r2i forum

Unfortunately one of our my family friends have decided to divorce. The wife is going through a emotional moment right now. How do we make sure she goes through a fair settlement. At this point she is not interested in money but wants just enough tide by. She has a low paying teaching job.
Involving a lawyer can be expensive and create more troubles. I am afraid being an "out-spouse" she doesn't know financial health of the family.

Can anybody offer guidance how she should work out the settlelment so that is it fair and there is a full disclosure. I am afraid she might regret it later.

Is the settlement going to be done in US or India?

GutsyGibbon;591885Is the settlement going to be done in US or India?

US. Just to add she only started working an year back.

realgoogler;591887US. Just to add she only started working an year back.

Ask her to not sign anything in the current emotional state.

How long were they married?
Which state is she living in?
Are there any kids?

Thanks.

direstraits88;591892
How long were they married?

13 years
[QUOTE] Which state is she living in? CA
[QUOTE]Are there any kids? two

realgoogler;591883How do we make sure she goes through a fair settlement. At this point she is not interested in money but wants just enough tide by. She has a low paying teaching job.
Involving a lawyer can be expensive and create more troubles.

Step 1: Cancel all joint accounts and open an individual bank account, if not available already. Write a check from the joint account to the new account for enough money to sustain herself and kids for 6 months.

Step 2: Change passwords of all financial accounts, email, and social networks.

Step 3: CA is a community property state. Doesn't matter what anyone signed, everything is 50:50. Even prenups can be challenged depending on the length of marriage.

Step 4: Get a good lawyer. If she isn't worldly enough then she will definitely need one. She needs to protect her future and ensure she gets custody of kids. She will also be entitled for child support.

Step 5: If there is any harassment from the other side, get a restraining order and ask the other party to move out.

Needless to say, these are equally applicable to both sides.

No questions asked, get a good lawyer. They may be flexible on fees arrangement. After they look at settlement scenario, they might even charge fees later. Also hire private investigator to get correct financial picture.

Rest assured other party will definitely get a lawyer involved and screw you.

Be aware that the husband of the family may be on this forum.

If there is no prenuptial agreement, she is entitled to 50% of all marital financial assets at the time of the divorce.
First, and most important, is to hire a private investigator to find out ALL financial assets (house, 401K, IRAs, bank accounts, cars, everything). Do not allow for a second mortgage on house or to conceal any assets or transfer any money from bank accounts to India where the US courts will not have any jurisdiction over the assets. She must find out all the financial assets and not allow any concealment or money transfers to India to make the money suddenly disappear from the bank accounts.
She is also entitled to child support for two kids. This could be upto 30% of his gross income (depends on his income, her income, and age of kids, daycare costs, etc.). There is a standard formula which is applied by the courts in each state.
http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport

Lawyers are very expensive (could be more than $25,000). They will charge $200 - $400 per hour of work required for the divorce case. If assets are very large, then lawyer is worthwhile. Otherwise, lawyer fees in contested divorce will consume almost all the financial assets. She needs an educated, smart family member to guide her and protect her interests.
She should not sign any papers which husband gives her to sign.

Most of the responses here allude to the husband being at fault. Perhaps that is not the case. Perhaps, neither party is at fault and the marriage just ran into a rough patch and has ultimately ended. Without knowing all the details, it may not be wise to dole out advice one way or the other.

While emotions are raw, there would be obvious missteps in making decisions or jumping to conclusions. What is probably more required at this point is clarity of thought and a strong shoulder to lean on. A trusted friend or relative can act as a mediator in negotiating an amicable agreement between both parties without confrontation or faulting one another. Counseling is also probably a good option to help rehash thought processes and actions by both parties that brought them to this point. This might also give closure to the matter and help them to not dwell on the past in blaming one another.

In the end, when two kids are in the picture, it is important to provide a semblance of a normal family as far as possible, where both parents are present in their lives in some form or fashion. IMO, it is just not right to fight for custody for one parent alone - unless the other has been proven unfit to be a parent.

These things happen and in most cases, it is either both parties' fault or neither. Someone once quoted that marriage is like a garden - if not tended properly from time to time, will be overtaken by weeds and shrubs that will ruin its beauty. And sometimes, letting go and starting afresh may be the best answer. Divorce is not the be-all and end-all in life. There is more to it even after that.

Wish good luck to OP and his family friends while dealing with this delicate situation.