Nadz : R2I to Hyd (Dec 2008) diary

HydUKHyd · Post by **HydUKHyd** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 3:51 am

Hi all those who have returned to India, in the process of returning, contemplating return and those still wondering what to do!

I have been a silent follower of all the threads for past several months, after we finally made up our minds re: R2I.

I am a Consultant in UK, and have been here for the past 12 years, going through the grind and long winding training and the exams etc... My wife is a paediatrician. We have three daughters aged 12, 8 and 1 1/2 years.

As to the question why we are planning to return, I think I had always planned to go back one day, hopefully to be able to serve my own people (it does sound pretentious, but that's what the profession is all about, isn't it!) and be closer to my parents and parents in law. The one person who was always excited about my even mentioning the word - RETURN- was my mum. Unfortunately I lost her 2 years ago. On a "normal" day, I took my family out to the cinema, we were watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and I got an SMS from my younger brother (who had already R2Ied to Bangalore from LA, being an IT guy and was snapped up by WIPRO in a senior position, but is now in the Gulf) informing me that mum had been hospitalised. Within the next two days I planned a quick visit to Hyderabad, but went on to stay with my mum in the hospital for about 16 days. She began to get better, came out of the ICU, and I returned to UK. 4 days later, there were complications and she was taken back to ICU, put on a ventilator, but we lost her on 25th September 2005. I couldn't even go back to attend to her last rites. I was so devastated blaming myself all the time for not staying back for a few more days!

Now what tripped the balance in finalising my return was this feeling of sheer helplessness that I went through one of the nights when I was in ICU with my mum, and the recurring question as to what the heck I was doing in a far away land, away from my near ones!!!

My mum had various health problems for a while and was prescribed sleeping pills which she had been taking for the past several years. The doctors in ICU decided to cut them down, because of a fear of compensating her respiratory functions. One night, at about 1 am, my mum whispered something through her oxygen tent. What I could barely hear was her request for a sleeping pill! My mum was my best friend. She gave me everything but never asked anything in return. She had never asked me for anything in my whole life!!! And here I was, trained to prescribe sleeping pills (some of you may have guessed my profession), doing it routinely as part of my duty here, prescribing all these pills to several women, even older than my mum, but totally helpless to give one to my own mum - my very best friend! And not give her one thing she had asked me for, in all her life!
The pain that resulted from my helplessness cut right through my heart. I have not managed to get that beseeching look in her eyes and that faint whisper, banished from my mind even today. That has indeed become my lasting memory of her.

I just don't want to be away from my family any more, and hence my plans to R2I.

I am fortunate in my wife sharing my views, and in fact pushing me into taking the jump! My oldest daughter is not so keen, citing her friends and school as her main reasons for not wanting to go back. But we are conditioning her slowly.

Not many doctors as yet have returned to India, but I have been benefiting and using all the tips from the immense and priceless treasure of information that's being made available, from other users of the forum. Many thanks to all of you. What I love about this forum is: there seems to be an answer to every question (well, nearly every), that too with a touch of personal experience, available on the forum.

I have just started the planning. I will try to keep you all updated as to my further plans and progress, since we are all in it together, aren't we?

Sorry for the tortuous and painfully personal introductory mail, but I felt it was very cathartic to me. Thanks for bearing with me.

Rgds
Nadz

r2ikyon · Post by **r2ikyon** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:11 am

oh my god!! it was so painful reading your experience. I sincerely wish you all the best. You make me feel my R2I frustrations are so very manageable.

super · Post by **super** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:56 am

It is very heart wrenching to read your experience. Thank you for sharing. And I sincerely wish you find the inner peace to deal with this.

mm2008R2I · Post by **mm2008R2I** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 6:03 pm

Thanks for sharing! I don't have parents waiting for me. I do like to tell friends not to wait for that situation and become helpless. There is nothing worse than not being able to be there when it happens.

harlequin · Post by **harlequin** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 6:46 pm

It was tough reading your write up.....i can see how close i can get to that situation ....my parents are aging too..and are feeling very lonely now..

both brother and i are here..

i have imagined numerous situations where they would not be well..and what i would do?

there is "nothing" more valuable than being by my parents when they are sick and to take care of them....

well written and best wishes for a successful R2i

LoveIndia · Post by **LoveIndia** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 9:09 pm

#1 - Deeply touched by your life. I wish you all the best in your R2I plans and India needs people like you to serve her.

sardeb · Post by **sardeb** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 10:32 pm

Dear Nandz,

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. You have lived through the fear we all hold in our hearts....which is why we are trying to R2I soon.
We have the same feelings as you....what are we doing so far away from our near and dear ones.
My parents left India to work in Africa for 20+ years. I have seen them go throug it all, miss siblings' weddings, special occasions, not being able to be there when their parents passed away. My husband and I are not willing to go through the same sacrifices.

So you are on the right track. I wish you all the best.

VJMRHYD · Post by **VJMRHYD** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:30 pm

Dear ,

wishes and sorry to you.

I appreciate your thinking and acting on it. I have seen many people staying back after their near ones RIP and especially Dr.s Never seen going back in my life.

Going thru your narration was difficult for me , treas rolled in to eyes and with heavy heart some how completed. I wish you the best from the bottom of my heart.

ILuvHyd · Post by **ILuvHyd** » Sat Mar 08, 2008 2:09 am

Nadz,

Very touching post. I feel sorry for your loss but glad that you spent time with your mom in her last days and were there for her final moments. I share similar thoughts on family and want to be with my parents and inlaws during their last years. I am planning to R2I soon and they are relatively young in their mid - late 50s and I am hoping to spend some quality years with them. Here's a link to my blog if you haven't seen it "ILuvHyd's R2I (Hyderabad) Blog/Diary"

gulfIndian · Post by **gulfIndian** » Sat Mar 08, 2008 11:55 pm

Nadz,

That was really touching. I wish you peace of mind and good luck. Reading more stories like this make me despair. I am in a quandary due to my peculiar situation. I am to blame for not being more forceful in deciding to R2I right away. Not everyone is blessed with a partner who shares your views. I hope and pray that one day I don?t have to write a blog similar to yours.