I suspect a fair percentage of R2I'd folks experience the blues, doubts and have 2nd thoughts regarding their R2I decision.
Many couples may have R2I'd due to unavoidable circumstances rather than by choice. In some cases one spouse may have R2I'd unwillingly to accomodate the wishes/wants/needs of the other spouse. The R2I-blues of such couples would be even more intense than that of the others...
Let's share 'How we beat our R2I blues' in this thread and hope that all recent and future R2I'ers will benefit from it.
My unsolicited advise to potential R2I'ers is that they should not under estimate the reverse culture shock and or ignore the R2I-blue syndrome. It can happen to anyone.
How to beat the R2I blues?
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yessireebob
- Posts: 60
- Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2007 12:38 pm
How to beat the R2I blues?
DosaiLvr;85433I suspect a fair percentage of R2I'd folks experience the blues, doubts and have 2nd thoughts regarding their R2I decision.
Many couples may have R2I'd due to unavoidable circumstances rather than by choice. In some cases one spouse may have R2I'd unwillingly to accomodate the wishes/wants/needs of the other spouse. The R2I-blues of such couples would be even more intense than that of the others...
Let's share 'How we beat our R2I blues' in this thread and hope that all recent and future R2I'ers will benefit from it.
My unsolicited advise to potential R2I'ers is that they should not under estimate the reverse culture shock and or ignore the R2I-blue syndrome. It can happen to anyone.
One thing that always helps in this situation is to hang out with people with similar perspectives. Family/relatives, in my opinion are actually not much help in this area and can actually be a hindrance. In their minds it would be ".. what is this guy compalining about... One half of the city does not get 24x7 water and electricity, and he he is complaining about xyz..."
Friends/people at work/in the community who have had similar experiences would be a better crowd to hang out with.
The other thing, would be to do a few things that you always wanted to when you thought about India. Take time to go to a music concert etc etc
Anyway, I am in the same boat and we are going through a lot of these ups and downs as we face maid problems and kids health issues etc... especially since my wife/kids were not 100% for the move
How to beat the R2I blues?
Looking back, few things that worked for us were:
1) Admitting that there was a problem and that the R2I was not going as we had planned it.
2) R2I'ing to our home town
3) Taking help from relatives (like I had any choice?!)
4) Not buying any furniture, cars, home, or any big ticket item as soon as we moved. (I have everything I need but everything is borrowed or I already owned it in India)
5) Not doing any chores around the house by employing a driver (runs a lot of errands) and a live-in maid. (I rate this quite high)
6) Renting in a large apt. cpmlx with a plenty of facilities.
7) Being willing to take a sabbatical of a few months and not stressing about a lack of job.
8) Most importantly having a fall-back plan - USC/R2A, that kept us from feeling trapped. (I rate this highest)
9) A spouse who did not blame me:) (at least not openly :emsmilep:)
Added later:
10) Having finalized the kids admissions prior to R2I
11) Not having to worry home/apt buying and/or construction/furnishing.
1) Admitting that there was a problem and that the R2I was not going as we had planned it.
2) R2I'ing to our home town
3) Taking help from relatives (like I had any choice?!)
4) Not buying any furniture, cars, home, or any big ticket item as soon as we moved. (I have everything I need but everything is borrowed or I already owned it in India)
5) Not doing any chores around the house by employing a driver (runs a lot of errands) and a live-in maid. (I rate this quite high)
6) Renting in a large apt. cpmlx with a plenty of facilities.
7) Being willing to take a sabbatical of a few months and not stressing about a lack of job.
8) Most importantly having a fall-back plan - USC/R2A, that kept us from feeling trapped. (I rate this highest)
9) A spouse who did not blame me:) (at least not openly :emsmilep:)
Added later:
10) Having finalized the kids admissions prior to R2I
11) Not having to worry home/apt buying and/or construction/furnishing.
How to beat the R2I blues?
yessireebob;85437One thing that always helps in this situation is to hang out with people with similar perspectives. Family/relatives, in my opinion are actually not much help in this area and can actually be a hindrance. In their minds it would be ".. what is this guy compalining about... One half of the city does not get 24x7 water and electricity, and he he is complaining about xyz..."[/quote]
I guess it depends on how much the relatives are allowed to interfere.
I'm sure there can be pluses as well as negatives to having relatives around. In our case they were were helpful w/ work and material etc. and did not offer any counsel (they have learned not too:emwink: )
How to beat the R2I blues?
Life was not perfect in USA it is not going to be perfect in India.
Bottom-line try to focus on positives instead of negatives.
Some of the techniques we have used (Have been in India for 1+ year after 10 years in USA and reasonably happy so am qualified to make the suggestions
:-)
* Really give time & energy to kids, Kids being Happy & adjusted helped me quite a lot even though things were not really great for me sometimes.
* If staying at home, pick up some course/exam which you can do at your own pace. Gives you a sense of purpose/accomplishment. I have cleared Mutual Fund Advisor, Stock Broker, Derivatives module last year. Am pursuing Certified Financial Planner (Cleared Investment Planning module). Distance Learning is cheaper in India and getting educated on topics of interet & use is wonderful.
http://www.nseindia.com/content/ncfm/ncfm_modules.htm
Off-course you can pick any area of interest.
* Social Networking sites like Orkut & Facebook have helped me in connecting with people from 10-15 years ago, that has helped me in growing roots.
* Get adventurous and go for new experiences which you did not do in USA. We have been trying things like Circus, Mela, TRavelling in shared auto & bus for me, Animal rides, celebrating festivals in elaborate way. Welcome the change try to enjoy India for what it is.. don't look for US style stuff. Enjoy the tea-coffee in showrooms when you are splurging money, go for highest tickets in cinema hall and enjoy the sandwich & fries being brought to you, Ladies go for a spa/beauty treatment for whole day.................India has tons of things which US does not offer.
Regards,
Rupali
Bottom-line try to focus on positives instead of negatives.
Some of the techniques we have used (Have been in India for 1+ year after 10 years in USA and reasonably happy so am qualified to make the suggestions
:-)
* Really give time & energy to kids, Kids being Happy & adjusted helped me quite a lot even though things were not really great for me sometimes.
* If staying at home, pick up some course/exam which you can do at your own pace. Gives you a sense of purpose/accomplishment. I have cleared Mutual Fund Advisor, Stock Broker, Derivatives module last year. Am pursuing Certified Financial Planner (Cleared Investment Planning module). Distance Learning is cheaper in India and getting educated on topics of interet & use is wonderful.
http://www.nseindia.com/content/ncfm/ncfm_modules.htm
Off-course you can pick any area of interest.
* Social Networking sites like Orkut & Facebook have helped me in connecting with people from 10-15 years ago, that has helped me in growing roots.
* Get adventurous and go for new experiences which you did not do in USA. We have been trying things like Circus, Mela, TRavelling in shared auto & bus for me, Animal rides, celebrating festivals in elaborate way. Welcome the change try to enjoy India for what it is.. don't look for US style stuff. Enjoy the tea-coffee in showrooms when you are splurging money, go for highest tickets in cinema hall and enjoy the sandwich & fries being brought to you, Ladies go for a spa/beauty treatment for whole day.................India has tons of things which US does not offer.
Regards,
Rupali
How to beat the R2I blues?
Rupali;85933* Get adventurous and go for new experiences which you did not do in USA. We have been trying things like Circus, Mela, TRavelling in shared auto & bus for me, Animal rides, celebrating festivals in elaborate way. Welcome the change try to enjoy India for what it is.. don't look for US style stuff. Enjoy the tea-coffee in showrooms when you are splurging money, go for highest tickets in cinema hall and enjoy the sandwich & fries being brought to you, Ladies go for a spa/beauty treatment for whole day.................India has tons of things which US does not offer.
Regards,
Rupali[/quote]
I don't know about hyderabad, here in chennai there is a pick pocket in every shared auto. The theaters however have improved very well in India. Here at Sathyam cinemas in Chennai, there are LCD TVs in restrooms, recliner type leather seats etc. Its a different experience watching movies here.
How to beat the R2I blues?
Few things that turned the "blue" to "deep blue" - It might help to recognize these and plan response strategy. My suggestion is bear w/ it and soon you'll not even notice it )
1) Little and inconsequential things would make us to get upset, reminisce about "home", and proclaim that "this country will never change!"
2) Appliances, electronics and furniture that came up for repair/service was not a happy situation. The operators who take the call at the service centers, the technicians who come down don?t appear professional and that makes me doubt their quality of work?
3) Going to cybercaf?/ xerox center to scan or photocopy, print, etc. which we used to do at home in the US. I was forced to go to the cybercaf?ecause I fried the PCP of my MFC printer that I had carried from the US.
Those cubicles at the cybercaf?make me claustrophobic?
4) Standing in a line (which no one else seems to do) for a DD in the bank, getting a picture for OCI, finding the courier and wondering if the docs will actually reach the recipient etc.
5) Dealing w/ office bureaucracy - private or public
The trip that my wife and I made to the US for our oath w/ in weeks of R2I'ing and when our R2I-blues were at a peak, did not help either.
It affirmed our doubts and made us (at that time) homesick for America or sick-of-home w/ things there way they are in India!
But after 8 mths. In India and as I type this, I realize that these little things don't bother us no more. We have survived the boot-camp. We have been normalized, re-tempered and hardened. I believe that a couple of yrs here (if not more) will be good for the kids as well.
I?m glad we did the R2I and all things being the same I would make the same decisions. I won?t be surprised one bit if the R2A date gets nudged each year by 1 more year!
1) Little and inconsequential things would make us to get upset, reminisce about "home", and proclaim that "this country will never change!"
2) Appliances, electronics and furniture that came up for repair/service was not a happy situation. The operators who take the call at the service centers, the technicians who come down don?t appear professional and that makes me doubt their quality of work?
3) Going to cybercaf?/ xerox center to scan or photocopy, print, etc. which we used to do at home in the US. I was forced to go to the cybercaf?ecause I fried the PCP of my MFC printer that I had carried from the US.
Those cubicles at the cybercaf?make me claustrophobic?
4) Standing in a line (which no one else seems to do) for a DD in the bank, getting a picture for OCI, finding the courier and wondering if the docs will actually reach the recipient etc.
5) Dealing w/ office bureaucracy - private or public
The trip that my wife and I made to the US for our oath w/ in weeks of R2I'ing and when our R2I-blues were at a peak, did not help either.
It affirmed our doubts and made us (at that time) homesick for America or sick-of-home w/ things there way they are in India!
But after 8 mths. In India and as I type this, I realize that these little things don't bother us no more. We have survived the boot-camp. We have been normalized, re-tempered and hardened. I believe that a couple of yrs here (if not more) will be good for the kids as well.
I?m glad we did the R2I and all things being the same I would make the same decisions. I won?t be surprised one bit if the R2A date gets nudged each year by 1 more year!
How to beat the R2I blues?
river98;85949return to US[/quote]
But, why? If your statement was made because of the 'R2I-Blue' syndrome, I think he blues are only temporary, at least for most...
How to beat the R2I blues?
Why is a good question...
not really an answer to a temporary 'blue' that one might have ...that will happen to LIA as well...but having lived both places, I am personally convinced the compromise on the quality of life - especially basic security/health/safety etc is too much (read some my concerns in "most frightful deterrent to R2I)
...and sadly I don't see situation improving anytime soon ... the disparity is growing, cities are getting overcrowded ...nobody is even looking at improvements that are badly needed ... overall apathy and scramble to grab...
when once can have all the good of India in the US + the good things of US, why not ... being close to parents is the one big thing that pulls to r2i... thats what makes it so hard ...atleast for me.
not really an answer to a temporary 'blue' that one might have ...that will happen to LIA as well...but having lived both places, I am personally convinced the compromise on the quality of life - especially basic security/health/safety etc is too much (read some my concerns in "most frightful deterrent to R2I)
...and sadly I don't see situation improving anytime soon ... the disparity is growing, cities are getting overcrowded ...nobody is even looking at improvements that are badly needed ... overall apathy and scramble to grab...
when once can have all the good of India in the US + the good things of US, why not ... being close to parents is the one big thing that pulls to r2i... thats what makes it so hard ...atleast for me.