r2i forum

I was reading an advice column where a 12 year old girl had a problem that her locker was next to that of a very popular girl and she often needed to shove her way through. The columnist suggested that she assume a cheerful attitude and voice, and call out "OK, All Zoe fans to the left please, I need to get to my locker".

That neat suggestion set me thinking. Do desis generally lack this "gift of gab"? Like the pithy response suggested to the reader.

- Do we often find ourselves unable to come up with a good comeback. Or even worse, it strikes us later?
- Does this hamper us in situations like interviews, talking one's way out of a parking ticket, persuading someone to waive a fee that is in their discretion?
- Do we sometimes admire or envy others, often Americans, who seem to be able to talk their way out of some situations?
- Do we find ourselves unable to make small talk like before and after agenda items in meetings?
- Do we admire how some folks are able to defuse tense situations with a certain kind of comment that has everyone laughing?

I am sure many in IT must have felt the above, at least , in the beginning years. This is different from public speaking.

Will our kids also lack it? Due to our natures and general friends circles, are they exposed less to such conversations and interactions? Will they acquire it elsewhere, or should some conscious effort be put into their acquiring a certain amount of this "gift of gab"?

modus_vivendi;274811- Do we often find ourselves unable to come up with a good comeback. Or even worse, it strikes us later?

Yes and yes. The source of this could be in the way we are brought up (in school as well as personal/family life). We are for some reason not encouraged to be question others (especially teachers/elders) and may be that somehow develops into lack the spontaneity?

MV, I remember reading that article but can't place it though. Anyway, I think the gift of gab is something that is inbuilt in some, consiously developed over time by some and some never get it. Indeed it is different from public speaking/writing. Most important is the sab chalega attitude and things like this will not be an issue. The other day I mentioned about 2 traffic tickets in an hour in your other thread.. I talked out of one and the cop also took me to his car to show me the speed at which he got me.

#3 The sab chalega attitude can translate to "easygoing", which has its benefits. But, I think it falls under a separate category altogether. One is an attitude and other is a skill. The gift of gab is a skill which can make a difference in professional life, can help get ahead while the sab chalega will help handle disappointment if deserved progress is not achieved due to being silent kind.

I have myself felt the need for gift of gab when interacting with pretty much anybody - bank teller, staff in my kids' school, checking in slightly overweight baggage at airport, librarian about a lost book, even on phone to customer service, helping my kids sell stuff door-to-door for fundraiser. I have seen the ability to make small talk well help in such situations. Small talk being different from smooth talking.

When I worked, I did at times feel that had I possessed that skill or more of it, I would have known more people outside my group, got to know inside info faster, been better able to show off my work (let your work speak for itself is a myth). Or lets say been better able to showcase my work.

modus_vivendi;274891#3 The sab chalega attitude can translate to "easygoing", which has its benefits. But, I think it falls under a separate category altogether. One is an attitude and other is a skill. The gift of gab is a skill which can make a difference in professional life, can help get ahead while the sab chalega will help handle disappointment if deserved progress is not achieved due to being silent kind.

What I meant was that if you have the sab chalega attitude its more likely that you'll have the gift of gab and development of that skill (?) might not be needed. Gift of gab is hard to find with difficult personalities/people. Sab Chalega attitude makes looking at many issues/events and passing comments easier. :-)

modus_vivendi;274811
- Do we often find ourselves unable to come up with a good comeback. Or even worse, it strikes us later?
- Does this hamper us in situations like interviews, talking one's way out of a parking ticket, persuading someone to waive a fee that is in their discretion?
- Do we sometimes admire or envy others, often Americans, who seem to be able to talk their way out of some situations?
- Do we find ourselves unable to make small talk like before and after agenda items in meetings?
- Do we admire how some folks are able to defuse tense situations with a certain kind of comment that has everyone laughing?

I am sure many in IT must have felt the above, at least , in the beginning years. This is different from public speaking.

Will our kids also lack it? Due to our natures and general friends circles, are they exposed less to such conversations and interactions? Will they acquire it elsewhere, or should some conscious effort be put into their acquiring a certain amount of this "gift of gab"?

I've always felt this gift is something inbuilt in people, but of late I've started thinking it can be cultivated if you are really interested in picking up this skill. All you need is to watch people who are good at this and soon you'll learn the tricks of the trade. I used to be very bad at small talk but have improved a lot with conscious effort.

Will our kids pick it up? I don't know, depends on whether they want to have that skill I guess. I would be interested in developing this skill in my kids, but. :) I don't think it has anything to do with being American or Indian, I have seen Americans who are tongue tied at meetings and vice versa.

At the daycare,
Teacher to father(american) : "Your son is so cute."
Father: "I know..I do not make ugly babies".
Too funny. Dont know if that is the gift of gag or presence of mind.

modus_vivendi;274811- Do we often find ourselves unable to come up with a good comeback. Or even worse, it strikes us later?

It is what is known as "staircase wit".
I often find myself come up with a good repartee as I am leaving the party; but at the moment, it had not occurred to me.
I file it away for use when the next occassion arises.

I do think this gift of gab comes more naturally to Americans and also to desi kids who are growing in the American environment. I feel parents need to nurture this quality further so that it becomes second nature for kids. I see this quality in my child sometimes, and it has typical american touch.

One day she told me - Neetu (other desi kid - name changed) was telling me today that I am not her friend. I told her - Neetu this is your fourth and last chance if you want to change your mind!

I was pretty surprised to hear that from a 4 year old. It was then that I explicitly noticed this, and have been keeping a concsious watch for such skill. At home I keep presenting her several hypothetical situations and ask her to respond.

Amongst desis some are naturally gifted with this quality. But I feel this skill can also be acquired with practice.

With Amrus I still can not get it as easy as them. I usually give a big smile and it gives me an extra 1-2 seconds to think and come back with reply! My own indigenous technique. hehhehhheee :))

Well, for these kind of issues and situations you can always find a parallel in the mordern society's reference book called 'Seinfeld".

Here is the bookmark for the "comeback" lines.....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLjxp_86dKs