r2i dilemma - should I uproot the family or shouldn\'t I?

[shpkumar]

Baz12345: In response to your question about Chennai - I haven't R2I'ed yet but Chennai is my hometown and I might be able to tell you a few things about why it might be good. But first, where in India are you from Originally (sorry if I missed it in your post). Whether or not you will like Chennai will depend on that.

[karupalli]

I think now in our generation we care toomuch about wife and kids... Not that we should not care about them but it is woman's mentality that they always complain.. We just have to do what is right.

[Janu2010]

I think now in our generation we care toomuch about wife and kids... Not that we should not care about them but it is woman's mentality that they always complain.. We just have to do what is right.

Now you will be flamed.

[M V]

I think now in our generation we care toomuch about wife and kids... Not that we should not care about them but it is woman's mentality that they always complain.. We just have to do what is right.

Now you will be flamed.

Nah, :37: we'll leave the flaming to the respective wives of such thinking men.
Albeit, pray, we certainly will.

God Bliss.

[100desi]

"Believe in Yourself - Follow Your Heart"

I would like to tell all those people who want to R2I and seeking others opinion/advise.. that this is the worst thing one can do ( asking others if I should R2I or not).. everyone has different-2 circumstances/experience and thus you get the advice based on his/her own experience/circumstance.. Let's say if you get a great offer from a company in Afghanistan ( with lot of money/security for your family in Afghanistan ) and more and everyone on this post suggests you to accept this offer .. would you????????? You will follow your heart .. you should do the same thing ( follow your heart) when you want to R2I .. do whatever fits you.. NO ONE CAN MAKE BETTER DECISION (On Subjects Related To You)) THAN YOURSELF as you know your pluses and minuses besides that even if you move to India and don't like it or regret your decision .. this is not the end of the world.. ( in my previous job-- it wasn't a big company my boss lost USD 2.3 million in 4 months and almost filed bankruptcy but he worked hard and again established his company and last week I heard from him that he got a USD 30 million project in Ghana( West Africa) for installing WI-max. So we all make mistakes and if anyone says he/she never ever made a mistake mean he/she never did anything in life.. So just follow your heart-believe in your self .. and as Amir says in 3-Idiots .. ALL IS WELL.

First of all my heartfelt gratitude to the maintainers and members of this wonderful forum.

I am being deliberately vague in my description below about where I live in the US. Please bear with me on this matter.

I have lived in the US for 15+ years (USC+OCI). I have two children. My wife takes care of them. I have a very decent job (knock on wood) in IT that keeps us very comfortable. We've grown to like the place we are in - all the resources we need to take care of one another and our children are within a 5-10 mile radius including my workplace. We are health nuts and love this place for that reason too for the variety it offers both in terms of local and Indian resources. Our kids learn music and dance. Again within walking distance of our home. They enjoy sports. They go to good schools. Wife had set aside all of her ambitions and career for the time being to take care of the kids. In short she has painstakingly built a eco-system for me and the children over the last 15 years that I am now planning to tear down :-)

Ok. So I have a great offer with a great MNC. Nice relocation package. Good guaranteed (i.e. not related to performance) compensation. Great chances for growth. Cutting edge technology. Great role, great responsibilities. Location Chennai. Parents are nearby. Siblings are nearby. Great schools in the area. Cost of Living is probably higher where I plan to settle, but compensation package is more than adequate. So what's the catch?

1) What's in it for my wife? Remember the eco-system and so on? What's her rationale for tearing all that down and building it up from scratch in Chennai (not her favorite place, by the way).
2) Clearly she needs a reason to come back. She has 1, so far. Its so, she'll be nearer her parents who are getting older.
3) She has been talking to several peers (both r2iers and LIIers). So have I.

Drum roll ....

Here's the angle: 95% of the better halves of the r2iers hate having made the move even after 2-3 years (if not more) in India. 95% of the less than better halves love having made the move within about 6 months of having done so. In other words the 95% of the Venusians hate it. 95 % of the Martians love it.

What's our sample set - about 10 families (all r2iers).

Clearly that's a statistical blip.

If you are still reading.... Here finally is my question - Are the women who have r2ied (working or otherwise; earning spouse or otherwise, basically any kind) with their spouses happy with their decision?
If you are happy with your decision and you live in Chennai now - would you be so kind as to expand on your experiences? Why do you think Chennai is a great place to r2i to. Why do you think Chennai is hell in disguise. etc. etc.

Would be eternally grateful for any/all of your responses.

[dbs]

Nah, :37: we'll leave the flaming to the respective wives of such thinking men.
Albeit, pray, we certainly will.

Pray for the respective wives or the thinking men?

[scotchlvr]

I am in a similar situation too. Have a perfect life going on here which we have built in the last two decades, but just doesn't feel good to abandon R2I plans. And it doesn't feel good to uproot the family either.

I am thinking the way out would be to try out R2I for an year. We will know the answer where do we want to spend the next decade. R2A if we feel that way after one year. Question is how to make it happen..

Other way out is to postpone R2I again and wait for a few more years. The biggest question would be how to keep the kids prepared for R2I at a later date. It is already difficult now.

[post_r2i06]

If everything is going so well, why change it? Dont rock the boat unless you HAVE TO ( i.e. you have very very compelling reasons).

Just other day, my friend and I ( both R2Iers) were saying, we probably made a mistake(!!) even though kids, relatives, parents are all happy, job going on. We were more happy and less stressed in US than here.

Later

[ksheer3]

Life altering events and stress.

This probably belongs in the ?Over Analyze? thread rather than here; but I wish to focus on the effects of experimental R2I on children.
I personally know of a lady living in a desi eco-bubble of the type you describe ? mandir/music/dance/festivals etc. Also frequent visits to India. She took a sabbatical from work and went to India for 1 year. Bought a flat and experienced life. Because of the desi eco-bubble experience, pre-teen son adapted very well and did extremely well in school (except for language). However they returned after a year. Reason? Intangible and hard-to-pinpoint factors; nothing physical. Like ethos (dishonesty, pettiness, rudeness and total disregard for the human being next to you). She saw those influences creeping into son?s character and decided that she did not want him to grow-up like that. On reflection, the eco-bubble in the US had ?the best of both worlds?.
In the US there are several life changing and stressful events recognized by psychologists. For adults these include ---Birth/death; marriage/divorce; first job/job loss/retirement; accident/physical trauma; property/economic loss etc. I?d add, that for children, instability in the environment is also a stress-factor that needs to be considered --- loss of roots/comfort zone/friends/familiar surroundings/house/climate are sources of stress. While many parents proudly claim that their offsprings handle these without problems I?d question the wisdom of subjecting them to this experimental change to suit an adult whim or yearning.

Children often suppress their stress symptoms in order to please the parents. I?d say by all means try it out. But one has to ask oneself -- is it worth putting them thru? this and what are the longterm effects?

[Old-Spice2]

>>>If everything is going so well, why change it? Dont rock the boat unless you HAVE TO ( i.e. you have very very compelling reasons).

For Desi people, everything goes well as long as the kids are young. The problem starts at Middle or High School and beyond. Just this summer three of our close friends decided to r2i after their kids reached 11th grade. They had no plans to r2i and I dont know the reason for this sudden change. May be they saw some ghost in the high school? :)

>>>Just other day, my friend and I ( both R2Iers) were saying, we probably made a mistake(!!) even though kids, relatives, parents are all happy, job going on. We were more happy and less stressed in US than here.

If you dont r2i when the kids are young, you may probably end up living till EOL in US. r2i after retirement does not work out for everyone. With clean environment in US, you may live longer. You have to save lot of money for longer lifespan and lonely life if you dont have any relatives. Also mentally be prepared to spend time in American old age home with local food. Someone will say there are many Desi old age homes serving Indian food - may God save them.