Taking care of Parents

Back to Roots · Post by **Back to Roots** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 10:17 pm

We all Love our parents and we all know the sacrifices they made and the pains that they went through to make us who we are today. Abandoning parents at their frail age and sunset years was happening more in the economically weaker sections of Indian society. Nowadays, i see a painful change that irrespective of the financial ability to provide care for the parents, they are abandoned either Physically, emotionally or both.

The nuclear family couple in pursuit of a better materialistic life and to satisfy their career egos, justify their abandoning parents with stories of Busy life, times have changed, i have to take care of my children first, Spouse's continuous nagging to lead a life of their own, Indepenedency, Privacy.
The western world has a social support system for their senior citizens with social security, Medicare etc., Whereas, in India not every elderly couple is prepared for their old age on their own. Recent boom of old age homes/business and the movies( Muthukku Muthaaga-Recent Tamil movie) made saying their plight is very witness to the change.

I think, No matter whatever the difficulty, Indian parents in India should be cared for by their children physically and emotionally. Increasing the awareness about the plight of abandoned old age parent's and strengthening the social stigma against the children who abandon their parents are some ways of curbing this social menace. There is already a law requiring the children to provide and care for their elderly. But, this law is also as good as any other Indian law in implementation.
Please share your thoughts.
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oasis138 · Post by **oasis138** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:37 pm

Back to Roots;378490We all Love our parents and we all know the sacrifices they made and the pains that they went through to make us who we are today. Abandoning parents at their frail age and sunset years was happening more in the economically weaker sections of Indian society. Nowadays, i see a painful change that irrespective of the financial ability to provide care for the parents, they are abandoned either Physically, emotionally or both.

The nuclear family couple in pursuit of a better materialistic life and to satisfy their career egos, justify their abandoning parents with stories of Busy life, times have changed, i have to take care of my children first, Spouse's continuous nagging to lead a life of their own, Indepenedency, Privacy.
The western world has a social support system for their senior citizens with social security, Medicare etc., Whereas, in India not every elderly couple is prepared for their old age on their own. Recent boom of old age homes/business and the movies( Muthukku Muthaaga-Recent Tamil movie) made saying their plight is very witness to the change.

I think, No matter whatever the difficulty, Indian parents in India should be cared for by their children physically and emotionally. Increasing the awareness about the plight of abandoned old age parent's and strengthening the social stigma against the children who abandon their parents are some ways of curbing this social menace. There is already a law requiring the children to provide and care for their elderly. But, this law is also as good as any other Indian law in implementation.
Please share your thoughts.
Back to Roots

Agree with your thoughts but this is something which is unique to each parents-children situation. In some cases kids take care extremely well.; in some instances they make arrangements to take care and in some cases parents are left to fend for themselves...

hope4best · Post by **hope4best** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 12:07 am

There are three key components to Parent's well being during old age

1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Financial

1. Physical - While it's good to have Children around to take care of the physical needs when the Parents get old it's always not possible or Children refuse to do it. This can be compensated to a good extent by employing people if the Parents are monetarily in a good situation.

2. Emotional - If both Parents are alive then they get more emotional support from their spouse than from any other place. Even if only one Parent is alive then the Children/relatives will very likely provide emotional support if the living Parent(s) has enough wealth left to be inherited later.

3. Financial - Everything comes down to financial/wealth situation of the Parents. They have to (we've to do this for ourselves as well for old age) be financially independent, in case Children can't/do not support them, to have a peaceful old age. Moreover, Parents will feel psycholgically good that they aren't burdening their Children.

For Children, they have to bear in mind that what goes around always comes around, if we don't take care of our Parents then there's a good chance our Children will return the favor to us.

strongindian · Post by **strongindian** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 1:14 am

There are other side of the story booming in India these days too. India Inc &*+ Uncle Sam Inc are making crooked use of those stories and are opening various channels to enter families, confusing family members, and creating degeneracy in the families. The purpose is to get usual capitalistic benefits. Thereby it is not surprising to see the parent/s asking the returning kid, "why are you coming back?" just like any other T-D-H keep asking any R2Ier in India.

FYI.

I agree with your thoughts though.

Chakra · Post by **Chakra** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 7:30 pm

Back to Roots;378490We all Love our parents and we all know the sacrifices they made and the pains that they went through to make us who we are today. Abandoning parents at their frail age and sunset years was happening more in the economically weaker sections of Indian society. Nowadays, i see a painful change that irrespective of the financial ability to provide care for the parents, they are abandoned either Physically, emotionally or both.

Is there any data to prove that more kids are now abandoning their parents in their sunset years than before. The moral argument of kids being obligated to take care of parents in their old age in lieu of their pain and sacrifices is flawed to begin with. Parents choose to produce kids and then go through the effort required to raise them. They do it because having kids fulfills their lives, brings them joy, and the sense of propagating their genes. There is a selfish reason involved here. Where is the moral obligation of kids to take care of them in their old age?

[QUOTE]The nuclear family couple in pursuit of a better materialistic life and to satisfy their career egos, justify their abandoning parents with stories of Busy life, times have changed, i have to take care of my children first, Spouse's continuous nagging to lead a life of their own, Indepenedency, Privacy.

Their parents should have made sure to not educate their kids too much, or send them away to prefessional colleges, because there is no path to return back. Unless they want to give it all up.

[QUOTE]
There is already a law requiring the children to provide and care for their elderly. But, this law is also as good as any other Indian law in implementation.
Please share your thoughts.
Back to Roots

In my view, this law is flawed and ineffective. Only way would be to create a law that makes it mandatory for a daughter-in-law to take care of her in-laws after their retirement age, and also it makes mandatory for the in-laws to treat their daughter-in -law nicely at least for the first 10 years after marriage. There should be a process in place to handle complains and hand out fines/punishment.

Back to Roots · Post by **Back to Roots** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 8:15 pm

Chakra;378667 The moral argument of kids being obligated to take care of parents in their old age in lieu of their pain and sacrifices is flawed to begin with. Where is the moral obligation of kids to take care of them in their old age?

Their parents should have made sure to not educate their kids too much, or send them away to prefessional colleges, because there is no path to return back. Unless they want to give it all up.

This is not a moral argument. This is basic humanity with Conscience. Can you state any other better act in life that one is morally obligated to than caring for parents.
Are you saying that there is no one caring for their parents because they went to professional colleges. Can't any one succeed well professionally while caring for parents ?...
Caring for parents physically, emotionally and financially is not an obligation. It is a Gift.
-Back to Roots

ahirman · Post by **ahirman** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 1:28 am

Chakra;378667Is there any data to prove that more kids are now abandoning their parents in their sunset years than before. The moral argument of kids being obligated to take care of parents in their old age in lieu of their pain and sacrifices is flawed to begin with. Parents choose to produce kids and then go through the effort required to raise them. They do it because having kids fulfills their lives, brings them joy, and the sense of propagating their genes. There is a selfish reason involved here. Where is the moral obligation of kids to take care of them in their old age?

No kids are not obligated to take care of their parents.I dont think anyone who doesnt want to take care of their parents in old age is even obligated to provide a reason for it.

Let me look at your logic. Let me summarize it in one line:
Selfish people shouldnt expect.

Apply this logic to your life and your relationships and you will be amazed the about the double standards your carry. So the problem is not selfishness and expectations. The problem is selective application of the principle that your are carrying around so proudly to only one set of people. Your parents.

M V · Post by **M V** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 1:45 am

Chakra;378667...In my view, this law is flawed and ineffective. Only way would be to create a law that makes it mandatory for a daughter-in-law to take care of her in-laws after their retirement age, and also it makes mandatory for the in-laws to treat their daughter-in -law nicely at least for the first 10 years after marriage. There should be a process in place to handle complains and hand out fines/punishment.

Isn't there a process in place, and it is called the 'husband'? :)

The law, even with suggested modifications, would still be flawed.

In most families ultimately the woman calls the shots. Like Woody Allen said: "In my house I am the boss, my wife is just the decision maker".

The only solution I can see is a switch to a matriarchal society.

Old-Spice2 · Post by **Old-Spice2** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 1:56 am

It is a complicated situation. Law can not be applied uniformly for everyone. If parents are not wealthy, kids go out to pursue their goal of accumulating wealth. With ever rising cost of living it will be risky to give up the chance to earn and save. If the parent is like BigB or Dhirubhai, kids will stay and take care of them. Their life away from parents will be miserable with no Tina Munim or Aishwarya as spouse.

Chakra · Post by **Chakra** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 12:07 am

modus_vivendi;378810Isn't there a process in place, and it is called the 'husband'? :)

The law, even with suggested modifications, would still be flawed.

Husband is powerless and cannot enforce anything. During the day, he can be bought by the mother through emotional blackmail, and during the night, by the wife, through other kinds of blackmail.

[QUOTE]The only solution I can see is a switch to a matriarchal society.
I agree. This is the perfect soultion.