Oftentimes, we feel one way or the other about R2I ... it's perplexing since many of us are not able to get a consistent answer based on our feelings. The feelings are swayed by experiences, our state of mind etc. Feelings cannot be trusted.
If decisions such as R2I have to be made, they must be based on duty. What are the scriptures - gita/bible/quran etc say ? Is one's duty towards parent's future bigger or providing better for the next gen larger duty ?
Please share your inputs.
Dharma - answer to the dilemma
Dharma - answer to the dilemma
river98;79150Oftentimes, we feel one way or the other about R2I ... it's perplexing since many of us are not able to get a consistent answer based on our feelings. The feelings are swayed by experiences, our state of mind etc. Feelings cannot be trusted.
If decisions such as R2I have to be made, they must be based on duty. What are the scriptures - gita/bible/quran etc say ? Is one's duty towards parent's future bigger or providing better for the next gen larger duty ?
Please share your inputs.[/quote]
Hindu religious literature is sprinkled with examples of ones duty towards parents. Eg. Shravana Kumara, Yayathi's son giving his youth to father, Bheeshma's sacrifice for his father etc etc. According to these duty towards parents is paramount.
I myself would like to achieve a common ground and serve both. At this stage of life, my parents may live for another 10-20 years so it's very important for me to spend some quality time and make them happy even if it means small sacrificies for me my and children. But at the same time, I cannot sacrifice the future of kids if parents are unreasonable (I see some cases like that but very rare).
Dharma - answer to the dilemma
I do agree with Iluvhyd's point. And if you look back in the same great books, Mahabharata for instance, take the Dhritrashtra's example. Apart from other vices mentioned, his biggest weak point was "Putra Prem", and he got condemned for that.
But for me both the duties are equally important. If we have to base our decision for R2I on just these 2 factors, parents and kids, I would R2I today, since it will be best for both these. But unfortunately, it's not just that. There are lots of other factors which come in to account while taking this decision. And one more point, our kids have only one set of parents that is us, but our parents have other kids too... I know, I am contradicting myself. But being a mom, no one is more important to me than my kids... and I consider it my duty to give them the best education and make them self-dependent, but I know I can do this in any country, be it India or US.
But for me both the duties are equally important. If we have to base our decision for R2I on just these 2 factors, parents and kids, I would R2I today, since it will be best for both these. But unfortunately, it's not just that. There are lots of other factors which come in to account while taking this decision. And one more point, our kids have only one set of parents that is us, but our parents have other kids too... I know, I am contradicting myself. But being a mom, no one is more important to me than my kids... and I consider it my duty to give them the best education and make them self-dependent, but I know I can do this in any country, be it India or US.
Dharma - answer to the dilemma
Based on the little bit of reading I have done so far on spirituality, I would like to mention two things:
1. The highest duty of an individual is his/her own self-realization (SR). Take any decision which will lead you to that goal. There are numerous examples of realized souls who have left their parents/kids in the quest for SR.
2. It is only our ego which thinks that we should do this or that so that we can help our parents and kids. I firmly believe that everything is pre-planned. Our duty is to act in the best possible manner in the position we have been placed, whether in India or abroad. There are numerous examples of families who were happy when there was a distance between them and ended up miserable when they went back to "take care" of the parents.
If it is in our fate to R2I, we will do so regardless of the numerous pros and cons we go over in our head. (and in this forum):emteeth:
1. The highest duty of an individual is his/her own self-realization (SR). Take any decision which will lead you to that goal. There are numerous examples of realized souls who have left their parents/kids in the quest for SR.
2. It is only our ego which thinks that we should do this or that so that we can help our parents and kids. I firmly believe that everything is pre-planned. Our duty is to act in the best possible manner in the position we have been placed, whether in India or abroad. There are numerous examples of families who were happy when there was a distance between them and ended up miserable when they went back to "take care" of the parents.
If it is in our fate to R2I, we will do so regardless of the numerous pros and cons we go over in our head. (and in this forum):emteeth:
Dharma - answer to the dilemma
dreamland;79256But being a mom, no one is more important to me than my kids... and I consider it my duty to give them the best education and make them self-dependent, but I know I can do this in any country, be it India or US.[/quote]
Good point. As per Hindu religious literature, the Dharma varies for a man and a woman and as far as I can interpret a woman doesn't have any responsibility towards her parents :emcry:. I quite didn't get it and always practice/encourage my wife to take care of her parents the same way I want my parents to be taken care of.
Dharma - answer to the dilemma
nike;79277Based on the little bit of reading I have done so far on spirituality, I would like to mention two things:
1. The highest duty of an individual is his/her own self-realization (SR). Take any decision which will lead you to that goal. There are numerous examples of realized souls who have left their parents/kids in the quest for SR.
2. It is only our ego which thinks that we should do this or that so that we can help our parents and kids. I firmly believe that everything is pre-planned. Our duty is to act in the best possible manner in the position we have been placed, whether in India or abroad. There are numerous examples of families who were happy when there was a distance between them and ended up miserable when they went back to "take care" of the parents.
If it is in our fate to R2I, we will do so regardless of the numerous pros and cons we go over in our head. (and in this forum):emteeth:[/quote]
But Hindu religion wants everyone to walk through all walks of life Balya, Kaumara, Youvana, Gruhastha and Vanaprastha. How do one who believes in Hindu religion interpret "Na Puthrasya Gathirnasthi". The Gruhasthashram pretty much says one needs to fulfil his responsibility towards family etc. Can one cannot attain self realization while taking care of his responsibilities? Does one has to leave everything behild in quest of SR? As far as I can recollect, all the Brahmarshi's went through Gruhasthashrama.
Dharma - answer to the dilemma
ILuvHyd;79324Good point. As per Hindu religious literature, the Dharma varies for a man and a woman and as far as I can interpret a woman doesn't have any responsibility towards her parents :emcry:. I quite didn't get it and always practice/encourage my wife to take care of her parents the same way I want my parents to be taken care of.[/quote]
I guess, this notion is based on the concept of man earning the bread and butter for his family and woman nurturing the family. Sorry, don't want to get in to mars/venus discussion again, but when a man says I want to take care of my mom/dad, it's more in terms of finances, other aspects, he still wants his wife to take care of. And since a girl leaves her parent's house and comes to live with her in-laws, this arrangement makes sense. But talk with any parents, they would say their daughter's take better care of them than their sons.. :)
Dharma - answer to the dilemma
ILuvHyd;79327 Can one cannot attain self realization while taking care of his responsibilities? Does one has to leave everything behild in quest of SR? As far as I can recollect, all the Brahmarshi's went through Gruhasthashrama.[/quote]
Of course one can definitely achieve SR handling all responsibilities. Raja Janaka is always quoted as the perfect example. Ramana Maharishi actively dissuaded people from giving up work/family in their spiritual quest.
As someone has said: "It is all in the mind; one can be at perfect peace in the busiest city and another restless in the Himalayas"
Dharma - answer to the dilemma
nike;79401Of course one can definitely achieve SR handling all responsibilities. [/quote]
Of course.
nike, does one see his/her parents, children, and wife after SR? Don't they all vanish after SR?
Dharma - answer to the dilemma
Purujit;79406Of course.
nike, does one see his/her parents, children, and wife after SR? Don't they all vanish after SR?[/quote]
Of couse not (they don't vanish)...
Real SR means leading a honest and moral life in all stages of like.
As a student- obey your parents and teachers
As a householder- provide for your spouse, respect him/her and raise your kids in the best possible manner by inculcating good values in him/her so that they are an asset to the society.
As a retired person- service to God/society. Not to interfere too much in your kids life etc etc.....