Yagnavalkya\'s diary

[Yagnavalkya]

I have been meaning to write an update on my R2I for sometime but never got around to doing it. Needed a kick in the pants to get started and that came via a pm from another poster recently.

Already shared my background in a thread under the Dilemma section. Basically, I moved back to Gurgaon after 15 years of living outside India.

Some things to keep in mind before you start reading -

1) All of this is just my opinion and my perspective. It is colored by my perceptions of reality, my prejudices, my priorities etc. Please keep this in mind before you start generalizing based on one person's experiences. Also, I must warn everyone that I am quite different from most people. I am unconventional, do not like rules, do not like stereotypical thinking, and have a contrarian outlook on most things and issues.

2) I want this to be a helpful source of information for folks planning to return home but I do not want to influence anyone's decision in any way. R2i is a very personal choice and every individual is unique. Hopefully, everyone reading this is high on "self awareness" and can use this information in an appropriate way.

3) Every new post after this will be on a separate topic.

4) All questions, comments, concerns, criticism are welcome. But its my diary, so I reserve the right to ignore you if you are a jerk.

[ILuvHyd]

I like your disclaimer. Looking forward to reading and learning from your experiences.

[Trafford]

Hi Yagnavalkya,
You have a a very good command of language and choice of words :)

Rgds

[Yagnavalkya]

Why did I return to India - the real reason?

I was introducing myself to a large group of analysts at my office and one of them asked me a very interesting question - "I am not sure if I should ask this or not but why did you return to India?". He was very young and for a moment I thought of giving him a canned response about this being "home", "motherland" etc. but I felt that I would insult his intelligence if I did that.

So, I gave him a partially true answer - "I can tell you the truth but you will not believe it and you will feel that I am just bullshitting you, but I will give you an honest answer to your question. I grew up in a family of modest means and never ran into any big problems until I decided to move to the US. It was here that I felt a sense of poverty for the first time and was miserable, and this led me into thinking that having lots of money would solve all my problems. I started working hard toward achieving my financial goals and fortunately things worked out and I ended up in a decent situation after a few years. However, I realized that money had my life very comfortable but I was nowhere close to being truly happy. It is this realization that made me question the very nature of things and I found a few answers to questions that were bugging me for a long time. The reason I returned to India is linked to the story that I shared here but I don't have the time to tell you all about it...ask me another time when we are less busy".

That was a partially true answer and a hint to the complete answer is in my username on this forum. Here is the complete answer -

I grew up in Hyderabad and studied in a christian missionary school that was really famous at that time. I had no sense of belonging to the religion I was born in - in fact I perceived it to be something that was riddled with meaningless practises, idol worship, caste discrimination etc. I carried this impression well into adulthood and even in my first few years in the US. I had the habit of reading tons (>2000) of books on every possible topic under the sun and it just happened that I picked up a copy of Yogananda's "Autobiography of a Yogi" one day. When I first read this book, I thought this man had to be crazy - how can these things happen in real life??? He had to be lying about all this. His description of the experience of "Nirvikalpa Samadhi" was unlike anything that I had ever read before and I started to think that this was just sooooo crazy that it had to be true.

That was a long time ago and from there I graduated to reading Vivekananda's Volumes 1-9 and the "Hatha Yoga Pradipika" by Swami Svatmarama. All these completely changed my life and my outlook. Now I had answers to the eternal questions from the great yogis of ancient times - "why do people have to work", "why does idol worship make sense?", "what happens to you after you die?", etc. Finally, I was at peace and for the first time in my life, I felt liberated and truly happy. All of the money and materialistic comforts in life had not even come close to making me feel this way.

Vivekananda says that if you feel that you are intelligent, then you have a moral obligation to help out everyone who is less fortunate than you. This is the reason that the great yogis keep coming back and they are obsessed with teaching people. In Vivekananda's own words paraphrased, "you keep coming back until the last person on this planet is spiritually evolved and has realized the ultimate truth". All of these teachings had an indelible impression on my mind. I now had a sense of identity, I now had great respect for the ancient religion of India which gave the world teachings like the Advaita Vedanta, I now knew where I belonged and what I wanted to do with my life.

This is where the seed of R2I sprouted for me. I wanted to come back to the land of the great yogis whose intuitive, experiential wisdom remains unmatched anywhere in the world. I wanted to do something for my own country which made me realize the true meaning of life. I hope the username "Yagnavalkya" now makes more sense to you guys. How can we be a poor country when we could produce yogis like him?

[znan]

Good to see you back Yagnavalkya ... if what you said (highlighted below) is true aren't you blessed :) Keep writing.
Finally, I was at peace and for the first time in my life, I felt liberated and truly happy

[ILuvHyd]

Now I had answers to the eternal questions from the great yogis of ancient times - "why do people have to work", "why does idol worship make sense?", "what happens to you after you die?", etc. Finally, I was at peace and for the first time in my life, I felt liberated and truly happy. All of the money and materialistic comforts in life had not even come close to making me feel this way.

Very interesting and thanks for sharing. If it's not too personal or revealing your identity, share some timelines of events.

Once you got the "I was at peace" feeling did it stay that way, is it increasing or decreasing with time and events? I ask it sincerely because I had a great feeling immediately after R2I, but that slowly vaned with time and a series of unpleasant events so I eventually R2Aed after 5.5 years.

[techynt]

Yagnavalkya:

If you don't mind can you please take some time out to summarize the books you have mentioned. You can start a new thread to discuss it. I have given up faith in all ancient beliefs/philosophies and I feel that a new school of thought is needed for this world. Even then I see problems which seems impossible to solve http://www.r2iclubforums.com/forums/showthread.php/39432-Bad-Parenting-the-root-of-all-evil

[WglVanitha]

Yagnavalkya:

Once you got the "I was at peace" feeling did it stay that way, is it increasing or decreasing with time and events? I ask it sincerely because I had a great feeling immediately after R2I, but that slowly vaned with time and a series of unpleasant events so I eventually R2Aed after 5.5 years.

ILuvHyd

I read all of your diary in the past and yours was one of the most viewed ones. You went to India with great preparation, still remember how much you were wired for India from your words.
Were those unpleasant events beyond your control, expectations that it you took it 180 degree turn? All the issues you mentioned work culture, other reasons were discussed lot of times here, still I wonder how they became possibilities for your thoughts to R2A. I mean couldn't you overcome those or found solutions and achieve the sole purpose of R2I or were you too disappointed to even give them a try?

Your first R2I didn't work you said, so you have plans for another R2I? Any plans to make it better? Are you even going to try or don't know yet? What about kids if that's in the pipeline?

I am going to R2I in couple of months to Hyd, little bit wary of those unexpected, unprepared things that are going to come in my way, want to prepare for everything and worst including work culture, people's attitude, in laws and relatives interference everything a woman gets scary about R2I. Just purely for my mental satisfaction of going back to my country. Life is too short to compromise and live, or make comfortable ourselves with materialistic things. Inner peace, satisfaction is more important!

Praying God to give be that sustainability in any case until we pass that rough phase.

Basically no expectations from anything, anyone, preparing the same for husband and kids. Have to see, I just don't want to give it a try or 'see how it goes' I just want to land there and sail that boat.

[ILuvHyd]

ILuvHyd
Were those unpleasant events beyond your control, expectations that it you took it 180 degree turn? All the issues you mentioned work culture, other reasons were discussed lot of times here, still I wonder how they became possibilities for your thoughts to R2A. I mean couldn't you overcome those or found solutions and achieve the sole purpose of R2I or were you too disappointed to even give them a try?

Some of them were in my control but they would have taken more time to fix. I already spent close to 6 years and reached my breaking point. Key are wife and kids frequent health issues. My wife issues were getting serious with no proper diagnosis. I could have stopped working for 6 months - 1 year and tried to fix those but my wife health was the tipping point. Only after coming to US, doctors here confirmed her's as Crohn's disease.

[QUOTE]
Your first R2I didn't work you said, so you have plans for another R2I? Any plans to make it better? Are you even going to try or don't know yet? What about kids if that's in the pipeline?

Now, I don't think like R2I and R2A but more like 2 homes with primary in US. Once my wife's health improves, I might spend some time in India matching kids US summer vacation. Only after kids are in college in US, I will decide on how to split the time between US and India. Parents and in-laws are in good health so far but will make some arrangements like frequent travel etc., if the situation demands to take care of them before my kids are on their own.

I wish you to have a successful R2I. All the best.

[pqr2012]

Yagnavalkya,

You may like to go through Self Realization lessons of Sri Yogananda.
I tell from personal experience they are life transforming.


Surprisingly Gita, Patanjali's Yogasutra's, Sri Yoganadaji's books and
Vivekananda's 9 volumes also set thinking about returning to India.

Also Yoganada ji's Gita translation made me understand to some extent the real essence
of Mahabharata and its underlying characters.


If you get a chance visit Yogananda ji's ashram in Ranchi and Belur Math Ramkrishna Mission.

To me these two are among the greatest place of pilgrimage in India.

Your post is a kick in the back for me. Somehow I wanted to r2i
get rid of my addiction to the capital market and give more time
to spiritual pursuit. I went to Yoganandaji's ashram to calm my mind.
But addiction for the stock market can be tough to get rid off. Anyway
reading your post I need to think and set my priorities in life straight.


I think I get some idea about your mental wavelength.


I think your r2i will be a great success.


I am not an expert but I think there is enormous scope in reinsurance in India.


I do hope many young Indians will benefit from your knowledge in this area.


Good luck and all the best.


PS: Tell me honestly don't you yearn for the blue waters of Bermuda ....
Such great beauty Gods wonderful gift really.