R2I for new parents

namaste · Post by **namaste** » Thu Dec 23, 2010 4:22 am

Hello friends,

First would like to thank this forum for the amazing amount of information as well as motivation it provides for an R2I. I have been a long time lurker here since R2I was always on the cards for us, but seemed to be at a distance. However, due to recent changes in personal life, it appears that the R2I station has come earlier (by some 4-5 years).
To give a bit of background, me and my wife are both working in IT/software development field and are in late 20s (well just about 30). We were blessed with a baby earlier this year, and it was one of the best things to have happened to us. But it was also a really tough situation to go through with the pre-and post-partum depression that my wife had to suffer (I am sure lot of parents and especially moms will understand this). We got lot of support from family from India (on both sides of family) to take us through this troubled time. During this period, we both felt that moving to India where a much wider family support system is available will be of immense help.

Now that we have sort of made up our mind to move, there are still a few doubts in mind, since this is perhaps a bit sooner than we had expected. While there is no good answer and it?s always about addressing your priorities and weighing the pros-and-cons, I would still like to get some help from this forum about what we can expect to R2I with a 6-month old baby.

Both me and my wife expect to work full-time after doing an R2I. The move will hopefully be easier since both of us will be having a job in our current company?s India operations in Hyderabad. We are originally not from Hyderabad, and have never worked professionally in India. I expect R2I in itself to be bit stressful, and apart from adjusting with the new way of life, we are worried about our 6-month old?s care. Hopefully there are good day cares (like Kindercare, Bright Horizons) in Hyderabad.

I will admit that in my mind, I am actually looking for some reassurances about our decision, and whether it is a right one in our life at this juncture.

Thanks.

saro · Post by **saro** » Thu Dec 23, 2010 11:44 am

Not sure what you would be gaining by R2I ... if you both are going to be

1) away from your parents/home in India
2) continue working in India
3) put your kid in a day care

There is going to be no difference between the environment you currently have in US vs. what you would be getting in India. Additionally, you may be getting some household help, in India. Thats so all. However, if you are going to be living with your parents/inlaws in India, then the dynamics will completely change. You'll get extra-ordinary support, then.

Is there a possibility for you to bring your in-laws or parents to US, for a short time (say, till the kid becomes 1 year or so. I'm sure you would've already explored that). If taking care of the kid is the only issue, I would recommend you to think twice before making the R2I decision.

finallybkhme123 · Post by **finallybkhme123** » Thu Dec 23, 2010 12:45 pm

Unless you are forced to R2i due to visa issues I would not recommend it. Staying outside of home city and both working will be much more hassle than in US. You are better off in the US until your kid becomes 4-5 years. If house maid is an option you are looking at be wary that you will be lucky if you get a good one. If you end up in your home town where the inlaws or parents will help then it is Ok. If not just stay put there for another 4-5 years, the life and money is good.

back2desh · Post by **back2desh** » Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:48 pm

Can your wife take some time off from work, stay at home, spend good time with the kid for couple of months and then later go back to work by the time your kid would be ready to go to Day Care. I agree with Finallybkhme, staying outside of home city and both of you working in India will be bit tougher than in US.

finallybkhme123;357514Unless you are forced to R2i due to visa issues I would not recommend it. Staying outside of home city and both working will be much more hassle than in US. You are better off in the US until your kid becomes 4-5 years. If house maid is an option you are looking at be wary that you will be lucky if you get a good one. If you end up in your home town where the inlaws or parents will help then it is Ok. If not just stay put there for another 4-5 years, the life and money is good.

Plan2010 · Post by **Plan2010** » Thu Dec 23, 2010 7:01 pm

The key is getting a good daycare. I had also r2ied with a job in hand but gave it up as I could not find a good day care immediately after landing. I found one to my satisfaction after 2 months and I have to say the level of care at this center is much better than the best day cares in US. But even so I personally don't like keeping kids in day care for long duration. I've seen several parents following the routine of one parent going early to office while the other drops kid at day care around 9. Then the other parent comes back early and pick kid around 4. Whether you can follow this depends on your work schedule, and your preferences.

Having your parents/inlaws over alternatively for the first few months would also help with establishing a routine and some help till you can get a reliable maid. Once you have a reliable maid it's easier to manage, you do get maids here who can come based on your working hours as in couple of hours in the morn, and few hours in the evening to help.

I think you get more help in bringing up kids in India than in US. You can't keep bringing parents over to US all the time disrupting their life style. But in India its easier for them to visit, in our six months after r2i, both sets of parents have visited three times each, we have gone home 3 - 4 times. It is definitely worth it if you can make it work.

I am not speaking from a both parents working after r2i experience, if both are working late hours either US or India doesn't make much of a difference imo.