r2i forum

I thought I was the only one who had this weird desire to move back to my home land.
I moved to UK 2005 after marriage. Husband came to UK for studies and got job. We both are average income class but as you know but we earn better as compare to what we can make in India.
My Story:
Since I came UK I always knew I wanted to go back India as I never had a life here and I missed everything back home. Got job, worked hard, more materialistic things in life than real life..husband more showoff..burried me in loan as well as himself. I wanted to quit job to be with my son but as I had too much on I wasn?t able to. Worked for 5 yrs full time then part time another 2 yrs. Many things happened during this period. First I was financially ruined. My na? trust taught me good lesson. Husband promised to start life again with his new business in U K, supported him till I lost every single penny and borrowed from parents..all failed. During same period husband?s brother passed away of accident back home. He was jobless as stopped his loss business, he went India for few months..when I got to know about his brother..i borrowed money from my family to buy tickets and visited them..his brother was in bad state but due to work commitment I had to return uk with my son. I was the only part time working member so had no option. Husband came back after all rituals?after 10 months of this incident his father passed away. Hubby was working but took long break to see his father..i was heavily pregnant but I didn?t wanted to let my husband hold back for me as it wasn?t right nor I had that thought. I stayed back with my son on my own with no help at all. I was at the last month of pregnancy. Long story short..he came back once again after the rituals and luckily I didn?t deliver, his mum who was now on her own came to stay with us..in short, his mum.. very smart and lazy character. I knew and saw with my own eyes she was very mean to her other son and her husband but loved my husband a lot as she thinks my husband is the most talented person ever..Rubbish!!! Now since she came back my husband had grudge that she was mean to both deceased member of the family so they had fight everyday. I was in my own depression as I had too much to take on.. with new arrival I had his mum who didn?t help me at all. I was now working for more people. So just after 1 week of delivery I started house chores with no help at all. Things became bad between me and my mother in law but I never fought with her but kept my silence and ignored her all the time. I went to the stage that I didn?t even let her touch my daughter as I thought she is better to hold my daughter when I work but never bothered to ask me to be with my daughter & she helping with chores. Showing off is the policy of this family. May be I approach was wrong but still feel I didn?t do wrong. I had seen this lady being extremely mean to people and me in the past.
Now we planned to move India for good..his mum went back in 6 months and my husband followed her in few days. I was again left on my own now with 2 kids. 2 months I stayed with kids in a house with an infant and 7 yrs. old. My husband took lead as he was getting our house renovated in India. Now time was up as we already rented my property in UK so he came back and we had to live at his friend?s house for exactly 12 days. During this period I saw a weird behaviour pattern in my husband. He was going nightout to see his friends, returning at 5am etc. When I went back to India with kids..house was a construction site. I had to live with my kids at my sis tiny house and sleep on the floor with no enough space to even move. It was annoying to see my kids and my stage,. Husband visited us in afternoon almost everyday. Later when my house was ready I moved to my own home. I saw my husband not at home at night..came home mornings afternoons. Later after all the fights between us I was suggested by my sis that he isn?t doing something right. One night I saw my husband?s phone, I see his msgs ?LUV U? to a number..weirdly this number when dialled was connecting to one of my friend I met few months ago..she wasn?t my close friend but just a known friend. The time I saw this message my voice went down. It was a shock for me. I confronted him but he locked his other phone and went in toilet..he obviously deleted all messages. I was angry but he convinced me saying that it is a technical error that its connected to your friend. It was for my client..just a cheerup message. I wasn?t convinced by heart though.Later I phoned one of the his old school friend, when I met him he told me , your husband goes to ladies bar, he had relationship in UK with one of his friend?s wife and he is in touch with your friend from whom he takes information what you say about him and his mum and later he batters you at home. I was shocked to know. All my Trust was shattered. I thought I did the greatest mistake of my life to move back.
I had checked with his other friend with whom we stayed for 12 days before returning India. This friend also confirmed same things. He also confirmed your husband is a very bad man.. how come you not know??? I was shattered at this point.
Later, I planned to leave him. Again as I wanted to go back uk I wanted his support to move again. So with all my own saving I returned uk. My husband in uk was still busy gambling online and losing money while I go to job. He too worked but was wasting the property money we just sold, which he never invested to buy (be invested to renovate). Part of this cash was used to buy smaller house in India, Registered this on his and his mum?s name. I never got my share of profit, he repaid his mum?s money by giving her share as he splashed all her money in ladies bar and partying in India. here is the story..married a moron. I never managed to prove all allegations against him as his friends turned their back side after doing their job. I am in a delimma, who is right, him or they???

Anyways, to my understanding, both aren?t. My husband if not guilty for actually having relation, he spoiled all the fun of India, made losses, cheated me, hurt me, hit me. Even Indian police didn?t take any action to my complaint.

Current state:

I got a very lucrative job, I am very confident with my attitude. I have managed to come out of my depression. I am happy with my kids but I do not consider him as my family now. I don?t think I can ever..he lost it. In UK he behaved same for 1 yr of returning, it was when I called police and he was behind bar, he realised & since then he never hit me. I wish this was done back then. He would have realised what he is worth.
Long story short, we are now again planning to move back but I won?t until I see my hubby well behaved and earning enough for our life style. He isn?t that disrespectful person now (may be worried of UK law- Well done!!). He is planning to move to start some business while I stay here and work until my son completes his schooling, which will be 5 yrs. Now my Dilemma is, what is going to happen in this 5yrs, I already hate this man, will he not repeat same behaviour, will he fail again? But the good part is I won?t give him any penny this time. It should be his or anybodys but not my.

Guys, will you help me suggest, what I need to do? I do not want to stop him if is likely to progress doing good in this life also I don?t want to stay in UK and die as I don?t have social life, no friends just work like Alien and home. I hate this life. There is no Fun. I for sure want my son to complete his schooling here and college in India while my daughter will do schooling in India and college in UK when she turns 18yrs.

This is a big risk for me. For security I think of buying a separate house for myself once my husband returns me my profit share so if anything goes wrong I will just move to own house. I don?t want to stay at my mum?s or reply on anybody. Just to let you know I don?t like people feel sorry for me. I am happy I learned good lesson in life and My GOD had made me capable for getting a good earning job while my husband is being fired from all his work place. My life is for my kids. I will work hard for my kids but I equally want to be with my friends, social life, my parents, siblings, In short I am ready to work hard but want some enjoyment in my life. I do not care if my husband is with me or not as he is non- existence for me now. Not in heart..not in thought.
I don?t want fail second time with this return but just want to be Independent so ai earning my own bread and butter & have my own house where I can stay in case of crisis. I may sound stupid but I am tired here, since marriage my life is boring. I want to be happy and fun loving person as I was before marriage. I want to start working for poor, under privileged kids and help stray and other animals to be happy in the world. I want my kids to see Real India & learn life is not easy but we have to be happy ad try to keep others happy and not to be sad of any difficult phase of your life. Move ON?!!!
Lastly I am not a great writer. Writing as I picture all incidences in my life. Sorry about it.

I really don't know. I have heard only one side of the story.

But, if you believe what you have written is true then why do you want to continue with him.

Don't stay back because of the children. If what you say is true, he is not the role model, you should have for your children.

You say that you do not like the life alone. So you have to decide what you like less, the life you live with your husband or the life without him.

If you expect him to change do not. At least in the UK, you would have the police, society and social service support; in India you can forget all of these. It is till a very masculine society. Police, by and large believe that a woman must be kept in place, by a few cuffs when needed.

Do you really believe that he will return your profit share. Let us assume that he would like to. But where is the wherewithal. According to you he has wasted all his money as well as your earnings for his nefarious activities.

Think carefully about what can happen and choose realistically.
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A woman marries a man thinking that she can change him and the man marries the girl believing that she would never change. The man does not change while the woman changes.

hi there
Life in India as a single young woman with 2 small kids is too difficult due to various reasons as compared to UK.

Your husband has already cheated you twice. Made you almost bankrupt. Left you in vulnerable state twice. He has lost his trust. You don't have any respect for him. He is not a role model for kids. Then why in the world do you want to continue with him? Its almost impossible to change someone's character unless you want to dedicate entire life of your and your kids for that cause.

Why not let him go and move on. You are young i.e. <35yrs, financially independent, mature. Find a new life partner who deserves you and respects you and then move on with life. No point in trying to resurrect whats lost already.

Trafford;635844hi there
Life in India as a single young woman with 2 small kids is too difficult due to various reasons as compared to UK..

Thats debatable.If there is good social support from close family and friends in india then she will be better off in india as compared to social isolation and no fun life in UK.

I am glad I read the last sentence........because this read like the worst thing that can happen to a women in a foreign land....but written in the form of texting/sms/facebook messages.

Dont know what to say, I would say that you have survived all this........you know better than me what to do next. good luck.

Wow... You truly have faced some of the worst situations in your life.. Shame on such a man to leave his bride in such an unstable situation. All I think you should do is take decisions that make you happy. Live in India if you find yourself happier there. All the best..

Amazing survival story in the OP. If the OP can take on such a lot and survive, perhaps even thrive, it is very likely that her wish to R2I actually will come about. The support systems for single parents in the west end up being best appreciated when it is not available and one feels helpless, and dependent on others.
What will be will be...

I think you should go back, because if you wait till kids finish schooling they will continue in college there in all probability. You would feel lost after some time, there will be nothing you can relate to in India and you will also be lonely in UK. Life definitely is more busy in India but if you have to continue as a full time working mom you will have to factor in time spend in commute, work pressure etc against the time you get to spend with kids. Just a thought..

Forget help from Police once you are in India, even if you file a complaint you will have to follow-up umpteen times to get some action if at all..It's better to divorce and ask for lump sum amount for maintenance of kids to get back any of your money.

A word of caution. If you move back to India,your daughter can go to university in UK only as a n international student regardless of citizenship. UK looks at domicile not passport at time of application