r2i forum

Hi..came back from my India vacation..
it was a good time with friends and family..
however..some things which happened..

1) My uncle introduced me to a friend of his and said
” She is from the US..an American”.( My uncle thought this was funny)
Don’t know what happened..his friend was like “ Yeah yeah..she is from India only..
all ran away from here..these NRi’s are selfish”.

He does not even know me that well and this is not how you speak to someone you meet the first time.

2) An autowala listening to my kids accent asked me if I am from America.I said yes and he was like “ It is not America but “ bayrica” meaning pear in Tamil.

By the way I don’t know but generally why people think NRI= America.There are other countries in this world too.

3) Another person when I went to attend a wedding asked me “America is only full of Tamils you know”..
I was like “people everywhere from India come and settle down there”..
he was like “ Madam..I have been to USA 3 times..I know”..haughtily
I got irritated and wanted to blurt out “ I am living there more than 15 years”..but again kept quiet with respect to age.

4) My friends also tease my accent.Honest to goodness ..I do not have an accent.I don’t know why they correct some words and tease which is also ok but they asked me to describe and home and location.
Now..I do love my home.It is calm,nice yard like most homes and good neighborhood.They were like “Yawn! Sounds so boring..no wonder people run back.We have everything here nowadays plus household help and you are all suffering”..

5) Another thing..Just coz one lives abroad does
not mean one is a millionaire..either am required to spend a lot else termed a kanjoos.( This is my personal experience)


few other things happened with respect to house help,and some other arguments.

I do understand I feel nostalgic about India but this time I felt terribly disappointed and was quite glad to be back.I was a little upset.

Some things have changed and I could sense that.
There r a lot of people who are very happy with the life in America including my husband.Even my problems are like what many posters said “first world problem”.I do not have the basic necessities to complain of.My husband only said one thing..a proverb in Tamil” soru podara oora nee Thappa pesina..Eppa enna saadicha”..meaning” Insulting the country which provides you comfort and shelter is not right and what you finally achieved by it?”

I have always loved India..the India I left behind.America is really a land of opportunities and provided me the luxury I wanted which I used to yearn.Atleast in my case.

One thing is each one’s priorities and interests are different and one answer does not fit all.
The way people talk as though “solace” will be achieved after one returns to India or LIA is wrong.Depends
Upon each individual.

Some NRI’s once they go back for good talk bad about the USA coz they no longer live there.Not all but definetly some I know.Yes..there r some pleasures one gets going back to our home country which cannot be denied but there r some luxuries which The USA offers which cannot be achieved there atleast for middle class people like me.Each country has plus or minus.

I was fuming when many incidents happened back to back teasing the life of people in America..
some have success in this country and some have failures.The country is not wrong which I realized.
It is my interests and the way I see things is wrong..

Just a vent.

But madam ... America is full of Tamils.
Walmart even sells sambar by the Gallon over here:p

Archana935;683303Hi..came back from my India vacation..
it was a good time with friends and family..
however..some things which happened..

1) My uncle introduced me to a friend of his and said
” She is from the US..an American”.( My uncle thought this was funny)
Don’t know what happened..his friend was like “ Yeah yeah..she is from India only..
all ran away from here..these NRi’s are selfish”.

He does not even know me that well and this is not how you speak to someone you meet the first time.

2) An autowala listening to my kids accent asked me if I am from America.I said yes and he was like “ It is not America but “ bayrica” meaning pear in Tamil.

By the way I don’t know but generally why people think NRI= America.There are other countries in this world too.

3) Another person when I went to attend a wedding asked me “America is only full of Tamils you know”..
I was like “people everywhere from India come and settle down there”..
he was like “ Madam..I have been to USA 3 times..I know”..haughtily
I got irritated and wanted to blurt out “ I am living there more than 15 years”..but again kept quiet with respect to age.

4) My friends also tease my accent.Honest to goodness ..I do not have an accent.I don’t know why they correct some words and tease which is also ok but they asked me to describe and home and location.
Now..I do live my home.It is calm,nice yard like most homes and good neighborhood.They were like “Yawn! Sounds so boring..no wonder people run back.We have everything here nowadays plus household help and you are all suffering”..

5) Another thing..Just coz one lives abroad does
not mean one is a millionaire..either am required to spend a lot else termed a kanjoos despite earning in America..err..( This is my personal experience)



.

:) and think through - "the problem is not on your side"
All the above have been experienced by most NRIs.

Some quick examples:

[LIST=1]

I started working in a top Tech company 18 years back. Met a cousin's friend(@my Dad's age) for the 1st time on my trip to India and he commented basically that I am successful only because I am in USA. His next statement was he has bought an expensive flat in a very high end neighborhood in Kolkata. I dutifully praised him a lot so that he feels like he is Mukesh Ambani and he was happy. :)

Another cousin commented(same trip) that I must be earning a lot in $s & commented aloud the $/Rs exchange rate. Mind you this guy himself is very rich & he & his family vacation abroad(Europe/America) yearly, but still this comment.

Cousin Brother @15 years older who is a CEO of a company now & at that time was in high management, wants to know how much I make and my wife make.... (nobody ever asked him how much he makes)

Same thing with friends.... want to know salary... and when I don't respond... I read their faces they aren't happy....

yada

yada
[/LIST]

Quietly smile and move on... thinking... "I have not changed in my behavior, something else must have triggered it"

DesBhakt;683305:)

Cousin Brother @15 years older who is a CEO of a company now & at that time was in high management, wants to know how much I make and my wife make.... (nobody ever asked him how much he makes)

Same thing with friends.... want to know salary... and when I don't respond... I read their faces they aren't happy....

yada

yada
[/LIST]

Quietly smile and move on... thinking... "I have not changed in my behavior, something else must have triggered it"

In India everyone knows and discuss their salaries openly. Once I was in our Indian branch during appraisal period. I watched every guy coming out of CFO office, without asking said "my CTC is 18L now, my CTC is 22L now ...". Few who did not get big raise started browsing jobsite immediately. It is a cultural thingy and is considered normal in India. Knowing other people salary is good for employees but bad for HR as people who were low balled will quit. Corporate America is shrewd.

This only proves you have become a pucca American getting annoyed with such questions.

dbs style quote : You should never ask a man his salary and a woman her age. One will be inflated and other will be deflated!

Old-Spice2;683307In India everyone knows and discuss their salaries openly. Once I was in our Indian branch during appraisal period. I watched every guy coming out of CFO office, without asking said "my CTC is 18L now, my CTC is 22L now ...". Few who did not get big raise started browsing jobsite immediately. It is a cultural thingy and is considered normal in India. Knowing other people salary is good for employees but bad for HR as people who were low balled will quit. Corporate America is shrewd.

This only proves you have become a pucca American getting annoyed with such questions.

dbs style quote : You should never ask a man his salary and a woman her age. One will be inflated and other will be deflated!

Possible :)

However, if that is the case they should first start by stating their own salary!!

But atleast in your case..those were passive compliments

During my 1st trip to India, I learnt my lesson. Now my strategy is to not defend, but rather join them and desell even more, they often get the message :)

For example, if the person says 'I heard the job market there is bad and the cost of living is high'. My reply 'Oh yes, it is so tough you know, India is a heaven and salaries now are so high in India. I am just waiting to close some things and then I will come back.'

Indians are master minds to make you tell something. They will make a wild statement and then wait for you to refute them. For example if they want to know your salary. They will say, I believe salaries now are 200k. Then if you are dumb, you will say 'No no, my salary is only 100k, or even if you say 'No No it is difficult to get even 100k' They already got a picture of your salary.

Rule of thumb, don't try to oppose their predujices. Basically don't give them any new info. Just keep agreeing with them.

Sent from my Redmi Note 4 using Tapatalk

I indirectly lie to all my relatives about my networth and income.......

Things like, yes I have lots of savings but mostly stuck in 401k, cant take it until retirement....

Or if they ask how much is salary, my reply is something like: "it does not matter, cost of living and taxes are so high - you end up with same as in India.

No one in India has ever asked my my salary or net worth. Not even my parents.

I sometimes mention my car has 270,000 Km on it to Indian relatives just to see them wince (some of them turn over cars every 3 years) :)

Parents don't ask the salaries of most people except maybe in the 1st job after college....