I was unsure about the title I could give to this thread.
Anyway, so this the situation.
Our neigbors back home had 2 sons. The mother died around 15 years ago and the sons had already graduated from college. The dad continued living with sons and Grandma. The older son came to US, and younger one followed him. Both finished their PhDs and are now settled comfortably in US and are unmarried. Speak only in english and vists India once in 4-5 years. Dad has retired many years ago and is 70+ now and Grandma is older than him obviously. When the mother had expired the grandma suggested the father to remarry (and the dad was ok with the thought) but the sons vehemently opposed, so that did not happen. But the most disgusting part is that the sons now dont tend for the dad (I don't know if he is being helped financally). They do not invite him over to US (since they say he would get bored here). Last my family talked to the dad casually checking on him about his health, when the dad said that both the grandma and him are now wondering who gets the call from heaven first. My heart literally broke after hearing that. I am not related to them but since I know them well, it bothers.
The boys struggled a lot and managed to make a life for themselves on their own. Now their sucess has gone to their heads. But whats the point of living such a life, when one does not care for the only surviving parent?
I don;t know why this upsets me so much...but I really think sometimes people do not care for what they have and only when its gone, they value it.
Does love for one country (US) exceed love for their own people in flesh and blood? why do some older Indian kids have a problem with the remarriage of their parent? or let me put it this way "why do Indian parents who are not very old not consider remarrying even if they want to"
Indifferent children and old parents
Indifferent children and old parents
As much as I feel very sad reading all this.. I do not find anything new in the story (true story)!
Indifferent children and old parents
Maybe we know the same people then. Coz I haven't come across a situation like this before.
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PeterGriffin
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Indifferent children and old parents
Koeli;319177
why do some older Indian kids have a problem with the remarriage of their parent? or let me put it this way "why do Indian parents who are not very old not consider remarrying even if they want to"
These are good questions. My parents are pretty old now but i cannot think of another person in my dad or mom's place. We don't look at it as a companion for our surviving parent but rather a replacement for the dead parent, which is what makes it very complicated.
I'm grateful that my parents lived and continue to live a long life but i cannot imagine the remarriage part if one of them hadn't.
Nevertheless, a great thread to start with!
Indifferent children and old parents
Koeli;319177
The boys struggled a lot and managed to make a life for themselves on their own. Now their sucess has gone to their heads. But whats the point of living such a life, when one does not care for the only surviving parent?
I don;t know why this upsets me so much...but I really think sometimes people do not care for what they have and only when its gone, they value it.
Does love for one country (US) exceed love for their own people in flesh and blood? why do some older Indian kids have a problem with the remarriage of their parent? or let me put it this way "why do Indian parents who are not very old not consider remarrying even if they want to"
Koeli, It is indeed a heart wrenching story. IMHO I would not go to the length of judging your neighbor?s sons as selfish. One might have known them from close quarters, but cannot speculate what is holding them from going back. Someone could call me selfish that I am enjoying life in US while my parents are suffering in India, but I might not be able to announce to my relative & friends the reasoning behind every choice. IMO.
About remarriage, obviously if you look at it from a child?s perspective; any child(old/young) would hate for someone else to take their mother?s place.
Indifferent children and old parents
Koeli;319177I was unsure about the title I could give to this thread.
Anyway, so this the situation.
Our neigbors back home had 2 sons. The mother died around 15 years ago and the sons had already graduated from college. The dad continued living with sons and Grandma. The older son came to US, and younger one followed him. Both finished their PhDs and are now settled comfortably in US and are unmarried. Speak only in english and vists India once in 4-5 years. Dad has retired many years ago and is 70+ now and Grandma is older than him obviously. When the mother had expired the grandma suggested the father to remarry (and the dad was ok with the thought) but the sons vehemently opposed, so that did not happen. But the most disgusting part is that the sons now dont tend for the dad (I don't know if he is being helped financally). They do not invite him over to US (since they say he would get bored here). Last my family talked to the dad casually checking on him about his health, when the dad said that both the grandma and him are now wondering who gets the call from heaven first. My heart literally broke after hearing that. I am not related to them but since I know them well, it bothers.
The boys struggled a lot and managed to make a life for themselves on their own. Now their sucess has gone to their heads. But whats the point of living such a life, when one does not care for the only surviving parent?
I don;t know why this upsets me so much...but I really think sometimes people do not care for what they have and only when its gone, they value it.
Does love for one country (US) exceed love for their own people in flesh and blood? why do some older Indian kids have a problem with the remarriage of their parent? or let me put it this way "why do Indian parents who are not very old not consider remarrying even if they want to"
I do hope that at the very minimum (and i know that itself isnt enough) the kids are providing for the financial well being of their dad and grandma. Also from your post sounds like they are both in their mid to late 30's and are unmarried. They are also both Phd's. To me seems like these two kids like to head for the extremes in life (<0.5% of population would do a phd, most folks are married in their late 30's with kids and in most cases Indian kids in the US do take care of their parents to the best of their ability). I dont know what else can i say expect for it sounds like the two kids might have some deep inferiority complex/psychological issues!
Indifferent children and old parents
PeterGriffin;319185
I'm grateful that my parents lived and continue to live a long life but i cannot imagine the remarriage part if one of them hadn't.
Nevertheless, a great thread to start with!
I agree PG, I was too young to understand these things or raise such questions when my mother was in such a situation. But I must say that it indeed is very complicated. The question I had was "parents who are not very old and who want to get married". The uncle in question was not even 50 when he lost his wife. And were already planning on coming to the US.
Indifferent children and old parents
Anwesha: I am trying to edit the title (Changing it to indifferent) but I am unable to. I know 'selfish' sounds extreme but no matter how much we deny the case I mentioned does sound 'selfish' . I know that we all have practical reasons why we can't move yet and I dont think it is possible to uproot themselves suddenly. But the children can atleast have their father to visit them. They are both GC holders and have no intentions of going back ever.
Indifferent children and old parents
Koeli;319177...
Does love for one country (US) exceed love for their own people in flesh and blood? [/quote]
This part I think Anwesha answered well.
[quote]why do some older Indian kids have a problem with the remarriage of their parent? or let me put it this way "why do Indian parents who are not very old not consider remarrying even if they want to"
Add to that 'why do Indians need approval of parents to marry' 'Why do many Indians continue to need parental approval for decisions taken as adults', 'Why do many Indian parents invest all their resources in children and set themselves up for heartache later on when those investments don't bring expected dividends?'.
The hesitation to accept another person as one's parent's spouse might be less if the possibility of having to live with that new person was less. Namely, the good old Indian joint family system and parents expecting to live with their sons at some time or the other. If this was not so common, folks (the sons and daughters) might find it easier to not begrudge their parents the happiness that a remarriage can bring.
Indifferent children and old parents
modus_vivendi;319211This part I think Anwesha answered well.
Add to that 'why do Indians need approval of parents to marry' 'Why do many Indians continue to need parental approval for decisions taken as adults', 'Why do many Indian parents invest all their resources in children and set themselves up for heartache later on when those investments don't bring expected dividends?'.
The hesitation to accept another person as one's parent's spouse might be less if the possibility of having to live with that new person was less. Namely, the good old Indian joint family system and parents expecting to live with their sons at some time or the other. If this was not so common, folks (the sons and daughters) might find it easier to not begrudge their parents the happiness that a remarriage can bring.
At the heart of every problem in any relationship is mis match of expectations between parties concerned!