r2i forum

My first deleted post :e

I think OP is at a point where the R2I-honeymoon period is over and the reality has set in. I think this is the time where one needs to stay put and focus on the positive aspects. I think OP is on the right track for a "successful R2I" . Cleanliness and open space or lack of are things OP need to "adjust with".

Great writing, keep them coming dil-se :)

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Yeah Desi4ever. Reality had set as soon as we landed but I guess we choose to ignore it initially. As you rightly said, after the honeymoon period is over, you are like, Now what? Is this gonna stay like this. But honestly its not a big deal and I am sure we will find ways to work with these.

Chapter 11(1 Dec, 2014) – My sister, my friend :))
One of the best things in India is that you do not fall into a mini-depression phase when family leaves you after a visit. Realized this today morning. I am a very emotional person who can cry easily. So, obviously there used to be a lot of crying for a few days when family visited us in US and left.
My sister and her daughter were here to visit us last week and I took the whole week off( This is one more advantage – In US, you always had to save leave for a trip to India. Even if I did not do that, I always took a day off here and there and my leaves were always in negative and borrowed)
My niece is the same age as my 3.5 year old and the cousins has fun. Even the baby really loved having them over. I got to spend quality time with my sister. It was just like pre-marriage days. We took the kids to the play areas in the malls, did not want to venture away from home but the whole week was just awesome. We both chatted late at night with a cup of tea; something that I really really missed in US. My sister never visited us there; international travel is not easy with kids. We did it coz the entire family was back in India – mine and hubby’s.
And I did not cry when she left, coz I know we are going to meet much more frequently. In fact, our tickets are already booked for a wedding in Delhi for end of Jan. We will be staying with her and my parents would visit us there.
Kids now know their cousins and I am glad my niece now knows that “Maasi” is a real person and not just a face on facetime :))

RetPune;585361We landed in India on 13[SUP]th[/SUP] May 2014, so Yay!! For completing 6 months today. Its been fun. I would not say that I do not miss some things, we all do. But then, there are other things that we love here.

This one got too long, so please be patient. A Post talking about my experience about the first 6 months and the good, bad and ugly is justified to be this long.
So today?s post is all about that. What I miss and What I absolutely don?t. Anything that did not get mentioned, probably is not being missed too much.

When we decided to come here or had started thinking about it, we both had anxiety. All of us who ever think of R2I are scared to come back because of the American standards that we have gotten used to, along with the cleanliness that we see there. In fact when we see yucky bathrooms at places like Yosemite or beaches, we make faces and criticize them for not keeping it clean.

So, obviously we are scared as hell to come back to a DIRTY India! Yes, that is what it is. Streets, roads, public restrooms all have the stench, piles of garbage lying around. Well, that is still here and will not go off soon despite Modi?s ?Swach Bharat Abhiyaan?. Don?t see it happening anytime soon.
Here is my list of things that I really really yearn for here!! There might be more but maybe they are not coming to my mind because they are not as important.

1. Open spaces ? Completely non-existent. The complex that we live in, has a very small play area with no grass/garden where kids can run. When I see kids playing cricket or running around on concrete, I feel really bad. When I see videos of lush green grass and huge parks of America, I feel guilty that this is the age when my kids would love to run around in a safe environment and feel the grass under their feet.

We went to a ?Seven Wonders park? on recommendation of a friend. What a big Letdown!! A park where they have re-created the 7 wonders of the world( cute idea but poor execution). Super small park where you are not allowed to walk or even stand on the grass(DUH!!!!)

We have been looking around to buy a flat and the main criteria being an open grass garden to run or sit in. Believe me, we have seen multiple projects where they have landscaped gardens or podiums but no place for kids to run. Disheartened! Something so basic but completely non-existent.

2. Cleanliness ? Already talked about it and cannot stress much. Magarpatta is clean though. The first time when we came to Pune and my parents were in awe for Magarpatta being so clean, I was like ?Whaa! Is this Magarpatta- the super clean and bubbled township that my colleagues had mentioned about?. It seemed to be over-exaggerated. But 6 months in India and I would say so too now. Magarpatta is cleaner, pollution free and greener than the other parts of the city and the moment I enter here, there is calm and peace that takes over.


3. Friends and Company ? This is a big one. I don?t have friends here and miss that soo soo much. I had a school best friend and my college bestie who had moved to US after marriage and a very close friend in office. Plus you get to know so many Indians and form kind of good friends group because its just you for them and they for you kinda thing.

Here, hubby has 2 very close friends and he loves it even more than US coz they are really old time friends. Unfortunately, the wives and I are not of the same frequency ? I mean we get along but its not the same ? click? friendship where I would pick up the phone and chat with them or meet them over a cup of tea. So yes, I yearn for that girl talk where you chat about anything and everything under the sun not just kids and maids(DUH)

More than anyone else, I think I miss my bestie from work, she and I used to see each other every day and had become close like sisters. It was so much fun talking and being like little school girls. I miss that here.
I have gone down to the society park to see if I can click with any Mommies but no luck until now.
So this one is just for me, I miss company. Hubby goes out with his friends once in a while for a drink or two while I stay back home with the kids and ma in law.
Don?t get me wrong, it?s not that he does not want to take me and now has become a typical Indian Husband who says ?I am going out with friends, you stay home and take care of the children?

Since I don?t click with the wives, I do not want to go through the hassle and I guess they are not the wives who would love to go to the pub anyways.
Nope, we never went to the pub after the kids were born, but we all went to a friend?s house and the guys had a drink or two and then dinner. What I mean to say is, that hubby never went out alone like this; it was always as a couple or as a family. So sometimes I do feel left-out but then as I said, it would make sense to go along if I have company to talk to; else the hassle of taking the kids and going there just to say ?Yes and Hmm? and then waiting to get back home just does not make sense to me.

The biggest paragraph in the list ? so that states how much I miss company here

Now, the positives ? I feel it?s better to end on a positive note because that is what is making us stay=put despite the negatives J
1. Not worrying about the daily chores ? I am not lazy and neither is hubby. In fact, honestly he used to do everything in US and that means everything ? taking garbage out, laundry, vacuum, cleaning up, washing the car, dishwasher too.
My main job was cooking for the baby and my toddler and feeding them. And a little bit kitchen cleaning and all. But even that became too much.
Here, you can get everything done. Coming back home to a made up bed with folded sheets, a floor that gets swiped and mopped everyday (I no longer worry much when baby picks something from the floor and puts it in the mouth), utensils that are washed and wiped and put back into the shelves they belong to, bathrooms cleaned every day and clothes washed and folded.
Yes, it might look like we are spoiled. But no, I chose to use my free time with my children rather than doing all this. I do not snap at them when they spill something on the floor or make a mess that I have to clean up because everything else has already been taken care of.

A colleague of mine, who wants to settle in US, commented once that you will enjoy these daily chores if you enjoy doing it together and don?t think of it as work. I just smiled at him, easier said than done. It might sound over-exaggerated but with babies my age, we both were always in catch up mode and I snapped every time I had to do anything extra( read a bowl full of cheerios spilled on the floor by toddler that needed immediate cleaning before baby picked it up and put it in mouth)

Anyways, that?s my and hubby?s take and even a friend who R2Id a year ago( She said ? Abhi bhi jab dishwasher ka sochti hu to ?Rooh kaanp uthti hai?) ? Meaning that her spirit shivered thinking of the utensils piled up at night which needed to be put into the dishwasher. However tired you were or sleepy you were, you knew this had to be done. Phew! Can?t stress enough

2. Proximity to family ? This might be a plus for some and negative for others. I love the fact that I can pick up the phone and talk to my sister anytime when I want to without having to look at the time. Might not be a biggie for all, but the fact that I have her to share my moods ups and downs with her and chit chat with her whenever I want is a BIG BIG plus.

It?s also a positive given that you do not land in the city full of relatives because that can lead to ?Familiarity breeds contempt? kinda situation. It?s nice to have family around and for us that was one big factor to move back. But at the same time, both of us like our privacy. Too much of interference can nauseate us and luckily both of us understand each other very well. So, we balance it nicely. We plan to have big immediate family get-togethers 1-2 times a year and as I said any other distant relatives and relatives? relatives are not nearby so it?s not an everyday affair. Living in a city like Delhi would have been a totally different affair.



3. Home Delivery
This one is a biggie believe me. The fact that everything can be delivered to your door step is a blessing. The grocery( even if it?s just a bread and eggs) or the daily milk delivery or a big Rs 1000+ worth of delivery from Star Bazaar, each one of these is significant. Plus the fact that there are small grocery shops lined up on the route from work to home and I can stop by to pick up daily needs makes life simpler.

In US, alternate weekend trips to Costco and weekend trips to Indian Store and Target and once in a while to Safeway( You never buy everything from just one store, at least we did not and all of our friends did not too), shopping for groceries was a task too. The Indian Masalas and specific Indian groceries are available in Indian Stores only. Milk and toilet paper, kitchen rolls, eggs etc. etc. were Costco though once in a while we did pick them up from the stores we visited during weekdays.
As I said, the convenience of home delivery for these and also for online shopping is a boon. Websites like Jabong, Myntra, Flipkart, Amazon not only deliver to your home but also send someone to pick up returns from your home. How awesome is that!!?

4. Immunity Booster

Again this can be seen from two angles. I feel good that we all are living in India and not in clean and sterile environment and we might get a boost to our immune system. I know I said earlier that it is not as clean as I wanted it to be but unless we do not have to walk on the drainage leaking and sewage stenching roads and don?t have direct contact with the same, I can live with it. Hated it when I had to use a public restroom once while driving from Bombay to Pune (YUCK).
So yeah, can be seen from both angles.

Very well written diary.Loved reading it ,inspiring too particularly when I am soon returning to india in late DEC 14.
Just wanted to raise one aspect which you have ignored in the post
How is work life ....does it feel any different?
I know it wont be so difficult for you being in IT while for me being a medic its a diffrent ball game.
Anyways would love to hear your views.

Hi Vap,

Thanks for reading it and I am happy that it is inspiring someone. Workwise, I would say it all depends on you. I think after a couple of years of experience, you realize how to prioritize and maximize your ouutput and also learn to say a firm NO, this can be done tomorrow.
Honestly, that is what I feel but I might be wrong. If you have already planned to come back, there are so many other positives to look forward to, that even if work-wise does not match your expectations initially, you will still like everything else.
And eventually, even work will fall into place. Trust me, everything does.
You just need to take a plunge :)

We stay behind Amanora Mall, which is adjacent to Amanora township. Apparently, the Amanora residents and people like us who stay nearby, enter the mall?s road in order to access the roads behind the mall( It?s a short cut).
One fine day, in the morning, they had closed the mall entrance and told us that the road was under construction and we would need to take the longer route. Thank God! I was not on the car that day, U-turning a scooter is much easy.
Even then I started cribbing and cursing them saying that had it been US, you would have started seeing signs about this about a kilometer earlier. Anyways, I took another route out of the 3 possible ones and took an extra 20minutes.
No one mentioned that the road for going back would be closed. So yes, I tried and in the evening they let me go and no-one could make out that they would close that as well because there were no signs.
So obviously, I was really mad when next day while going back home, I saw the return road was blocked too.
Now the shortcut back home was closed too. I just read the notice board that they had put up at the construction site which said that the road work will continue for 4 weeks. I just smirked and saiad ?Yeah, 4 weeks my foot. We all know this will easily go on for months?

And then started trying alternate routes everyday but the 10 minute commute started taking me 20-25 minutes depending on the traffic.
In the morning one day, I saw that the police men had actually put huge barricaded blocking a left turn which used to cause huge traffic jams. I applauded, that was a first one!

Then after a couple of weeks( I think 4 weeks exact), I see that they have opened up the road again. Kudos India! Loved this! Never expected this to happen so soon.
But then this was private so maybe that?s why. Whatever, I was impressed.:o

Always great to see positive ending to a twisting tale (road). Glad that you are having great time.

Hi srik7. How about you? Still planning or here already?