Returning to India sounds like a great adventure. But how hard will it be?
It?s one thing if the person was someone who was born and brought up in India. They lived in India for up until their adult years, went abroad for studies or work, found an Indian partner in life and got married, had kids and bought a house. Now after about 10 or 15 years, they?ve realized that they need to reacquaint themselves to their old roots so they go job hunting and eventually plan to move back to India.
All that is great. But what?s it like for people like me who were born and brought up outside India? New York is my home state?but India is my home land. Every summer vacation from the age of 2, I was schlepped to Cochin so that my summers would be filled with family and friends, sun and beaches, mangoes and coconuts and plush greenery. I speak the language as well as read and write in it. For heaven?s sake, I even teach the language to kids here. I cook and eat (pretty well, I should say) the food. While I only have distant cousins back there, my husband still has his parents. That seems to be one of the pulls that yanks us back. We also have our own house so a place to stay is not a worry. Jobs ? sure, we need to find them. But not so much a worry.
What is a worry is fitting in. Conversing in the land is not hard?but what about all those little intricate details ? body language, gestures. A simple smile to the wrong person can land a person in a heap of trouble. People in India, for the most part, have a different perception of women from the US. Just because I shake your hand, smile and talk to you for more than five minutes does not mean I have a secret crush on you. Trust me, it happened once and I learned?boy did I learn!
What about my daughters?.a teen and preteen. How will they cope in school? Making new friends comes easy for them here, but will it be just as easy in Cochin? How will a teenager (and we all know the mood swings of an average teenage girl) be able to cope with the change? The things they have in common with friends here may not be what the kids in Cochin are used to. Do even know who Taylor Lautner is? Do they listen to Lady Gaga or Taylor Swift? Do they wear Abercrombie or Holister? Will they lash out or withdraw? Will I lash out or withdraw? Kids here are so na?. I would know ? I am one! The cut-throat ways of India will be a shocker for all three of us. Once we move, it will be sink or swim state of affairs and we better start swimming if we want to see tomorrow.
In my heart, I feel this is a right move?but how can I be sure? I want my children to know their family. I want them to learn compassion?to learn to live without all the bells and whistles of the western hemisphere. I want them to learn ? to be pushed to learn more and compete. I want them to have a life where they can nurture their talents. I want them to grow up as global citizens who are more aware of the world around them. Over here, if you ask a kid where Egypt is, they will probably say the Middle East....all countries with camels belong in the Middle East, don't they?
I want to go back but all these questions still arise. Finance, food, all that is materialistic is not a concern. What is a concern is the emotional and mental stability that I may (or may not) lose. But we only live once and I have to give this a shot, right? I owe it to my husband and children but mostly to myself.
We all have an urge inside of us to connect with our roots. Even after our parents pass away, even after years of seperation we still long to know who we are. I for one am not that different. No matter how long we live outside of India, we will still be considered Indian.
And I wouldn?t want it any other way!
Our target is June, 2011....let's see if we can hit that bullseye.
Not R2I....just 2I !!
Not R2I....just 2I !!
Another member mom2gurls with similar profile moved back temporarily but still as long as for 2/3 years.
She was positive just like you. Good luck and you can do it.
Added later:
Just to let you know, she chose to live in expat area and decided to send kids to international schools. I could be wrong here. Please read her posts.
You might want to do the same. Although you have positive attitude, it might be safer if you choose to live an expat life for sometime. The reason I am adding this info is that you mentioned you have a pre teen and teen kids and you had an experience where people misunderstood when you gave a smile. I am sure we don't want such things to happen for our kids.
She was positive just like you. Good luck and you can do it.
Added later:
Just to let you know, she chose to live in expat area and decided to send kids to international schools. I could be wrong here. Please read her posts.
You might want to do the same. Although you have positive attitude, it might be safer if you choose to live an expat life for sometime. The reason I am adding this info is that you mentioned you have a pre teen and teen kids and you had an experience where people misunderstood when you gave a smile. I am sure we don't want such things to happen for our kids.
Not R2I....just 2I !!
hats off to you!
Good luck and God bless!!
Me thinks he has already blessed you, your thinking is crisp and clear.
Good luck and God bless!!
Me thinks he has already blessed you, your thinking is crisp and clear.
Not R2I....just 2I !!
Thanks to the both of you.
And I just read the posts by Mom2gurls. Although she had some valid points, I'm afraid I don't agree with all of them. But I guess that's where freedom of speech and mind come into play.
And I just read the posts by Mom2gurls. Although she had some valid points, I'm afraid I don't agree with all of them. But I guess that's where freedom of speech and mind come into play.
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PeterGriffin
- Posts: 3327
- Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:12 am
Not R2I....just 2I !!
AmmuS;356128
While I only have distant cousins back there, my husband still has his parents. That seems to be one of the pulls that yanks us back. ......
We all have an urge inside of us to connect with our roots. Even after our parents pass away, even after years of seperation we still long to know who we are. I for one am not that different. No matter how long we live outside of India, we will still be considered Indian.
Are these the only two reasons for you to move to India?
Returning back to India is tough but Moving to India is a LOT tougher. You seem to have a truck load of odds stacked against you with pre-teen and teen daughters, yourself not having born and brought up in India, etc. You would find that the culture in India is a lot different during vacations than it is during a permanent move! Anyways, I'm sure you do understand that.
The positives are that, you seem to be very confident in your move and seem to be at peace with the decisions that you've been making. Your last paragraph summed up your resolve. Nice to see a diary from an American born Indian.
Good luck to you and your family!
Not R2I....just 2I !!
Well summarised AmmuS.
You are looking at a tough task. No, it will not complete in June 2011 and indeed not even in December 2011. That is just the beginning. If you last out a couple of years and still wish to continue in India, then your task will be complete.
I hope your desires materialise and your stay in India is as long as you want it to be now and wish you the very best.
There are a lot of good people on this forum, especially in and around Kochi. I am sure that they will offer you all help, suggestions and an occassional shoulder to cry on.
Wishing you the very best in your life and the move to India
__________________________________________
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
Wishing you the very best.
You are looking at a tough task. No, it will not complete in June 2011 and indeed not even in December 2011. That is just the beginning. If you last out a couple of years and still wish to continue in India, then your task will be complete.
I hope your desires materialise and your stay in India is as long as you want it to be now and wish you the very best.
There are a lot of good people on this forum, especially in and around Kochi. I am sure that they will offer you all help, suggestions and an occassional shoulder to cry on.
Wishing you the very best in your life and the move to India
__________________________________________
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
Wishing you the very best.
Not R2I....just 2I !!
Peter,
Good to hear from you too.
No, these are not the only two reasons we’ve decided to move. India is a growing country and with plenty of debating we want to be part of that bandwagon. The US has stabled off economically and now other countries are on the rise. Many people have been debating what they think the future will hold in USA when considering the current economic scenario. The economy there is booming and with that was created a huge employment requirement for people.
With the recession came a sharp decline in investment by private firms. This in turn created an accessible talent pool recruiters have been vying for. Companies in India are more than eager to take advantage of those experienced professionals. Professionals who are yearning to return to India for several reasons.
While better job opportunities is a reason, I also feel we will be able to have a better quality of life in Cochin. to be. When we return with an sound education and experiences, chances are we improve the quality of life for our children and their children.
Good to hear from you too.
No, these are not the only two reasons we’ve decided to move. India is a growing country and with plenty of debating we want to be part of that bandwagon. The US has stabled off economically and now other countries are on the rise. Many people have been debating what they think the future will hold in USA when considering the current economic scenario. The economy there is booming and with that was created a huge employment requirement for people.
With the recession came a sharp decline in investment by private firms. This in turn created an accessible talent pool recruiters have been vying for. Companies in India are more than eager to take advantage of those experienced professionals. Professionals who are yearning to return to India for several reasons.
While better job opportunities is a reason, I also feel we will be able to have a better quality of life in Cochin. to be. When we return with an sound education and experiences, chances are we improve the quality of life for our children and their children.
Not R2I....just 2I !!
Sounds like you all are USC....in that case if things dont work you have the option to head back..
Also not sure what you meant when you said - Kids in US are so naive and in India every thing is so cut throat ?
Also not sure what you meant when you said - Kids in US are so naive and in India every thing is so cut throat ?
Not R2I....just 2I !!
Many kids raised in the US (not a generalization – but for the most part) do not have a real sense of the world. They have no remorse in wasting food, or spending money.
Take an American raised kid, give him some money and send him off to visit his cousins in India. Those cousins will circle like hawks over a lost, innocent mouse. That money will be gone even before the kid realizes what happened. I see so many children here who have the hardest time engaging in a simple conversation. How can they? They’re so busy with their i-pod touch or DS system that they’ve forgotten what it’s like to actually speak to a real person. They are, however, very able in texting the one sitting in the next seat.
In India, it’s Darwin’s theory of the survival of the fittest. You push, shove and manipulate your way through the crowd or you will simply lose out. That country makes you want to win. Maybe cut-throat is a bit harsh, but when have you seen an Indian kid saying that they have no idea what they want to become? They all have aims in life and will take all routes to achieve them. Even if they can’t succeed, they will try. I definitely do not see such a push among those here. In terms of competition, Indians are more competitive than the Americans. While Indians work for meeting the needs of the family, an American kid will only strive to rise on his own capacity.
Take an American raised kid, give him some money and send him off to visit his cousins in India. Those cousins will circle like hawks over a lost, innocent mouse. That money will be gone even before the kid realizes what happened. I see so many children here who have the hardest time engaging in a simple conversation. How can they? They’re so busy with their i-pod touch or DS system that they’ve forgotten what it’s like to actually speak to a real person. They are, however, very able in texting the one sitting in the next seat.
In India, it’s Darwin’s theory of the survival of the fittest. You push, shove and manipulate your way through the crowd or you will simply lose out. That country makes you want to win. Maybe cut-throat is a bit harsh, but when have you seen an Indian kid saying that they have no idea what they want to become? They all have aims in life and will take all routes to achieve them. Even if they can’t succeed, they will try. I definitely do not see such a push among those here. In terms of competition, Indians are more competitive than the Americans. While Indians work for meeting the needs of the family, an American kid will only strive to rise on his own capacity.
Not R2I....just 2I !!
AmmuS;356128
What about my daughters?.a teen and preteen. How will they cope in school? Making new friends comes easy for them here, but will it be just as easy in Cochin?
In my heart, I feel this is a right move?but how can I be sure? I want my children to know their family. I want them to learn compassion?to learn to live without all the bells and whistles of the western hemisphere. I want them to learn ? to be pushed to learn more and compete. I want them to have a life where they can nurture their talents. I want them to grow up as global citizens who are more aware of the world around them. Over here, if you ask a kid where Egypt is, they will probably say the Middle East....all countries with camels belong in the Middle East, don't they?
Good to see someone returning to Kochi, that's my hometown and it's my dream to retire back there someday. :)
Kids transition will be easier if you choose a school where there are more returned kids, had read your posts in the Kochi forum. Once they get adjusted to the life there and make more local friends you can consider changing the school if needed. I see lot of people doing that here after the adjustment phase.
But for the rest of the expectations for kids growing up, it's better to keep lower expectations :) so that you are not disappointed. From what I see, whether in US or India it's how we bring them up that matters most. I'd high expectations of schools here, but I'd to scale down a lot. Adjusting to level of school has been harder than life here. Same has been the opinion of all the moms I have talked to here in Blr. But I've heard lots of good opinions on schools in Kochi. Will be looking forward to updates from you in this matter.
I'm sure you would have lots of support there with in-laws and other relatives there. Take it as if it is a few years vacation rather than permanent stay, that helps in facing some of the challenges.