I have been in US for past 7 years. I am still on H1, GC processing is going on (EB2) but no near chances of priority date becoming current. We have 2 boys (3 and 1 yr old). We love everything about life in US - my job, location (world's best weather), decent desi community etc. So we don't miss anything about India (food, tv, news, people etc). We are not that worried about keeping in touch with extended family (cousins, relatives etc) either. Occasional India trip once in 2 year is enough. Also we do not mind our kids growing up here in American culture. In fact we want them to grow up here in 1st world and enjoy a better quality of life overall instead of struggle in the Indian system.
This brings us to our dilemma - parents. By god's grace, both of our parents are in good health. But ten years down the line, as age catches up, they will need help. Both of us (rightly) feel its our duty to be there and take care of them. Which means return to India. We have tentative plans to return back in 5 years. By then the boys will be 8 and 6. I just feel guilty that by doing that I am depriving my boys of a better life. If 10-12 years down the line, if my teenage son asks me "Dad why did you bring us to India when we could have led a better life in US?" I wouldn't know what to say. Anyone else facing/faced the same situation?
Kids Future Vs Taking care of elderly parents
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happygolucky
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2012 11:08 pm
Kids Future Vs Taking care of elderly parents
If you love it here, there is really no need to return. If anything, I'd say pursue your GC, get a citizenship and then figure out how you can bring your parents here. The GC process is and will remain challenging but if you have a resolve to say, it is a just a matter of time, it will come through.
happygolucky;478131I have been in US for past 7 years. I am still on H1, GC processing is going on (EB2) but no near chances of priority date becoming current. We have 2 boys (3 and 1 yr old). We love everything about life in US - my job, location (world's best weather), decent desi community etc. So we don't miss anything about India (food, tv, news, people etc). We are not that worried about keeping in touch with extended family (cousins, relatives etc) either. Occasional India trip once in 2 year is enough. Also we do not mind our kids growing up here in American culture. In fact we want them to grow up here in 1st world and enjoy a better quality of life overall instead of struggle in the Indian system.
This brings us to our dilemma - parents. By god's grace, both of our parents are in good health. But ten years down the line, as age catches up, they will need help. Both of us (rightly) feel its our duty to be there and take care of them. Which means return to India. We have tentative plans to return back in 5 years. By then the boys will be 8 and 6. I just feel guilty that by doing that I am depriving my boys of a better life. If 10-12 years down the line, if my teenage son asks me "Dad why did you bring us to India when we could have led a better life in US?" I wouldn't know what to say. Anyone else facing/faced the same situation?
Kids Future Vs Taking care of elderly parents
My situation, thoughts and dilemma are exactly same as yours.. :o
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GutsyGibbon
- Posts: 1267
- Joined: Fri Jan 19, 2007 2:56 am
Kids Future Vs Taking care of elderly parents
happygolucky;478131Anyone else facing/faced the same situation?
Meet veteran USC NRI desis, and see what is going on with their lives - they are available in plenty in SD, Irvine & LA. If you had been to the Diwali Mela in SD you might have noticed all the veteran desis rubbing shoulders with the Mayor and other politicians. I don't see them as being confused, but rather as successful people who are able to acclimatize to their new environment, build their own culture and a value system.
I know a few people in their 60s who have parents in their 90s in India. They just keep a big emergency fund to travel to India in case their parents need them. I know a cousin who took 2 weeks off from work as his mom fell and broke her leg. He was in India overnight. If parents are healthy and happy about where you are, just leave it at that. Yes, physical presence to take care of parents would be great, especially if parents end up with some form of long term illness, but not every kid in India can go stay with parents for weeks during medical emergencies. Same deal with people who live abroad, some may not be able to afford it, some may not be willing to. But, I do see people with seemingly middle class lives, prioritize taking care of parents, even inform employers in advance of the possibility of long absences.
Point is, as time goes by - you will get your GC, you will get your USC, & if it is high enough on priority - you will have enough funds to have your parents visit you often, and for you to be able to travel to take care of them when needed. By the end of 6 yrs - most people standing in the GC line feel its never going to happen. And for some who have to go through layoffs and such, it may be an unfortunate situation. Your dilemma is pretty much omni-present in most Desi heads. Not everyone makes the decision to go back and take care of parents(after relocating). Some people who are well off and parents willing to relocate to US, do just that - bring their parents over after sponsoring for GC.
Just saying this - by looking at how the veteran desis are taking care of their parents. You can strike a balance between the two, let your kids enjoy the good life here, and also be there when your parents need you.
I am not discouraging you from R2I, its just that if the sole reason for R2I is taking care of parents, one may regret the decision.
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santosh801kumar
- Posts: 31
- Joined: Sun May 06, 2012 11:19 pm
Kids Future Vs Taking care of elderly parents
Gusty,
Most of the parents are above 70's and even some people are losing parents before parents reach 70's. Most of them/majority of those parents cannot live in a US life style for good.
There are only two choices
1. Give up USA
2. Give up parents
We need to choose 1 or 2. :)
Thanks,
Santosh.
Most of the parents are above 70's and even some people are losing parents before parents reach 70's. Most of them/majority of those parents cannot live in a US life style for good.
There are only two choices
1. Give up USA
2. Give up parents
We need to choose 1 or 2. :)
Thanks,
Santosh.
GutsyGibbon;478301
I am not discouraging you from R2I, its just that if the sole reason for R2I is taking care of parents, one may regret the decision.
Kids Future Vs Taking care of elderly parents
The OP is so forward thinking... 10 years down the line !! This is good. Are they both the ONLY Child of their parents ? It would seem so, fromwhat is stated in the post. Post 4 has info on desis who are "seniors" living in the USA. We have met a few in our social circles as well. They are good in both societies -- with younger desis (like the ITcrowd that came in after the1990's) and with the older ones who had migrated before, usually through graduate schools. From what I see, they do not suffer a great deal for lack of the immersion in whatever culture they originally came from, gujarati,bengali, malayali, kannada, whatever.... And some of these people look too young for their age !! In india, I'd have expected a sixty-plus human-sample to look beat, tired and more. It made me do some forward thinking too... thanks OP.
Kids Future Vs Taking care of elderly parents
[QUOTE]This brings us to our dilemma - parents. By god's grace, both of our parents are in good health. But ten years down the line, as age catches up, they will need help. Both of us (rightly) feel its our duty to be there and take care of them. Which means return to India. We have tentative plans to return back in 5 years. By then the boys will be 8 and 6. I just feel guilty that by doing that I am depriving my boys of a better life. If 10-12 years down the line, if my teenage son asks me "Dad why did you bring us to India when we could have led a better life in US?" I wouldn't know what to say. Anyone else facing/faced the same situation?
while life is a puzzle....the puzzle do not fall in place when you want it to. It falls when it fall.
1. You need to relax and enjoy the time and moments you have now in hand.
2. Yes parents need us when they grow old and become disabled as part of ageing process.
3. currently in India as part of the globalisation culture its very common to raise kids with cheap nannies. Its not the norm for grandma and grandpas to help with child raising. They choose to do it with help.
4. It is also not uncommon to see families send their old and ailing parents or parents in law to old age home.
5. Everything that is happening in the US is happening in India but there is a huge difference between the two.
6. Raising 8 & 6 year olds in India is not such a scary proposition as schools have really scaled (atleast the pricey ones) and they talk the same level of educational empowerment you see in US. 10 years from now it should only get better.
7. Ultimately the choice is yours.....either way kids are very resilient than we think. Its we who would find it difficult to adapt not them.
8. Make up you mind and plan accordingly. Planning is the key for success...wherever life might take you.
while life is a puzzle....the puzzle do not fall in place when you want it to. It falls when it fall.
1. You need to relax and enjoy the time and moments you have now in hand.
2. Yes parents need us when they grow old and become disabled as part of ageing process.
3. currently in India as part of the globalisation culture its very common to raise kids with cheap nannies. Its not the norm for grandma and grandpas to help with child raising. They choose to do it with help.
4. It is also not uncommon to see families send their old and ailing parents or parents in law to old age home.
5. Everything that is happening in the US is happening in India but there is a huge difference between the two.
6. Raising 8 & 6 year olds in India is not such a scary proposition as schools have really scaled (atleast the pricey ones) and they talk the same level of educational empowerment you see in US. 10 years from now it should only get better.
7. Ultimately the choice is yours.....either way kids are very resilient than we think. Its we who would find it difficult to adapt not them.
8. Make up you mind and plan accordingly. Planning is the key for success...wherever life might take you.
Kids Future Vs Taking care of elderly parents
This is one thought that is swaying me away from R2A at this time ... From what I've seen personally, parents definitely wish and hope for children to be around to support them emotionally as they age ... money can ensure reasonable comforts at home and hospitals for retired parents, but there's nothing that can replace having their child near by... most parents are too selfless to express these feelings, but it comes out in certain situations...
maybe this proximity can be maintained to some extent remotely with skype etc...have seen that with tech savy parents.. and people can convince themselves that being in Delhi and coming to chennai by train would take the same amt of time as flying down from the US, but there is some intangible comfort that the mind gets when someone is in the country... Parents moving to the US at an old age feels like a risky thing and also unfair to displace them from an ecosystem when they are in the sunset years... I agree that if one is committed, they can make frequent trips and attend to parent's needs... its a tough call and we need to live with the choices we make.
maybe this proximity can be maintained to some extent remotely with skype etc...have seen that with tech savy parents.. and people can convince themselves that being in Delhi and coming to chennai by train would take the same amt of time as flying down from the US, but there is some intangible comfort that the mind gets when someone is in the country... Parents moving to the US at an old age feels like a risky thing and also unfair to displace them from an ecosystem when they are in the sunset years... I agree that if one is committed, they can make frequent trips and attend to parent's needs... its a tough call and we need to live with the choices we make.
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happygolucky
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2012 11:08 pm
Kids Future Vs Taking care of elderly parents
Thanks for all the advice. I am still not able to make up my mind either way. But I still have some time do decide. Ideal situation would be to have citizenship and then R2i. That way even if kids come to US and decide to settle down here, we can join them whenever we want. But that is very very distant.
I do not think you can compare traveling from some Indian metro to your hometown and traveling from US. Time is not a factor but money is. Surely an average person cannot make frequent trips to India but if you are in say Bangalore, then you can visit your parents every other week. Its not just about medical needs. When they become old and lonely, they will need you by their side, atleast if its only couple of days a month.
We are leaning towards R2I in few years. Things are not that bad in India if you have the money. Good work culture like US is rare but working conditions like the office quality and amenities are comparable to US. These days there are many good apartment communities, good schools etc. Quality of education is never a problem in India. Quality of life overall is bad, you have to deal with things not working, traffic, pollution etc. But you have to make some sacrifices to gain some. Let the kids grow in the rigourous Indian middle class city life and then move back to US for higher studies, if they want to.
I do not think you can compare traveling from some Indian metro to your hometown and traveling from US. Time is not a factor but money is. Surely an average person cannot make frequent trips to India but if you are in say Bangalore, then you can visit your parents every other week. Its not just about medical needs. When they become old and lonely, they will need you by their side, atleast if its only couple of days a month.
We are leaning towards R2I in few years. Things are not that bad in India if you have the money. Good work culture like US is rare but working conditions like the office quality and amenities are comparable to US. These days there are many good apartment communities, good schools etc. Quality of education is never a problem in India. Quality of life overall is bad, you have to deal with things not working, traffic, pollution etc. But you have to make some sacrifices to gain some. Let the kids grow in the rigourous Indian middle class city life and then move back to US for higher studies, if they want to.
Kids Future Vs Taking care of elderly parents
If your kids were to ask you that question, explain your (and wife's) feelings and perspective to your children. They will understand.
R2I for the sake of parents will work if your mind is set that way, i.e., if you feel that you will not be at peace after 20-30 years, assuming that you continued to LIA.
Things will not continue to be the same forever. For all you know, your kids might ask you why you did not return to take care of parents/give them an Indian experience, let them get to know family if you did LIA.
If your parents have someone that they trust enough to take care of them, you will have to take that too into consideration for your plans.
In my opinion and from the mood of your OP, I feel that you and your spouse would be better off R2I'ing after some years to take care of parents. That is, if both of you do not change your mind somewhere down the line.
I may sound idealistic here, but you just need the right attitude to help your kids adjust to India. From your latest post, you seem to have that already. Kids pick up positive and negative vibes from parents. Methinks that you and spouse will be setting a good example for kids by taking care of aged parents.
R2I for the sake of parents will work if your mind is set that way, i.e., if you feel that you will not be at peace after 20-30 years, assuming that you continued to LIA.
Things will not continue to be the same forever. For all you know, your kids might ask you why you did not return to take care of parents/give them an Indian experience, let them get to know family if you did LIA.
If your parents have someone that they trust enough to take care of them, you will have to take that too into consideration for your plans.
In my opinion and from the mood of your OP, I feel that you and your spouse would be better off R2I'ing after some years to take care of parents. That is, if both of you do not change your mind somewhere down the line.
I may sound idealistic here, but you just need the right attitude to help your kids adjust to India. From your latest post, you seem to have that already. Kids pick up positive and negative vibes from parents. Methinks that you and spouse will be setting a good example for kids by taking care of aged parents.