r2i forum

Was reading an weekend articlefamily-relationships that career coaches even tackle revenge in work place or personal space questions these days :)
Everyone encounters backstabbing colleagues, free riders who take credit for co-workers' work, micro managing bosses, scheming mother-in-laws or sister-in-laws or other relatives or friends during the passage of life.

The expert said that majority of men confront such experiences directly whereas majority of women deal such situations in a passive-aggressive way...

Do you agree with this assessment ? Or you are the exception as far as gender characterization like above go?

I prefer to deal with direct confrontation than ghooma-phirake (beat around the bush) passive aggressive ways..

Any anecdotes (funny) for the revenge dish served cold or hot :) ?

One career coach had shared one anecdote on her cheating spouse. She planted a marble inside the door panel of a car he coveted the most without his knowledge and finally he could not take the incessant rattling sound while driving and decided to part with the car but before giving up when he opened the panel, he saw the reason for his frustration along with exe's scathing note !!

Ambhi mama votes for forgiveness :) Read this article about the benefits of forgiveness:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131

[QUOTE]Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

Healthier relationships

Greater spiritual and psychological well-being

Less anxiety, stress and hostility

Lower blood pressure

Fewer symptoms of depression

Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

An excerpt from an old post...Deteriorata !!

[QUOTE]Go placidly
Amid the noise and waste.
And remember what comfort
there may be
In owning a piece thereof.

Avoid quiet and passive persons
Unless you are in need of sleep.

Ro-tate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself
And heed well their advice,
Even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss.....and when!

Consider that two wrongs
never make a right
But that THREE.........do.

Wherever possible, put people on hold.

Be comforted that
in the face of all aridity and disillusionment
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer main-te-nance.
???.

Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you.
That lemon on your left, for instance.
......etc...and so on.

RBee;426571Was reading an weekend articlefamily-relationships that career coaches even tackle revenge in work place or personal space questions these days :)
Everyone encounters backstabbing colleagues, free riders who take credit for co-workers' work, micro managing bosses, scheming mother-in-laws or sister-in-laws or other relatives or friends during the passage of life.

The expert said that majority of men confront such experiences directly whereas majority of women deal such situations in a passive-aggressive way...

Do you agree with this assessment ? Or you are the exception as far as gender characterization like above go?

I prefer to deal with direct confrontation than ghooma-phirake (beat around the bush) passive aggressive ways.. ...

Revenge is like grandma's fruitcake, to borrow an American analogy. Best passed along almost in the same condition as it was delivered. :) In the case of revenge, it would be 'returned' instead of 'passed along'. So, if the offending action was delivered directly, give it back directly, delivered passive-aggresively, give it back similarly.

Somehow the concept of a planned revenge makes more sense in a workplace environment or a cheating partner. In other cases, surely the thirst for it dies down even as it is in initial planning stages?

The last time I formally planned a revenge was pro'lly in school. A group of boys from my class punctured my cycle's tire. I had to walk the cycle home. I found out who all had done it, and told the class monitor that she should write down their names when teacher tells her to note down who all are talking in the class. She nodded. Later I came to know, she was part of the group that plotted to puncture my cycle... :)

My favorite is third-party administered revenges. A driver cuts me off on the road, speeds up and at the next stop light or exit, I see that car has been stopped by a cop. :)

modus_vivendi;426890.... A driver cuts me off on the road, speeds up and at the next stop light or exit, I see that car has been stopped by a cop. :)

Yep... Everything is significant. :)

I remember one situation back in the high school. There was this Biology teacher who gave me an A instead of A+ during a recent monthly test. I was so upset, I was waiting for an opportunity for retribution.

During one of her subsequent classes, when the next chapter to review was about the human skin, she started the class by wiping the whiteboard (actually blackboard in India) and then started patiently drawing a diagram of the cross section of the human skin with hair follicles, epidermis and dermis et al. The class lasts for about an hour and she kept drawing using multicolored chalk pieces and it was over 30 minutes already and there was no sign of completion. I came up with a plot and whispered it to all the other kids around and they all got so excited they passed on the message to the entire class.

When there were only 5 minutes left, the teacher was finally done with the diagram on the blackboard with very little time left to talk about it. After she was done, she dropped the chalk piece on her table, turned around towards the class and guess what? Everyone started applauding frantically (that was the plot) and the teacher's face turned completely red and she approached the kids furiously wanting to know whose idea it was. I was speechless when she walked near me, but then the bell rang and she had to leave. The math teacher walked in next and totally and mercilessly erased an hour worth of effort on the blackboard. Next time the biology teacher just asked us to refer to the textbook for the diagram :)

I am really Bindaas (carefree) like here in real life too. At work when I chat with my colleagues (male or female), I engage in light hearted banter as well. My boss is in his early 40s but I treat him like he is our age group , cracking jokes, calling him Boss, complimenting on his shirts/looks when he looks good etc like I do with rest of the colleagues. There is no ill intent to get favors or anything like that as I will leave the group when transition works out but my true nature is hard to suppress whether it's the VP or the lead or just joined newbie. But one female colleague is hinting that my behavior is not professional and if I don't change my ways, she will report to concerned. I have ignored her snide remarks on my easy going ways in group outings several times in the past but if she does report , it is really taking it too far. So what should be my response ? Like #2 said, be magnanimous and don't even think about retribution/revenge ? Wait and see if she really takes the next step and then explain to the concerned ? Or Change my ways? Last option is hard (if not impossible) until they do blood and heart transplant on RBee and change fun loving gene to stoic one :) !!

Hmm.. boley tow dilemma. :)

Reaction or lack of it would depend on many factors:

1. Is she, let's call her, Kaaamini : )... is Kaaamini a desi lady?
2. Is Kaaamini little bit SJSU kind? Means, H4 --> San Jose Spouse Univ. graduate --> QA --> somehow got into development. :)
3. If 2 is true, maybe she is not the outgoing kind, and hence a little j. (best to ignore).
4. Is workplace filled with many such Kaaamini's? If yes, then, due to nature of majority, maybe such compliments to boss are viewed with a jaundiced eye.
5. What is Kaaamini's ladies room behavior record like? Does she always go to the handicapped stall? How does she react if her eye catches your eye in the mirror? If you are "waiting" for her to go before exiting stall, does she hang around waiting for you to come out? :)
6. In aforementioned group outings, does she volunteer to drive? When groups are getting into cars, does she make an excuse to always sit in the front passenger seat or the back middle seat?
7. In restaurants, how is her table behavior? Where does she place her handbag? Does she take too long to order? Does she have a problem if check is split equally among all, and she didn't have drinks/dessert?

:) j/k. My best friends are/were desi women on H4.

Just be your merry self, and wait for her to report. Meanwhile, give her also some compliments. : ) Just to confuse her. : )

I have complimented her a lot too in the past but after she said I am phoney, I had to stop and skip my ritual :)
She doesn't fit the stereotype of Kaamini or Mona of Ajit's jokes. She is senior in the group as she joined before me but talent wise and experience wise, I am graded higher than her in the group.She used to get along professionally but has problem with people with easy going nature and during holiday season, it becomes more apparent and off late has become very picky. There are couple of male colleagues which get her wrath occasionally but she has never threatened publicly that she will report them nor has she said mean things in front of others. But I am her easy target these days and with several holiday parties, I have the dilemma of keep receiving her comments and continue to ignore or retaliate..
Last week, she was giving advice in a caustic tone to a junior colleague during design review (who is my walking buddy and we get along very nicely), so I tried to intervene and it became ugly. Then my boss called me in private and said that he doesn't want ego clashes and since I am senior and higher grade than her, I need to assert myself.. Probably he had similar discussion with her; since then she is hinting that workplace professionalism is affected by my behavior as she senses that I have started seeking favors from higher ups and she has no choice but to report.. She may be rhetoric and giving empty threats.. also others are feeling if she is suffering from minor mental problems, how to hint that to her as discussing personal things is actually unprofessional and not joking between each other contrary to what she thinks :)?

RBee;426924.... There is no ill intent to get favors or anything like that as I will leave the group when transition works out ......... colleague is hinting that my behavior is not professional and if I don't change my ways, she will report to concerned. .... !!

OK... this is a CoC violation discussion. Isn't it ? The "hinter" can be directly asked for the CoC number that the member had violated; after all, the member claims to be not a ghooma-phirake sort.
And besides "hinting" is one person's interpretation of what was axully said. As #8 says, until the CoC violation is reported ( who is the concerned ?) no need to fret and plan a revenge. If a marble is lost too early ( by putting it into the door panel of the colleague), later when "the concerned" came around asking for "who has all their marbles?", you'll be caught with one less. Hold on to your marbles.