I had posted a message (as OP) yesterday in this thread for which I greatly apologize. After posting the message I forwarded it to my friend who read the message and later started discussing about it. By the end of the day I realized how naive was my off handed message. The freind whom I talked to is also a frequent visitor to this site. My freind pointed out some vulnerabilites in my arguments and made me realize what I though are the reasons for not R2Ing (or no need to r2i) are so impractical. My friend made some points about my personal life too (knows me in and out and my circle of friends) which are personal to put it in public . These points made me feel embarassed and therefore I decided to delete/withdraw my message. I sincerely aplogize to all those who went back home reading that message feeling "Am I doing the right thing by R2Ing after reading that guy's message". I have my own short comings which I did not take into account and I am too embarassed to put it here.
So please erase my perspectice of no need to r2i. I am leaving below few sentences just as a reference to what I had orginally. If admins or any member would like to leave my original message please let me know. I can put it back. Sorry again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Old edited message
Hi All I am new to this group. I have been looking at messages in this group for 1 week now. The only feeling that I get looking at so many on this group is "SHOCK".
At no point did I feel like going back and here are the reasons why:
--Deleted
I am amazed that so many people want to go back. I am not a leader/minister. I cant change India i.e. the poverty,pollution,corruption, lack of value for human life,lack of safety,cheating,exploitation,lack of professionalism,horrible work culture etc. Then why go back and compromise on so many fronts? for what? money? opportunites?
deleted
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You dont need to R2I
-
peace_lover
- Posts: 31
- Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 3:41 am
You dont need to R2I
Lets see what you feel after 20 years when your kids grow up? Most of the people who r2i know the problems that exist in India like pollution, corruption, no value fo human life, too much population etc.
Like wise although in U.S the above problems are not there it does not mean that this is a perfect place. There are other problems here for Indians like kids growing in an alien culture and after 10+ yrs couples feel that this is a mechanical life and most importantly missing family. There is also a sense of loneliness here after so many years.
Most of us go to live close to our families. If you can do the same here and are happy here then fine but don't say that your kids will have the same set of cultural values that kids in India will have.
There are good kids in the US and bad ones and the same goes with India. But in the middle class society the probability of your kid going the other way in India is less compared to U.S.
One final note: Whatever you think may be the best for you and that does not mean that people r2ing are crazy. Aren't there people in India who are happy and contented?
In this global economy there are avenues in India also to make money and have a good career and for people who have to the U.S for this reason can afford to r2i and still have a better life than what they had in the U.S (This is relative to an individual though).
Hope you got the message crystal clear.
Good luck.
Like wise although in U.S the above problems are not there it does not mean that this is a perfect place. There are other problems here for Indians like kids growing in an alien culture and after 10+ yrs couples feel that this is a mechanical life and most importantly missing family. There is also a sense of loneliness here after so many years.
Most of us go to live close to our families. If you can do the same here and are happy here then fine but don't say that your kids will have the same set of cultural values that kids in India will have.
There are good kids in the US and bad ones and the same goes with India. But in the middle class society the probability of your kid going the other way in India is less compared to U.S.
One final note: Whatever you think may be the best for you and that does not mean that people r2ing are crazy. Aren't there people in India who are happy and contented?
In this global economy there are avenues in India also to make money and have a good career and for people who have to the U.S for this reason can afford to r2i and still have a better life than what they had in the U.S (This is relative to an individual though).
Hope you got the message crystal clear.
Good luck.
-
Desi_by_Nature
- Posts: 772
- Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:57 pm
You dont need to R2I
I am amazed that so many people want to go back. I am not a leader/minister. I cant change India i.e. the poverty,pollution,corruption, lack of value for human life,lack of safety,cheating,exploitation,lack of professionalism,horrible work culture etc. Then why go back and compromise on so many fronts? for what? money? opportunites? I have both here.
Maybe you have all what you want here, many of us don't. A lot of us (incl me) wan't to go back for the sake of parents. For most of us having parents come to the US and live with us is not feasible. They have well established social circles in India and even if it was legally feasible for them to live in the US year round, at their age they will have to face serious adjustment issues here.
You are right that neither of us has the power to change India single handedly- and i'm sure none of us expects or hope to do that either. Life here is certainly much safer, convenient and better overall.
For me it came down to deciding between what was important to me and what was more important to those who matter to me.
Maybe you have all what you want here, many of us don't. A lot of us (incl me) wan't to go back for the sake of parents. For most of us having parents come to the US and live with us is not feasible. They have well established social circles in India and even if it was legally feasible for them to live in the US year round, at their age they will have to face serious adjustment issues here.
You are right that neither of us has the power to change India single handedly- and i'm sure none of us expects or hope to do that either. Life here is certainly much safer, convenient and better overall.
For me it came down to deciding between what was important to me and what was more important to those who matter to me.
You dont need to R2I
noneedtoR2I;30150
3. We have our parents live with us atleast for 3 months in year and my friends parents also visit during the same time (not always possible though)
4. I work on projects which are offshored and go to India on work for about 2 months. I asked my employer to make me work on offshore projects.
5. I go on vacation to India for atleast 3-4 weeks either after or before my work/assignment in India
[/quote]
What if we take out items 3-5, would your opinion change. A vast majority of us don't have those options.
You dont need to R2I
1. We looked for a job where there are more desis
Not sure if everyone can do that. Even if you go in a places where there are more desis befriending with many desis is not guaranteed unless you knew them from India and spent childhood or school or college hood together. 2.
We made sure that we lived near our friends. I took up a job which paid 20K less to live in a city where my Friends lived, basically we coordinated.
Seems like many of your friends from yesteryears are in USA.
My kids have company. I have my parents with me more time than most of the couples in India can afford to spend time. I don't miss any desi stuff.I take special care in inculcating cultural values in my kids. I have plans to handle the situation when my parents will not be able to make every year to India. All my arrangements involve some amount of financial expenditure/compromise but I am not worried because the trade off is I have stability, comfort, and best of both worlds.
I don't know how comfortable parents feel in a culture which is lot different than theirs. but again that depends.
I have made my circle so that I almost feel home if not completely. (You are planning on building NRI cities in India,why dont u create a desi community here in US?)
Well, if everyone could get a job in a city of their choice, few close desi friends because we have more in common(otherwise it doesn't matter whether you have desi friend or non-desi friend) , kids have friends then there is no need to R2I. But all of the above is easier said than done. The friendship doesn't come easy here especially when both parties have some gizmos and there is always competition and comparison between who is got how much and how come some other desi is better than me when we both came from the same place.
Nevertheless, your post is encouraging. Could you tell us where you live and what field you are in?
Not sure if everyone can do that. Even if you go in a places where there are more desis befriending with many desis is not guaranteed unless you knew them from India and spent childhood or school or college hood together. 2.
We made sure that we lived near our friends. I took up a job which paid 20K less to live in a city where my Friends lived, basically we coordinated.
Seems like many of your friends from yesteryears are in USA.
My kids have company. I have my parents with me more time than most of the couples in India can afford to spend time. I don't miss any desi stuff.I take special care in inculcating cultural values in my kids. I have plans to handle the situation when my parents will not be able to make every year to India. All my arrangements involve some amount of financial expenditure/compromise but I am not worried because the trade off is I have stability, comfort, and best of both worlds.
I don't know how comfortable parents feel in a culture which is lot different than theirs. but again that depends.
I have made my circle so that I almost feel home if not completely. (You are planning on building NRI cities in India,why dont u create a desi community here in US?)
Well, if everyone could get a job in a city of their choice, few close desi friends because we have more in common(otherwise it doesn't matter whether you have desi friend or non-desi friend) , kids have friends then there is no need to R2I. But all of the above is easier said than done. The friendship doesn't come easy here especially when both parties have some gizmos and there is always competition and comparison between who is got how much and how come some other desi is better than me when we both came from the same place.
Nevertheless, your post is encouraging. Could you tell us where you live and what field you are in?
You dont need to R2I
I am 'surprised' to know that you are "SHOCK"ED. I think there are multiple reasons for anybody to even think of R2I. There are many advantages living in USA, but there are disadvantages also.
Two main reasons why people go back to India are 'Parents' and 'Kids'. Parents, because they want to be with parents when they are getting old and Kids because of the cultural/value differences between a kid raised in USA and India (Ofcourse, there are exceptions - this is talking in general and talking about the majority of them).
Added to this, the economy is India is growing everyday and people are not missing too much on the monetary side of the issue. BTW, to my understanding, many of the members are USC...so they can think of coming back anytime if they wish to!
Two main reasons why people go back to India are 'Parents' and 'Kids'. Parents, because they want to be with parents when they are getting old and Kids because of the cultural/value differences between a kid raised in USA and India (Ofcourse, there are exceptions - this is talking in general and talking about the majority of them).
Added to this, the economy is India is growing everyday and people are not missing too much on the monetary side of the issue. BTW, to my understanding, many of the members are USC...so they can think of coming back anytime if they wish to!
-
Tweedledee
- Posts: 214
- Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:59 am
You dont need to R2I
>>sense of belonging? I have made my circle so that I almost feel home if not completely. (You are planning on building NRI cities in India,why dont u create a desi community here in US?)
"almost". US will always be "almost" home, never home. and as others have said, let's see what happens when you're faced with the prospect of retiring here .... god help if you're not in perfect health then.
"almost". US will always be "almost" home, never home. and as others have said, let's see what happens when you're faced with the prospect of retiring here .... god help if you're not in perfect health then.
-
Tweedledee
- Posts: 214
- Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:59 am
You dont need to R2I
kaiser;30155What if we take out items 3-5, would your opinion change. A vast majority of us don't have those options.[/quote]
Agree. OP is a special case. he goes to india 3 months a year (2 mths work + 1 off) whereas most Nris get to go 1 month every 2 years. No wonder OP doesnt feel the need to r2i! I wouldnt either.
-
Old-Spice2
- Posts: 1898
- Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:38 pm
You dont need to R2I
#1 --US is good when you and kids are young. Wait till they grow up as ABCD and dump you in an old age home. You will run to India to escape eating bread and pizza everyday.
You dont need to R2I
Why the consensus is that your kids will not take care of you when you grow old here in USA? Don't parents and kids spend more one-on-one time here? and shouldn't that develop strong bonding?