Autistic child (moderate) Should I relocate to USA?

[sumpi]

I need advice and hope some one will help me.


I am working in a Senior mgmt role in India. I have spend few years in USA
and came back. All my relatives are in India. We are well settled in India.


I have one son. He is moderately Autistic. He is in class 7 now.
He has got high level of intelligence (performs well in spell bee, olympiad etc).
He has communication issues and gets bored doesn't do class work etc (general
autistic issues).


My wife is sensitive and gets hurt due to my sons autism. My son is USC (born
in USA).


I have got an offer to go for a mid level role in US (way below my current
role in India). I am thinking whether to take the offer.


At this point in my life my main(only) priority is my son.


Pros and cons of moving to USA as I see it:


Pros:
1. People are saying that there is more opportunity for Autistic kids in USA.
Since my son has good intelligence level people are telling that he has better chance of
meaningful life in USA. Can some one with definite knowledge tell if this is true.
Specifically
i. What kind of facilities are available for autistic kids in USA.


Cons:
1. All my relatives are in India and well settled. Financially we are in good shape.
In the worst case scenario if my son does not finish higher education/get job
financially he can manage well also he will get support of our extended family
in India.


2. I am also afraid that my son if he goes to USA may be bullied by class mates/
face adjustment issues. Currently in his school he doesn't face these issues.


3. My wife is very social and her friends/relatives help her a lot with mental
support. Since she is very sensitive I am not sure whether she will get stressed out
or depressed(loneliness) if I move to USA and my son face issues or/and can't complete
higher education/get job/get married basically lead a normal life.


Autism is such a challenging thing it really saps your energy. So I will be grateful
if some one can give input/suggestions/advice.

Thank you.

[suyog]

Move to USA and avail support services such as ABA, Speech, Special Day Class etc. Autistic kids need these during their early childhood years. Make sure to enroll your kid in a public school and not a private school. USA public schools are best for autistic kids. Chances of bullying are lower in the USA due to awareness of Autism.

[farfromhome]

Somehow I felt the original post was written by me :) My kid is in 7th too and he always qualifies for the 2nd Level Olympiads (the only one to qualify for Science and Maths this year from his class)

Let me hazard a guess, not many in India know that your kid is slightly autistic. Is that correct?. I think this might indirectly help the kid since he will be treated as a normal kid in his friends circle.

This is a post written just before my r2i. No problem with his speech now (sometimes goes to a limit where we have to ask him to keep quiet :) ). Yes, he is still clumsy but his social skills have improved a lot (don't get complaints in this regard any more).

It takes a Pediatrician to know one :). You are absolutely right about the above. I had raised this issue with my son Pediatrician quite a few times for the past 2 years. Unfortunately or fortunately both my kid and the Ped. are big Disney World fans :). My kid talks to him for 15 minutes about Disney World during his doctor visits (or it's about trains) and it's a never ending conversation . We end up with a verdict that he's fine, you just have to wait it out as he has had lot of complications (allergies / asthma). He finally agreed to write a referral when my kid's focus kept on changing from his questions (the topic wasn't Disney or Trains). If my kid had answered all the questions that day, most likely I would got a referral and would've ended up meeting Doc Sumeet from this forum in Bangalore for other reasons than a R2I meet :).

Finally got an appointment with one of the Pediatric Neuro (not the one we were looking for. Our Ped. would rate him only 4 on a scale of 10, but asked us to go there saying you don't lose anything). Ped. Neuro's evaluation was that he was fine but had a weak muscle tone and that would explain his clumsiness. Also, asked us to do a EEG and go for Speech Therapy for him. We are hoping that r2i would provide automatic speech therapy for him :). At this point this is not a worry but definitely a concern for us. He goes to a regular public school. Apart from the need for improvement in social skills, we have never got any complaints. Hopefully, we are able to do our homework as suggested by sumachechi and able to get a good Ped. Neuro for him in Chennai.

R2i worked for me in this regard. All the very best in whatever decision you take after weighing the pros and cons.

[FlavourFlave]

Yes, while one may automatically feel that U.S. is better for autistic kids, taking everything into account and echoing the above comment, I would suggest that you remain in India. Your child is at the adolescent stage which is a very sensitive and malleable stage. He will most likely face bullying. Not only because he is autistic but because he is from India. He is doing well in studies (or could do, given the right environment), that is always a plus in India. Your wife also needs the support she is getting in India. You also seem to be in a good role and shall have to take a lower position if you move to the U.S..Your son cannot be happy if his parents are not happy. Happiness and well-being of the whole family has to be taken into account. With time, awareness of autism shall grown in India. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. You don't know what reception your son shall receive in the U.S. You and your family are already well-settled in India. Don't rock the boat for the sake of an unknown future. Leaving India should be a case of last resort, not the first thing that comes to your mind.

[sumpi]

suyog, farfromhome, Flavorflave,


Thank you very much.


Farfromhome,


I really got great solace from your post. Can you please tell me how
you are training/mentoring your kid?


My son has very high level of intelligence. He even read class IX-X std books.


The issues that he faces are:


1. He simply has aversion to writing. He doesn't want to do classwork at all.


2. His maturity level (I suspect that this will be the case with Autistic kids in general) is
way below a normal child. Due to this reason he cannot connect and is odd man out among
his peers.


3. He hates sports & group activities.


4. Low concentration. When he watches TV he will flip channels in a matter of minutes even seconds.
This is now affecting his academics. He will finish an exam in 15 mins.




My wife as I mentioned is very sensitive. Unfortunately she doesn't let him freely mix with
normal kids(initially we used to call some of his friends to our house but simply he won't
mix and remained aloof, so the friends got bored). She feels other parents/kids would
laugh at him.


Off course this is a very sensitive issue. Only a parent of autistic kid will relate I guess.
But can someone share how he/she(parents) deals with the psychological aspect of
autistic child.

[sumpi]

farfromhome,

Can you please provide the link to the thread from which you have pasted your quote.

Also can you please provide links to other relevant threads.

Thank you.

[farfromhome]

suyog, farfromhome, Flavorflave,


Thank you very much.


Farfromhome,


I really got great solace from your post. Can you please tell me how
you are training/mentoring your kid?

Nothing special. My wife has always been with him and has been in his case for academics and I insisted that he be put in a lower class while we r2i'ed. He was in in his 1st Grade in USA but we put him in Senior KG here in India, I guess that helped.

My son has very high level of intelligence. He even read class IX-X std books.


The issues that he faces are:


1. He simply has aversion to writing. He doesn't want to do classwork at all.

He is very regular with this as he is more fond of his teachers and doesn't want them to reprimand him. So, this problem takes care of itself

2. His maturity level (I suspect that this will be the case with Autistic kids in general) is
way below a normal child. Due to this reason he cannot connect and is odd man out among
his peers.

Same here. He is not able to connect. In of the school functions I went, I overheard a kid saying that don't say anything to him (my kid), he will not be able to comprehend what you are saying. Fortunately or unfortunately, he still doesn't understand that he is being ignored. His maturity level according to me is that of a 3rd/4th standard kid. You can clearly tell if your kid behaves like a 10 year old when he is 13. This might not be the case when he is 21 or 22. 18 year old behavior should be very normal when the kid is 21. I am sincerely hoping that this is the case. Kids seem to like him because he is always the one helping with answering on their school whatsapp group, so he gets accepted in the group for this.


3. He hates sports & group activities.

He loves tennis (both playing and watching) but hates group activities. We told his PT master to include him in school drill for sports day. His rehearsals are usually comical but I have always noticed that he does it perfect during the D-Day .


4. Low concentration. When he watches TV he will flip channels in a matter of minutes even seconds.
This is now affecting his academics. He will finish an exam in 15 mins.

Same issue on the concentration side but no issues watching the TV. He will watch the same episodes over and over again (specially Thomas and Friends episodes on TV or New York Subway rides posted on youtube). He always finishes his olympiad papers in 40 minutes and doesn't bother to verify in the remaining time despite us requesting this for around 5 years now!.


My wife as I mentioned is very sensitive. Unfortunately she doesn't let him freely mix with
normal kids(initially we used to call some of his friends to our house but simply he won't
mix and remained aloof, so the friends got bored). She feels other parents/kids would
laugh at him.

We have his friend come over from our apartment complex and he easily gets bossed around. We have tried to explain this to him many a times but the same story continues, if we stop then his friend will stop coming. We can't send him alone to any other places due to his food allergies. That's an additional worry we have.

Off course this is a very sensitive issue. Only a parent of autistic kid will relate I guess.
But can someone share how he/she(parents) deals with the psychological aspect of
autistic child.

I have no answers to the above. All the very best for your kid. I am sure he will grow up to be a normal person in the days and months to come.

[farfromhome]

farfromhome,

Can you please provide the link to the thread from which you have pasted your quote.

Also can you please provide links to other relevant threads.

Thank you.

That was from my diary :) . This is the post ( You can click on >> on the quote. It will take you there) Will try and post relevant links soon.

http://www.r2iclubforums.com/forums/showthread.php/21455-Permanent-Temporary-R2I-from-Jersey-City-to-Chennai?p=336579#post336579

and the post of sumachechi

http://www.r2iclubforums.com/forums/showthread.php/21058-Brother-is-saying-don-t-come?p=330253#post330253

[sumpi]

Flavourflave,

Your post is great and I read it multiple times.

Farfromhome,

I need to read your links meticulously.

At this stage I first want to ensure that when my kid grows up he can lead
a life which is as much normal as possible.

Given that he is autistic not sure whether any girl will ever marry her. So
we have to teach him to face the world all by himself.

I will try my best to ensure that he has enough to manage a decent life if he is not able
to get a job. But my concern is he must develop the maturity to face the world
alone. We have to train him properly in that aspect.

Thank you.

[farfromhome]

Flavourflave,

Your post is great and I read it multiple times.

Farfromhome,

I need to read your links meticulously.

At this stage I first want to ensure that when my kid grows up he can lead
a life which is as much normal as possible.

Given that he is autistic not sure whether any girl will ever marry her. So
we have to teach him to face the world all by himself.

I will try my best to ensure that he has enough to manage a decent life if he is not able
to get a job. But my concern is he must develop the maturity to face the world
alone. We have to train him properly in that aspect.

Thank you.

Please go through the posts in this section http://www.r2iclubforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php/53-Family-amp-Kids

There is an option for search forum . Use that to type words like Autism or autistic. You will get lots of information.

You still have at least 12 - 15 years before the kids marriage, things should work itself (I am hoping that same applies for my kid too )