Should I or not ? Planning to R2I in 4 years ...

[gatanesakharam]

Hmm. I am member of this forum for quite some time. I never thought I will land up in same dilemma ever. Till now I was pretty clear in mind that I will go back after 5 years but as I am now putting thoughts on how to start planning of packing, shipping and settling down in India, I am questing my own decision. Should I go back in just 4 years?

Background
----------

Came to US on H1B in late 2006. Have 10+ years of experience so far. Both of us working in high tech industry. earning nice salary and doing saving as much as possible but living comfortably at the same time.
Blessed with 2 kids (first 3 yr and another 3 month old)
Bought a single family home back in India and have 2 flats in India.
moderate saving (~ 150k) in stocks, 401k, cash in hand etc.
Both of us can get good job back in India. Already got couple of offers.

My kids school in India will start in June 2011 so I have to move back before that if I decide to move back.

Reason I came to this country,
I came purely for money. Saved lot, pay off my loan of existing flats also bought SFH worth 1.5cr. Have moderate financial stability.

Things I have not done here but wish to do,
- GC (Insurance to come back? Although citizenship is distant dream, is GC really intermediate solution?)
- MBA (may be in entrepreneurship)
- Visit more places - very few national parks, canada, mexico, hawaii etc
- Network more in bay area in startup world to start my company in future

Reason to go back,
- Mother (70 age) staying alone and suffering from minor illness. wanted to stay close to her grandchildren. Currently she is staying with my sister who stays near by.
- Kids schooling
- Typical daycare issues in US, kids getting sick, now with two it will be double up. Also not much saving if both of us are working and both kids going to daycare.
- Getting opportunity to start India operation for a company so I think it will be career growth for me. Currently I am Individual contributor/architect.

Dilemma
------
- Is it too early to return? Just 4 years. With 2 kids coming back here will be next to impossible
- Since no GC, no way to come back? (Can I do another H1B in one year? Is it true? How easy it is?)
- Guilt that I am doing injustice to my spouse. My wife says she is going to suffer in all of this. She has nice friend circle here, obviously away from MIL so comfortable here, has good job here so financially independent. She was the one who pushed and got me here as it was her dream to come to US. I partially agree with her that she is the one who need to make most of the adjustments. Even if we go back she can work but even if we get good domestic help, she has to do logistics and make sure everything is fine. Also kids do get sick in India too. (may be more than what they do here?!?)
- Raising Kids (More I think which country is better, more I get confused. Please help. May be till they are 6 here in US and later in India?)
- Career Growth opportunities (in US I know they are minimal but in terms of pure cash, its much better here with 9-5 job earning 120k+ Vs 20-22L in India with lots of headache, putting 10 hours etc.)
- After going through complete process of buying a bunglow and maintaining it for a year now and at the same time looking at my friends who are owning single family home here, I feel we can enjoy facilities available in single family home here better than what we get in India.

Guys, please help me. My brain is making decision to move back and started taking action accordingly but heart still think to spend time here for another 2-3 years till my elder son turns 6, I do my MBA and spend some more time here to visit places.

Thanks

[Sid]

I wish I was in your shoes. If I were, the decision to R2I would have been a no brainer for me. If you really want insurance for return, then join the India operations of an american company. If after 2-3 years, you do want to R2A, then do it on the L1 visa, and get green card with lightning speed. But, I don't think you will R2A. You will probably find that there can be success and satisfaction near home.

Also, it is much cheaper to start a company in India. If you are thinking of something on the web, then you can get programmers and webdevs for amazingly cheap hourly rates.

About travel, though infrastructure in India is not great, but if you start to travel, then there is incredible beauty. You just have to go out of the hustle and bustle of the big cities.

[gatanesakharam]

Thanks sid_earth for encouraging words!

On my visa front, I came here on L1B, did my H1B, filed GC, got it audited and now my PERM is denied because of mistake done in my job duties by previous manager and I have appealed it. So no strightforward case, Do you think in such situation can I apply for L1A after 1 year?
Do I need to wait for one year to file for L1A? I know I can get GC much faster if I have L1A.

L1A may be possible as the offer I have got is Director of Eng / head of India operation leading team of 20 folks.

Thanks again!

[Sid]

Do you think in such situation can I apply for L1A after 1 year?

GNK (I hope you don't mind me shortening your handle! Your full handle is rather difficult to write), I'm not an expert on immigration issues. But I think if a fresh new application is made in a new category, I don't think it should be a problem. Of course, I'm not a lawyer, and myself stuck in such issues right now. You should post your question in one of the more popular immigration forums and websites.

[gatanesakharam]

Sure. I liked short name GNK :)
I will post my immigration related question in some other forum.

I still look forward for some expert advise on other points I have mentioned from you and other gurus.

Thanks

[cmk786]

If you are R2I for the reason that your quest for the motherland is forcing you. Than you are doing the right thing to R2I. On contrary if you are comparing the living standards, opportunities to grow for you and your family including your kids. Than you are trying to compare apples and oranges by comparing US and India for that matter. I agree lately India is on the move but India is India and America is America. Therefore if you are in dilemma whether to R2I or not than I would not go. But if you have decided no matter what I want to R2I. Than your R2I will be a success otherwise take my word you will soon regrett on your decision in a few years of R2Iing. And than it will not be that easy to RTA(return to America). If I have a good stable job in US and my family likes to stay in US and especially if my wife likes it here than certainly I will not go. Because I am 100% +ve my R2I plans will fail when my wife is not happy in the first plcae to R2I. Sit down and try to think rationally and discuss with your wife pros and cons of continue staying in US against R2Iing. Compare every minute details. I bet you see more + points in staying in US than R2I. Because when you decide to R2I than you have to just go with all the +ve thinkings and with 100% support from your wife. Than only you will be happy and have good cusion to fight it out in India all the -ve influences you definetly come across in Inda over day to day activities. Otherwise stay put and continue your life in US. It is just my 2 cents. I hope I did not made you more confused than you are already in.

[gatanesakharam]

Hmm. Thanks for your comment cmk786. You have a valid point.
The problem is my wife does not want to make decision either side. She said ultimately whatever decision you make, I will accept it which makes my life more difficult.
(so she is not firm that she wants to stay in US but definitely she sees issues in India)

I do see some positive points for staying in US as well as in India but thats why the dilemma is :( If I go back, I cant come back easily, if I stay atleast I can go back to India after 1-2 years.

[Old-Spice2]

Hmm. Thanks for your comment cmk786. You have a valid point.
The problem is my wife does not want to make decision either side. She said ultimately whatever decision you make, I will accept it which makes my life more difficult.
(so she is not firm that she wants to stay in US but definitely she sees issues in India)

I do see some positive points for staying in US as well as in India but thats why the dilemma is :( If I go back, I cant come back easily, if I stay atleast I can go back to India after 1-2 years.

There is no one formula for making the decision. But in general, if you do not r2i by certain age of your kids, then you will LIA forever. OK, you can spend 6 months in US and 6 in India after retirement, but decide if you want to live like that. The decision is little bit easier if you can decide where you want to live after retirement and work backwards from there.

The dilemma is because as first generation immigrants, we are tied to both the countries and it is difficult to snap the ties to one of them.

[okonomi]

There is no one formula for making the decision. ........
.

Go with what the dear wife says... That is ONE formula for peace and happiness.
OR.... Live where you can buy onions. I heard the latter on a television interview from India.

[srinpo]

Hmm. Thanks for your comment cmk786. You have a valid point.
The problem is my wife does not want to make decision either side. She said ultimately whatever decision you make, I will accept it which makes my life more difficult.
(so she is not firm that she wants to stay in US but definitely she sees issues in India)

I do see some positive points for staying in US as well as in India but thats why the dilemma is :( If I go back, I cant come back easily, if I stay atleast I can go back to India after 1-2 years.

Doesnt this look familiar ? Is there anyone it doesnt happen ? Something looks obvious and still happens over & over & over again & again. I know some friends/relatives still here in India, getting oppurtunities to go to US, first as temp assignment and then more longer stay, saying all the same things, that they are sure to come back, in 2-3-4 yrs, taking their wife, who is so sure that culturally want to be in India and she is the only one in the world who is so affectinate to her parents, etc. and what others are doing (ie. after few years not returning) are because they are not like that etc. etc. and after 3/4 yrs suddenly MIL's etc. are problem.
For real case, (meaning non anonymously) I wont dare advice as I would be a hypocrite either way (advicing go to US or NOT go to US). Being a anonymous forum, I'll dare & say, if one is sincere in their wish to return & LII and take care of their parent atleast be near them and attempt to be near their bed on their last breadth (not neccessary to live with them), then the right soln is finish US stay before marriage. It isnt possible to enjoy everything youngful in US, and after 5 yrs say relocate & start off from where you left in India, just because you had one jolly good time in India at that time.
Sometimes in real conversation, on some occasions people quote me that I returned, and I cant be answering them point blank to them. But for me, lots of just lame pure luck is also involved. Wife had enough passion to live in India, just that she wont say yes, I weighed the pros & cons, and I know there are lot of advantages of being in US, but I'll choose LII and do work hard to work around the issues I have being in India. In other words, in my typical friends circle, she was the most pro India living, had she been like most others tough for me to make the decision. But not enough pro India living for comfort zone. Thats not like me , (to borrow from Bush's spech), either you are for or against R2I. I was like this, once I tilted in favour of R2I, I stuck to my guns, and had lots of lucky things, like good job, company transfer, enough assets, not grown too high nor too low (this is also important), not too high accomplished guy, neither lo mundane job say. Kids not tool old (<= 5,being young were very happy to come to India), and neither I had the excuse of saying one more kid, one more year to get past the intial travel/health issues etc. etc.
But basically there is nothing one can do about getting all these. No 2 opinions in saying that longer you stay in US, tougher it gets, more the kids age, gets exponentially difficult, more the wife stays in US tougher for her to adjust back life in India. If there are few things you could solve by staying little longer (say max 2 yrs) (like USC, little more 'reasonable' money , finish few more travel places etc.) fine and let it be. But if it is a general thought that in few more years I hope I get somethings better, it is just a self decieving. You have (in terms of factors to return like money, age of kids, citizenship, job status etc.) what you have , and thats all you can do & make the hard decision. Perfectly fine decision if you choose LIA, and many people do that and I am yet to hear openly from any single person they regret LIA in real full sense (I heard many partial not so sincere regrets).
Parents will get old and older and no stopping it. In fact at some point, even 6 months you can see the oldness drastically increasing. The walk will slowly limp (noticable every 6 months itself), hearing/eye sight issues, hand/back pain etc.