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Arrow - A different R2i story
Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 8:38 am
by arrow
This forum is like a family to me, When lonely I can spend lot of time here.
I haven't found much like minded people here in USA, But I have so much in common with many of the R2iclub members and their feelings.
I wanted to put all my thoughts together and write this for many days. Finally I felt now is the right time since we finalized the plans to R2I.
I came here 11 years ago on H1 with $400 in hand. My non IT husband followed me with our one year old child. We had lot of struggles being on H4, consulting, loosing jobs at wrong time etc.. So first 5 or 6 years we never thought of returning back. We always thought it will be beneficial to our family back in India if we are settled here. But slowly emptyness filled in our lives and couldn't take it longer. And to be honest, we saw the definition of "family" being narrowed down to 3 of us in past 10 years.
So during our India visit in 2006 we realized that is where we belong.
But with the financial constraints we couldn't decide when we can make the move. Meanwhile the one year old my husband brought to US with no socks/shoes on became a 12 year old and realized if we don't do it this summer it would be never.
June'09, I am moving back to India with no cash, no husband but with a pre-teen. Do you think it is doable? But there is no other choice, so I am doing it. We may fail But atleast we know that we tried when we can.
We are moving to a tier-2 city with good educational choices and low cost of living. There is a DPS opened and we visited the school during our India trip last summer. They promised to take care of special needs in teaching the 2 languages from alphabets etc...
I have to give a little background of us and me here.
We are from a typical middle class family and both got education and no money from family. I have worked in IT for 10+ years. I am one of those 1st batch of IT employees. Worked in MNC in India, with dollar dreams ignored the excellent career growth there and moved to US. (I will write a separate post on our life in India in 90s, there are many memorable moments as newly weds with no money but love and a new job in MNC)
Have experienced lots of UP and Downs, since then realized being honest always doesn't pay, But that is what I believed in always and was raised to be. I tried always finding a job with my true skill set with no false exp etc...So didn't get the desired career growth. On the way, I lost interest in career as I took a beating from job stress. So finally both of us decided that it is for our good, we should make the move.
Now with the economy going down, we wish we had done it back in 2006 since we are left with less money now than what we had then. But experience teaches a lot. We saw the 1999/2000 internet and stock market boom, 911 job loss, 2005/2006 housing boom, 2008/2009 decline. I think we had all in one decade experience in USA. That made us feel even more insecured here.
So coming back to our r2i plans,
we decided that I am not going to work
1.) to focus on the kid and
2) to relieve my stress built over the past 10 years.
If I ever do work, it will be self employment once we settle down in India.
We have 2 apartments in Hyderabad that are paid off, But that is not where we decided to move to. So will be renting them out(may get Rs.20k) and will rent an apartment in tier-2 city and stay close to immediate family.
And also made couple of more investments in real estate which will be good for our future and kid's education. Will be completing 40 SS credits, and built reasonable amount of 401k But lost 40% over the past year. So as of now we don't need to save any further But the biggest issue is we have no cash.
We own a house in USA with no equity and a mortagage with it. We need to sell it and build some cash deposits. Husband decided to stay back for a year+ to achieve these. We know it will be tough on both of us and the kid, But I think with the support of family in India we can do it.
The first step to R2i, we cleared home loan in India, applied for OCI for myself and kid last week as both of us took USC last year.
(Pardon my spellings and gramatic errors)
More to come...
Arrow - A different R2i story
Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 9:34 am
by hydbadisRgoodies
arrow;150664
So during our India visit in 2006 we realized that is where we belong.
[/quote]
Dear Arrow:
The happiness is what matters most and not the cash. However, I do understand at least some, if not most of our like minded friends in the forum may disagree with valid points.
Without cash, one may miss the standard of life used to in the western world, but quality of life is within everyone's reach.
I wish you and your family the very best.
Arrow - A different R2i story
Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 12:34 pm
by ord2pnq
Arrow,
Good luck with the upcoming months.
Arrow - A different R2i story
Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 12:58 pm
by dbs
Moving back to India with no cash, no husband but with a pre-teen is doable, but you need a lot of family support. It is going to be tough as you have realised; not only financially but socially as well.
Being honest always doesn't pay, But I am glad that you always believed in being.
You have described the emptiness but not the resaon for it. I do not want to pry but to understand the fundamental reasons for it and maybe offer suggestions for doing something about it. On this forum you will always get some sympathetic help though some postings can be callous.
If you can give an idea about the two tier city, that you intend to move to, maybe some of us can offer help.
May God bless you.
Arrow - A different R2i story
Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:35 pm
by rponugoti
Arrow,
Good luck with the upcoming months.
Arrow - A different R2i story
Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:48 pm
by boca
Arrow, good luck.
p.s. Don't worry about spelling or grammar. Those are not important things in life.
Being that you are in IT and you are interested in self employment, you could consider touching base with member bhavanikr, who mentioned (
Post#22 in
Links to Member Blogs and Websites) that she started a social networking site for chennai moms. Perhaps she can franchise her idea and you can setup one in your new locality. All you have to do is network and get moms to participate and with some critical mass, hunt for advertisement revenue from local business. (sounds simple, but it is a lot of work).
dbs;150704Moving back to India with no cash, no husband but with a pre-teen is doable, but you need a lot of family support. It is going to be tough as you have realised; not only financially but socially as well.[/quote]
DBS, can you please elaborate on why you think that it is going to be tough socially?
Arrow - A different R2i story
Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 6:21 pm
by dbs
boca2blr;150738DBS, can you please elaborate on why you think that it is going to be tough socially?
Single women in India, living without family support usually complain about undue 'man' attention and 'women' distaste.
I am not one so no personal experience but have heard about it as well as read in the papers. Landlords would be suspecious and may be disinclined to give accomondation on rent.
I hope I am wrong but doubt it.
___________________________________________________________
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Arrow - A different R2i story
Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 7:59 pm
by ILuvHyd
Arrow,
Nice summary and a very good start. Staying away from family was more difficult for me than I imagined, but lot of people seem to endure it. Have a plan B, just in case. While I was away, the immediate family (our parents and in-laws) is what keeping my wife sane. All the best. If possible live with (or in very close proximity) either your parents, in-laws or one of your close relatives with whom you share a good relationship with until your husband can join you.
Arrow - A different R2i story
Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 8:12 pm
by sumachechi
You've got a lot in your favour
Immediate family support
The zeal and will to carry it through
Previous ability to deal with life experiences.( ups and downs as mentioned by you)
If it all seems too much, focus on immediate short term goals first, and leave long term for later!
What does your daughter think?
Living apart as a family is not easy, but we have been doing it for over a year now- looks like the end is nigh!
Good luck with everything !
Arrow - A different R2i story
Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 9:02 pm
by GGS
Arrow,
I know it could be hard for all in the family being away from one aother, trying to adjust to the new circumstances and facing the challenges with out the physical support from the spouse.
But as hard as all these can be, nothing is worse than the feeling emptiness in life which can lead to potential unwanted consequences. I think you are treading the right path (I assume your child is OK with this plan). As others suggested take as much help as you can from near and dear until you settle down/reunited with your husband.
My best wishes for your R2I.
GGS