Do you agree - Domestic help equals happiness ???

[r2i_Jan_2008]

So I started my r2i already....moving in the next 4 weeks. I saw first hand last week how hard it is to get domestic help in mumbai. Event after paying a lot. My cousin who moved from the US last year to Mumbai pretty much says "your happiness relies on your domestic help". If you have good help for house and kids, you can be happy and do things that u like. If you don't have reliable help then life is so much more tedious than in the US. In the US we have an option of vaccuming once a week, dusting once a week, using the diswasher, cooking lite etc etc. These are not options in india. You gotta dust twice a day in Mumbai and even then there will be dust. So now even though you are not working, you will be working harder to just maintain a decent house etc etc.

I am looking for feedback from folks who have r2ied already on this front. We all know how hard it is to get reliable help in india. What have other r2ier's done do that they are independant to some extent and not completely dependant on their maids / drivers / cooks etc ?

[r2i_Jan_2008]

hi guys,
I posted the original question - Does domestic help equate happiness ?

Now that I am back in india, I can positively say YES. This is the story in every house here in Mumbai. Every house has atleast 2 maids. Every other day someone is sick, taking leave and not even imforming u that they are not coming. They all have mobiles but never actually pick it up when they take a leave. Life is such that its hard to do everything yourself here like the US. You can't live without dusting, mopping, dishes etc. We can skip these in the US for couple of days.

I have a cook, a regular clenaer (for mopping, clothes dishes ), a driver and a nanny. I am willing to pay double the salary for a nanny. All she has to do is look after my son....no other house work. Still I am unable to find anyone. Everyone from agencies ask for > 4000 per month. Not a big deal for us but then they don't even show up.....or better yet they call next day and say that the want 5000. I spoke to 2 ladies and asked them to start the next day for 5000, both did not even show up.
Its annoying to say the least. Life comes to a grinding halt if these bai's don't show up. Don't know how everyone here manages.
I hate the reliance on these maids but don't know how to escape it in india. Trying to learn....and figure something.

just sharing my experiance. I can positively say that if you have money in the US with both spouses working, you can get much reliable help there. I have had a nanny/cook for the last 2 years and a cleaner than comes once a month . It was much easier to hire good people there.

[ilmindia]

I agree about all the points you made. These simple rules/guidelines apply for all non-professional workers in India.

I must say looking at some of the posts that a gloomy picture is being painted with regards to domestic help.

For someone just returning from abroad I would suggest a few tips regarding how to handle domestic help and it will help. For someone who lived abroad for some time would have done most chores himself / herself and hence having domestic help and handling them can be a new experience

1) Do not address them even in 2nd/3rd person as "Maid" or "Driver". For e.g. Instead of telling your spouse "Driver is on leave today" it is far better to say "Raju is on leave today". Even in the 1st person address it is better to say "Raju let us leave now" rather than "Driver let us leave now". This gives them an overall feeling of importance and being treated better and it is more of a psychological thing but it does help in the long run

2) Over a period of the domestic help people also understand your routine, your peak times, your free time and so on and they may bunk once in a while. Do give them some margin for error at least initially and also once they have formed a rapport and you are lucky to have them for 1-2 years instead of just 3-4 months. Do not always assume that they bunk deliberately and to put you into trouble and stress ... They are also human and need some time to attend to some chores during the day on a weekday just like you do, may be for paying electricity bill, telephone bill and so on.

3) Offer help to them particularly for important needs like their children's education, medical treatment for themselves and so on. Offer medical help and take them to hospital / doctor if the situation so demands. These gestures helps build a relationship with them for the longer run and they start feeling a sense of belonging and some friendliness.

4) Do not discuss your financial affairs openly in front of them. Do not even assume that they may not understand English, Hindi for they are smarter than what you think they are even though some of them may be illiterate.

5) If they ask for a loan for some purpose like Children's Education or Repairing their Hut after a thunderstorm, then do give them at least a part of the amount and if you are giving it as a loan do make it clear in a firm and polite manner that it will be deducted in X installments monthly. Do give some lee-way if they ask you not to deduct in a particular month [For e.g. Diwali Festival]

6) Treat them well particularly during times like Diwali Festival for instance when you can give them some New Clothes, Crackers. It is not an uncommon practice to give 1 Month's Salary as Bonus during Diwali / Christmas [depending on their religious back-ground]

7) If there is a Wedding in the House or some such grand occasion do remember to invite them and even go to the extent of giving them a Dhoti or Shirt or Saree as the case may be. It is not that you need to buy a Kancheepuram Silk Saree but the gesture would make an impression in their minds that they are being cared for.


The list can be larger but in general forming a rapport and friendship helps to a large extent instead of just forming an employer, employee relationship where you set the tone that you pay and they work for what you pay.

In general do not hesitate to spend a little more and even things like paying for their dinner/lunch when you have gone out on a visit and it has taken longer than expected and it is close to meal time In such situations they may hesitate spending on a Meal and would rather starve and wait until you get back home after which they have to go back home and get that all imporant meal.


Regards

Venkat