My story..Typical but yet Unique

[Nayaseed]

Been following this form since long time. Really appreciate this effort.

About Me
Working in USA since 1998
Current Status : Wife working, 2 kids.
Decided R2i in 2012 Mid

Mine was always a typical NRI dilemma, to R2i? or stay back?.
After I got my GC and bought a home I almost decided to stay in US forever. My thought process at that time was, why even bother to move to india and start life from scratch, why not stay where I got my life/identity/money/social status/confidence ?.. I thought maybe I was always in r2i dilemma because of the unpredictable/unsettling life during H1/EAD period?thought since I am in GC now why not taste the fruit of my labor, why destroy the career/goodwill/social circle that I developed all these years in US and r2i?

I never thought about r2i after that?spent a bindaas life since then. I am the only son to my parents, they visited us almost every summer. They are very accommodating and all they needed was some quality time with their grand children. Everything going smooth , no problems as such. Even I moved to a job which is safer but with lesser pay. Stopped even saving for long term purposes. Spent freely like any other American.

Now a bit on my wife, She and my mother have good tuning, I think I am very lucky on that front. They both have so much to talk. She waits for my parents visit to US more than me actually. Me and my wife always openly discussed on r2i in our H1 phase but totally stopped worrying about r2i since we got our GC, she was busy with her job/kids/ tons of friends.

Back to my story, 3+ years passed on GC and on one of my parents visits , casually even discussed on our future course, they tentatively even agreed on getting GC for themselves and living with us after I get my USC. MY mom though was not totally happy on that idea but she didn?t even resist firmly.
SO r2i was a shut case.

But I don?t exactly remember what triggered last year in me but this e2i germ again started bothering me, YEDHO VELITHI.started floating r2i idea with my wife. I told her about my r2i Regerm, and surprisingly even my wife opened up to me and said even she was getting those ideas .
I asked her one straight question , what is the strongest reason for her renewed r2i ideas.
Her reply was a 1 liner which shook me, made me think even more, sleepless nights..
Her reply was ? I don?t want to age older here in US, it scares me? ani

From that day onwards it was roller coaster brainstorming sessions?both of us debated?thot a lot?.can u believe our planning/dilemma discussions lasted for months?

More on those brain storming sessions ?net post?soon

[Hyd ki]

Good opening post. Curiously waiting for why you decided to R2I.

[poofygoogle]

Very well written.. A clear cut R2i case where its not about success or failure, its finally what you want.

However a friendly advice (based on prior interactions with R2I folks) is do set your expectations right. Its not going to be easy but once you set things up its really a good feeling to live back here. 4 years is nearing completion after I R2i'ed and though we have lovely memories of US of A, we know the pros and cons well enough by now! It sometimes irks me when people start comparing heat, traffic , electronics prices , crowd etc etc when you should have known by now that that is what India is.(Pls. note that nothing wrong with it!) You take it or leave it. Your choice. So many things are easily available now which was never there before. So it is improving but its not going to be US just because you and I moved here.

Good luck with your R2i and I hope it turns out well for your family.

[Nayaseed]

Specially we IT guys analyze a lot, sometimes we over-analyze.
May be its the nature of our work or might be the influence of American way of doing things. We plan a lot, we think too much before making any decision.
But will this kind of approach work for r2i? Planning means expecting a predictable result, is that possible in Indian scenario? Is that the reason most of r2i's turn back to r2a? not sure...just a thot that's it.

Anyways, back to my story........
2010 summer, Me & my wife both used to car pool to work. We used to get ample time to discuss anything and everything related to our r2i dilemma's/planning.
If our r2i turns out a success then i would credit those times when we both carpooled.
Anyways my wife's words “ I don’t want to age older here in US, it scares me” was haunting me daily.
Her reasoning was that, living away from relatives and family at this age is some what OK, but by the time we get old, most of our previous generation might have left this world for good ....and we don't even interact with them physically ...we just hear the bad news that's it....so even when they were alive they existed in our thoughts and after the death would remain in our thoughts...no difference.its scary.
What are we gaining here by staying away from them forever? With just few adjustments cant we live among our folks back in India and share good/bad whatever it is with them?
And also one other thing, aging here in US usually quite lonely affair, kids live separately from you, you are all alone by yourself, u cant even go back to India by that age because its tough to adjust to india at that age and also too late of a age to tune/catch up with folks in India.(I know we cant generalize this but my wife has seen few 60+ Indians here in US who fall under this category).

So even though her thoughts were intense and Little over the top, u cant deny that its a fact.
There is for sure some truth to it.

With this background we rolled our discussion further, we debated a lot/ we pictured many scenarios ...pros and cons for each.
Will this turn out as a emotional based impractical decision if u think back after taking the r2i plunge?
What the heck, yes r2i will always be a emotional decision u cant get away from that fact...we thought.

Will list out our scenarios and also pros and cons for each, in the next post (trying hard to make some time for this...real busy at work)
back soon.........

[XOXO]

Kids leaving seperately from parent is also happening in India these days atleast in Mumbai sometimes due to space constraints, sometimes dur to work etc.

For example. The aparmtnet complex I stay in, most of them are senior citizens with empty nest. Our own building has only 2 families out of 8 who are staying with their parents (we included). Rest of them have children working in other countries or states and who visit parents once in a while. I sometimes feel that I am staying in oldage home myself...lol. The only plus point is all these oldies have a very good social life. They do outings, parties, have vibrant book clubs and I don't see them missing their children much. Most of these oldies moved into the complex some 20-25 years ago, recently married and have given lot of their time in developing the social relationships which are helping them now.

[aras]

Good to read, but did not get any Unique part as yet. Is that still to come - waiting to read more.

[aras]

The aparmtnet complex I stay in, most of them are senior citizens with empty nest. ...... have given lot of their time in developing the social relationships which are helping them now.

Very true. I have seen that seen that is Goa, Belgaum as well.

Also for my parents now, who are sort of (because we are still close enough) empty nesters because of 2 daughters, bhajans and kirtans seem to enthrall them and keep them busy with periodic visits from grandkids of course.

For me I think, this is the time to build the relations or rather re-connect with cousins and friends I lost touch with to have a vibrant social circle later

[brokenarrow]

It was not clear if you are you a USC? Usually that puts an additional comfort in R2I plans.

[Nayaseed]

It was not clear if you are you a USC? Usually that puts an additional comfort in R2I plans.

Will be a USC by the end of this year.