r2i forum

I am not shameful to ask for help. I am very tired and stressed out. After working in software field for 5 years, I want to quit my job.

I am a mom with two young kids,at this point I want to just do it.

Am I going to be okay,I am feeling butterflies in my stomach to leave a high paying job (compared to other professions like teaching in school,bank jobs etc)

But at the same time I feel this is the right thing to do for the sake of kids.

Why suddenly now,not earlier ,I don't know...

Now a days I am feeling at least twice a month why I am so busy all the time not able to enjoy anything with kids,getting mad at them in the evening b'se I am stressed out.

When these thoughts re occur each time that often, I think it's time to quit.

How hard it's going to be to get back to job market after 1-2 years if needed,with a MS degree from here (in CS) is it going to be that hard?

Just echoing my thoughts,I appreciate any feedback.sorry for the long post.
:(

GoodForAll;407223Am I going to be okay,I am feeling butterflies in my stomach to leave a high paying job (compared to other professions like teaching in school,bank jobs etc)

But at the same time I feel this is the right thing to do for the sake of kids.

Why suddenly now,not earlier ,I don't know...

Now a days I am feeling at least twice a month why I am so busy all the time not able to enjoy anything with kids,getting mad at them in the evening b'se I am stressed out.

When these thoughts re occur each time that often, I think it's time to quit.

How hard it's going to be to get back to job market after 1-2 years if needed,with a MS degree from here (in CS) is it going to be that hard?

Just echoing my thoughts,I appreciate any feedback.sorry for the long post.
:(

GFA,
My answer to bold part.
It's natural to get antsy while deciding to leave a 6 figure job. Plus it's not just the money, the routine you have built around that payment. The dinner takeouts, baby sitters, husband helping in chores since you help in bringing the butter (with his bread), kids getting music/sports lessons however expensive they may be... they are all part of that package. Think whether you are ready to let that all go. Take a 2 week vacation and be with kids, around kids, doing kids activities/hugging/afternoon naps etc and see if you like that 14*7 (24*7 is such an excuse tired parents build up :) ). Plus live in those 2 weeks as though your family survives on one pay check. More often, moms end up returning to work after this brief utopia.

If your location XXX is a place in valley (silicon valley bay area), or financial hubs like Newyork,Chicago, 2-3 year gap in career is not a big deal (atleast in this economy where laid off people in 2009 still have trouble finding jobs elsewhere). But think about what I said before taking a plunge.

Good luck to your 2 week vacation and hope boss appproves it :)

Take a week long vacation and spend the time what you think you would be doing after resigning. I would not rule out a high probablility that you would be looking forward for a monday to get back to work.

When kids are very young, the problems and complaints from both the SAHM and WM are more or less same. Unless kids are going to school, SAHM job is round the clock and under the control of kids. WM may have different challenges, but being away with mind occupied away from family and kids is good in its own way sometimes.

The phase that you have mentioned is way too common. Have been there and have seen friends there. Sometimes hang in there for sometime really helps in long run.

Priorities may need to be reshuffled. To what extent spouse shares the responsibilities / commutation / work pressure...several others are highly influencing factors.

If you are well qualified and have good experience, getting back to work stream may not be all that difficult. But giving up something thinking the grass is greener on other side should not be source of worry later.

Sometimes coming home half a day early / going for a shopping by self / getting some ready made rotis / ordering food / escaping for a 2 hours movie with friends can do wonder to the stress.

Give a week time off a try, if you enjoy spending all time to with the kids and to their demands, then in all probablility you might enjoy later too. If you think being at work used to give atleast some kind of rest, then you would have got some break and will help you take a decision having briefly seeing the both sides.

Good Luck! :)

OP, making the decision is no tough but don't let it(quitting job or sahm status) bother for long is the key success factor.
Make sure that you put your foot down and answer all the people who keep asking about why, what happned and why not going back to work etc etc and finally be happy with the decision.

If you do MS after 1-2 yeras , it should be OK.
I came to know about atleast 2-3 womens in India returned from abroad, took 2-3 years break and now doing MTech. Only thing is that they are considered freshers and the pay is accoding to the market standard.

I guess I am going to differ here. Disclaimer: each person has a different need and perspective.
I quit my IT job about 1.5 years back and I have no regrets.

We have simplified our lives a great deal. Restrained our wants and focused more on the needs. The spending has been cut down massively. we have only one child and no mortgage to pay. So things work out for us with a single salary. Our one passion is to travel and we are able to afford it by saving in other areas.

I have had immense satisfaction and joy for giving my son this time. he starts school this year. He is such a confident young kid and i am happy to have been there. My husband has also been wholeheartedly able to concentrate on his job, without having to worry about sick days, day care pick up etc.
Of course i cannot continue sitting at home all day with nothing much to do. idle mind devils workshop etc.
Now that i have the time, i have re focused and looked at what it is that i want to do. I have started training in a completely different line. By this year end hopefully i should start again in my new area of work.

If you can afford to do it,ask for a short sabbatical from your current work. try it first if that option is open to you.
good luck for what ever you decide.

Advice from an expert who has done that twice. :)The stress level drops drastically when you quit and there is a feeling of exhilaration at the simple pleasure of enjoying your kids. This mood can last for couple of months?then the restlessness begins?how you cope with the next phase is what matters in maintaining your inner peace. :)

I took a break from job for the first kid for two years and it was fairly simple to get a job after the break. Leaving the kid in the day care was tougher for me, I did ask my husband?it was so much fun, can?t I just be with him for some more time..But, after a while the kids need more company than just Mom, so if you are able to find good child care where children are really happy to be, I would say just continue with the job and try other ways to reduce the stress. Having a helper for couple of hours during the evening when you get back from work might be a tremendous help. Or get a cook (not sure if this would be possible in your area) so you don?t have to juggle too many things in the evening.

After r2i, I took another break from work, I am in this phase for the past 1.5 years, and frankly it is extremely boring to be at home all the time. Getting back to work is not tough, but maintaining the work life balance would be extremely tough if you don?t get the right job. So decided to stay away from a full time IT job. Considered several other job options ? just to keep me engaged/have some adult interaction/ and some extra money doesn?t hurt at all ? found one that is very interesting to me, getting some training on it and planning to continue in that line and see how it goes.

One disadvantage of quitting job, spouse?s stress level is higher looking at the mortgage payments :)?

My advise would be not to quit the job.

I personally feel kids will have more fun spending their time with the peers than with the family members. We cannot play as their same agers. And they become more independent and confident when they spend their time outside.

For you , you will be bored if you stay at home .

The options you may consider to reduce stress and to maintain work-life balance are

1. You can hire someone who can do cooking,cleaning .
2. If you cannot find anyone to help with your cooking try to hire someone to clean your house. And try to buy food from outside.
3. Save that time, and try to spend time with your kids.
4. once a week send your kids outside spend time alone or with your friends.
5. If your job is far try to find a job near to your house.

You can send your kids to activities what they are interested in if you are in job. With the single income it might be difficult .

Plan2010;407844and frankly it is extremely boring to be at home all the time.
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One disadvantage of quitting job, spouse’s stress level is higher looking at the mortgage payments

You nailed it. These are the 2 reasons for silicon valley dual-income couples who brought house in 2005/2006 time frame to see that their equity disappeared but as long as couple hold jobs, they are expected to pay high mortgage. Banks only entertain loan modification if one is completely broke or produce proof even if it's a coverup.
Schools started for kids in my area 2 weeks ago and what should educated moms (who don't opt for volunteering) do when they are away at school? Personally for me, the toughest stretch of the year(June-August) when kids had vacation is over and now it's time to relax .... at office :)
If we believe in alleviating spouse's pressure in every way and help share the financial burden, there is nothing wrong in working till the burden is eased.

This was from a Blog comment made by member Oko which seems to fit well here (the member doesn't post here even though he/she could, hence took the liberty to copy and paste here)
[QUOTE]
In the real world, the stay-at-home spouse needs the company of grown-ups now and then; otherwise, life will turn tough, ennui will set in. Sometimes girls have to go to work, even if most of the earnings go to daycare expenses; the benefits to overall mental health would make up for it. It is not always the desire to "tryout" someone new, or break some taboo, although, some of it comes up now and then, and the gumption to act on it may depend on a lot of variables.

Thanks everyone for advice.I appreciate your time.

Here is my situation, Spouse never is/was/will be happy about me working.He thinks(and I also agree to an extent after experiencing firsthand) quality of life for kids and us goes down when both are working. I myself compare my life before work/after work definitely can say was much better earlier. Of course now have more money but what I get out of it,definitely not peace of mind or happiness:-), yes can buy more decorating things to make my house look prettier .

But at the sametime I can send my son to daycare after preschool:-(. Don't get me wrong,If someone has told me 7 years back to stay at home instead of investing in a Masters /later job I wouldn't have listened. But now that I have done it , got tired though. Maybe also because I stopped loving what I do .

I am not thinking about leaving for ever ,like Plan2010 did take a break ,if it doesn't work out,then always can go back later. I am not a big fan of taking outside food or cooking for 1 week worth of food in the fridge. Maybe that's why I am tired,I am trying to be a best mom/wife and a good worker:-)

Plan2010 - I will be interested in knowing what training are you talking about if you don't mind?

R2I is in our cards, teaching is my passion. Is it possible to teach in schools in India with my Masters (Computer Science) from here or only trained people with B.ed can get jobs?

GoodForAll;407984Thanks everyone for advice.I appreciate your time.

Here is my situation, Spouse never is/was/will be happy about me working.He thinks(and I also agree to an extent after experiencing firsthand) quality of life for kids and us goes down when both are working. I myself compare my life before work/after work definitely can say was much better earlier. Of course now have more money but what I get out of it,definitely not peace of mind or happiness:-), yes can buy more decorating things to make my house look prettier .

Well, everyone can have opinions, but the decision should totally be yours. Have you ever tried being a full time home maker while kids were there. Once you quit work, you would start missing several things (not material) that you had earlier. The grass is always green on the other side. :)

GoodForAll;407984But at the sametime I can send my son to daycare after preschool:-(. Don't get me wrong,If someone has told me 7 years back to stay at home instead of investing in a Masters /later job I wouldn't have listened. But now that I have done it , got tired though. Maybe also because I stopped loving what I do .

I am not thinking about leaving for ever ,like Plan2010 did take a break ,if it doesn't work out,then always can go back later. I am not a big fan of taking outside food or cooking for 1 week worth of food in the fridge. Maybe that's why I am tired,I am trying to be a best mom/wife and a good worker:-)

Thought so...one of the perks of double income is being able to afford more luxuries. But many women get into this trap of trying to be a good mother/wife etc. Are you going to be less good if you have someone to help with chores? Then I must say I am evil :), I hardly cook (US and India). But I do make sure everyone is eating nutritious meals and not junk. And there has always been someone to help with cleaning...you can do so much more with the time saved..

GoodForAll;407984Plan2010 - I will be interested in knowing what training are you talking about if you don't mind?

R2I is in our cards, teaching is my passion. Is it possible to teach in schools in India with my Masters (Computer Science) from here or only trained people with B.ed can get jobs?

Doesn't matter what I am doing, not many people would go for it. But I can definitely give you some good advice.Since R2I is in the cards, and you definitely want to switch profession, identify the line that you would like to move into. Interact with people in that profession in India and find out what qualifications are required. And you can do those trainings from US, videsi qualifications have more value :). If it is teaching in schools, I see lot of my kids teachers with teaching experience from US.

And make sure you are aware of all the negatives in the new profession you are choosing. Sometimes things are not as easy as it seems.

videsi = foreign