When is the pain from death manageable?

RBee · Post by **RBee** » Fri Oct 07, 2011 1:29 am

We all undergo a moment of despair when a giant like Steve Jobs falls and like one columnist put out in his tribute "And the fact we knew this day was coming sooner rather than later does not soften the blow".

On this profound bold statement. Leave alone the well respected visionaries or celebrities; we all know in bigger scheme of things everyone's days are numbered but when do you make peace with the death of your loved one(s) or your own mortality? Does the blow soften when loved ones or yourself reach 70s or 80s or never? Is the pain less when loved ones suffer a lot towards their end so their departure is easier to take than their suffering or it really doesn't matter? Are accidental premature deaths harder to take than natural ones?

What is an acceptable age for the death for your pain to be manageable or for your immediate family and what is the acceptable mode of death?

If this thread is morbid and upsets some people's sensibilities, my apologies in advance. Plus this section seemed like a right one for such topic.

kitkat · Post by **kitkat** » Fri Oct 07, 2011 2:06 am

I get very depressed with this kind of news. I feel like returning back and stay closer to my loved ones right away. Now returning back will not change anything that is going to happen but I think it gives some kind of relief to be with your own people. Also I feel if I live in this country then how would I face situations like this by myself? What would my kids do? How will they handle? They will be lost here and will lose all connections with their relatives. An event like this reminds me nothing is permanent and should make best use of every day, every moment. I won’t be able handle any of these kind of news for my loved ones at all. I don’t think age would matter but place does matter. Also, I think when you are with other family member around you, it helps you come out of the sorrow and makes situation much easier to handle.

Rajram · Post by **Rajram** » Fri Oct 07, 2011 6:12 am

RBee;414605when do you make peace with the death of your loved one(s) [/quote]

For loved ones, never completely. We may move on to routine lives eventually, but the void will remain at the back of our minds, our lives will be altered.

[quote] or your own mortality?

I have already made peace with my mortality. Don't recall when though. If one is over 40 and haven't made peace with mortality, I suggest they take a day off, make peace and get back to work before mid life crisis hits. You are better off figuring one out before the other one takes control.

[quote] Is the pain less when loved ones suffer a lot towards their end so their departure is easier to take than their suffering or it really doesn't matter? Are accidental premature deaths harder to take than natural ones? [/quote]

Loved ones are loved ones, no matter how they die and the void will be the same, while it may give a lot more mental agony to watch loved ones suffer a lot before death, after death thoughts about the person's suffering will take a backseat and the void will fill in.

[quote]What is an acceptable age for the death for your pain to be manageable[/quote]

For who the person dying or the person watching someone die?

[quote] for your immediate family and what is the acceptable mode of death? [/quote]

Natural causes when they are really old is more acceptable than death that could be avoided at an younger age.

Highly subjective, subjective and subjective.

For people in south bay a double whammy this week with Steve Jobs passing away and the cement factory incident and subsequent drama. I guess a trip to Reno over the weekend with my family will help clear my mind (and my wallet) to get refreshed :)

rajradio · Post by **rajradio** » Fri Oct 07, 2011 6:20 am

I fully believe that the mind prepares in its own way consciously or otherwise for the death of near and dear. It hurts most when it is unprepared. In the interest of brevity here is what I wrote earlier.

http://www.r2iclubforums.com/forums/showthread.php/20458-About-my-confirmed-R2I-plan-some-rambling-thoughts?p=317920#post317920

RK

KahloRivera · Post by **KahloRivera** » Fri Oct 07, 2011 1:32 pm

not manageable but one can move on

LoveIndia · Post by **LoveIndia** » Fri Oct 07, 2011 2:49 pm

No death can be managed peacefully but there are some deaths where it will never pass from our minds and hearts such as - "A noble person who is simple, loving, caring, affectionate, selfless, always willing to help without any expectation, willing to cheer us and be with us in the most unfortunate situations and a person who works for a large scale societal benefits". I have come across a few person in my life where I still miss them. On the other hand, death is manageable for most of our loved ones as time passes and death is certainly a great place to be for evil persons of the world which they truly deserve!!

r2inoida · Post by **r2inoida** » Fri Oct 07, 2011 4:57 pm

It hurts to see our parents getting older and worse when we know the biological clock is ticking away.

We returned for them. We Saw some of my friends parents who lived and died lonely in India. Those friends later repented a lot. Those were eye opening incidents in our life and we decided, to hell with dollars,good roads, clean air , personal space . We thought we would give our parents ample and quality time with us and their grandchildren.

Steve jobs or for that matter any other celebritie's death doesnt affect me. But yes, it would be very very difficult almost impossible to come to terms with the loss of parents

Chakraan · Post by **Chakraan** » Fri Oct 07, 2011 8:49 pm

Steve Jobs: ?Death is very likely the single best invention of life?

"Remembering that I would be dead soon is the most important tool I have encountered to help me make the right choices in life. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.?
"No one wants to die and yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that's as it should be because Death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life's change agent. It clears up the old to make way for the new.?

Wish we could plan our death like this R2I Planning.
Yesterday I was telling my spouse to take a note of all my investment scattered here and there in case I die suddenly, she did not take it seriously.
I was reading an article that there are millions of dollar unclaimed fund in the bank where family member may not be aware of these investment by the deceased persons.

Rajram · Post by **Rajram** » Fri Oct 07, 2011 9:40 pm

Chakraan;414747Yesterday I was telling my spouse to take a note of all my investment scattered here and there in case I die suddenly, she did not take it seriously.
I was reading an article that there are millions of dollar unclaimed fund in the bank where family member may not be aware of these investment by the deceased persons.

Keeping a spreadsheet of all accounts, email addresses, usernames, passwords, automatic payments, utilities is a great idea.

lsvenkat · Post by **lsvenkat** » Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:03 pm

However much one may talk philosophically and that it is a fact and death is inevitable in a detached sort of way, oonly when it happens to near and dear ones that too when unexpectedly / suddenly it hurts a lot more than one can imagine now. Only when it happens will the real impact ever be felt/known till then it is all theory and speculation

Regards

Venkat