personal donation and screeening

[cabo]

I didn't know how to title the thread- but here's the story. My husband comes from a really remote village in Andhra and has a lot of first's to his credit- the first one to be able to read and write in his family, ( all his siblings to this date, cannot) the first one to attend college from his village etc. His going to a professional college was so unusual that he was featured in the nearby towns newspaper for securing 52nd rank in EAMCET ( professional college entrance in Andhra) that year!! To this date, very few girls continue middle and high school, but the boys are doing much better.

Naturally, he is inclined to do his bit. He helped fund the village school etc. He also pays the three/four year undergrad college Tuition for a good number of kids every year and tries to be as discreet as possible. Despite this, he continues to receive large number of requests for funding. Because most of these kids come from the same or neighboring villages- he has a fair idea about their families financial situation or can make a phone call if he has any questions. To avoid any misuse, he sends the checks to the colleges directly, in the beginning of every academic year. Families mostly take care of the living expenses. Girls get preference and full funding, because the families are less inclined to spend on them.

The hope is that these kids will give back to their families and communities. Over the years, he has had several disappointments when he noticed that a good number of these kids with decent jobs hardly visited their families nor took care of their own siblings children. The girls almost always did better. They had a sense of gratitude, offered to pay back and took care of their families.

So, my husband now conducts, what he calls a personality test-He talks to them he says, looking for a little independence , a sharper edge to their character, a sense of responsibility - to themselves and their families. He funds guys who are more likely to give back , not necessarily the ones who need the money the most
.
Is it fair to have any expectations when you give? Is it not enough that the person has bettered himself and his childrens lives and is a productive citizen? Is it fair to lay down conditions in return? How can you enforce them? How do you screen when you make personal donation? Your experiences ?

[krivan1]

Very Interesting post. Mine was also a similar kind of story. During my rent trip to India, people have approached me to fund for the education of their kids. I always felt that donor should make sure that his/her funds are properly utilized. In a way donor should also be responsible if any ill effects arises due to mis utilization of funds. Yes, on my part, I did ensure to get the attendance certificates, mark sheets and paid fee to the school directly. I didn't go beyond that point and your point makes more sense.

If the recepient does not feel responsible and completely forgotten the donors and the earlier life, there is every reason for the genuine donor to get hurt. I really feel the problem lies with the parents but not the kids. At the tender age, they may not know the value of accepting donorship and paying back. It is the parents who understands everything should educate the kids to be grateful and should tell them to reciprocate in a similar manner. Parents has to take the blame. I have seen some cases of parents always showcasing the 'penury' in the front end and rich from the backyard. Unfortunately for the donor in the short visit, he/she would never comes to know of the manipulations. Extraction of higher dowry because of the higher education/employment, Building wealth on the backyard showing kid in bad light (only to the donor) are the parent sins. I would suggest that the personality test should be conducted on 'Parents' self esteem rather than young adults. It is they who drive the kids destiny.

I don't want to generalize. I feel the donation seeker should feel tremendously responsible for asking others to help. Honestly, I never saw the seriousness from any of them so far. I don't know what to say but let me tell you that, people have turned down my request for help in other countries but never in my country.

[teluguone]

Personally I would give money to the people who would again take care of more people because it is the best way to maximize the benefits received with fewer resources. I do not see any fault in looking at it in such a way. Infact I read about even Bill Gates saying in some interview when asked about how he chooses what to fund and what causes to take. He said usually he looks at each charitable cause by evaluating what kind of benefits can be provided for the same amount of money.

I didn't know how to title the thread- but here's the story. My husband comes from a really remote village in Andhra and has a lot of first's to his credit- the first one to be able to read and write in his family, ( all his siblings to this date, cannot) the first one to attend college from his village etc. His going to a professional college was so unusual that he was featured in the nearest town newspaper for securing 52nd rank in EAMCET ( professional college entrance in Andhra) that year!! To this date, very few girls continue middle and high school, but the boys are doing much better.

Naturally, he is inclined to do his bit. He helped fund the village school etc. He also pays the three/four year undergrad college Tuition for a good number of kids every year and tries to be as discreet as possible. Despite this, he continues to receive large number of requests for funding. Because most of these kids come from the same or neighboring villages- he has a fair idea about their families financial situation or can make a phone call if he has any questions. To avoid any misuse, he sends the checks to the colleges directly, in the beginning of every academic year. Families mostly take care of the living expenses. Girls get preference and full funding, because the families are less inclined to spend on them.

The hope was that these kids will give back to their families and communities. Over the years, he has had several disappointments when he noticed that a good number of these kids with decent jobs hardly visited their families nor took care of their own siblings children. The girls almost always did better. They had a sense of gratitude, offered to pay back and took care of their families.

So, my husband now conducts, what he calls a personality test- he funds guys who are more likely to give back, not necessarily the ones who need the money the most. Is it fair to have any expectations when you give? Is it not enough that the person has bettered himself and his childrens lives and is a productive citizen? Is it fair to lay down conditions in return? How can you enforce them? How do you screen when you make personal donation? Your experiences ?

[stup123]

Interesting thread!
There is a saying that one shouldnt do "apathra Daanam" - ineligible donations!

Having said that,let me go over my experiences from the other end of the spectrum and my 2 cents

IMHO,I wouldnt judge a person by looking at whether the benificiary also did help others.Thats not my business.If the donation/help is done to somebody,i guess its always based on their economic situation and the potential in education..of course because the power to give.I did help a couple of people with their education but I feel embarassed to even meet them up or check on the status and dole out advices,just because I helped them..they are not answerable to me.I helped them because I somehow had the power to do that and I am blessed to be able to do that

Thought of adding my personal experience.I did get help with my academic fee.We never approached the donor but he came fwd since he knows our financial situation at that time.I was going to Hyd for conselling at that time.The family where my Dad used to work as a house hold help came to know and asked my Dad to visit their son in Hyderabad when we are there.He had a DD ready with the fee in the name of the counsellor when we went there and we were happy about it.He never checked on my progress nor the family ever acted as if we owed them ever.
I visited their family once when I was in the native and their son was also at their home.He was very shy when we offered our gratitude and on the offer of paying back,he cut us out and suggested that if possible I can help some other person in need of education as our area is not short of poor people...He even went on to give details of a person whom they are helping through medical college.Well that girl happens to be sister of my school class mater and my sister's classmater and I knew her on first name basis

[cabo]

Interesting POV stup 123 - To not attract too much attention to himself or his large family still in the village- most of these donations were/are anonymous and not direct requests. They are referrals from teachers , friends or village elders. They testified to the dire needs of the students. It is interesting that the girls mostly made an effort to find out who their benefactor was or sent a note through their teachers. It maybe because females are emotional beings, I don't know. But, as the beneficiaries have been increasing in number and the requests are mounting - and since one can only entertain a certain of requests - should there be a process in place ? Again, what should be the criteria ? and Is it fair to have expectations in return?
How does this change if you have contributions from your siblings or friends as well?

[M V]

... To avoid any misuse, he sends the checks to the colleges directly, in the beginning of every academic year. Families mostly take care of the living expenses. Girls get preference and full funding, because the families are less inclined to spend on them. [/quote]
Cabo, the intent of trying to make sure that more beneficiaries give back to society or family is noble, but hard to implement with a high chance of success. I think the happiness and satisfaction that comes from having been responsible for someone's education should suffice. Girls getting preference is good as the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Sending check to the colleges directly is the max that can be feasibly done.

Even if a personality test is conducted as outlined in your post, there are no guarantees. Only their current personality, nature and needs can be reasonably gauged from any such test.

I've helped girls for their education, but never thought about are they giving back or not. Just the confidence it brings in them and often that they delay having babies and do not have too many is enough return I think.

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Added later: Just so the above does not get misconstrued... I am not suggesting that having expectations that the beneficiaries will give back to society & family is wrong in any way; it is just not realistic or implementable. 'Is it fair to have any expectations when you give'. It is quite fair and somewhat similar to how one investigates an organization before donating to it. But expectation is the root of all heartache, so better to not have any! It is the nature of such contribution that one is not always sure the end product will turn out to be what one hopes for.

Such funding of education can be viewed like the Indian govt's funding of IIT education. Some funding will pay back as intended and hoped for, some not!

[rabtag]

So, my husband now conducts, what he calls a personality test-He talks to them he says, looking for a little independence , a sharper edge to their character, a sense of responsibility - to themselves and their families. He funds guys who are more likely to give back , not necessarily the ones who need the money the most
.
Is it fair to have any expectations when you give? Is it not enough that the person has bettered himself and his childrens lives and is a productive citizen? Is it fair to lay down conditions in return? How can you enforce them? How do you screen when you make personal donation? Your experiences ?

Cabo,

Thank you for sharing. I don't know what one can do more than what your husband is already doing. All we can hope is that those who benefitted from your charity will pay it forward, not all of them may do it, but hopefully enough or at least some of them will. And hopefully all of them will do it at some point or other.

More power to you and your husband and in my opinion there is nothing wrong or unfair in expecting that those we help will help others. You are planting seeds and hoping that some day they will grow and benefit many with its shade and fruit, not all of them may grow but hopefully many of them will.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Koeli]

I do not know if my little experience would count here but this is what had happened with me.

When I was in the 5th grade, to instill a sense of savings, my parents enrolled me into something called as 'Post Office Savings Scheme' [I think that was the name]. This was managed by our school and was authentic. I was asked to contribute an amount of 25 Rs per month and was told that by the time I reached the 10th grade, I will get 2000 Rs. I was excited by the idea. My benchmate belonged to an economically backward class and could not afford decent clothes and food. I went home and asked my mom to contribute 25 Rs on her name too. So for 5 years I paid 50 Rs for both of us. In the 10 th grade, when we got 2000 Rs, I saved it for my college expenses. While I learnt that from whatever she got, her father spent it on alcohol.

So coming back to your question

[QUOTE]1. Is it fair to have any expectations when you give?

I was upset that the money we saved for her, was squandered away but it taught me an important lesson. Expectations lead to disappointments. One can do things with the intention that what they invested in, reaps benefits, but it can never be guaranteed.


[QUOTE]Is it not enough that the person has bettered himself and his childrens lives and is a productive citizen?
Ideally, I would want to see the person leading a productive life. But it depends on how much of passion the person has to make himself better. We could provide means to help them realize their dreams, but it is entirely dependent on the recipient as to how much of realization he/she has.

[QUOTE]Is it fair to lay down conditions in return? How can you enforce them? How do you screen when you make personal donation? Your experiences ?
Since your husband is investing so much in a noble cause, it is only fair to lay down the conditions. But I wonder what conditions you could list? You could only expect that atleast 1 out of 5 (example) would turn out to be a star. Even that would be worth much more, since he/she would always have the gratitude for your husband no matter.

There is a saying in hindi " Neki kar dariya mein daal"
which means, "If you are expecting some favours in return of the good deed you have done, your deed ceases to be a deed then, it's business then"