Preaching: Husband and Wife are like the 2 tires of a vehicle. If one is punctured, the vehicle can't move ahead.
Moral grasped by a smart student: Always keep a spare tire :)
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Preaching: Love can neither be created, nor destroyed.
Moral grasped by a smart student: It can only be transferred from one girl to another.
MT: Jokes and Humor - II
MT: Jokes and Humor - II
A lady goes on vacation alone to the Caribbean wishing her husband had been able to join her.
Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate lovemaking she asks him, "What is your name?"
"I can't tell you!" the black man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he cannot tell her. On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?"
"I can't because you will make fun of me!" the black man says.
"There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says.
"Fine, my name is Snow" the black man replies.
And the lady bursts into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says, "I knew you would make fun of it."
The lady replied, "It's my husband that won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in the Caribbean!"
Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate lovemaking she asks him, "What is your name?"
"I can't tell you!" the black man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he cannot tell her. On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?"
"I can't because you will make fun of me!" the black man says.
"There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says.
"Fine, my name is Snow" the black man replies.
And the lady bursts into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says, "I knew you would make fun of it."
The lady replied, "It's my husband that won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in the Caribbean!"
MT: Jokes and Humor - II
#525
Same as #347 except Caribbean is explicit as Barbados :)
Same as #347 except Caribbean is explicit as Barbados :)
MT: Jokes and Humor - II
Blue brigade might resonate with this:
You love someone, you marry someone else.
The one you marry becomes your wife
And the one you love(d) becomes the password for your E-mail /forum : )
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Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have affairs with as many women as his wife suspects...
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Husband and wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is the liver, wife the kidney.
If the liver fails, the kidney fails. If the kidney fails, the liver manages with other kidney.
You love someone, you marry someone else.
The one you marry becomes your wife
And the one you love(d) becomes the password for your E-mail /forum : )
------------ --------- --------- --------- -------
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have affairs with as many women as his wife suspects...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Husband and wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is the liver, wife the kidney.
If the liver fails, the kidney fails. If the kidney fails, the liver manages with other kidney.
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InUSfor40years
- Posts: 38
- Joined: Mon Feb 08, 2010 9:39 pm
MT: Jokes and Humor - II
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up the towel and goes upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up the towel and goes upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
MT: Jokes and Humor - II
A group of 40 year old buddies discuss and discuss where they should go for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at The ZEN restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and the food is good!
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at The ZEN because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at The ZEN because they make the steaks with no added salt.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at The ZEN because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at The ZEN because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at The ZEN because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at The ZEN because they make the steaks with no added salt.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at The ZEN because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at The ZEN because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.
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InUSfor40years
- Posts: 38
- Joined: Mon Feb 08, 2010 9:39 pm
MT: Jokes and Humor - II
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country . . . we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell "Mississippi'."
Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country . . . we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell "Mississippi'."
MT: Jokes and Humor - II
The neighbour?s Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"
Maria: "Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Your husband said so."
Wife: "Oh."
Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Your husband did."
Wife: "Oh."
Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."
Wife: (really furious now) "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Senora... the gardener did."
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"
Maria: "Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Your husband said so."
Wife: "Oh."
Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Your husband did."
Wife: "Oh."
Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."
Wife: (really furious now) "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Senora... the gardener did."
MT: Jokes and Humor - II
Scientists have finally discovered what is wrong with the female brain:
On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left !
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A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left !
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A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
MT: Jokes and Humor - II
"Many people are complaining, though, that Obama is becoming too scripted. Last night, he was having an intimate moment with Michelle, and she said, 'Wait, are you reading the teleprompter?'" --Jimmy Fallon
Barack Obama promised Change and was sworn into office.
A year into Obama's first term in office, unemployment is higher, the national debt is higher and there are more soldiers serving in Afghanistan. When asked about it, Obama was like, "Well, technically that is change - Jimmy Fallon
"That's pretty amazing, Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Ironically, his biggest accomplishment as president so far: winning the Nobel Peace Prize." --Jay Leno
"President Obama made a surprise visit to Iraq this week where he declared it is time for Iraqis to take responsibility for their country. Said Iraqis, 'You guys first.'" --Seth Meyers
"Big day in Detroit. You may have heard about this. The Obama Administration asked General Motors C.E.O. Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed, which is good news for Obama. You know, the last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months. And even then, he had to promise her a job as Secretary of State." --Jay Leno
"President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He's concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that's just in his administration." --Jay Leno
"Barack Obama is now the 44th President of the United States. Fascinating. As you know, we've never had an African-American president. We've had a Dutch-American president. We've had an Irish-American president. We've even had an incompetent-American president. But we've never had an African-American president." ?Jay Leno
Barack Obama promised Change and was sworn into office.
A year into Obama's first term in office, unemployment is higher, the national debt is higher and there are more soldiers serving in Afghanistan. When asked about it, Obama was like, "Well, technically that is change - Jimmy Fallon
"That's pretty amazing, Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Ironically, his biggest accomplishment as president so far: winning the Nobel Peace Prize." --Jay Leno
"President Obama made a surprise visit to Iraq this week where he declared it is time for Iraqis to take responsibility for their country. Said Iraqis, 'You guys first.'" --Seth Meyers
"Big day in Detroit. You may have heard about this. The Obama Administration asked General Motors C.E.O. Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed, which is good news for Obama. You know, the last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months. And even then, he had to promise her a job as Secretary of State." --Jay Leno
"President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He's concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that's just in his administration." --Jay Leno
"Barack Obama is now the 44th President of the United States. Fascinating. As you know, we've never had an African-American president. We've had a Dutch-American president. We've had an Irish-American president. We've even had an incompetent-American president. But we've never had an African-American president." ?Jay Leno