2nd generation desis in US

[gopal_k]

Many of us plan to R2I because we don't want our kids to be ABCDs, my question is how different are ABCDs from an Indian kid that is brought up in Indian Metros, belongs to upper middle class family, has a pass to go to US in future(USC), does not go through regular Indian hardships (weather, transport, domestic help etc etc), has all typical R2I family benefits

If you rule out family (parents , siblings) closeness issue for a moment, will you R2I just to prevent kid from being ABCD?

Another curiosity, how many ABCDs actually get married to non- desis (wife's main concern):rolleyes:, any data?

[Desi_by_Nature]

Another curiosity, how many ABCDs actually get married to non- desis (wife's main concern):rolleyes:, any data?[/quote]

A lot of them. Infact even if an ABCD kid marries another ABCD/desi by his/her parents' choice - how long do you think that marriage will last in a country where the divorce rate is 50%?

By the way this is just my observation of ABCD kids: ABCD boys tend to be much more grounded, mature, and maybe even to some extent more patriotic towards India then ABCD girls.

[mn_op]

Many of us plan to R2I because we don't want our kids to be ABCDs, my question is how different are ABCDs from an Indian kid that is brought up in Indian Metros, belongs to upper middle class family, has a pass to go to US in future(USC), does not go through regular Indian hardships (weather, transport, domestic help etc etc), has all typical R2I family benefits
[/quote]

Kids being kids, they will throw all the advantages to the wind and find their own path and will create hardships for themselves.

[mn_op]

Even if they marry folks from other cultures and religion - what is the concern of your wife ? She cannot adjust with diversity? [/quote]

Is there a human who can adjust to diversity 100%? Everybody has their own limits. A miniscule percentage of whites, blacks and Asians intermarry.

I will probably accept interracial marriage of my kids and my kids probably will have broader outlook and would accept homosexual partners of their kids...and their kids may approve of alien son-in-laws...but my limits are already set when it comes to diversity.

[Old-Spice2]

>>If you rule out family (parents , siblings) closeness issue for a moment, will you R2I just to prevent kid from being ABCD?

OP,

There are many folks who r2i to prevent kids becoming ABCD. There are people who LIA knowing well what lies ahead and accept the inevitable. It is individual choice and there is no good or bad about either case.

If you plan to LIA, forget about raising kids as Indian. Very few succeed in this venture. The peer pressure from school and social circle may overwhelm whatever you do by sending them to veda or Bharatnatyam classes.

What you should be more concerned is this - in most of the cases kids will grow up as ABCD. For LIA, it would be better if parents also embrace/adopt Americana with full vigor. It will make the transition and life easier for everyone.

When you adopt US lifestyle for yourself and the kids, be prepared for the all the baggage that comes with it - mutiple marriages, divorces, single mom, son losing half his wealth due to divorce, my children and your children playing with our children situation, son waiting for visiting hours to meet his kid, live-in relationship, marriage/relationship across different race and so on.

Just think if you can let this happen to your life. If the answer is no, would you put your kids in such a situation? You will get the answer.

Watch some movies like Mississipi Masala, Mitr, Namaste London, Namesake - if kids growing up in US/UK was a non-issue, these filmmakers would not have made such movies. Now you can say it is a movie/fiction and pretend everything is fine.

[gopal_k]

We know many ABCD kids who are married to ABCDs and have 3rd generation kids.

Even if they marry folks from other cultures and religion - what is the concern of your wife ? [/quote]
Well, as mn_op said we have limits to what we can tolerate, while I don't mind my kids marrying Indians from any origin, I, like many LIAs, will not be too excited if they marry say a Latino, African, European etc....
It is not intolerance it is compatibility issue

She cannot adjust with diversity? [/quote]
Simple answer: She (and I) are open for some diversity but are not in favor of extremes when it comes to marriage.
Marriage is not like friendship or like working together in office, it is 24X7 interaction, you expect certain cultural minimums from it, sorry we don't see that happening if our kids go to extreme diversity.

If that is the case, how about your kids in India after you R2I, marrying someone out your community/religion? [/quote]
If that happens, we will be fine at least they will not marry a Latino, African, European etc..

Maintaining culture is a individual thing. You will see many ABCDs learning Indian classical dance, music, scriptures, shlokas and excelling at these.

I personally know an ABCD priest. Yes his dad is a priest and the son is carrying on the tradition in USA. He speaks fluent english. tamil, telegu and hindi. And is married to an Indian from India - Go Figure![/quote]
This may be an exception....

[layman]

Things are changing so fast. I come from a conservative background in India. My cousin sister came to US a few years back. She was living together with her boy friend (desi but from a different community) in USA and got married recently. Her friend also brought up in India married an American. This was something new for me. In India, kids are adopting living together, dating etc... If they have to go to US for job, which most of our children will do, then the probability of such things happening is high.

Regarding your question of desis marrying non-desis, so far the occurence is low. ABCDs look for matches among themselves by and large. I heard that Americans themselves by and large do not want to date Indians. The barrier is still maintained. I am not talking about high school flings here. I am talking about mature adults looking for match. BTW, remember that the ABCD crowd is also getting bigger day by day.

The fact of the matter is we have moved from our middle class background to one step above. Our innocence is getting lost slowly. R2I may help us to slow down a bit from this fast lane but we are never going to go back to good old days.

[Tweedledee]

those who are concerned about kids becoming abcds are just fishing for a feel-good reason to r2i, and a flimsy one at that. boy are they in for a culture shock when they do r2i! From what I see the 2nd gen desi kids living in the major US cities are far more indian than their peers in india. if someone is living in small town USA then concerns over abcd kids are justified.

[gopal_k]

those who are concerned about kids becoming abcds are just fishing for a feel-good reason to r2i, and a flimsy one at that. boy are they in for a culture shock when they do r2i! From what I see the 2nd gen desi kids living in the major US cities are far more indian than their peers in india. [/quote]
Can you elaborate? ABCDs may "know" indian culture but they may not necessarily "practice' it.

if someone is living in small town USA then concerns over abcd kids are justified.[/quote]

[Tweedledee]

gopal

the 14-25 age group is the one most likely to go astray. so who among this group practices "indian culture" in india these days? hardly anyone, not in the big indian metros. in the small towns and villages, yes, but where will you find a good job there? and what is indian culture anyway? A set of core values. I am confident the same values can be developed in 2nd gen desi kids in the US as well. Parenting makes all the difference. hope your view of india and indian culture is not frozen from the time you first left india.