Dilemma - R2I, husband does not want to plan for it

ahyderabadi · Post by **ahyderabadi** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 12:17 am

We want to R2I in future, but my husband does not want to plan for it. We have been working for 6 years now, and we have some savings, and does not even remotely meet the 200$ K - 250$ K savings needed as pointed out in other threads.

According to him, we cannot plan for R2I, there is not much we can plan for it.

We have bought an apartment in India and are slowly paying the loan off. So the only consolation I have is we may have the apartment payed of before we R2I

I want to R2I as I feel it is lonely here, and want to be around my parents/family.

Also, looking at the expenses and salaries that people earn in India, it seems to be very expensive proposition.

Any advice?

RRK · Post by **RRK** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:19 pm

I dont understand this.
Is he ok to r2i but feels nothing to plan ? Or he is against r2i and you are for r2i ?

ahyderabadi · Post by **ahyderabadi** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:28 pm

He is neutral to the idea of R2I. Sometimes he says he would like to return, just not now :). His concern is that I will not adjust well to India, but I would like to give R2I still a chance.

RRK · Post by **RRK** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:55 pm

Guys,
Please take note.
Usually you complain that women are against r2i and they spoil your plans.
Now, try to give this lady ideas and help her to make a successful r2i...

ILuvHyd · Post by **ILuvHyd** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:58 pm

ahyderabadi;73386He is neutral to the idea of R2I. Sometimes he says he would like to return, just not now :). His concern is that I will not adjust well to India, but I would like to give R2I still a chance.[/quote]
Looks like he's into x+1 syndrome. Lot of my friends who had solid plans for R2I have backed out with time and not even one without any plan(says exactly the same as your husband) has R2Ied :emembarrassed:

When we came in 1999, we had a plan to go back after 6 years H1, but has to postpone it with a strict deadline of Feb 2010 (might be earlier) eventhough both me and my wife agree on everything due to new found opportunities like GC, USC etc (which we didn't expect to get in our lifetime).

I think for a successful R2I one needs a plan with timelines. You come up with a draft plan and make him agree to it even verbally to plant the seed in his head. You can point him to some interesting threads in this forum.

Going_nowhere · Post by **Going_nowhere** » Sat Jan 19, 2008 12:02 am

ahyderabadi:

I think your husband is having an affair. :)

Desi_by_Nature · Post by **Desi_by_Nature** » Sat Jan 19, 2008 12:53 am

Leave him. Get a divorce.

Forget R2I, I bet in all through your married life he hasn't even learnt to put down the toilet seat. He'd rather be playing Xbox/playstation than have a nice conversation with you. He frequently forgets birthdays, anniversaries, important occasions. Has he ever given you a "thoughtful" gift? he knows that you love flowers dearly - but how many times has he bought flowers for you? he thinks they're a waste of money. How many times has he lit the house with candles and cooked a nice dinner for you? How many times has he told you that he loves you and made you feel special?

Try to see beyond the scope of R2I for a moment and ask yourself - Do you really wanna be with this man?

picket · Post by **picket** » Sat Jan 19, 2008 1:21 am

comon guys!!

Desi, Don't write you autobiography here. J/K

ahyderabadi, Talk to your husband...sometimes men are shy sharing there ideas...get into his brains...cook his fav dish..happy stomach..means happy feelings.....get him to talk...

if you can't get him to talk...you just keep talking..one sided...ask him questions..but don't expect answers....answer it your self
...he will start talking sooner or later....

vijay · Post by **vijay** » Sat Jan 19, 2008 3:53 am

Do you have kids? are you guys lonely? when kids grow up and leave you then you will know what really loneliness is, there is no support system for old immigrant folks in the USA. You could R2I when you are 65, but its much more difficult to adjust then, also no one will know you in India at 65.
I had a uncle who recently retired to India (UK) at 65, even his neice and nephews who are now 25 dont know him and he complains that he wished he had known them when they were younger so he could have had a bond with them.
Unfortunately there is expiry date on a succesful r2i, i believe its at 40

dreamland · Post by **dreamland** » Sat Jan 19, 2008 4:31 am

Hello There...

Did you ever try to find out why he doesn't want to plan? In my case, my hubby is kind who doesn't like to keep discussing things for yrs before taking any decision. I do crave for discussions.. and he goes what's there to discuss. We'll handle it when time comes. More than often he has things sorted out in brain and doesn't want to ponder on small things. There is hardly any weekend when I don't bring up topic of going back to India.. and he's like, yes, we'll go when the time is right. In my case, I am bored of monotonous life here. I want a change and going back to India sounds like a very easy escape to keep me occupied for another year or so. I don't like to think beyond that.. and when he is in discussion mode, I bringup small things (atleast in his opinion) like what kind of house I want to buy there.. as opposed to big things (again in his opinion) like how to manage finances etc.. so even if we are talking same thing, he talks more practically and me more emotionally and that act as a inhibitor for our discussion. Just wanted to share my experience.. may be it's not the same in your case. Talking more practically like how to invest in real estate (instead of how do I want to make my home there) usually helps me in getting him in discussion mode.. so won't hurt to try this approach. ;)