My son is in upper elementry school. At home we teach him don't use word like stupid/idiot/that sucks etc.
He follows it good & if some one says that outside, he will tells us so & so used this word.
one day I overhead his friends conversation. Some one used the word that sucks... my son told him don't use that word. So 3-4 friends told what's wrong in that word? I don't know what he should have told in return but he kept quiet....
some days back, he came to me & ask , mom, can I use it stincks...when I really don't like something..I told you tell that is really bad instead of stincks. We did not grew up here so we don't know what words are big NO.. and what are ok to use sometime.
My son complained some kids call him stupid/idiot in school..what should any kid do in that situation?
My other problem is peer pressure...in my community some desi kids just play... as their parents don't make them to do extra study. We at home make my son do some extra study on weekdays. So his friends tell him we don't have to do anywork at home.. it gives him feeling that only he has to study.
just some friendly discussion
Kids\' Peer pressure/calling bad names
Kids' Peer pressure/calling bad names
OP, I am going to move your post here. You might find some tips there.
Kids - How to handle Bullying at school
Kids - How to handle Bullying at school
Kids' Peer pressure/calling bad names
OP:
Upper elementary - I'm guessing your son is probably in 4th or 5th grade. Mine is in 3rd grade and believe it or not, kids use all sorts of words in normal conversation - yes, including the F-word and in context too. While it is within our means to tell our own kids what type of language is or is not appropriate to use, it doesn't usually sit well when dictated to someone else's kid. If a neighbor's kid comes to our home and uses foul language, we tell him/her that we don't use such language in our home and that usually works, but school is a whole different place to set such limitations.
That said, my kid knows what type of words are not to be used and I'm pretty sure that she doesn't use them in normal conversation while at school since if she does, then those words would automatically find their way at home too. But she does mention that this kid used a "cuss word" or that kid said something really bad and so on. Instead of making a big deal about it, we tell her, "well, we cannot control what someone else says, but we can certainly control everything we say or do" and that makes her happy!
But one thing for sure is - don't ever tolerate namecalling! No kid should be called an idiot or stupid! And if that happens, the kid should be able to say sternly "hey, don't call me that!". And if that doesn't work, the next best thing is to report that to the teacher or the principal if it continues to happen.
As for peer pressure when it comes to playing - that is only an obvious feeling any kid will have when other kids his/her age are out playing and he/she has to work on some complex math problem just because mom/dad want them to do extra work! Ever heard of the saying "all work and no play makes Jack a dull kid"? I'd recommend that you set certain rules for your kid. There's a time for everything - time to play and have fun and a time to study and be serious. If you give them enough time to do both, chances are, they will do a lot better than when they are forced to study.
Upper elementary - I'm guessing your son is probably in 4th or 5th grade. Mine is in 3rd grade and believe it or not, kids use all sorts of words in normal conversation - yes, including the F-word and in context too. While it is within our means to tell our own kids what type of language is or is not appropriate to use, it doesn't usually sit well when dictated to someone else's kid. If a neighbor's kid comes to our home and uses foul language, we tell him/her that we don't use such language in our home and that usually works, but school is a whole different place to set such limitations.
That said, my kid knows what type of words are not to be used and I'm pretty sure that she doesn't use them in normal conversation while at school since if she does, then those words would automatically find their way at home too. But she does mention that this kid used a "cuss word" or that kid said something really bad and so on. Instead of making a big deal about it, we tell her, "well, we cannot control what someone else says, but we can certainly control everything we say or do" and that makes her happy!
But one thing for sure is - don't ever tolerate namecalling! No kid should be called an idiot or stupid! And if that happens, the kid should be able to say sternly "hey, don't call me that!". And if that doesn't work, the next best thing is to report that to the teacher or the principal if it continues to happen.
As for peer pressure when it comes to playing - that is only an obvious feeling any kid will have when other kids his/her age are out playing and he/she has to work on some complex math problem just because mom/dad want them to do extra work! Ever heard of the saying "all work and no play makes Jack a dull kid"? I'd recommend that you set certain rules for your kid. There's a time for everything - time to play and have fun and a time to study and be serious. If you give them enough time to do both, chances are, they will do a lot better than when they are forced to study.
Kids' Peer pressure/calling bad names
Dimpy, With words like idiot/stupid/ that sucks, it would depend on the context in which these words are used. “You idiot”, “Don’t be an idiot” “Are you stupid?” are sometimes used on the playground when the kids are very active in a game and temporarily irritated. Teachers might even use “I felt like such an idiot when I …”, “How can I be so stupid…” in the classroom. It does sound odd, but in the flow of conversation or as the teacher is describing some incident, often from her own life outside school, it does not draw that much attention. “That sucks” is routinely used by kids and teachers. For example - if it is raining for the third day in a row and recess is indoors.
There are varying views among parents regarding such language. The Junie B Jones book series is a related example. If I did not approve of some words or phrases I would tell my kid to not use them. I would also explicitly tell him not to correct other kids for words like idiot, stupid and just ignore them. Kids can be very cruel to kids who correct such usage. It will be a good learning experience for adult life- some grownups use BS, some don’t. Four letter words or inappropriate synonyms for African-Americans are another story. Even for these, the child might need some coaching in how to express himself without coming across as preachy. “Let’s try to not use that word” or “Is that slang?” (can’t think of better responses right now).
You mentioned not being sure about some usages like “it stinks”. In such cases, I have frankly asked some mothers who grew up here for their opinion or even the teacher. I wouldn’t bring it up as a separate query, but more as an “Oh, also…” as part of another conversation with the teacher. I have found that stating plainly, “I am not familiar with some aspects of elementary schools or appropriate” disarms the teacher, and she/he is more than willing to help.
Coming to the specific query of what if someone calls kid stupid or idiot – there are many options – Ignore. Calmly tell the other child, “Please don’t call me that” and walk away. Calmly state “No, I am not an idiot” and walk away. I am not sure if stupid/idiot fall under name-calling, but for name-calling in general, it might be a good idea to get the teacher’s input on how a child should deal with it. In particular, since tattling is actively discouraged in school here, but children are encouraged to report bullying or serious name calling and the distinction between tattling/reporting can get hazy for the parent herself, forget about for the child!
There are varying views among parents regarding such language. The Junie B Jones book series is a related example. If I did not approve of some words or phrases I would tell my kid to not use them. I would also explicitly tell him not to correct other kids for words like idiot, stupid and just ignore them. Kids can be very cruel to kids who correct such usage. It will be a good learning experience for adult life- some grownups use BS, some don’t. Four letter words or inappropriate synonyms for African-Americans are another story. Even for these, the child might need some coaching in how to express himself without coming across as preachy. “Let’s try to not use that word” or “Is that slang?” (can’t think of better responses right now).
You mentioned not being sure about some usages like “it stinks”. In such cases, I have frankly asked some mothers who grew up here for their opinion or even the teacher. I wouldn’t bring it up as a separate query, but more as an “Oh, also…” as part of another conversation with the teacher. I have found that stating plainly, “I am not familiar with some aspects of elementary schools or appropriate” disarms the teacher, and she/he is more than willing to help.
Coming to the specific query of what if someone calls kid stupid or idiot – there are many options – Ignore. Calmly tell the other child, “Please don’t call me that” and walk away. Calmly state “No, I am not an idiot” and walk away. I am not sure if stupid/idiot fall under name-calling, but for name-calling in general, it might be a good idea to get the teacher’s input on how a child should deal with it. In particular, since tattling is actively discouraged in school here, but children are encouraged to report bullying or serious name calling and the distinction between tattling/reporting can get hazy for the parent herself, forget about for the child!
Kids' Peer pressure/calling bad names
dimpy;276634...
My other problem is peer pressure...in my community some desi kids just play... as their parents don't make them to do extra study. We at home make my son do some extra study on weekdays. So his friends tell him we don't have to do anywork at home.. it gives him feeling that only he has to study.
I faced this with my kid in a slightly different way – “why should I do this when I can be playing the Wii.” I explained at his level how he will benefit, how it will make class work easier. It depends on the kid’s nature and age. Once what worked was telling my child that when some workbook gets done, she will get $25 to spend at Barnes & Noble. Should kids be bribed is a different discussion.
Like most things in this country, extra study has a fancy term - “afterschooling”. This board has some discussions on how to get it done, whether or not to tell other kids and parents and so on. It was an eye opener and somewhat amusing for me to read there about white parents also facing similar issues. I picked up couple of tips from there – squeeze in the extra study at unconventional times, tell child that it is OK and necessary to not tell all friends about extra study.
Kids' Peer pressure/calling bad names
modus_vivendi;279405tell child that it is OK and necessary to not tell all friends about extra study.
Agree. I have this problem with my neighbor kid(white). The play time gets longer than what I want my kid to do since my neighbor kid plays till dinner time* and comes back after dinner too and my kid asks if they don't have to study, why should I?
I explained her how study helps to grow smarter...
My neighbor kid had said couple times to her friends that XXXX (my kid)has to study a lot implying that she needs extra help(not a smart kid)!!!!
Now I made it a point to tell my kid that not tell her friends that she has to stop playing to get back to study instead say- I am done with playing and would like to take some rest.
First time I came to know how other kids manipulated my kids extra study, I was surprised and pissed off too but later learnt how to tackle it.
*Dinner time as seen here say 6PM
Kids' Peer pressure/calling bad names
DM, you are right. Most of the younger gen have at least 100+ on n/w sites. I have have interested in field- Women on most of them. They have their parents also added to the friends list, so I assume parents know about.
BTW, do your kids have their own laptop/pc? My daughter is asking for one, & we think she is too young for it. Sigh!
BTW, do your kids have their own laptop/pc? My daughter is asking for one, & we think she is too young for it. Sigh!
Kids' Peer pressure/calling bad names
OotyGuy;276650 believe it or not, kids use all sorts of words in normal conversation - yes, including the F-word and in context too.
Believe it or not, I was an RJ too at one time. Still at school, maybe 6th class, I heard the word and thought the word was "walk off" and impressed; I used to say it often at home.