r2i forum

I preliminarily want working women who have kids and are juggling work/managing home, kids, and life to comment. others welcome too.

I am a mother of 2 - 8 and 2 both boys and both hyper active kids.
i know when its Monday and am on the run all through the week and know its Friday and i am dead exhausted.

It gets so crazy...and PTO's never seem enough to handle their own sicknesses too. Also the younger one is slightly asthmatic and adds to winter woes..

Both kids and myself have very sensitive stomachs ; we cant eat much outside or we get upset like a snap. Home cooked food works best for us. So thats additional burden when i have to pack 3 boxes for each of us. Luckily hubby is not of the sort.

I try as much not to push the 8 year old too much; but at the same time i have to catch up on what's happening at school . So thats another time consuming event. Like last week i had hell of a time teaching him 0.2 and 0.20 are the same. This is something i have to do. Invariably if i leave father and son and math ; there will be a squabble.

Apart from these the general cleaning stuff ; you know we dont get much help here and of course hubby helps out. But its never enough. Thank god we live in a rented house ; or else that extra burden of caring for the house is another thing which i really cant handle now.

In between this i have my job ; i am a consultant and job is very competing and challenging and i couldnt settle for anything less. off hours support..sometimes 10pm conf calls etc happen on and off.

Also physically i wouldnt call myself very fit. All through winter every alternate week i will be down with cold, cough, sore throats..and sometimes i feel so overwhelmed with everything...
i know i am doing something wrong..as i see mothers with 3 or 4 kids..and they juggle job and life well..

In fact after the 2nd one was born i have no time to tend to myself..in terms of any kind of personal comfort..if i get 1/2 hr i would make a coffee and sink in the couch..or take a afternoon nap. there is no time or energy left for exercise...etc.

On top of this i have hypothyroidism and damn; every 6 months the doc tries to micromanage it by changing the dosage and my body never adjusts to it. I suffer from sever joint pain..over tiredness etc.


Soemtimes i feel i cant take it any more and its get frustrating and i get irritated. This causes mood swings and i end up sometimes arguing over extremely trivial issues with hubby . I know and realize that the time i spend with him is precious..alteast not worth squabbling..but i just feel out of energy and stressed out too much.

What must i do?

harlequin;66313
What must i do?

Here is my 2cents.

I believe it is high time that you review your priorities and goals in life.
Take a day off, watch a movie or do something to just relax and then
chart down your priorities. Discuss the priorities with your husband and move on..

1) Get a nanny, For 1000 bucks you should get a decent nanny who wil not just take care of your kids but will cook food for you every evening so that you can come home and enjoy nice hot meal. Remember when there is nanny there won;t be day care cost for both kids and will be almost the same cost.
2) No house or else I would have said get a cleaning lady too.
3) Switch job where you don't have to slog. A little pay cut is fine too. QA is the best jobs for desi ladies. Once you are home , ofrget about the job.
4) Add some yoga time in your daily schedule.
GL,

if you can run your family without your salary, then i would say take a break for 6 months and see how it works out.
afterall life is to enjoy and there is no point running around if you have an option.

Why am I working? ask this question to yourself.

Do you have to meet some financial commencement or Goal? Are you in rat race? If yes, you will not able to leave your job, Money is the real issue or afraid to take big hit in total household income?

My 2 cents. Having friends who are exactly in the same bucket helps. I have two kids 5 and 3. (my wife has thyroidism, and my son has asthma, I can relate to your stress). We have 3 other families with kids in the same age bracket. We take turns in taking care of kids (just for a couple hours). Sometimes we get a nanny to take care of all the kids. Sometimes, I take my wife out on a motorcycle ride we just sit on the beach for a few minutes. Others go take a short boat ride at a nearby lake.

We have also had dads day out, and moms day outs. Sometimes all the girls go out for the movies/shopping. The men play tennis, or simply drink beer and watch a game, while others take care of kids. It seems like a win-win for all.

Its easy for anyone to get caught up in the rat race. Its hard to stop and do things we like to do. But we absolutely need to do so, give the mind and body a break. Find something you absolutely love, and pursue it. Just a few hours of relaxing per week makes a huge difference. We both have 4 hours of selfish time per week. My wife goes to the gym/yoga for relaxation, I go ride my bike on the local mountains. That does it for me. I have someting to look forward to, and that keeps me going. In fact (may sound way too selfish for some) I get one week every year, to go on a long ride. My wife is yet to use her week, and do something with it. She did stay for a few days with her sister, while I had the kids. I called it even.:emsmilep:

Dont get me wrong, we absolutely love spending all the time with our kids, but we find ourselves hanging around our kids with a smiling face, when we have a relaxed mind. Working/staying at home does not really matter. You can stay at home all you want, and be completely stressed out. Kids lunch, kids dinner, kids yoga, kids Chinmaya mission, kids tennis, kids dance, kids music. We need to squeeze a "my something".... somewhere in between.
-Prasadee

Take a couple of days off and do nothing. Sometimes we tend to over exert ourselves even during vacation, travelling here and there, seeing all these places, etc. This does not serve the purpose of a vacation. A day off here and there tends to help me out as well as gives my wife (temporarily stay at home) a break that she truly deserves. Then we are back to the regular grind. Also try to sleep an extra hour or two that helps us a lot, which means go to sleep early not wake up late.

If this does not help alleviate your issues, you are going to have to sit down and set goals and a timetable to achieve these goals. Stick that time table at a place you pass by regularly, to remind yourself of your schedules.

One thing that I would suggest is to negotiate flex working hours at your company. If you have to take conf calls at night, then you should be able to leave early or start work late. Even may be work a 4 day 10 hr week if possible. Finally, just hang in there, every one has their plates full, that's just life. :)

Very Important Disclaimer: The following is my opinion based on real life experience. It is not politically correct. But it is the harsh reality.

I deeply sympathize with your condition. If you can manage with single income and do not have any relative who can help, leave the job. It is not worth it.

Most of the time, people get addicted to the extra income. But the brunt of that is always borne by the wife.

In my opinion, setting time aside for yourself, asking hubby to do more, joining yoga, etc. simply do not work.

Just imagine you are young and having a hard time. What will it be 10 years from now? Can your body handle the stress?


P.S. If possible become an employee of a large company. They have good benefits and are more considerate to family needs.

Thanks everyone for replying..
Problem is we stay in an apartment complex where there are not many Indians and that hurts. We chose that because of the school district and we have not repented that one day since.

All my colleagues stay around 15 miles away from us..because thats kind of the hub and were ready to compromise on the school district.
Well to say the truth its more to do with the kind of crowd in school vs anything else that we were concerned about.

That makes socializing for me and hubby with other like minded couples a little bit of a challenge.

I cannot stop work for any period of time. I am the primary source/contributor to the family. My husband works in the auto industry. His timings are pretty odd and he works saturday's too. His pay is not too great . Which industry pays like IT?
We are not very free financially too; we (my husband) has a lot of responsibility back home. 3 sisters and middle class living. So he is trying to do the best to help them with their kids education. That is the best we could do and i support him in that.

yes - i can try talking to my manager. Not sure how much flex he will have given the fact i am into consulting....