Another B2B Move Story(Bay Area to Bangalore)

[youngmom]

It has been 2 months since we moved from Bay Area to Bangalore. The container has arrived and things are in place at home, kids are happy with the school and picking up hindi well, and office life is also going smoothly. Now I kind of feel settled in this place. A big relief for me, especially because it wasn't a well planned R2I move like some of the other folks and I for one was confusing my DH till the last day we left from US.

BackGround

13 years in US, pretty much the entire part of married life...USC + OCI, two kids aged 11 and 6. Both of us working, bought a house 5 years back and life was going smoothly in bay area with a few good friends and lots of indian exposure for kids. I was not really worried about raising kids there or anything, but something was missing. The hollowness started growing during the last 5 years. It was aggravated by small incidents like when my daughter asked one day why she doesn't have cousins visiting our house like her other friends have and when she said "you don't know anything about the education system here, so don't advise me on how to do my exam/project". We were also getting tired of the constant potlucks and get togethers which we felt was a way the indians found to hide the hollowness. After India trip, we used to feel like why do we have to go back, even though good friends were there to help us with every trip we made.

The Action

In March/April, still confused on whether to uproot everything and make the move. But hubby was firm as he felt kids will have a better, happier childhood in India. We saw many parents in Bay Area were hyper about raising their kids as Indians that they were missing the fact that their kids were having a miserable time. Things that we had to do to make the move:

1. Finalize on job/city
2. Sell the house
3. Find a school


Choice of city

We were very firm that we have to move to Chennai as both of us were from there and we had fond memories of the city that we grew up in. Moreover, our kids would get good company with same age cousins and relatives. But job situation in Chennai wasn't very promising for us. The plan was for DH to look for a job in Chennai and I wanted to take a break from working. But things didn't really happen that way. Somehow we weren't very comfortable in just quitting both our jobs and packing our bags. So later decided that taking a company transfer to Bangalore is easier. Never did I imagine that I would move to Bangalore with no friends and few relatives here. But I am happy about the decision. Weather is a big plus in Bangalore, atleast for my kids who aren't used to the hot weather in Chennai. Also, lifestyle in Bangalore is more closer to US and they have many r2i kids in school, so they are happy. They get their weekly turn to eat at McD/Subway/KFC, if they eat the home cooked food well for the rest of the days :).

Selling the house

This was the biggest burden of all. Like other r2iers have mentioned, it was a big hurdle to cross before we could make the move. Renting the house was not an option for us as the mortgage + property taxes would not be covered by the rent. Luckily our house hadn't gone down in value due to good school district, but it hadn't appreciated either. So we tried to sell through ForSaleByOwner to save on commissions. Many offers came but fell apart in the discussion phase. We realized that buyer side realtors were playing tricks on us and negotiating with them was complicated. At last, we found a realtor who promised to sell without any loss to us and we decided to give it a try since there weren't many options left for us. She was unbelievable. She came like a storm, staged the house, highlighted the positives of the house very well and sold it in 2 weeks for a good price. Wow, that was a HUGH relief. By that time, my company transfer had also come and I was all set to move.

Looking for school

We had started looking for schools in Chennai and applied to Harishree Vidyalaya in March 2010. By April, we realized that we are not going to get in Harishree. Then finalized on Vael's Billabong. But by May, plans changed and we had to look for schools in Bangalore and we didn't have anybody there to give us a lead. I have to thank this forum for the huge help in finding the schools. We used google maps to narrow down the areas around office where we could live and listed the schools we would like to try. But nothing was finalized till I landed here. One of the main criteria for us was that based on school we would rent a house nearby. Making the kids travel in traffic to school for long distance was unacceptable to us especially given the kind of smoke and pollution there is in Bangalore.

Shipping the stuff
Shipping was another area that we took help from this forum. Without this forum, I don't know what we would have done. We found a fellow R2Ier who was willing to share the container and finalized on Swift Shipping company after getting quotes from many. In 2 weeks, the house was all empty and all the stuff was shipped.

THE DAY!!!
Finally, the day for us to depart had come. I left with kids in June after school closed for them and DH stayed back to complete the house transaction and other things. Friends had gathered at our house early in the morning for our send off. It was a day I could never forget. Everybody hugged and cried and I had a feeling of belonging that I never felt before. It is very strange that we never think about the importance of a relationship till we separate. I still miss the friends back in US. Over here, I think extended family is given first priority, so we don't really bond with friends like we do in US or maybe it is too early to say that.

Settling Down

First week in Bangalore was hectic, that too without DH. I was going around from school to school and asking for admission. I took help from extended family who came and stayed with me in Bangalore. There weren't any international schools in the area we were looking and I wanted to send them to a regular ICSE or CBSE school with good reviews. Finally, got admission in New Horizon public school in Indira Nagar. Then, next was house hunt but I was already tired by then. In Bangalore, it looks like the only way to find a rental house is through broker who would charge 1 month rent as commission. Through advice from a friend, we didn't disclose that we were coming from US unless absolutely necessary. But if my kids opened their mouth, it was an easy guess for anyone. The first few days, I realized that people were staring at us when we shopped because the kids were talking with an accent. I saw only a few houses but luckily there was one close to school, so immediately fixed that. It is not a very new house and there are some other downsides, but location was the main attraction. Now I just wait for DH to come and I would hand over the torch of responsibility to him and RELAX!!!

Life In Bangalore

Things that I learned here that could be useful for prospective R2I people are:

1. You can buy almost any food item you would miss from the US here.
2. Mall culture is very much prevalent here also and people rush to the mall when there is sale advertisement in newspaper. But many of the sale advertisements are eye wash, especially the ones that claim to give free gift or buy one, get one free. It is still worth to comparison shop before buying big ticket items.
3. Don't think that you can hire a maid/driver/cook and don't have to do any work at all. You need to manage all of them and that is more complicated that doing the work yourself. At work, most of the ladies conversations are centered around complaints about their maids. But if you try not to be fully dependent on them and willing to do some work on your own, it is still better than having no help at all.
4. People are not as intrusive as you would think to be, India has changed a lot for good and lifestyle in metros are almost same as US.

One might wonder based on the above said things what is the advantage then of coming back if life has changed here also. For me, it is a feeling that is hard to describe. Some examples of things that make me excited:

1. I can still relate to my kids when they talk about their school(fond memories of my own school days)
2. The friendly nature of the neighborhood people. I feel happy to see the kids playing cricket in street and making all the noise.

Plus, being closer to family makes me live in peace. We drive to Chennai every other weekend or they come here. It is so much better than seeing them once every two years or making the parents go through the nightmare of staying in US for 6 months.

So things are going on fine here, but the big question still remains in our mind. Should we go back to Chennai when we get a chance or settle in Bangalore? I guess we are doomed to be confused desis forever.

[anwesha]

youngmom, well written. About moving to chennai, why not? I bet it would make relating-to-your-own-memories even closer. Good luck! :)

[PeterGriffin]

Thank you for taking the time to write your experiences. We wish every R2Ier would do the same to help others in the process.
With regards to moving to Chennai from B'lore, i completely understand the situation. I'm from Chennai but will most probably settle in B'lore and i just don't have the heart to uproot myself from my favorite Chennai. But the good thing is that the two cities are just 5 hours apart.

Please keep updating the diary when you get a chance.

[nj2vb]

Congrats youngmom. Great Diary. Keep us posted.

[RocknRoll]

So things are going on fine here, but the big question still remains in our mind. Should we go back to Chennai when we get a chance or settle in Bangalore? I guess we are doomed to be confused desis forever.

Congrats YoungMom! Regarding your return to Chennai I'm afraid that the odds are against you.
For better or worse, most people who come to Bangalore can't seem to ever leave it (maybe its the weather or the cosmopolitan nature of the city).

[BeeAndButterfly]

Very well written diary young mom. Do the schools start second language in 6th? How do your kids like the school so far?

[youngmom]

ICSE schools start second language in 1st grade itself and 3rd language from 5th grade. My older one has to learn hindi for 2nd language and sanskrit for third. Younger one has to learn hindi only. But the good thing is kids are very flexible to learn a new language. It has been around 45 days since they started school and they can already read words in hindi. It is amazing how a child's brain works.

[chennai_vaasi]

Nicely written post. Hope your confusions will clear in the near future.

[back2desh]

Same experience here....... My son who is in 1st grade is learning Hindi and another son is in 4th grade he is also learning Hindi, both have picked up Hindi quite well in 40 days so far. They sing couple of Hindi prayers without any American Accent. They really pick up fast.

ICSE schools start second language in 1st grade itself and 3rd language from 5th grade. My older one has to learn hindi for 2nd language and sanskrit for third. Younger one has to learn hindi only. But the good thing is kids are very flexible to learn a new language. It has been around 45 days since they started school and they can already read words in hindi. It is amazing how a child's brain works.

[poofygoogle]

Nice diary. Its funny, when we started to R2i, we had done all research for Bangalore since we wanted to relocate to BLE but DH got an offer where it was to be in Chennai and we could not refuse. Both of us have lived in Chennai and it was DH home town. But we had some time before landing in Chennai so it was easier. But having settled in Chennai now, we know the pros and cons of each place and at the moment enjoying Chennai. We do visit BLE often since my DH's brother lives in BLE and enjoy those visits as well. But schooling wise and cost of living wise we are happy with Chennai.