Completing Circle - back to family in India - in a hope that we have not changed

[london2india]

Hi All,

What a fantastic forum, loved it, read lot of it. I think my decision to R2I would have been much easier if I would have read some of it earlier, I only came to know about this after I made a decision. I want to share my story and will try to provide an update with time.

My background - Small town boy, middle class family, studied hard and managed to get into one of top 10 Engineering colleges and passed out in 1999. At that time everybody was going to America for higher studies and it was standard workflow of an engineer, complete degree and move to US for MS/MBA and that?s it. I thought I will work for 2 years and will then go for MS (will save some money and will get some experience). Unfortunately in 2001 there was dot com bust and I was preparing for GRE at that time, again dilemma if I should go or not, contacted some of my friends in US, all advised me not to come to US, one even said - "America ha ya africa hai, 1 naukri or 500 lene waale!" (Is this America or Africa? one job and 500 candidates :)!), so I dumped my plan to go abroad.

What to do now?, I continued in job, spent few more years and became team lead (felt really good but realized for extra Rs 50k a year, there is lot of work to do...), Parents were putting pressure for marriage, but I wanted to do go abroad. They said, get married and then go to USA...so I got married in 2004...

I always wanted to do something but didn?t know what to do? I thought its better for me to go for MBA now as I have 4-5 years of work ex, so I started preparing for GMAT, better I cut it short...at same time UK started HSMP scheme and I managed to get visa...GMAT plan again dumped and came to UK....London Heathrow Airport, still remember 19th Jan, 2006...without job, landed in England....

I felt ? so what if I didn?t go to America, Britain is not bad either. My manager tried his best to stop me by saying Brits are high nose people, and I will not be able to adjust etc etc

Friends suggested, don?t try for team lead role, try for normal team member role, so I followed their advice and managed to get a decent job...Life was cool, started saving money as that was the main aim, started investing all savings in Indian real estate as plan was to go back to motherland.

3 years gone and I started loving UK, so thought let?s take PR, got PR after 4 years and UK was lovely especially summers. Life was great, blessed with 2 kids in between...now what, whether to take British Citizenship or not...somehow convinced myself, it doesn?t mean I will not be an Indian, it is just a travel document, so applied for naturalization and got Citizenship as well.

In last 5 years in UK, I never thought I will settle here, I knew I will go back at some point because I do not belong to this country, I am just an economic migrant and wanted to earn quick money to buy own house in India??

Now applying for British passport, and then OCI etc etc, One fine morning, I was filling application forms for British passport , kids were sleeping and my wife was making tea...I was thinking...what next? And answer was "nothing", so I thought I have no reason to stay in UK? or it means I am settled here and I don?t need a reason to stay in UK because I am happy here, big dilemma, lots of confusion.

Suddenly life became hell, as I did not know why am I creating this confusion for myself and my family? Then n=n+1 syndrome started, We will go back next year but I thought it?s not good to delay this, my wife said, you will have to deal with same problems or even more if you decide to go back next year or any year in future, if we have to go back we should decide now...she said she wants to live in her own house rather than a rented place (own house means she wants to buy all furniture, interiors etc of her choice, I think quite normal demand), I asked her if she wants to live here forever, she immediately said ?NO? and my answer was ?NO? as well, so I asked her ? when do we go back then ? ?she said, you decide?, I think she was happy with status quo and thought of moving back means lot of preparations especially for our kids?

I started asking my friends, most of them said, I am just feeling homesick so should go on holiday and that?s it, many said India is one of worst country in this world and so on, most of them discouraged me, one said why do you want to leave this quality life in UK? Even career wise it was looking stupid to take this decision, am working as Manager in a very reputed company, managing big team? Many said, even if you go, you will come back in 3 months time, some said 1 year...and so on, It hit me so hard that I was stressed?.

So more confusion, so I called my parents and asked them what shall I do? Obviously they know me very well and they realized I am getting confused but I think it was really big decision so it was natural to get confused, normal discussion as why do I want to come back, I said...kids will otherwise live in UK for ever if I don?t come back now, and that thought sent lot of negative energy in my body and I felt what if after 5 years, I plan to go back and kids say NO?

They are just 5 and 1 year old so at the moment, it?s in my hands...but not for long?Situation was if I speak to my parents, I used to feel I am taking right decision but otherwise not?.

I was thinking of many extreme scenarios ? like kids will not be able to communicate with my parents and I will be last in my generation chain to have any connection with India? Connection means a lot here ? family values, relations and just being Indian?you all know what I mean

My parents were always confident that their son will come back but they didn?t realize I am changing, They felt that if they do not support my decision then I may just never come back so they said ? we are small family and better we should all live together?some emotional chat?

It was time to take decision - and decision was I would rather try R2I and fail instead of not trying it at all, Every 1st generation Indian in this world wants to go back but some don?t have enough courage to do it and some think about it when it?s too late...and some still convert their ££s and $$s to Rs and think they are making lot of money so financially it doesn?t make any sense to go back?

Decision was taken, that I will go back and started thinking as how to execute it...will post more....as I make progress....

Hope I have taken right decision?.

I will keep you all posted with time....

[MrLong]

It was time to take decision - and decision was I would rather try R2I and fail instead of not trying it at all, Every 1st generation Indian in this world wants to go back but some don’t have enough courage to do it and some think about it when it’s too late... ...

Well Said. All the best on your plans.

[MumbaiKaDon]

Good luck and best wishes on your R2I

[sansar11]

very well said, good luck on your decision. We have returned around 6 weeks back after living abroad for 15 years. And I totally support your thinking that better to fail trying to r2i rather than not try it at all. Anyone who has a deep desire to r2i should try, its worth, rather than regretting later. Hope things go according to your plans.

[tigerinhunt]

very well said, good luck on your decision. We have returned around 6 weeks back after living abroad for 15 years. And I totally support your thinking that better to fail trying to r2i rather than not try it at all. Anyone who has a deep desire to r2i should try, its worth, rather than regretting later. Hope things go according to your plans.

You said it all...

and to the OP, good luck and hope everything turns out great for you!!

[bhavan]

Good Luck :thup: and please keep us posted.

Almost in the same boat except that am in US with H1B.

[london2india]

So when are you planning to R2I bhavan?

[london2india]

Its me again, with a simple question to all those who are much ahead of me in their R2I plans, I this normal to get confused even after taking decision of R2I'ing, I keep getting such thoughts in my mind, if this is right thing to do, if this is right time to do so, may be I should have waited for another 1-2 years etc etc?

I am in much advanced stage now, serving notice to my current employer, have a job in hand but negotiating joining date as I want to take descent break before joining new employer.

At the same time, there are chances that my current employer might offer me to work for them remotely from India, I am also evaluating if that would be a better deal?

I know it looks very stupid to talk about having 2nd thoughts instead of focussing on R2I plan, I will really appreciate if you guys can help me with this...by sharing your experiences or letting me know what I can do to stay focussed...

[rajradio]

its normal to be totally confused. Just relax and dont stress. Think calmly and go through this forum threads in detail. almost every situation ( some even hyopthetical) has been discussed 'ad nauseum'.

Rk

[Sarkar07]

Its me again, with a simple question to all those who are much ahead of me in their R2I plans, I this normal to get confused even after taking decision of R2I'ing, I keep getting such thoughts in my mind, if this is right thing to do, if this is right time to do so, may be I should have waited for another 1-2 years etc etc?

I am in much advanced stage now, serving notice to my current employer, have a job in hand but negotiating joining date as I want to take descent break before joining new employer.

At the same time, there are chances that my current employer might offer me to work for them remotely from India, I am also evaluating if that would be a better deal?

I know it looks very stupid to talk about having 2nd thoughts instead of focussing on R2I plan, I will really appreciate if you guys can help me with this...by sharing your experiences or letting me know what I can do to stay focussed...

I agree with Raj. Though I am not at your stage yet, I can understand how tough it must be. Its not an easy decision to make not execute. Just hang in there and execute your plan.