Help to reduce my stress with R2I

mikeremember · Post by **mikeremember** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 2:54 pm

Hi

I am very much confused & mentally stressed about the R2I scenario, & would request some advice. Quick background:

I am male 30 years, living & working in IT in UK for the past 4 years, wife also with me working here. We have one year old daughter but she is with her grand parents back in India, to be specific kerala. I am the only son of my parents, so naturally I have to take care of my parents. But I have 2 married sisters who live nearby my parents, & visit frequently.

Now my dilemma is whether I should return to India after few years say 3-4 years, & should we bring our daughter with us now. Reason is that we have to book in advance school for our daughter in UK, if we plan to settle down permanently in UK. Now if I bring our daugther right now, & suppose we don't feel like leaving UK after 3-4 years, my parents would be stuck back in Kerala alone.

So my dilemma is whether to plan everything from now, or should we keep our daughter happily with her grand parents, & both of us return to Kerala to stay together.

Also, if anyone can give me an insight of how is life in Kochi, kerala, future prospects for our daugher, living wise etc, I would be gratefull.

Thanks,
Mike

bearcat · Post by **bearcat** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 3:29 pm

OP
Only thing I would like to add the the first few years of your son/daughter are the most precious moments in life. No amount of money/comfort will make up for that lost time. it is priceless . what ever decision you end up with make sure that your daughter is with you

bearcat

My Roots · Post by **My Roots** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 3:48 pm

OP, whether you R2I or stay put in UK, I suggest you to bring over the kid to stay with parents. If R2I is the destiny it will happen no matter what.
I don't see why it is an issue even if you postpone R2I for 3-4 years. The kid is still going to be young and can easily adopt R2I change.

KirKS · Post by **KirKS** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 5:44 pm

bearcat;403448 Only thing I would like to add the the first few years of your son/daughter are the most precious moments in life. No amount of money/comfort will make up for that lost time. it is priceless . what ever decision you end up with make sure that your daughter is with you

Precisely my thoughts.

roxstar · Post by **roxstar** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 8:50 pm

I second and third the advice that has already been offered. Bring your daugther back and have her live with you. My kid is 5 years old and while we have lived together nearly every day of his life, even I regret not being "present" as much as I would have liked to while he was in his very early years -- thanks largely to obsession with career, promotions and raises.

Well that time will never come back but glad I realized this early.

Bottom line, you are stressing about the wrong things.

sumachechi · Post by **sumachechi** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 10:49 pm

Like everyone else, have your daughter live with you and enjoy her. When you are ready to r2i, do it.
Kochi is fine- there are good schools etc. Would advise to get some foothold realestate wise because prices are real silly out here.
At such a young age, your daughter can adapt anywhere.

Sid · Post by **Sid** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:00 pm

Mike, I feel you are over-stressing on this issue. If there is no immediate health-care related need for your parents, and if you are seeing good career prospects in UK, then its too early for R2I.
If you think your & wife's career will get a boost upon R2I, then THAT would be a big reason to consider R2I. Otherwise, my free-advice would be to stay put, earn some more moolah, bring your daughter to UK to live with you, and save as much as you can for your future R2I.

R2I-2010 · Post by **R2I-2010** » Tue Aug 09, 2011 2:46 am

OP, just listen to what others have said. So do this,
- If you are still up (its kind of late in the night in UK), go online and book a round trip for yourself and one way ticket for your daughter
- Fly to India tomorrow (on your way to airport call your boss and tell her/him that you need 3 days off from work).
- Day after tomorrow - Spend a nice day with your parents
- Day later - fly back to UK
Start enjoying the life.
Unless there is something that we dont know, just do what I (and everybody else) said.