pm071: My R2I Diary - to Delhi

[pm071]

Dear friends , We have finally returned back to India and now after almost 4 months I am little settled , so I got time to write -
Its been a hard ride emotionally as well as physically. But I am glad we did it. Since we moved to US 11 years back , we always wanted to R2I. We decided ( then 11 years back )we are only going to stay for training ( medicine) and would come back. The training period was tough ( almost 8 years) with 2 kids. You have to prove your self to be better than US graduate all the time. Any way in this rollercoaster ride I got deviated from our R2I goal, but my husband was very adamant and focused regarding going back. Women I guess always want stability in life . After long struggle as well as intellectual gain it was time for us to eat the fruits of our success in US , so the idea of going back home seemed absurd at that time to me however my husband wanted to R2I any way. Its very hard when you don?t have money to say no to recruiters with very tempting offers .
In the mean time our kids had reached a stage that every year passing by would be hard for them if we decide to move back. So we had to decide one way or other. Yet as our training got over just for some financial freedom my hubby and me took up a job, which was extremely satisfying both financially and intellectually. Now we could afford a full time nanny and house cleaner and could have all the luxuries. I really liked this life style, atlas you can have fun in US too , if you have money. Now I was more adamant that I don?t want to go back.
Only thing that was at the back of my mind was I don?t want to raise my kids in this environment , would love to be near family and of course my husbands ultimatum that he would leave no matter what!!!! He also promised me to give it a try for two years and if things don?t work out in two years we would come back. ( I think guys know women psyche, they just have to show them a security cushion and women would be fine ,even if they decide to through away that cushion later and move on to another challenge)
During all these years in US my husband and I would go to India every 2 years explore the job options, meet people and would be in touch with few doctors who would come to US quiet often in the meeting. Then 2006 we became serious about our move. He came to India twice to finalize the job. It was frustrating. Things in medical professions are still very unprofessional.( sp in north India can not comment about south) No one offers you a job six months in advance. Every one would tell you to come back and start work. It was very hard for us to wind up every thing from here to go there , without a written commitment. All these big hospital do give you a contract but it is a very restrictive contract. They would only guarantee the pay for 3months to 1 year , then you are on your own. During this period you try to set up your practice . There is also lots of politics even before you start. Even if the CEO of the hospital wants you and offered you a job but the senior doctor who is fetching a hefty salary and incentives don?t want competition. Usually what they do ( senior level doctors) hire junior to help them with there work who wont be that competent to work independently so they maintain their worth.

Any way so we got 2 offers one from a corporate hospital and one from a trust hospital. The CEO of the trust hospital was more practical , down to earth and there were senior doctors as trustee with moral values and we liked the way they proposed they would like to run the hospital that is business with ethics. As you all might know health care business is like walking on a rope, you have to balance ethics with monitory gain. When the corporate people dictate you what needs to be done then you loose that ethical independence.
Any way so we decided to join this trust hospital even though the compensation was less but we were getting work independence.
Main things that we needed to achieve by R2I-
1- Raising kids
2- being near family
3- Job satisfaction.
This is the closest we could get in Job satisfaction. So my husband went again in Feb. to finalize things .now it was time to move.
During all these years from 2006 onward , I came across R2I site and I got addicted to the site. I think all the positive input from the people use to boost up my moral. Remember I told there had been no question in my husbands mind regarding going back , but it was me who was skeptical about the move. So being the member helped me get courage to take this move.
We decided we would not take any thing except our books. We decided I?ll go first and try to settle the kids as the hospital was still in the process of being built. We were moving to a city other than our home town. We had never in our lives lived in metros and that too Delhi ?. It was little scary. Unfortunately in Delhi too we were not going to relocate in an areas like gurgaon or noada which are more NRI friendly .
Any way the journey began.- Rest later... when I get time to write.

[vishwaGhar]

pm071,

Hearty congratulations and all the best with the settling down process. Do follow up with more posts as time permits.

Wishing you and your family all the best.

vishwa

[javaj2ee-r2ier]

Congratulations!

Sincerely wish you all the best and hope you settle down soon. You must feel very proud of yourself. Thanks a lot also for sharing your thoughts. It is definitely very inspiring to me.

Thanks.

[DosaiLvr]

Thank your for the detailed and candid post.

Good luck

[dbs]

Very well formulated decision and shows firm resolve. Good write up as well.
I am in Noida and if you need some info, I shall be glad to help.

[pm071]

We decided we would not take any thing except our books. We decided I?ll go first and try to settle the kids as the hospital was still in the process of being built.
SO far in job front we only had a verbal commitment and that?s how things work here. SO I took leave of absence from my work, packed 2 suitcases with kids landed in Delhi.
My dad had come to receive us. My very dear aunt is there in delhi. On the flight back I was excited as well as scared. I was just wondering 11 years back I got married to a person who I did not know at all, packed my 2 suitcases and was moving to a country ( US)where I don?t know any one, yet I was excited not scared. But now I am moving to my own country and believe me I love India. My entire ( huge) family is here .I know how India is ?. Still I am scared. I had decide in my heart that I would give this move a 100 % try.(without complaining )
Next day after I landed I got a contract from the trust hospital and they gave us a dead line to sign it. SO we were relaxed from the job front. In the mean time I started looking around for school. I had made few friends on this forum who are in gurgaon , helped me with information( Thanks sooo much to them )However staying in gurgaon would have meant commute time of 3 hour every day for both of us. But schools in gurgaon are good and admission is not hard to get. They are NRI friendly and treat you well in a professional way.
So we kept Gurgaon school as a backup and then I tried for admission in schools in Delhi. It was month of May and admission season was over as schools here start in April and admission closes in December. Any way I made the list of school I was interested in , including these hi fi school vasant valley and GD goenkas. The sad thing is its hard to even go inside the school to talk to people. Any way when you reach inside there are secretaries who have no clue about the openings. Only thing they ask you is to fill up the forms. Each form cost 500 Rs. So for two kids its 1000 rs. I filled the forms in at least 15 school and then I asked them when will I get some answer . Their typical answer is we?ll call you and then there is no reply. You keep on calling them but in vein. Any way you have to be very persuasive and find for some big contacts to back you up. After using some contacts I started getting answers that we are full or only in July we can test the kid or you are too late. They were not even ready to test my kids . Finally I could manage to talk to few principal and luckily one of the school principal agreed to test the kids and said if they did not do well in test she wont take them. Now a days donation does not work. People in Delhi have lots of black money ? we are nothing in front of them.
Any way they exempted kids from Hindi. They would be tested for maths and English. In the mean time kids were with their grandparents in my home town. My mom is a teacher so she was busy teaching kids. They had a Hindi and maths teacher coming home to tutor them. I really appreciate my kids they were very patient and supportive of the whole process.
Finally the week of their test arrived. First school we went to had an oral interview. All this time I have been telling kids to talk in Hindi to every one and I did not realize that they would do the same when they went for their interview in the school. So imagine I was sitting outside and the principal came out after ½ hour said to me your kids don?t know any language. They don?t know English neither did they know Hindi. She tried her best to ask them things in English but they persistently talked in ( grammatically incorrect ) Hindi. I just don?t know what to say , but to cry and hug my kids . Their innocent minds was put under so much pressure. They knew that school admission was so important and they thought that perhaps its Hindi which is the most important to get admission here in India .I came back home (aunts house)depressed thinking that all this is not worth it. However that time I also decided that in no way would I have my kids go through this pressure . SO that evening we celebrated our failure by watching Spiderman and having pizza hut pizza. Next day was a written test in a more reputed school and only thing I said to them that the best thing would be if we fail so we can go back to US. Kids suddenly got excited. Any way they could relax about the test. But at the same time I told them either way its good for us?.however try your best. There was almost 3 hr test. There were other kids too. There were many teachers and they were tested in all aspect writing skills , reading and creativity. They said they will inform us of the result. ( this was the school I was most interested in as it was very near our work place)
In the mean time they were tested in other small schools and got admission. We also got the call from the school which we were interested in that they got admission but we will have to work hard on Hindi .Now we could relax a little bit . Kids went back to the grand parents and I stayed back to finalize the accommodation.
If I have to redo this whole thing again or would suggest other people returning to Delhi
1- Decide on job before school.
2- locate school in the near by area
3- Come in December with kids for admission in following year ( April)
4- Prepare kids in US for test, specially math and English grammar.( you can get exemption for Hindi but math and English grammar is tough here.

There are some supreme court guide lines for admission. You get points for following things-
1- Test
2- how near do you live to the school( they ask you for address and need to tell them depending on the school you would rent a place or with a broker identify a place to live near by the school and give that address)
3- Is the sibling in the same school?
4-Are you a out of Delhi transfer case?
5- Are the parents post graduate?
Of course if you know a big shot then all these rules are irrelevant.
Rest Later???..

dbs thanks for the offer to help. Once we are little more settled we shoud have a meet of NCR area.

[VRG]

Your writeup was simply beautiful. I'm almost in tears after reading about what you and your kids went through during admission process.

Wonderful job!!

I can relate to your earlier post of "my husbands ultimatum that he would leave no matter what!!!! ".
This is exactly what happened to my Aunt 3-4 yrs back when they R2I with their two US born teenage daughters (so u can imagine the adjustment/pressure they had to go through) . The kids and mother totally refused to go back..and Uncle was the opposite. They were to R2I after 15-20 yrs.

Fast forward.. both daughters just passed Grade 10 board exams with flying colors earlier this year. I guess they got close to 97-98%. The way they talk and walk now, you can't tell they were born in the US. The school/friends/culture/family enviroment is so good for kids in India.

I visit India every year and see my nephew growing up with my parents (since my bro and parents live together). And I see kids of my friends in the US..what a contrast!!

Anyway, pls keep us posted. All the best. :)

[nand]

OP - good posts, please keep posting. I think positive attitude can solve anything and the example here is a case in point. During the partition of 47, wealthy people in what is now pakistan had to leave all they had and come to India with literally the clothes on their back. If they could climb out of that hole, then these are doable. I think that perspective is necesary, though I agree it is easier said than done.

OP - your attitude that we will try the test and if the kids fail we will go back to US no problems is the correct one. dont worry be happy is the way to go...

Your writeup was simply beautiful. I'm almost in tears after reading about what you and your kids went through during admission process.

Wonderful job!!

I can relate to your earlier post of "my husbands ultimatum that he would leave no matter what!!!! ".
This is exactly what happened to my Aunt 3-4 yrs back when they R2I with their two US born teenage daughters (so u can imagine the adjustment/pressure they had to go through) . The kids and mother totally refused to go back..and Uncle was the opposite. They were to R2I after 15-20 yrs.

Fast forward.. both daughters just passed Grade 10 board exams with flying colors earlier this year. I guess they got close to 97-98%. The way they talk and walk now, you can't tell they were born in the US. The school/friends/culture/family enviroment is so good for kids in India.

I visit India every year and see my nephew growing up with my parents (since my bro and parents live together). And I see kids of my friends in the US..what a contrast!!

Anyway, pls keep us posted. All the best. :)[/quote]

[babu_babu]

We decided we would not take any thing except our books. We decided I?ll go first and try to settle the kids as the hospital was still in the process of being built.
SO far in job front we only had a verbal commitment and that?s how things work here. SO I took leave of absence from my work, packed 2 suitcases with kids landed in Delhi.
My dad had come to receive us. My very dear aunt is there in delhi. On the flight back I was excited as well as scared. I was just wondering 11 years back I got married to a person who I did not know at all, packed my 2 suitcases and was moving to a country ( US)where I don?t know any one, yet I was excited not scared. But now I am moving to my own country and believe me I love India. My entire ( huge) family is here .I know how India is ?. Still I am scared. I had decide in my heart that I would give this move a 100 % try.(without complaining )
Next day after I landed I got a contract from the trust hospital and they gave us a dead line to sign it. SO we were relaxed from the job front. In the mean time I started looking around for school. I had made few friends on this forum who are in gurgaon , helped me with information( Thanks sooo much to them )However staying in gurgaon would have meant commute time of 3 hour every day for both of us. But schools in gurgaon are good and admission is not hard to get. They are NRI friendly and treat you well in a professional way.
So we kept Gurgaon school as a backup and then I tried for admission in schools in Delhi. It was month of May and admission season was over as schools here start in April and admission closes in December. Any way I made the list of school I was interested in , including these hi fi school vasant valley and GD goenkas. The sad thing is its hard to even go inside the school to talk to people. Any way when you reach inside there are secretaries who have no clue about the openings. Only thing they ask you is to fill up the forms. Each form cost 500 Rs. So for two kids its 1000 rs. I filled the forms in at least 15 school and then I asked them when will I get some answer . Their typical answer is we?ll call you and then there is no reply. You keep on calling them but in vein. Any way you have to be very persuasive and find for some big contacts to back you up. After using some contacts I started getting answers that we are full or only in July we can test the kid or you are too late. They were not even ready to test my kids . Finally I could manage to talk to few principal and luckily one of the school principal agreed to test the kids and said if they did not do well in test she wont take them. Now a days donation does not work. People in Delhi have lots of black money ? we are nothing in front of them.
Any way they exempted kids from Hindi. They would be tested for maths and English. In the mean time kids were with their grandparents in my home town. My mom is a teacher so she was busy teaching kids. They had a Hindi and maths teacher coming home to tutor them. I really appreciate my kids they were very patient and supportive of the whole process.
Finally the week of their test arrived. First school we went to had an oral interview. All this time I have been telling kids to talk in Hindi to every one and I did not realize that they would do the same when they went for their interview in the school. So imagine I was sitting outside and the principal came out after ½ hour said to me your kids don?t know any language. They don?t know English neither did they know Hindi. She tried her best to ask them things in English but they persistently talked in ( grammatically incorrect ) Hindi. I just don?t know what to say , but to cry and hug my kids . Their innocent minds was put under so much pressure. They knew that school admission was so important and they thought that perhaps its Hindi which is the most important to get admission here in India .I came back home (aunts house)depressed thinking that all this is not worth it. However that time I also decided that in no way would I have my kids go through this pressure . SO that evening we celebrated our failure by watching Spiderman and having pizza hut pizza. Next day was a written test in a more reputed school and only thing I said to them that the best thing would be if we fail so we can go back to US. Kids suddenly got excited. Any way they could relax about the test. But at the same time I told them either way its good for us?.however try your best. There was almost 3 hr test. There were other kids too. There were many teachers and they were tested in all aspect writing skills , reading and creativity. They said they will inform us of the result. ( this was the school I was most interested in as it was very near our work place)
In the mean time they were tested in other small schools and got admission. We also got the call from the school which we were interested in that they got admission but we will have to work hard on Hindi .Now we could relax a little bit . Kids went back to the grand parents and I stayed back to finalize the accommodation.
If I have to redo this whole thing again or would suggest other people returning to Delhi
1- Decide on job before school.
2- locate school in the near by area
3- Come in December with kids for admission in following year ( April)
4- Prepare kids in US for test, specially math and English grammar.( you can get exemption for Hindi but math and English grammar is tough here.

There are some supreme court guide lines for admission. You get points for following things-
1- Test
2- how near do you live to the school( they ask you for address and need to tell them depending on the school you would rent a place or with a broker identify a place to live near by the school and give that address)
3- Is the sibling in the same school?
4-Are you a out of Delhi transfer case?
5- Are the parents post graduate?
Of course if you know a big shot then all these rules are irrelevant.
Rest Later???..

dbs thanks for the offer to help. Once we are little more settled we shoud have a meet of NCR area.
[/quote]

Good post.

When you get a time, please comment on this.

http://www.r2iclubforums.com/clubvb/showthread.php?t=3230

[twinnies]

Very good post , good luck to you and your family.I can relate some of your pains being in the medical profession, after much turmoil to make a decision we are going through the planning stages. I would be very interested to know about your work experience and adjustment you have to make to cater to the local community when we get used to taking care of patients in US, this is one thing that petrifies me as I don't have much experience working in India as an internist.