student ... stay or go back

[tinu]

You have 2 important life events coming up
(1) Job
(2) Life Partner
Regarding (1) you mentioned that India and US are same considering the pros and cons.
Regarding (2) which country is better to get a suitable choice? What kind of support system you have for this in US and India?
Depending on that you can make your decision.

I have absolutely no support system in the US. None of my maternal or paternal relatives are in the US.
Regarding job, excuse me if I come across negative, but something I realized after having lived here for a while is this - "Your dreams carry no meaning in the US unless they are accompanied by a proper visa." In current economy, I'm not sure I can get a visa to work as a pharmacist (Yes, I'm about to get licensed.) I commented on someone's post about how difficult life is for biological/pharmaceutical people in the US. That is very true. Pharmaceutical industry in India is picking pace. So, returning now would be ideal. Work satisfaction may be lesser in India, salary may not be great, but I won't have visa issues.

[PeterGriffin]

Your dreams carry no meaning in the US unless they are accompanied by a proper visa."

Well said!

[tinu]

At age 32 and arranged marriage scenario, choices are limited in India. You are looking at guys around 35+ who will be already settled in life. If they are not, then it is not worth marrying him. Finding single men at this age will be difficult. Since you have plans to get married and start a family, time is not on your side. Spending time with aged parents and visa issue in US - keeping this in mind, r2i will be a better option. Finally you have to decide this - are you looking for an ABCD or pure Desi boy? That should give an answer to your problem.

At age 32, choices are limited for a female period. Excuse me for sharing very personal information, but I have been trying to find a man for myself through arranged as well as dating system in the US for last 6 years. Got nothing but humiliation and rejection. I have had India-grown men ask me to my face in first meeting/date only finance-related Qs -
- What would your salary be like?
- What are you bringing to the table?
- Are you in a recession-proof profession? (asked by a man who claimed to be an IIT graduate)
- How much loan do you have?
- Where will you get a job?
- When will you start working?
- Will you be able to find a job right after delivering a baby? (Yes, these exact words)

I wasn't sure that I would be able to stay married if I couldn't get/keep a job/my salary wasn't satisfactory according to my husband (if I had married such men).
I have been looking for pure desi boys because ABCD men kept me hanging. They were also concerned that I was interested in marrying them only for a quick green card. They wanted to date for a couple of years then they (said they) would be able to "tell better".

Not bashing Indian men here, just stating my experiences.

[M V]

At age 32, choices are limited for a female period. Excuse me for sharing very personal information, but I have been trying to find a man for myself through arranged as well as dating system in the US for last 6 years. Got nothing but humiliation and rejection. I have had India-grown men ask me to my face in first meeting/date only finance-related Qs -
- What would your salary be like?
- What are you bringing to the table?
- Are you in a recession-proof profession? (asked by a man who claimed to be an IIT graduate)
- How much loan do you have?
- Where will you get a job?
- When will you start working?
- Will you be able to find a job right after delivering a baby? (Yes, these exact words)
...

Don't the parents of Indian women ask Indian men or their parents similar questions (minus the baby question) in the first or second meeting? No, wait! No Indian woman or her parents are likely to be talking marriage to Indian men without a job.

[deeppurple]

Instead of bashing indian men/women on what questions are asked while getting married or if these questions are right or wrong, we should keep this discussion more constructive so that tinu can be helped.
Job/Visa:
I am not sure about the specific field you are in, but till the time you are here, please try your best to get a job and request them to file for GC - afaik, for PhD, they can be in EB1 category and getting GC that way could be in an yr (if employers get it). If you dont get a job with immediate GC etc, then India can good many companies in Pharmatical sector and you are better off there.

Marriage:
Tinu, it is true that there are some bad apples everywhere and you are most likely to find more bad apples when they are old but still there might be some very few good apples left, just that now it will be difficult to spot them - Another set of men are those who get into marriage with incompactible partner early in their life and they separate -- so keep your options open w.r.t. marriage.
The question now remains is how much time you have remaining to stay in US?

If it is few months, it is unlikely that something good might turn up since you said, your search in US hasn't resulted in any success in last few yrs. Please note that search even in India might be tough but again depends on kind of people you hang out with but you have good chance - it is understandable that for someone doing PhD in US, time runs out fast and marriages get delayed. So, try it out.

Finances:
Regarding finances, please keep it separate from marriage. It might be sometimes fare to ask these questions (after they get to know you more, not the first meeting). But please get yourself well versed with financial matters and do your own finances. This way you will not be dependent on anyone for finances and provides for more freedoms and options should you ever get into incompatible marriage.

One thing though unrelated here but still valid is that always check on the family (immediate parents of the men) -- lot of personality traits of individual come directly from their parents and it matters a lot.

[tinu]

Don't the parents of Indian women ask Indian men or their parents similar questions (minus the baby question) in the first or second meeting? No, wait! No Indian woman or her parents are likely to be talking marriage to Indian men without a job.

Yes, you are right. I was shocked to face these Qs, but I realized that this is the way arranged marriage works.
BTW... I never asked these Qs to men. The guy I dated was also a PhD student like me, with loans.

[RRS]

Member Sambasambo1 question on a location within US to reside

Tinu,
Welcome aboard.
Please go through the above thread and see if there is a mutual interest to move forward between the 2 of you (You can initiate the conversation through private message). Marriages and matches are made in heaven and sometimes, you never know how you will meet your prospective spouse. So my little attempt to see if that member who is also looking to meet someone has interest in discussing with you : )

Good luck and wish you the best.

[oasis138]

At age 32 and arranged marriage scenario, choices are limited in India. You are looking at guys around 35+ who will be already settled in life. If they are not, then it is not worth marrying him. Finding single men at this age will be difficult. Since you have plans to get married and start a family, time is not on your side. Spending time with aged parents and visa issue in US - keeping this in mind, r2i will be a better option. Finally you have to decide this - are you looking for an ABCD or pure Desi boy? That should give an answer to your problem.

"You are looking at guys around 35+ who will be already settled in life. If they are not, then it is not worth marrying him" - wow nice stereotyping! good advice!

[oasis138]

Because some will just want to marry you since you hold 3 gold mines, which is quite possible in arranged marriage scenario.

possible in love marriages too (takes more time to lay the net of course)

[PeterGriffin]

"You are looking at guys around 35+ who will be already settled in life. If they are not, then it is not worth marrying him" - wow nice stereotyping! good advice!

If that's sarcasm, what's wrong with that advise?