r2i forum

Teenagers lie. Atleast teenagers I have seen do :)

Eliminate it all together (I mean not the teenagers but their lies :) ) is next to impossible but how can parent(s) attempt to at least reduce the lying ?

Situation: Project on minerals is due on Tuesday..

Mom (after helping all the common materials in household which are by products of minerals on Sunday) : Please show this to teacher and see if this collection is enough
DS : (in annoying tone) Okay mom

Mom : Don't forget ..
DS : (in voice with rage) I get it !

Monday evening
Mom : Did you ask ? What did the teacher say ?
DS : She said it was fine, nothing more needed

Tuesday morning, while walking to school, his fellow classmate who walks with him says, I hope we have substitute teacher today too, so we don't have to do homework on this
Mom : Which substitute teacher he is talking about ?
DS : No one, I don't know

Mom (suspicious) : Which one ? Tell me
DS : Science

We reach school, Mom bites her tongue and walks back home
Tuesday evening
Mom : So teacher was absent but you still lied that you asked
DS : (sleepishly) yeah, forgot to tell you that

I can write several such episodes :)
Why the need to tell so many lies..If these lies are harmless, you start wondering if there are harmful lies too ..

Hence the ways sought here to atleast curb the tendency !

Yes , my kid too .

My son is not a teenager yet....but...

....In his 9 years, he has never told a lie. He has never ever ever 'talked back' to us. In the last 9 years we never had to tell him something twice or scold him for something. He has never fussed about eating, has never thrown any tantrums. He has never kept us awake by incessantly crying, he has never ever disobeyed us.

He never watches any TV even if its on full blast in plain view. He never demands any new clothes, toys, games or visit to parks or going out.

Even growing up, he never went through "terrible twos", we never had to child-proof our house for him.

He is so special, his feet have never touched the ground we stand on.....both figuratively and literally.

He is my perfect little angel and how badly I hope someday he will do all this.

....and typing all this puts me in a really crappy mood.

Getting a preview of whats to come...
My daughter is 9 and I caught her lying to my face just last week. For the very first time, I grounded her (for 3 days), I keep telling her that I can tolerate whatever she does wrong, but do not tolerate lying. But I am really scared that she will continue that path.
So Rbee, do you discipline when you catch them lie?
I hope they lie about trivial things just to get mom/dad off their backs and stop them from nagging!

Big hug to you dixie.. You made me tear up !! Please cheer up !!!

@Samsan, That's what I am seeking . How do I discipline..Thing is I catch the lies same day or some times within same hour or at once..
Taking away smart phone to not have access to FB and other E-mails.. He logs into his laptop.. Cut internet . he will stay late in school..

Plus he is a good kid, so don't want to react too hard on him but how much can I overlook as growing phase and hoping he will grow out of it ?

Lying is a defensive mechanism inbuilt in all humans as part of self preservation. Probing and punishing may only make matters worse. Instead show them that you trust them and when you learn that they lied, instead of probing, sit down with them and let them know that you came to know about it and ask them to come clean. Admitting a fault or a mistake is a very brave thing, and you can thank them for admitting a lie. This will develop trust in kids for them to come clean.

dixit;624817My son is not a teenager yet....but...

....In his 9 years, he has never told a lie. He has never ever ever 'talked back' to us. In the last 9 years we never had to tell him something twice or scold him for something. He has never fussed about eating, has never thrown any tantrums. He has never kept us awake by incessantly crying, he has never ever disobeyed us.

He never watches any TV even if its on full blast in plain view. He never demands any new clothes, toys, games or visit to parks or going out.

Even growing up, he never went through "terrible twos", we never had to child-proof our house for him.

He is so special, his feet have never touched the ground we stand on.....both figuratively and literally.

He is my perfect little angel and how badly I hope someday he will do all this.

....and typing all this puts me in a really crappy mood.

@dixit. I have a knot in my stomach reading your post. Its hard for any of us to put ourselves in your shoe...
Your post makes everyone else realize that what we imagine to be a 'mountain' is often a pebble and teaches everyone to appreciate 'what we have' rather than whine about what we 'don't'.

Rbee, if it sounds preachy feel free to ignore my post.

This is a topic that I debate with my spouse often. Humans lie for various reasons. There are going to be lots of days where the teenager would not want to speak a word. Trying to force words out of their mouth is futile. They could be keeping the answer short, to prevent further probing. Especially for harmless school stuff. By sweating the small stuff, parents can be a leading force in making the kids habitual liars. Now that can be character altering and potentially dangerous. I find creating an atmosphere that is open, approachable, and with no consequences to work much better. If I think my kids could be potentially lying, I dont go and prove it to them that they lied, and make them feel small. I could end up hurting their self confidence that they cant even pull off a lie. I have had my kids come to me and admit they lied the first time around with a smile. They are able to do that because there is no negative consequence for doing the right thing. Parents should setup kids to succeed. Set them up to not lie. Dont have a consequence for the lie, but have a consequence for the end result of the lie. The consequence/corrective words can be for the bad grade that they get for the mineral study, but not the lie. Wait for the day when your son gets a bad grade for that mineral work, and he may admit that he did not review his work with the teacher before submission, and admire your suggestion to review it with the teacher. Let the lie slide, ignore it. Let them learn on their own terms. Encourage the fact that the child learned the importance of reviewing the work.

Also, what is it with moms and making their teenagers speak?? - Our teenage son stopped saying good morning, but switched to this salute with 2 fingers. My wife could not tolerate it and follows that with - Cant I get a good morning? I ask - Does the child not have a right to avoid those 2 words (if it wants to) and have a peaceful morning in his own house without the early morning nagging? :p

GutsyGibbon;624829Rbee, if it sounds preachy feel free to ignore my post.


Also, what is it with moms and making their teenagers speak?? - Our teenage son stopped saying good morning, but switched to this salute with 2 fingers. My wife could not tolerate it and follows that with - Cant I get a good morning? I ask - Does the child not have a right to avoid those 2 words (if it wants to) and have a peaceful morning in his own house without the early morning nagging? :p

Same here. My son does the same thing when my wife says good morning.. Reply from him..just hmm.