r2i forum

I was not sure where to even post this thread. As the subject states, the question is - Is marriage really necessary/important to one's life. One of my co-workers, he is from India was stunned when I told him I am single and was in my mid-30's. I mean he totally freaked out, try to put me down at first thinking something was wrong with me and then totally shun me. I was polite at first but then I noticed he kept throwing tantrums, after I awhile I told him something nasty and now he stopped and the last of his comment was marriage is important to one's life. I can't imagine what it would be like living in India as a single man.

After all this was done, I felt like the real reason he was behaving like that was he was probably protecting his daughter from me. I didn't give any queues on his daughter. I think some older Indian family man look at single men as threat to their family unit.

For the life of me I have not figured out the secret of it being a necessity with half the country being divorced, spouses dying at different times which means good chance of dying alone, people changing with times which means you are not the same person when you first met. What makes this necessary? and why are family man imposing their will and prejudice on us ? I don't go around preaching my ways to an indian family man. Relationships go sour so easily in the west. People just end things over cat food or car parking. It looks like so much work to take on.

Can't really give an answer to your question however......

Stay away from your coworker socially till he actually grows up and matures to reflect his age.

Marriage is not necessary for leading a good life. However, if you find some one that is truly compatible, you can be extremely successful and happy. If you don't, you can learn to understand your spouse and make it work. You don't have to be born with compatible traits to be happy in a marriage. You can emulate success by learning from others that are successful. The key is to be kind, considerate, compassionate and understanding to each other. Once you are able to get to a point that you can complete each other's sentences, think the same thoughts and be able to relish her companionship, you can form a formidable team. 1+1 need not be just 2, it can be 3,4,5 or even 10. You can synergize each other strengths and accomplish and achieve things in life that you will not be able to individually. You can become interdependent on each other and yet be one as a body and soul. To me, marriage means being with some one that can understand you at a cellular level, some one that can sense changing moods and adjust accordingly. She would be some one that can listen to you and not be judgmental or feel insecure. You would reciprocate to her the same way. Ego should take a back seat always. Honesty, integrity, loyalty, generosity and compassion should take the front seat. There are a lot of advantages to getting married. People in happy marriages tend to eat and feel healthy. You should be ready to do the hard work and make it worthwhile. It is very easy to screw it up.

DesBhakt;657329Can't really give an answer to your question however......

Stay away from your coworker socially till he actually grows up and matures to reflect his age.

Amen to that. The only issue here is the man is close to 60 years old. not sure if he will ever get there. I have another co-worker, this man is from Pakistan. It seems he was surprised as well, but no insults from his end. But he mentioned it a couple of times to me, I think it bothers him too. i think he will hear from myself as well. At work, I tend to be polite / warm in my conversation as i think it is part of professional etiquette. I started my career in the US so was taught that early on. These guys are imported from another world. it makes me wonder what it would be like living over there.

Caramel;657330Marriage is not necessary for leading a good life. However, if you find some one that is truly compatible, you can be extremely successful and happy. If you don't, you can learn to understand your spouse and make it work. You don't have to be born with compatible traits to be happy in a marriage. You can emulate success by learning from others that are successful. The key is to be kind, considerate, compassionate and understanding to each other. Once you are able to get to a point that you can complete each other's sentences, think the same thoughts and be able to relish her companionship, you can form a formidable team. 1+1 need not be just 2, it can be 3,4,5 or even 10. You can synergize each other strengths and accomplish and achieve things in life that you will not be able to individually. You can become interdependent on each other and yet be one as a body and soul. To me, marriage means being with some one that can understand you at a cellular level, some one that can sense changing moods and adjust accordingly. She would be some one that can listen to you and not be judgmental or feel insecure. You would reciprocate to her the same way. Ego should take a back seat always. Honesty, integrity, loyalty, generosity and compassion should take the front seat. There are a lot of advantages to getting married. People in happy marriages tend to eat and feel healthy. You should be ready to do the hard work and make it worthwhile. It is very easy to screw it up.

Nice to hear your view point. It sounds quite deep to me and good it is working for you. My concern here is that, every person is different. Some are loners and others are not. I just think we are entitled to the same respect a family man is entitled and no less. A man choosing to have a family is his choice, it doesn't give him rights to look down on people who don't have one.

dell;657333
My concern here is that, every person is different. Some are loners and others are not.

Key question is are there types of people whom loners also like to hang out with? They can be potential mates?

[QUOTE]I just think we are entitled to the same respect a family man is entitled and no less. A man choosing to have a family is his choice, it doesn't give him rights to look down on people who don't have one.
:thup:

dell;657333Amen to that. The only issue here is the man is close to 60 years old. not sure if he will ever get there. I have another co-worker, this man is from Pakistan. It seems he was surprised as well, but no insults from his end. But he mentioned it a couple of times to me, I think it bothers him too. i think he will hear from myself as well. At work, I tend to be polite / warm in my conversation as i think it is part of professional etiquette. I started my career in the US so was taught that early on. These guys are imported from another world. it makes me wonder what it would be like living over there.

I can understand if they are forcing their perspective based on jealousy .

nosy people, period. this decision is every single person's individual call. there is no right or wrong. u did right by cutting them off..u will be surprised..some of them even come back and still try to convince you because they just dont get the message....

The only thing that is important about marriage is to make absolutely certain that your spouse is a medical doctor and is earning more than $300,000 per year.
The worst possible thing is to feel pressured to get married to a parasite who will sit at home and spend all your hard-earned money.

dell;657327I was not sure where to even post this thread. As the subject states, the question is - Is marriage really necessary/important to one's life. One of my co-workers, he is from India was stunned when I told him I am single and was in my mid-30's. I mean he totally freaked out, try to put me down at first thinking something was wrong with me and then totally shun me. I was polite at first but then I noticed he kept throwing tantrums, after I awhile I told him something nasty and now he stopped and the last of his comment was marriage is important to one's life. I can't imagine what it would be like living in India as a single man.

After all this was done, I felt like the real reason he was behaving like that was he was probably protecting his daughter from me. I didn't give any queues on his daughter. I think some older Indian family man look at single men as threat to their family unit.

For the life of me I have not figured out the secret of it being a necessity with half the country being divorced, spouses dying at different times which means good chance of dying alone, people changing with times which means you are not the same person when you first met. What makes this necessary? and why are family man imposing their will and prejudice on us ? I don't go around preaching my ways to an indian family man. Relationships go sour so easily in the west. People just end things over cat food or car parking. It looks like so much work to take on.

What a horrible experience. Thank your lucky stars you have escaped and don't have to go through this experience on a daily basis. I also hope this puts paid to any plan for R2I.

I would say that you should ignore both of these gentlemen and concentrate on your work but that is not easily done. We are human beings and want to form relationships. We find it very difficult to ignore others. Given the open office nature of most workplaces these days, it is also next to impossible to escape into one's own silo, primarily because there aren't any left. I guess you can just try and avoid people who seem overly friendly, just anybody from the Subcontinent who appears that they come from a traditional background. They shall be the ones who shall give you the greatest headache.

The luxury of the West is that you can ignore people and they can't do anything about it. In India, they would have killed you with social pressure. No point practicing a warm professional etiquette that is alien to these people.

Finally, I think your diagnosis of their horror at your marital status is correct. Traditional people view unmarried individuals as a threat to the integrity of the family unit. The sad part is that the old chap does not realise he has left India behind and you are no threat to his daughter or any of his female relatives.

It is sad that one has to encounter such characters even in the West. There seems to be no escape.

dell;657327I was not sure where to even post this thread. As the subject states, the question is - Is marriage really necessary/important to one's life. One of my co-workers, he is from India was stunned when I told him I am single and was in my mid-30's. I mean he totally freaked out, try to put me down at first thinking something was wrong with me and then totally shun me. I was polite at first but then I noticed he kept throwing tantrums, after I awhile I told him something nasty and now he stopped and the last of his comment was marriage is important to one's life. I can't imagine what it would be like living in India as a single man.

After all this was done, I felt like the real reason he was behaving like that was he was probably protecting his daughter from me. I didn't give any queues on his daughter. I think some older Indian family man look at single men as threat to their family unit.

For the life of me I have not figured out the secret of it being a necessity with half the country being divorced, spouses dying at different times which means good chance of dying alone, people changing with times which means you are not the same person when you first met. What makes this necessary? and why are family man imposing their will and prejudice on us ? I don't go around preaching my ways to an indian family man. Relationships go sour so easily in the west. People just end things over cat food or car parking. It looks like so much work to take on.

This is such a wise and heartfelt post. I feel like reading it again and again.

Would you care to tell us what the nasty thing was you said to your tormentor that made him stop?