r2i forum

Girls,

The last cousin in the whole extended family is getting married soon. Arranged marriage. She is in early 20's, quiet kind, working in a simple job. I was thinking of writing up some good advice kind of thing for her. Like, a nice long letter. Any suggestions what to include? Anytthing you would tell a cousin/niece or friend or friend's kid getting married?

I was thinking to mention not to forget to take care of herself, always be independent, have kids when ready only...

any ideas?

modus_vivendi;315314
I was thinking to mention not to forget to take care of herself, always be independent, have kids when ready only...
any ideas?

You have covered most of it. I would add, ‘just be herself’ and not go overboard to impress the new family.

You mentioned she is quiet.... Ask her to speak up when needed, to put her foot
down when enough is enough, stand up for what she believes and not to lose her personality
. She is in early 20s.. Kind young.. Please tell her there is a life outside
of marriage, pursue her intersts, have group of girlfriends with whom she can rewind and relax. MV, your blog about Stress
free mom at home is very good where you talked about grooming, bedroom life, girlfriends, family is very good... You can probably forward that to her... Also an advice on walking out on abusive marriage would help and that you are always there for her no matter what. That's all I can think for now. Well congrats

I would stress on 2 things
-A honeymoon however close by.
-Is it possile they could just live by themselves for initial years of marriage?

First gift to be received is friction. If it doesn't start that way then something is wrong.
Other party is as nervous about new member as the new member would be. Take time to understand the environment and people.
Given any situation you can be in a position of being managed or managing. Managing is tough but good one in long run.
Any person or relative is capable of certain things and upto certain level. Whether right or wrong it is futile to expect anything more from them. Just accept it and move on.
It is always most fascinating thing to believe the life partner chosen is the best one. Let the time prove it. In any new environment it is always worthwhile to be nice but smart always.
Love sincerely the fellow beings the destiny has ordained you shall live with. If you are lucky the love shall return to you multifold.

Finally...indulge and enjoy!

Good Luck!

modus_vivendi;315314I was thinking to mention not to forget to take care of herself, always be independent, have kids when ready only...

any ideas?

I would keep it simple rather than an extremely long letter which she may not understand at all at that point of life. I did not understand many of the advices that were given to me, it took some years to click "oh, this is what they meant." Some things can only be learnt from experience :)

However I would stress on -
1. Ignore any friction/comments from ils during the initial phase. They are also just getting to know this person and wouldn't realise what can offend her. Being quiet doesn't help in speeding that up, speak up her wishes, join in the conversations happening at ils place as much as possible.
2. Enjoy life, but start building the savings as early as possible.

modus_vivendi;315314Girls,

The last cousin in the whole extended family is getting married soon. Arranged marriage. She is in early 20's, quiet kind, working in a simple job. I was thinking of writing up some good advice kind of thing for her. Like, a nice long letter. Any suggestions what to include? Anytthing you would tell a cousin/niece or friend or friend's kid getting married?

I was thinking to mention not to forget to take care of herself, always be independent, have kids when ready only...

any ideas?

MV , i know you have good intentions behind the advice letter..i would give you something else to think about..some other angle..when i got married my mum told me that to learn from your own mistakes...each marriage is different its individual experience with different personalities and different perspective and different family background..diffrent way of thinking...when we try to give advice we bring in our experiences,our perspective,our personality,and our mistakes,our way of thinking..and we add in what we learnt from other experiences..at 20 something its really easy for a girl not to think on her own but to listen to the experienced ladies who are in the field :)) for longer..not a bad thing per say but sooner she learns from her experience is better..it will help her to be more independent in thinking process..
so best advice would be learn from your mistake..and try not to repeat them ( considering she is going to do biggest one anyway..she should be all right with minor ones)

maya1;315795MV , i know you have good intentions behind the advice letter..i would give you something else to think about..some other angle..when i got married my mum told me that to learn from your own mistakes...each marriage is different its individual experience with different personalities and different perspective and different family background..diffrent way of thinking...when we try to give advice we bring in our experiences,our perspective,our personality,and our mistakes,our way of thinking..and we add in what we learnt from other experiences..at 20 something its really easy for a girl not to think on her own but to listen to the experienced ladies who are in the field :)) for longer..not a bad thing per say but sooner she learns from her experience is better..it will help her to be more independent in thinking process..
so best advice would be learn from your mistake..and try not to repeat them ( considering she is going to do biggest one anyway..she should be all right with minor ones)

Bu you know sometimes it takes elders interference to know if one is really mistaken. Isn't it very subjective taking/giving advices? like no one rule will fit all. A person like mine would probably ask an experienced person their take on a particular thing whereas my DH would probably do a mistake and then learn from it.

Mumbai_2009;315813Bu you know sometimes it takes elders interference to know if one is really mistaken. Isn't it very subjective taking/giving advices? like no one rule will fit all. A person like mine would probably ask an experienced person their take on a particular thing whereas my DH would probably do a mistake and then learn from it.

This is another story..this is something OP wants to do..she has not been asked for any advice..she plans to write meaningful letter to her cousin who is getting married..i really like the idea but not sure how would i write one!!....

maya1;315820This is another story..this is something OP wants to do..she has not been asked for any advice..she plans to write meaningful letter to her cousin who is getting married..i really like the idea but not sure how would i write one!!....

Now that would be real interesting....how about ....fastforward and Tinka is getting married and ask you to write a letter of advice....what would you say then? Dont say dunno...waiting for a masterpiece in your diary......Please oblige....:-)