we are concerned.... being in the process of making a decision, we seem to first agree that we want to R2I but are not able to nail exactly why we want to do it, few reasons that we come up with... not in any particular order of priority are:
1 - Stay close to aging parents
2 - Potential to start our own business (this by far is our biggest reason)
3 - Experience India as an Adult and provide children some exposure of a culture other that American.
After the above, things get hazy for us, on reading the R2I forums to see what motivated others, besides parents, feeling of home etc etc the other primary motivation seems to be 'Social Life' i.e - No Social life in US.

Question 1: How is the social life in India for an R2I? Is it better? Do you have more friends, invited to more gatherings, more meaningful friendships (What does meaningful mean?) what else ? Real life examples really appreciated.

I have another ancillary question, you may choose to omit reading/answering this part
To provide some context below is a snap shot of my families social life,.
- We have two families that are pretty tight with us, we meet atleast once or twice a month, i.e go over/ come over for dinner, brunch etc. Do seasonal family outings, such as Cabins, camping, travels etc.
- There are probably 2 - 3 other families that we keep coming across and can be consider as our friends, people we invite/get invited twice or thrice a year.
- I have friends at work that I hang out with once a month into the night, get some drinks, shoot the breeze etc
- I have friends from back home in India but they are in other part of the country, we chat on the phone, may be once a month.
- Wife has some of her own friends, not close enough friends as she would like.
- Wife's close friends (from college) are in other parts of the world, she stays in touch may be once a month.
- Older son, has some friends (3 - 4) from his preshcool, some friends from swim class (2), he hangs out with them on a regular basis, does stuff with them over the weekend (meet up at park, kick the soccer ball around, drive his scooter with his friends), we also plan trips with the parents of these kids and they all have fun.
- I take my older son to do stuff, the park, zoo, train rides in the city, car/train/truck shows etc.
- Besides friends, as a family we do activities by ourselves, SF offers a fairly good range of seasonal activities like- easter egg hunt for the kids, bay to breakers, a variety of street fairs ect.
- Wifey and me go out on dinner dates.... may be once in 2 months.
We feel we have a fairly ok social life but there is always this irking feeling at the back of our mind that things could be better in India.
What I do not want to happen is for us to get trapped in the 'Grass is greener on the other side' phenomenon (in both directions).
My Question is:
Do any of the R2I folks feel the same way, i.e you felt that you have a fairly ok social life but felt it could be better in India? What happened when you went back? How did things play out.
Anyways what I expect to get from your replies is, to be able to set our expectations as far as social life is concerned, considering this is not a deciding criterion for us to R2I, I just want us to be mentally prepared to handle it
All these are so intangible... yet so important ;)
Thanks for reading, I will be posting my other questions shortly.

If you are going back to your "hometown" where you can find many relatives, then there is a possibility of an implicit social circle.

Other than that, the question I would ask is: would you live in the US even if all your social circle relocated to India?? I.e. Can you plan on living here assuming all your current social circle would stick around? In today's world where many R2I barriers are broken down, the probability of R2I is not very low.

If your attitude is: I will always find/create a social circle for myself, then it does not matter where you live.

My experience with folks who have gone back is that there is more opportunities for a good social life in India, including at the work place. For example, a friend who has relocated (total introvert) has developed a great social life at work and that is opening him up in many ways. Recently, he was given a surprise birthday party and took his team out for lunch: who would have thought of that?? The current cricket euphoria is another example that has potential for social bonding. So, yes, there are more opportunities for a better social life in India, if you can take advantage of it.

But, if you are integrated well into the American society, then Colts playing Patriots and beating the heck out of them should generate the same opportunities for social contact. Likewise, I have seen friends who do photography, cycling, etc whose social calendar is packed and overflowing.

So, is the question more: how can I get a lot more social connections without changing myself too much?? Then India is probably better that way. Else, ....

Hope this helps in some way.

lsk, thanks for taking the time to respond to my query.
- No, I will not be returning to home town.
- To answer your second question - "would you live in the US even if all your social circle relocated to India??" 90% of our friends are not from India, they are locals, but I do get your point, if our present circle moves away... would we continue living here in SF, our answer is yes, we probably will continue.
As an individual I am fairly comfortable with building a reasonable social circle for myself but as a family things get a bit more complex....
Anyways.. I was hoping to hear from R2I's who have opinions on differences in social life in US and in India (as an R2I), what was their expectations going in and how did reality match up, was it fairly easy to integrate and build a good circle or did it take a lot of time and effort.. etc etc... really would appreciate any real life narratives.
Thanks for reading.

I don't have personal experience but one of my close friends moved to India last year and not to his native place. He doesn't have any social network in India even though he is very friendly, funny and had large group of friends in US. It takes time to build network and have to meet right people who have same interests has yours.

Considering that 90% of your friends are not from India, I think you will have better social life in US than India - just my 2 cents..

LoneEagle;376165lsk, thanks for taking the time to respond to my query.
- No, I will not be returning to home town.
- To answer your second question - "would you live in the US even if all your social circle relocated to India??" 90% of our friends are not from India, they are locals, but I do get your point, if our present circle moves away... would we continue living here in SF, our answer is yes, we probably will continue.
As an individual I am fairly comfortable with building a reasonable social circle for myself but as a family things get a bit more complex....
Anyways.. I was hoping to hear from R2I's who have opinions on differences in social life in US and in India (as an R2I), what was their expectations going in and how did reality match up, was it fairly easy to integrate and build a good circle or did it take a lot of time and effort.. etc etc... really would appreciate any real life narratives.
Thanks for reading.

Moving to india may not ensure you a better social life than in the US. The odds however might be better because of language, customs, tastes and the relative open attitude and less formal nature of people in India. I have a friend who moved to India and felt like the was a 'fish out of water' and could not really fit in terms of the people he was hanging out with. Perhaps he had evolved and changed a lot in the 15 odd years he had spent in the West. There is another couple who moved to Bangalore and they love it there. Some of their friends had already moved so it was easier to connect and start a social circle.

We've been in India for a while..but our profile is no where like yours, though.

Our social life in India is far better. We returned to my hometown and the neighborhood I grew up in - as they say, where everybody knows your name- literally true for me!!

A lot of family mostly, but friends from school/college and a few from work. It can be a bit awkward initially, but I think.. no matter how much we evolve..if we got along with them before... we will now. Somehow, the bond is deeper- without the superficialities. Spouses and the children can change the equation, sometimes.

If you have special interests- you can find clubs/societies- In Hyd. for eg- there are reading clubs, poetry clubs, Hyd cycling club, Hyd rock club ( or something similar-I think they go round admiring the Deccan plateau or maybe climb the rocks and are trying to save them.),Hyd Film club, ham radio club, Astronomy club, flying club, sailing club ( OK, so we have the hussain sagar lake), travel club..or you can start one of your own. Your professional society meetings are good places to meet interesting people as well.

Here's a link to the great Hyderabad Adventure club-for an idea of what they do.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/28851350/Great-Hyderabad-Adventure-Club-Newsletter-Mar-2010

Not my own experience, I still live in USA and considering a move, but my sister's family moved to Gudgaon after about 14 years in USA. For the first 5 years or so, they lived in a single family home and had very limited social life. Afterwards, they moved to one of the luxury apartments there which has a lot of R2I-ers, and the social life rocks now, much better than what can be had in USA.

deardude;401954Not my own experience, I still live in USA and considering a move, but my sister's family moved to Gudgaon after about 14 years in USA. For the first 5 years or so, they lived in a single family home and had very limited social life. Afterwards, they moved to one of the luxury apartments there which has a lot of R2I-ers, and the social life rocks now, much better than what can be had in USA.

So the luxury apartment did the trick. You will get lot of friends if you are willing to let these 'friends' freeload. Going by 'Birds of same feather flock together', if you can find people like you in some luxury apartment as dude said you wouldn't have this problem.

from our own experience we definitely have a more active social life in India. Now that is not always a good thing.in our current expanded social circle everyone wants to know the most intimate details about what we do for a living, and why we came back from US since everyone else wants to go to US. so having more friends in India may or may not be a good thing. (I generally dont answer any questions about myself, my wife gets a little riled about it).

RK

#8,
Living in apartment vs living in independant house makes a big impact on social life in India.
If not for parents, kids will have a better social life in apartment complex which has play area and all.

Independant houses are now built on 20*15 and not on 30*40. I don't even want to mention about 60*40.
The main door almost opens to door except small space for 2 wheeler. Where will kids go to have a social life? Same holds good for adults too.