r2i forum

I have been reading the forum for years without posting anything, but wanted to share a love story to get a discussion started. So I registered today and am posting this.

How it happened and why it happened is not really important, just that it happened, and now two people love each other more than anything in this world. To the extent that something can be described as the real thing, this is it.


the catch?
both were already married with children before they met.


Anil: romantic and fun-loving personality. got married via a traditional arranged marriage to Anita and brought his bride back with him to the US. She is loving and possessive, emotionally immature, and has tendency to let parents-in-law issues come in the way of her marriage even though are so far away in India. They started having fights, nothing major because she still loved him, but whenever they fought she would accuse him of siding with his parents and being influenced by them. He could not accept the sheer injustice and stupidity of it all (he went against his parents and had caused them a lot of heartburn by protecting her from all their slings and arrows, and this is what he gets in return?), and he started detaching from her even before they r2ied. They don't fight any more, but this is merely because he doesn't care any more. He still has affection for her, but treats her as a child and humors her in all her moods without responding seriously to any discussion. They did r2i for a few years, then r2aed back to US.


Sunita: romantic and fun-loving personality. fell in love and married Sunil when very young, and came to US with hubby. Hubby was her life and she built her dreams around him, no one else mattered, not even her parents. They r2ied and settled down in India, Sunita remained a stay-at-home mom. Father-in-law was no more and mother-in-law lives with them. He started giving her less importance out of deference to his mom. His views are also very traditional - a wife is there to cook, look after the kids, and keep him happy in bed. Her feelings don't really matter, or are not important. They started having fights, some real major. She could not tolerate the neglect and constant disappointments, and he thought she was being childish. In any case she started detaching from him, and now has no expectations at all from him. He is who he is, and her life and dreams are basically over.


So the stage was set for something to happen. Anil r2ied and lived in the same community as her. Anil and Sunita came into almost daily contact. Anil slowly fell in love with her but did not express it because he did not want to get into trouble, and also because he cared too much for her to disrupt her outwardly normal family life. After a few years he r2aed with his family, but remained in contact with her. They chatted frequently online, but he was getting intrigued as to why she remained in contact and was always happy to chat with him. So he planted a "seed" in one of the chats since he wanted to find out either way how she felt about him. She took the bait and eventually asked for more information. He then had to reveal his feelings for her. After a lot of introspection and tears, Sunita had to accept the fact... she too loved him. Now, they are inseparable and absolutely in love though living thousands of miles apart.


Both of them:
both are romantic fun-loving dreamers, and still have a zest for life in spite of marriage being a disappointment
both feel they have finally found their soul-mate
both are south-indian and speak the same language
to the casual observer both have successful and fairly happy married lives
both are continuing in current marriage for sake of the kids, and also a desire not to rock the boat since things are not too intolerable
both their spouses have traditional outlooks and will be hurt if they find out
both their spouses definitely have their own list of complaints, but would most likely prefer to stay in the marriage



forgetting each other and finishing out their lives for sake of the kids and society is NOT AN OPTION. They don't think they are selfish - they would like nothing better in the world than to just say "screw it" and be together, but they are controlling themselves with a lot of effort, and a lot of tears, and are going through the motions of their current life, trying to ensure that the kids are given the attention they need.

what is the likely end game?
what advise can you offer?
anyone with first hand experience in a similar situation, or know someone who has gone through something like this?

doncayotee;623080I have been reading the forum for years without posting anything, but wanted to share a love story to get a discussion started. So I registered today and am posting this.

How it happened and why it happened is not really important, just that it happened, and now two people love each other more than anything in this world. To the extent that something can be described as the real thing, this is it.


the catch?
both were already married with children before they met.


HE: romantic and fun-loving personality. got married via a traditional arranged marriage and brought his bride back with him to the US. She is loving and possessive, emotionally immature, and has tendency to let parents-in-law issues come in the way of her marriage even though are so far away in India. They started having fights, nothing major because she still loved him, but whenever they fought she would accuse him of siding with his parents and being influenced by them. He could not accept the sheer injustice and stupidity of it all (he went against his parents and had caused them a lot of heartburn by protecting her from all their slings and arrows, and this is what he gets in return?), and he started detaching from her even before they r2ied. They don't fight any more, but this is merely because he doesn't care any more. He still has affection for her, but treats her as a child and humors her in all her moods without responding seriously to any discussion. They did r2i for a few years, then r2aed back to US.


SHE: romantic and fun-loving personality. fell in love and married when very young, and came to US with hubby. Hubby was her life and she built her dreams around him, no one else mattered, not even her parents. They r2ied and settled down in India, SHE remained a stay-at-home mom. Father-in-law was no more and mother-in-law lives with them. He started giving her less importance out of deference to his mom. His views are also very traditional - a wife is there to cook, look after the kids, and keep him happy in bed. Her feelings don't really matter, or are not important. They started having fights, some real major. SHE could not tolerate the neglect and constant disappointments, and he thought she was being childish. In any case SHE started detaching from him, and now has no expectations at all from him. He is who he is, and her life and dreams are basically over.


So the stage was set for something to happen. HE r2ied and lived in the same community as her. HE and SHE came into almost daily contact. HE slowly fell in love with her but did not express it because he did not want to get into trouble, and also because he cared too much for her to disrupt her outwardly normal family life. After a few years he r2aed with his family, but remained in contact with her. They chatted frequently online, but he was getting intrigued as to why she remained in contact and was always happy to chat with him. So he planted a "seed" in one of the chats since he wanted to find out either way how she felt about him. She took the bait and eventually asked for more information. He then had to reveal his feelings for her. After a lot of introspection and tears, SHE had to accept the fact... she too loved him. Now, they are inseparable and absolutely in love though living thousands of miles apart.


Both of them:
both are romantic fun-loving dreamers, and still have a zest for life in spite of marriage being a disappointment
both feel they have finally found their soul-mate
both are south-indian and speak the same language
to the casual observer both have successful and fairly happy married lives
both are continuing in current marriage for sake of the kids, and also a desire not to rock the boat since things are not too intolerable
both their spouses have traditional outlooks and will be hurt if they find out
both their spouses definitely have their own list of complaints, but would most likely prefer to stay in the marriage



forgetting each other and finishing out their lives for sake of the kids and society is NOT AN OPTION. They don't think they are selfish - they would like nothing better in the world than to just say "screw it" and be together, but they are controlling themselves with a lot of effort, and a lot of tears, and are going through the motions of their current life, trying to ensure that the kids are given the attention they need.

what is the likely end game?
what advise can you offer?
anyone with first hand experience in a similar situation, or know someone who has gone through something like this?

I so so SO wish these people had fictional names. It avoids such a lot of pronoun jumble.

Mrs. & Mr. Meena could be the first couple, and Mrs. & Mr. Tina could be the second.
Yes, indeed. We had all gone through fictionalized Meena-Tina situations on this forum, and ....sigh... went at it with various PoV's.

Good idea! let's say Anil-Anita are the first couple and Sunil-Sunita are second couple. Anil fell in love with Sunita.

by the way can you direct me to the threads where something similar has been discussed. I did see the one where hubby posted about the wife having an affair. This is not a similar situation since that one was more about manager forcing himself on her.

doncayotee;623085Good idea! let's say Anil-Anita are the first couple and Sunil-Sunita are second couple. Anil fell in love with Sunita.
by the way can you direct me to the threads where something similar has been discussed. I did see the one where hubby posted about the wife having an affair. This is not a similar situation since that one was more about manager forcing himself on her.

Go ahead and press the "Edit Post" button on your first note, and name those characters. Add some antecedents to each of them before you get to the final ask-auntie kwestin. The characters need to be .... as they say.... "3 dimentional"...
I believe you may search the forum, after you post about 10 posts. When you get there, search the forum with the key words from your own story and see where it takes you. That way you'd have the fun of the hunt, the benefits of serendipity, and the joy of new learnings.

This story sounds somewhat familiar. Not ditto, but similar - Karan Johar recounted it in Kabhi Alviida Na Kehna.
Either they have the guts to quit their existing relationships and move together. Or they hold their peace for good.
Although I can bet you that Sunitha will become like Anitha when MIL enters the picture.

Why this story anyway? Is it a personal column? Or are you writing a film script? Either way - not original enough.
I don't know why I smell a troll here. Real strong

sumachechi;623088This story sounds somewhat familiar. Not ditto, but similar - Karan Johar recounted it in Kabhi Alviida Na Kehna.
Either they have the guts to quit their existing relationships and move together. Or they hold their peace for good.
Although I can bet you that Sunitha will become like Anitha when MIL enters the picture.

Why this story anyway? Is it a personal column? Or are you writing a film script? Either way - not original enough.
I don't know why I smell a troll here. Real strong

It is a true on-going story. they are taking things are it comes, but have vague plans to quit their current relationships when the opportunity presents itself, maybe after the kids become old enough, or if something gets precipitated if Sunil finds out... it might take years. I have not watched the movie you have mentioned.. but this is real life, so there is not clear course of action. this story will not end in 2 1/2 hours.

It's 'Infatuation at 40' for Immature couples. Love happens instantaneously for some people, well-thought out process for some and happens only after-marriage for some and does not happen at all even after marriage for some!!

Married folks like us would have experienced that it takes a number of years to understand a person's true nature and can happen only if one lives-together for certain number of years and spend hours knowing each personality.

In this case whether it's real or fiction, the OP hasn't clearly demonstrated in what ways the extra-marital affairs happened between the alternative spouse. Maybe, the person might have an emotional spark in seeing each other and once they spend time-together in illegitimate ways, the spark will bust and only brutal emotions will remain among the alternative spouse.

Maybe, I can spin a story that seeing the relationship of Anil and Sunitha, maybe Anil's spouse and Sunitha's spouse give their respective spouses to swap each other based on true love but Anil's spouse and Sunitha's spouse remain single:o - Stupid thoughts comes to my evil mind:))

LoveIndia;623091.....
In this case whether it's real or fiction, the OP hasn't clearly demonstrated in what ways the extra-marital affairs happened between the alternative spouse. Maybe, the person might have an emotional spark in seeing each other and once they spend time-together in illegitimate ways, the spark will bust and only brutal emotions will remain among the alternative spouse.....

:)) hee....hee.... If they ain't doing "it", nothing is the matter with nobody, and it is all par for the course of life...eh?

After all, there is always a better one around the corner. Switching costs could be high, and the new brand may not be what it seemed from a distance.

If only India (or USA) had love-hotels, all cads (sic!) can be laid open. People would experience the seemingly exotic Oz, and then go back to that mundane Kansas, and live happily ever after.

sumachechi;623088This story sounds somewhat familiar. Not ditto, but similar - Karan Johar recounted it in Kabhi Alviida Na Kehna.
Either they have the guts to quit their existing relationships and move together. Or they hold their peace for good.
Although I can bet you that Sunitha will become like Anitha when MIL enters the picture.

Why this story anyway? Is it a personal column? Or are you writing a film script? Either way - not original enough.
I don't know why I smell a troll here. Real strong

Sumachechi - The member is not a troll. It has been verified.

LoveIndia;623091It's 'Infatuation at 40' for Immature couples. Love happens instantaneously for some people, well-thought out process for some and happens only after-marriage for some and does not happen at all even after marriage for some!!

Married folks like us would have experienced that it takes a number of years to understand a person's true nature and can happen only if one lives-together for certain number of years and spend hours knowing each personality.

In this case whether it's real or fiction, the OP hasn't clearly demonstrated in what ways the extra-marital affairs happened between the alternative spouse. Maybe, the person might have an emotional spark in seeing each other and once they spend time-together in illegitimate ways, the spark will bust and only brutal emotions will remain among the alternative spouse.

Anil visits India couple of times a year to be with Sunita. It started out as an emotional connection, but they now feel that they are perfect for each other in every possible way. Of course they have an advantage in that they are not living together to see each others flaws, and more important, there are no in-laws to cause any mischief. They don't have any ego problems so far, no misunderstandings, she falls over herself to keep him happy, and cannot bear it if he gets disappointed in anything. Same with him. it is ridiculously scary.

I am not sure if I answered your question though.