r2i forum

Hello everybody
I am having a big confusion regarding my future . Well i completed my B-tech 2 years back and then made it to civil services this year and currently waiting for the begining of the training . Now the thing is that i have developed this feeling over the years which is stopping me to follow the path which i have carved for myself through great efforts . I am greatly inspired by the standards of living of the people in USA . I absolutely like the kind of courtesy they show for strangers ( like not honking , not shouting , keeping the door open for the next person etc etc ). And the whole idea of living in the USA fills me with a different kind of happiness . Now here is the main issue ,, at the same time i also feel that if i go for doing MS over there with the idea of staying in USA after the MS then initially every thing will feel good because i will be meeting with new people (of different races ) , experiencing new culture , cities , habits etc but after some time when i am done with all that all these things will look just ordinary and the life would be just the same usual one as in India . And also i have a fear that most NRIs after crossing a certain age ( say after marriage and having a kid ) get bored with USA and then really want to return back home but since its not that simple so they are not able to and then have to live a life ( although full of luxury )feeling alienated , away from home and with a feeling of emptiness .
So although i know that it all depends on one's own attitude and i will have to take the decision my self but still you advise and help on the basis of your valuable experiences will be of great help for me to take the correct decision .
Regards.

offering my personal op not trying to influence your decision though.
At one point of time you may get a feeling that you are destined for this soil or bound to the homeland where you were born. some people may get it in a very few years, some after 10 -20 some may not at all feel it. so there's not one perfect answer to your question.
don't get misled by courtesy shown to strangers or not honking or shouting, melting pot of different races, cultures etc. all these are there to some degree but again these shouldn't be the only things that influence you.

You are in r2iclub forums..where ppl generally are the ones who are more inclined towards returning to India.. so the advice/suggestion will be along those lines

Dont want to influence your decision..but personally I still rue leaving a Central govt job in India leaving for US. Lots of times I still fantasize on how life would have been if I had never quit that job.

Personally,I'd like to see more and more ppl who are honest getting into services..thats the only solution for the nation's plaguing problems

@Stup123 can you please give some details about the pros and cones which u find in a life as a central government employee and working and living in the usa . Also i don;t know anyother forum besides this where i can post my question and where most people are not the one planning to r2i.
thanks

prachidandia1985;282690@Stup123 can you please give some details about the pros and cones which u find in a life as a central government employee and working and living in the usa . Also i don;t know anyother forum besides this where i can post my question and where most people are not the one planning to r2i.
thanks

You can start by reading R2I diaries section. You might get answers for what people miss after r2i and details regarding life in US vs India.

http://www.r2iclubforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php/16-R2I-Diaries

prachidandia1985;282677Hello everybody
I am having a big confusion regarding my future . Well i completed my B-tech 2 years back and then made it to civil services this year and currently waiting for the begining of the training . Now the thing is that i have developed this feeling over the years which is stopping me to follow the path which i have carved for myself through great efforts . I am greatly inspired by the standards of living of the people in USA . I absolutely like the kind of courtesy they show for strangers ( like not honking , not shouting , keeping the door open for the next person etc etc ). And the whole idea of living in the USA fills me with a different kind of happiness . Now here is the main issue ,, at the same time i also feel that if i go for doing MS over there with the idea of staying in USA after the MS then initially every thing will feel good because i will be meeting with new people (of different races ) , experiencing new culture , cities , habits etc but after some time when i am done with all that all these things will look just ordinary and the life would be just the same usual one as in India . And also i have a fear that most NRIs after crossing a certain age ( say after marriage and having a kid ) get bored with USA and then really want to return back home but since its not that simple so they are not able to and then have to live a life ( although full of luxury )feeling alienated , away from home and with a feeling of emptiness .
So although i know that it all depends on one's own attitude and i will have to take the decision my self but still you advise and help on the basis of your valuable experiences will be of great help for me to take the correct decision .
Regards.

1. I have been here in the USA for 20 years. I have done the route of education, assimilation, excitement, employment, small business hopes, and aspirations, marriage, and family, both of us doing jobs, raising a middle school child (continue to learn).
2. For the large part, we have had a extremely comfortable, and fun life here mostly due to attitude, and a close knit group of friends that are there for me.
3. At this time no one in India is breaking down the doors, and asking me to come back to India (parents no more, happy to have in laws, and a few well wishers but still they are busy with their lives, and will be there for us when we reach out to them). However, we still are considering a return to India. Go figure.
4. The real issue is that your first 20 years of Indian cultural, and growing phase identity is hard wired for many of us. So, we long for it. By then, you develop a mostly positive appreciate for your adopted place. Now, you have a dual identity.
5. I think that as an immigrant in the USA, we seek learning, balance, safety, and support in our work, and family lives. We do live in medium size networks. I am generalizing here a little bit. At the same time, most people do not lead or experience what I call a "full on" lifestyle.

My take on your situation is simple. It is possible to become a global person, spending decades in more than one country. However, once in a while you will be torn. It is better to spend a limited number of years in the west (less than 5 years), and go back to India with an attitude towards full participation in the society. Alternatively if you seek a quite, and safe life style you may get it in India, or you can establish one in the west after several years of assimilation, and growth.

Have fun.

I will tell you a story of a childhood friend of mine. Did his B-Tech from IIT-Kanpur. Don't clearly remember whether he did his M-Tech or not. Joined civil services in mid 90s (IAS). Today, he is the CEO of a Govt Agency in Bangalore.
3 years back, he came to US to finish his MBA (with his own money) because people with political backing gets US MBA sponsorship. Most of them do it in India or Philippines or some other Asian country with Govt. sponsorship. His kids went to school for almost 1.5 years in Ohio and got the taste of US. He did not do his MBA for any career advancement but to show his family the US lifestyle which his other friend based in US brag about.
He was telling me that the prestige and respect he gets in India in his civil services job can not be compared to lifestyle of US.

Vivekananda;282734
4. The real issue is that your first 20 years of Indian cultural, and growing phase identity is hard wired for many of us. So, we long for it. By then, you develop a mostly positive appreciate for your adopted place. Now, you have a dual identity.

Vivekananda,
You really summarized my primary reason for R2I. "Hard-wired" assimilates all of the multitude of reasons(sense of belonging, feeling of emptiness, culture difference etc) most of us give as the reasons for R2I.

OP,
If you don't feel that you are hard-wired to the Indian way of life then you will be able to settle down in US and won't long to go back. In fact, that would automatically make you plan your goals as if you were going to settle down in US for the rest of your life. However, if you are hard-wired, then you should consider your US stay as a temporary phase in your life to benefit academically, financially and professionally and plan to return to India at a point where it won't be too late.

From my experience, you will also be able to appreciate India and its culture better when you experience the US life. You will realize the importance of all that you used to take for granted in India.

Within the first few months of your stay in US, you will get to know if you are hard-wired or not and you will be able to decide whether you belong in US or in India. I knew from my initial years in US that I really couldn't blend into the American way of life and always longed to go back home. The financial advantage of working in US was the only reason that kept me here for so long. I am happy that we are already into the R2I phase after completing 10 years here.

I didn't buy a house in US because I knew it would have increased the inertia and impacted my R2I plans. Instead, I bought a house in India and that helped a lot in setting my R2I plans in motion.

So, my advice for you would be: If it's possible for you to take a temporary long term vacation in your existing job(without resigning from the job), then you can come to US and see for your yourself first hand as to where you belong and then plan your next steps. Resigning from your civil services job may not be a good idea because US life is not all that rosy and you may repent giving up the job in India.

Home is where your heart is. For me, it is in India.

Good luck.

Money apart - ---Coming over to US - will present a unique experience and perspective. Getting into Civil Services has its own merits. While you have summarized quite well about the life in US, what is your priority?

If it is about exploring the world/other part of India, US is certainly one of the option. If it is Money, and if you resign to the majority of civil servants, you might make a lot more in civil services than coming over to US. IMO, you have tough decision to make. However, remember the adage - a bird in hand is worth two in the bushes.

-M

Well i am have already been to USA for 13 days as a vacation with my family about 2 years back . But you know that we cannot judge a place for the purpose of settling down on the basis of a vacation spent there because vacations are always fun and during a vacation the place always seems so good . I am not able to find whether i am hard wired to Indian culture or not because as any young educated Indian i prefer western music over Indian , burgers pizza and all that junk food over desi rooti sabji , and using american word like awesome and cool , wearing western clothes over indian , watching western movies etc etc .But i believe that another way of finding out whether i am hard wired to India or not is to spend some time (like more than 2 months or so ) in a foreign country and thats not possible in my case (atleast for the next 5 years and after that time it would ne too late to decide ). Do you people know any other way of finding out that ?
I also wanted to know from your experience that if after living for more than 2 years in USA one tend to start taking the best roads , clean cities , good manners of people , best facilities , best cars , best houses and the best living standards in the world for granted ? Like i take my mother's hand cooked meals , servants doing things for me in India for granted , do the best facilities , roads , cars , houses , people stop to excite you after few years as thinking about them excites and thrills many young Indians back here in India ?