US Citizen family 8 years in the USA, specialized techno management consultant, enjoy work in the US due to money ($250K+ per year) , respect, creativity etc, no compelling reason to r2i. do not want to switch career, won't earn this much for this kind of job in India. Can not work from india on current job.
Spouse want to return asap due to career reason (ayurved) and easily available domestic help. Family visits india every summer. kids in US high school.
Deadlock situation since one spouse want to live in the usa and another want to return to india.
What are the options? keep family in india and shuttle? any tips to convince spouse for Living in the usa? Anyone had a similar situation?
Dilemma: a deadlock situation
Dilemma: a deadlock situation
Reduce the matter at hand to what exactly does she want.
Domestic Help ? ….get it here in USA. Yes its costly but so what ?
Ayurved practice ?...alternative medicine practice opportunities are available in USA more and more ( I am in health-care field )
While discussing above two issues keep reminding her of the larger realities ...namely..R2I will make 1. family poor (comparatively) and 2. Children mal-adjust.
I would also keep reminding her that after 1. kids are off to college and 2.family has enough corpus to retire…..India can be a really good option.
Use the word "family" instead of "you" or "I", it will make everything more congenial.
Domestic Help ? ….get it here in USA. Yes its costly but so what ?
Ayurved practice ?...alternative medicine practice opportunities are available in USA more and more ( I am in health-care field )
While discussing above two issues keep reminding her of the larger realities ...namely..R2I will make 1. family poor (comparatively) and 2. Children mal-adjust.
I would also keep reminding her that after 1. kids are off to college and 2.family has enough corpus to retire…..India can be a really good option.
Use the word "family" instead of "you" or "I", it will make everything more congenial.
techguru;411790US Citizen family 8 years in the USA, specialized techno management consultant, enjoy work in the US due to money ($250K+ per year) , respect, creativity etc, no compelling reason to r2i. do not want to switch career, won't earn this much for this kind of job in India. Can not work from india on current job.
Spouse want to return asap due to career reason (ayurved) and easily available domestic help. Family visits india every summer. kids in US high school.
Deadlock situation since one spouse want to live in the usa and another want to return to india.
What are the options? keep family in india and shuttle? any tips to convince spouse for Living in the usa? Anyone had a similar situation?
Dilemma: a deadlock situation
For every convincing tip to stay put in USA there can/will be an equivalent/powerful tip to pack to India.
If I were you, I will
- talk to the family members and understand their compelling needs
- propose a plan of how that can be achieved by staying in USA, clearing stating your bias towards USA.
Also
- I will request a similar plan from my spouse for relocating to India.
- Will listen and make objective judgements based on the facts presented.
Once the family decides on compromises to make then the decision is automatically chosen.
Money, domestic help needs, career, Yankees games etc. will all sound minuscule compared to the strong will and desire to make it work, which ever place you choose.
There are always flexibilities and compromises that could be made so the entire family is happy with the decision.
As a techno management consultant you already know conflicts provide ways to solve problems, improve relationships and to open up better opportunities.
Best wishes.
If I were you, I will
- talk to the family members and understand their compelling needs
- propose a plan of how that can be achieved by staying in USA, clearing stating your bias towards USA.
Also
- I will request a similar plan from my spouse for relocating to India.
- Will listen and make objective judgements based on the facts presented.
Once the family decides on compromises to make then the decision is automatically chosen.
Money, domestic help needs, career, Yankees games etc. will all sound minuscule compared to the strong will and desire to make it work, which ever place you choose.
There are always flexibilities and compromises that could be made so the entire family is happy with the decision.
As a techno management consultant you already know conflicts provide ways to solve problems, improve relationships and to open up better opportunities.
Best wishes.
Dilemma: a deadlock situation
techguru;411790US Citizen family 8 years in the USA, specialized techno management consultant, enjoy work in the US due to money ($250K+ per year) , respect, creativity etc, no compelling reason to r2i. do not want to switch career, won't earn this much for this kind of job in India. Can not work from india on current job.
Spouse want to return asap due to career reason (ayurved) and easily available domestic help. Family visits india every summer. kids in US high school.
Deadlock situation since one spouse want to live in the usa and another want to return to india.
What are the options? keep family in india and shuttle? any tips to convince spouse for Living in the usa? Anyone had a similar situation?
Usually it is other way. Spouse do not want to go back to India.
If you are in business... there is no limit on amount of money you can make in India. Risk is establishing a business in India.
Since you are happy and settled here I would suggest you to convince your spouse to stay back..
Dilemma: a deadlock situation
vsri;411852
Usually it is other way. One Spouse do not want to go back to India.
Huh? Isn't it the same here? One in the couple wants to go back and the other doesn't want to go back.
vsri;411852
If you are in business... there is no limit on amount of money you can make in India. Risk is establishing a business in India.
Most legitimate businesses that I personally know in India don't make more than 30% net income. Even most builders (supposedly a con-man's best business to churn lots of black money) don't make more than 30% Net Income. This is quite comparable to many businesses in the US too.
vsri;411852
Since you are happy and settled here I would suggest you to convince your spouse to stay back..
Just like how going to Amrika is an investment in your future (financial gains), R2I is also an investment into your future (Emotional/Cultural/Family gains). R2I is not to attain immediate higher-level material happiness but to attain longer-term higher-level emotional/cultural happiness. But just like every investment, returns are never guaranteed.
VSri, this post is not to pick on your comment. You just gave a nice window to put down my own response to the OP.
Dilemma: a deadlock situation
We tried domestic help here, its not as good as in india. they only clean some areas of house (bathroom tops and floors, kitchen tops etc) and vaccum carpets, they do not touch personal stuff, they asked us to remove everything lying on the floor before they vaccum it. So we spent more time cleaning/clearing areas ourselves before they start their work. also no help in two times indian cooking at home.
Kids prefer to stay, but wife want to go.
what exactly does she want - career ONLY in her field and that too ONLY in india. cleaning and cooking help are other added benefits for her. She seldomly cook, mostly I cook or we order from outside.
I am unable to resolve the conflict, hence trying to get tips, suggestions from others who faced similar situation.
Kids prefer to stay, but wife want to go.
what exactly does she want - career ONLY in her field and that too ONLY in india. cleaning and cooking help are other added benefits for her. She seldomly cook, mostly I cook or we order from outside.
I am unable to resolve the conflict, hence trying to get tips, suggestions from others who faced similar situation.
Dilemma: a deadlock situation
Fully describing/defining the problem is supposed to have a solution fall out of the complete story.
We have had posts here of one parent living away from another parent+children household. There was even a past discussion of both parents being temporarily away from child(ren) in care of other relatives in India. As a temporary measure, individuals and families had gone with whatever suits them. Perhaps temporary absence of someone dear had re-valued priorities and created new scenarios where different options for actions became more viable than before.
"Doing something in a hurry and regretting it in leisure" is also a strategy that is not unheard of. However, we do not often hear about those in this forum.
Tech-Management Consultant and "unable to resolve the conflict" do not seem to jive well. I am sure you had objectively thought of all scenarios, and their pros/cons. Good Luck in your decision.
We have had posts here of one parent living away from another parent+children household. There was even a past discussion of both parents being temporarily away from child(ren) in care of other relatives in India. As a temporary measure, individuals and families had gone with whatever suits them. Perhaps temporary absence of someone dear had re-valued priorities and created new scenarios where different options for actions became more viable than before.
"Doing something in a hurry and regretting it in leisure" is also a strategy that is not unheard of. However, we do not often hear about those in this forum.
Tech-Management Consultant and "unable to resolve the conflict" do not seem to jive well. I am sure you had objectively thought of all scenarios, and their pros/cons. Good Luck in your decision.
Dilemma: a deadlock situation
Thanks for all responses, expecting more. I guess since this is r2iclub, most members here are biased towards return to India. Is there a forum for immigrant indians interested in settling down in the USA (never return back or return during old age)?
My role at work does not involve people management. I manage technical infrastructure, no emotions are involved, all options are weighed rationally. Tough at home, specially when the other half (aka wife) is involved.
My role at work does not involve people management. I manage technical infrastructure, no emotions are involved, all options are weighed rationally. Tough at home, specially when the other half (aka wife) is involved.
Dilemma: a deadlock situation
already written .
Dilemma: a deadlock situation
techguru;411879Thanks for all responses, expecting more. I guess since this is r2iclub, most members here are biased towards return to India. Is there a forum for immigrant indians interested in settling down in the USA (never return back or return during old age)?
That is a wrong guess. Many (Goodly number) of the active posters here seem to be for "not returning to India". You would find equal number of posts on life in India or the Bay area. And what is more, those that had returned are so overwhelmingly involved in the adjustment process, we do not often hear from them for quite some time. Even then, the level of engagement drops a lot.
techguru;411879My role at work does not involve people management. I manage technical infrastructure, no emotions are involved, all options are weighed rationally. Tough at home, specially when the other half (aka wife) is involved.
First make a rational technical (pro forma, on the paper, what if kind of) decision. Then apply emotional corrections from all the feedback from other members of the family (spouse, kids, etc..). And see how the cost-benefits shake out. Then advise the client. Do it nicely; use whatever means that had worked before, you know, in emotional circumstances.