r2i forum

I have been trying to pinpoint if there are any common threads in what makes us feel like an outsider? Is it not knowing old American TV shows, is it incomplete knowledge of sports, is it a basic incompatibility of cultures, is it the color of the skin??

I cant pinpoint the actual reason but I do feel like an outsider if I am in a group of Americans. Do you guys feel the same or do you think you blend in completely?

For assimilating into any culture, multiple factors will be involved.

Looks. How close you look compared to the population immediately around you.

Wealth. How richer or poorer you are compared to immediate neighbors

Language

Food

Dress

Religion or lack of it

Common Interets (Sports, arts, gossip etc.)

Keep adding to the list...

No one can fit in 100%. However, if you fit into the top 3-5 that is important to the local population, you are accepted.

To a large extent it depends on where you live.

If you live in NYC, or NJ or Bay Area - how can you possibly feel like an outsider?

If you live in Whiteville, Wyoming - you will certainly feel out of place there.

OP:
For me the question to your answer is this:
I feel like an outsider when I forget -'heck, I AM an American'. Who is to tell me I am not? "American" comes in many forms.

I hang out with people for whom American or not is a non-issue. I am involved with those type of activities.

Remember that, even white native born protestant people many time may feel like outsiders with say liberal or conservative or evangelical or yankee or southern group.

I have lived in towns with less than 100,000 people and never felt like an outsider. I think its all in the mind.

I miss India, esp during Diwali, but that does not mean I am an outsider. I have to give credit to the people of this country. They are very accepting and curious about people of foreign origin for the most part. Not to say you dont run into some racist folks at some point in time, but overall, the experiences have been extremely positive.

I think experiencing racism and feeling like an outsider are two different things so lets not get confused here.

You could be living amidst wonderful non-racist people and still feel like an outsider - why? because your skin color, accent, food, way of living, problems etc. could all be different.

In some sense, I am an outsider everywhere in the world - yes even in India, and even in Tamil Nadu, where I was born, but not raised - and it dont bother me - am used to it from childhood - am not keen to be an insider. :)

When I see programs on Indian TV - I feel like an outsider - they were not made for me.

When I read articles in Indian newspapers - I feel like an outsider - they were not written for me.

....

Same with a lot of US stuff.

How many friends / colleagues / acquaintances do I need? The whole country? No more than a small village.

This business of seeking total identification with a larger group has not appealed to me - I dont have that even with my wife - and dont seek it.

Outside/insider is state of mind. US has enough infrastucture to make you feel "insider".

Isn't it ironic that when I lived in Hyderabad 11 years back, I felt outsider (I am from North). Now if I R2I, and I land in Hyderabad I suddenly become/feel "insider":rolleyes: , Now I understand meaning of "relative"

OP,

Few years back I worked in our India office for a month. After a gap of 10+ years I got a chance to work in Indian environment. Only that time I realised the difference between insider and outsider. The comfort factor and the fun you get talking in your own language with coworkers is something I miss.

There were lot of common issues we could discuss like cricket, politics and Indian cinema. Yes, I do feel like an outsider if I dont find many people who look like me or speak my language. Bay Area is a better place to be in. There is no way I can live in Montana or Wyoming. I would rather suffer in Bangalore than feel like fish out of water (or ice). I got few opportunities earlier to move to Colorado but turned it down for the same reason.

Here are a few things that make me feel like an outsider at times (though I have USC and have lived here for 15 years).

1. When somebody I meet asks "are you from India" when a similar question is not asked of others in the same room. I know this may be asked out of curiousity often but the very question reminds me that I am an outsider here.

2. When during social conversations, when the topics become so arcane (about a past Mayor in a city where they lived or some sort of high school tradition or specific experience) that only a person who has experienced it with them can appreciate.

3. When conversations involve topics relating to subtle aspects (such as nuances of Pittsburgh accent, pointed out by someone from Philadelphia), and despite living in Pennsylvania for many years, you can't tell the difference.

4. When discussions involve local icons that only those who were in that area can experience or minor historical facts that either I don't know or even if I knew, don't particularly appreciate.

5. When food is involved and the differences between a Philly Cheese Steak vs. the same in Chicago or New York is being discussed (I am a Vegetarian but this would apply even if the item being discussed is Coleslaw)

6. When minor political or minor sports figures are passionately discussed, who you particularly don't have anything to relate to.

7. When some home-grown Americans suspend applying logic and reason to their own "traditions" but speak condescendingly or directly mock other cultures' traditions on logical grounds.

I am sure there are more instances but the above should give OP an idea.