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MT: Jokes and Humor III
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Hyderabadi
- Posts: 1768
- Joined: Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:31 am
MT: Jokes and Humor III
Give it a thought.
The first man, whoever he is, who discovered milk. What the hell was he trying to do with the cow.
The first man, whoever he is, who discovered milk. What the hell was he trying to do with the cow.
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Hyderabadi
- Posts: 1768
- Joined: Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:31 am
MT: Jokes and Humor III
Fred works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and
plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes
him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Fred! How ya doin?'
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
'Oh no,' says Fred.. 'He's in my bowling league.
When they are seated, a waitress asks Fred if he'd like his usual and brings
over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know
that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Fred,
starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Freddie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Fred's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club...
Fred follows and spots her getting into a taxi.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Fred tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him
for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter
word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Fred, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes
him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Fred! How ya doin?'
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
'Oh no,' says Fred.. 'He's in my bowling league.
When they are seated, a waitress asks Fred if he'd like his usual and brings
over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know
that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Fred,
starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Freddie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Fred's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club...
Fred follows and spots her getting into a taxi.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Fred tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him
for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter
word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Fred, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
MT: Jokes and Humor III
SADARJI bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
SADARJI : I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College ...
Friend: Really, what is he studying?
SADARJI : No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
SADARJI : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night. DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
SADARJI : Can I take it tomorrow, tonight is final game.
SADARI : If I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?
SADARJI : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
SADARJI complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
SADARJI : 'I was watching TV news...'
SADARJI comes back to his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for the compliment.'
SADARJI in a bar and his cellular phone rings.
He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
SADARJI : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
SADARJI - If only the winner will get the cup, why others are running?
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense.
SADARJI : The future tense is 'you will go to jail'
Sardar:* My mobile bill how much?*
Call centre girl:* Sir, just dial 123 from your mobile to know current bill status*
Sardar:* Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL. *
Sardar: *I think that girl is deaf..*
Friend:* How do you know?*
Sardar: *I told I Love her, but she said her Sandals are new *
Teacher:* Which is the oldest animal in world?*
Sardar:* ZEBRA*
Teacher:* How?*
Sardar:* Bcoz it is Black & White *
Judge:* Don't U have shame? It is the 3rd time you are coming to court..*
Sardar to judge:* You are coming daily to court, don't you have shame?
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.*
Manager:* Do you know MS Office?*
Sardar:* If you give me the address I will go there sir.
Sardar in airplane going to Bombay ....
While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "*
Air hostess said: *"B silent."*
Sardar:* "Ok... Ombay. Ombay"
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...! !! *
Sardar:* Miss, you called to my mobile?*
Teacher: *Me? No, why?*
Sardar:* Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".
...........................
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
SADARJI : I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College ...
Friend: Really, what is he studying?
SADARJI : No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
SADARJI : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night. DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
SADARJI : Can I take it tomorrow, tonight is final game.
SADARI : If I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?
SADARJI : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
SADARJI complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
SADARJI : 'I was watching TV news...'
SADARJI comes back to his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for the compliment.'
SADARJI in a bar and his cellular phone rings.
He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
SADARJI : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
SADARJI - If only the winner will get the cup, why others are running?
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense.
SADARJI : The future tense is 'you will go to jail'
Sardar:* My mobile bill how much?*
Call centre girl:* Sir, just dial 123 from your mobile to know current bill status*
Sardar:* Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL. *
Sardar: *I think that girl is deaf..*
Friend:* How do you know?*
Sardar: *I told I Love her, but she said her Sandals are new *
Teacher:* Which is the oldest animal in world?*
Sardar:* ZEBRA*
Teacher:* How?*
Sardar:* Bcoz it is Black & White *
Judge:* Don't U have shame? It is the 3rd time you are coming to court..*
Sardar to judge:* You are coming daily to court, don't you have shame?
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.*
Manager:* Do you know MS Office?*
Sardar:* If you give me the address I will go there sir.
Sardar in airplane going to Bombay ....
While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "*
Air hostess said: *"B silent."*
Sardar:* "Ok... Ombay. Ombay"
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...! !! *
Sardar:* Miss, you called to my mobile?*
Teacher: *Me? No, why?*
Sardar:* Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".
...........................
MT: Jokes and Humor III
Why Are Americans Jobless?
John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 a.m.
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN PHILIPPINES )
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN VIETNAM ).
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA ), then he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO )
to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ), he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY )
filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia ) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA ),
John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE )
and turned on his TV (MADE IN KOREA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA .
AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP, FROM HIS PRESIDENT (MADE IN KENYA ) !!
.......................................................................
John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 a.m.
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN PHILIPPINES )
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN VIETNAM ).
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA ), then he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO )
to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ), he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY )
filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia ) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA ),
John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE )
and turned on his TV (MADE IN KOREA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA .
AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP, FROM HIS PRESIDENT (MADE IN KENYA ) !!
.......................................................................
MT: Jokes and Humor III
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your
honest opinion about solutions to the shortage of food in rest of the world"
The survey was a huge failure..... ... Do you know WHY?
** In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.
* In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant.
* In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.
* In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.
* In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant.
* In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.
* And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.
..........
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your
honest opinion about solutions to the shortage of food in rest of the world"
The survey was a huge failure..... ... Do you know WHY?
** In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.
* In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant.
* In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.
* In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.
* In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant.
* In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.
* And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.
..........
MT: Jokes and Humor III
I called the suicide helpline.
It landed in a call center in Pakistan.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck!
It landed in a call center in Pakistan.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck!
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Hyderabadi
- Posts: 1768
- Joined: Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:31 am
MT: Jokes and Humor III
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
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Hyderabadi
- Posts: 1768
- Joined: Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:31 am
MT: Jokes and Humor III
My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in
Paradise . Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the
bloody apple!
Paradise . Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the
bloody apple!
MT: Jokes and Humor III
A British Soldier ran to a Nun.
Out of breath he Asked, "Please may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later", the Nun agreed.
A moment Later two Military Police ran up and asked "Sister, have you seen a soldier?".
Nun: "He went that way."
After the MP’s ran off, the Soldier crawled out from under the skirt and said,
"I can’t Thank you Enough Sister, you see, I don’t want to go to IRAQ."
Nun: "I understand completely."
Soldier: "I hope I am not rude but you do have a great pair of legs."
Nun: "If you have looked a little higher, you would have seen a pair of balls. I also don’t Want to go to IRAQ"
Out of breath he Asked, "Please may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later", the Nun agreed.
A moment Later two Military Police ran up and asked "Sister, have you seen a soldier?".
Nun: "He went that way."
After the MP’s ran off, the Soldier crawled out from under the skirt and said,
"I can’t Thank you Enough Sister, you see, I don’t want to go to IRAQ."
Nun: "I understand completely."
Soldier: "I hope I am not rude but you do have a great pair of legs."
Nun: "If you have looked a little higher, you would have seen a pair of balls. I also don’t Want to go to IRAQ"