Hello,
I have been reading this forum for a month ever since my hubby announced his R2I decision.
A little background:
We are from chennai, living in bay area for 9 yrs, hubby 12 yrs.We have 2 kids- 5 yr and 1yr.We got our GC last year and we are eligible to apply for USC in 2015.
Hubby is not ready to wait for USC, he says he can maintain his GC coz his job will have multiple US visits(Also he says in 20 years India will be in a better position than US and we or kids wont need to come back)
I want to wait for USC and r2I, coz we will have the flexibility if we have issues in india.
Reasons for Hubby's R2I decision:
1)His dad passed away this year and mom is alone in india and she doesnt wanna come to US, but the tricky part is even if we R2I she is not gonna stay with us under the same roof, she wants stay in her own apartment, which will be far away from hubby's office and kids school(Note:Hubby already found a job in chennai within a span of month when we are discussing whether to R2I or not), basically we will be staying in the same city and take care of her needs.
2)He has got a promotion in the india job offer and is a good career move for him
I am working for the last 11 years, but i wont be able to work in india.
Reasons: my baby is just a year old and i dont think i can find a dependable daycare in india.
Heard working hours are longer and i need to be able to pickup and drop my elder one from school.Basically i am able to work and take care of kids here, but heard its tough even with a maid there.
Also we are one of the underwater home owner in bay area and we will be absorbing a good loss if we have to sell it.Also we will have to sell after we move out and we have to pay for that many months of mortgage while its sitting on market.
Positives:
Good career prospects for him
We can be closer to family
Negatives:
Loss from under water home
No USC
I cant continue my career
Also i feel education is better in US than India(Hubby doesnt agree).
He wants to R2I and i am not ready yet.Also i forgot to mention hubby told me before marriage itself that we will eventually R2I and he has no plans to stay here forever or retire.He keeps mentioning that i told you long back and you agreed.
I also want to R2I but not now,i wanna return after getting USC, after selling this home.
He mentions that our elder one will be 8+ and the kid cant adjust to the competitive education and environment in india, earier we go the better it is - any thoughts on this?
Also what do we do to maintain our gc(apart from reentry permit for the first 2 years)
I am confused here and cant make a decision.He wants me to make a decision and say yes to R2I.
Help needed for R2I decision
Help needed for R2I decision
Now is your time to keep your word.
If something happens to his mother while you have kept him in USA......be ready for some life-long regrets.
Besides..India will be more fun for you both and your children if moved now....he also has a job there.
Forget about house selling at a profit or at par with what you paid....its not going to happen in next several years......you have got to move on...
USC is a genuine concern but I guess its his word that he will keep the GC alive...hold his feet to fire on that one.
....don't think too much...:thup:Just go for it.....It will be real fun for all four of you....
If something happens to his mother while you have kept him in USA......be ready for some life-long regrets.
Besides..India will be more fun for you both and your children if moved now....he also has a job there.
Forget about house selling at a profit or at par with what you paid....its not going to happen in next several years......you have got to move on...
USC is a genuine concern but I guess its his word that he will keep the GC alive...hold his feet to fire on that one.
....don't think too much...:thup:Just go for it.....It will be real fun for all four of you....
Help needed for R2I decision
Can you let him go first and you stay here for a year? You both may eventually come to a common decision during the year.
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Old-Spice2
- Posts: 1898
- Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:38 pm
Help needed for R2I decision
My advise - don't r2i now. Wait for USC and try to sell the house in the meantime when it goes above water. BTW, how much are you underwater? This will allow members to advise correctly.
It will be 2016 before you will be able to r2i. Keep one extra year to get USC, PP and OCI card. Your elder kid will be 10 - that is the last chance to r2i. Even at 10, you need to teach him Hindi or Tamil so he will not face problem when you return.
Education in US is better. Lot of variety, flexibility and choice - I am talking about college education. If you wait that long, you can as well retire in US. School education in US is something you can miss and not worry about. If he is getting a promotion and decent pay hike, then it may be a good idea to r2i.
For a woman it is tough to manage two small kids and work. You need to find some WFH job or ask MIL to pack up and move in with you. I am concerned you did not mention anything about your parents. Why only man's parent is a concern and not yours?
You need an adult at home when you have young kids, otherwise it is stressful. Lot of good quality daycares have opened up but you need to find one nearby. Your biggest hurdle is underwater home. Otherwise I would have said take 1-2 years off and try it out.
It will be 2016 before you will be able to r2i. Keep one extra year to get USC, PP and OCI card. Your elder kid will be 10 - that is the last chance to r2i. Even at 10, you need to teach him Hindi or Tamil so he will not face problem when you return.
Education in US is better. Lot of variety, flexibility and choice - I am talking about college education. If you wait that long, you can as well retire in US. School education in US is something you can miss and not worry about. If he is getting a promotion and decent pay hike, then it may be a good idea to r2i.
For a woman it is tough to manage two small kids and work. You need to find some WFH job or ask MIL to pack up and move in with you. I am concerned you did not mention anything about your parents. Why only man's parent is a concern and not yours?
You need an adult at home when you have young kids, otherwise it is stressful. Lot of good quality daycares have opened up but you need to find one nearby. Your biggest hurdle is underwater home. Otherwise I would have said take 1-2 years off and try it out.
Help needed for R2I decision
A couple of alternate thoughts.....
>> but the tricky part is even if we R2I she is not gonna stay with us under the same roof, she wants stay in her own apartment,
+ This may be a short term decision to be independent....but in the longer term, when she needs care, she might move in with you guys.
+ Her friends network may be more important to her now, with similar old-age concerns, etc
+ She may be nearer to medical services that she cares about....
+ She may not want you guys to R2I just for her....i.e. she is testing the strength of the decision...
As regards to waiting, I agree with Old Spice...it will be 2016-2017 before you can get a USC and OCI package and moving your kid to India for the crucial stretch of his education (high school years upcoming) is not without risks....you might as well stay here. The bigger risk is if something happens to the surviving parent....having lost one before R2I is a big pain on its own, losing two is bad. Money (underwater home) can always be recouped, assuming it is reasonable.
Two risks are:
+ USC
+ Career
As regards your career, if you cannot get family help like your parents or a full time nanny, one option is a 2 year break and then continuing the career. You are very experienced and I am sure any company would be lucky to have you. Else, a part time option would be the most appropriate.
So, the biggest risk I see is USC and that you will have to somehow deal with. Please note that you have to show intention to reside here....like a permanent address, car insurance, etc that shows that you planned to come at will. And, please make sure you also maintain your GC i.e. visits to US of A.
NOTE: It is worth checking if USC can be applied without the 3 yr continuous stay in the US. In case economy goes south and hubby's company bails out on the promised visit to US, then what?
NOTE2: If hubby spends at least half the year in the US for the next 3-4 years, then you will be saddled with kid mgmt on your own for that duration. So, a 2 yr career hiatus may be more i.e. it seems better to plan for some full time help.
>> but the tricky part is even if we R2I she is not gonna stay with us under the same roof, she wants stay in her own apartment,
+ This may be a short term decision to be independent....but in the longer term, when she needs care, she might move in with you guys.
+ Her friends network may be more important to her now, with similar old-age concerns, etc
+ She may be nearer to medical services that she cares about....
+ She may not want you guys to R2I just for her....i.e. she is testing the strength of the decision...
As regards to waiting, I agree with Old Spice...it will be 2016-2017 before you can get a USC and OCI package and moving your kid to India for the crucial stretch of his education (high school years upcoming) is not without risks....you might as well stay here. The bigger risk is if something happens to the surviving parent....having lost one before R2I is a big pain on its own, losing two is bad. Money (underwater home) can always be recouped, assuming it is reasonable.
Two risks are:
+ USC
+ Career
As regards your career, if you cannot get family help like your parents or a full time nanny, one option is a 2 year break and then continuing the career. You are very experienced and I am sure any company would be lucky to have you. Else, a part time option would be the most appropriate.
So, the biggest risk I see is USC and that you will have to somehow deal with. Please note that you have to show intention to reside here....like a permanent address, car insurance, etc that shows that you planned to come at will. And, please make sure you also maintain your GC i.e. visits to US of A.
NOTE: It is worth checking if USC can be applied without the 3 yr continuous stay in the US. In case economy goes south and hubby's company bails out on the promised visit to US, then what?
NOTE2: If hubby spends at least half the year in the US for the next 3-4 years, then you will be saddled with kid mgmt on your own for that duration. So, a 2 yr career hiatus may be more i.e. it seems better to plan for some full time help.
Help needed for R2I decision
VPR;425268
mom is alone in india and she doesnt wanna come to US
Have you tried explaining to her that the move to the US is for a temporary period of 4-5 years and that you plan to settle in India thereafter? Without a doubt it will be a huge sacrifice and adjustment for her but the knowledge that it is a temporary thing could make it easier. Trust me , R2I is no bed of roses. It puts a lot of stress on the family. As a lot of folks have stated on this forum in the past, this is a decision that both husband and wife have to have bought in 100%.
Furthermore, you can apply for citizenship 4 1/2 years after recieving the GC. Assuming 6 months procesing time, you will have it in hand in 5 years total. No need to wait longer for OCI. This can be applied from India as well.
BTW I don't agree that the fact that the home is underwater is a valid reason to stay. If you planned to R2I all along what was the purpose of making such a huge commitment? If it was from the point of view of investment then like all other investments in the world sometimes you profit and sometimes you loose.
Help needed for R2I decision
fnln510;425314 move to the US is for a temporary period of 4-5 years and that you plan to settle in India thereafter? .
4-5 year period is temporary and short:confused:
Help needed for R2I decision
if you as a family are not convinced about r2i, you should defer for some more time...and try to get mom to stay with you all for 6 months, go on a vacation to India for few months etc. Assess the situation and then take a call..
We r2i'd with just the green card and while I have had some opportunity to travel, these days, companies are very cost sensitive and avoid travel if they can. also, the timing is not very convenient ... to maintain GC status from India is a real pain - you need to visit 6-8 weeks to apply for re entry permit renewals... overall an expensive affair as well.
other topics like education, quality etc are never-ending topics, suggest don't waste time on that ... moving without GC would be a risk to having a backout option
...then again, not having USC might also be a trigger to R2A if things dont work out ... someone with USC will think they can go back any day and never make that decision.
Good luck with everything !
We r2i'd with just the green card and while I have had some opportunity to travel, these days, companies are very cost sensitive and avoid travel if they can. also, the timing is not very convenient ... to maintain GC status from India is a real pain - you need to visit 6-8 weeks to apply for re entry permit renewals... overall an expensive affair as well.
other topics like education, quality etc are never-ending topics, suggest don't waste time on that ... moving without GC would be a risk to having a backout option
...then again, not having USC might also be a trigger to R2A if things dont work out ... someone with USC will think they can go back any day and never make that decision.
Good luck with everything !
Help needed for R2I decision
Tough one that.
The first thing that struck me after reading your post is that this is a decision you have to take not only with your mind but with your heart as well.
Your husband is probably worried that something might happen to his mother while you are here and might want to stay close to her in her last years.
Just imagine; God forbid if something were to happen to MIL after you guys decide to LIA for some more time, I think your H will be guilty for life. That will put a strain on your relationship as well. The USC, underwater home etc. will not seem like a big deal if something were to happen.
Your elder kid seems to be the right age for R2I. I have seen that kids <=5 are able to ease into the Indian system much better than those who are >8. There will be more flexibility now and if your kid studies in an Indian school right from 1st grade, language/competition/volume(lessons) issues will not be felt as much.
Plus I do not want to sound mean, but R2I'ing and not having to stay in the same house as in-laws (even if it is temporary) would seem ideal to many R2I wives. You will still have your freedom at home, H will be happy cos his mom is taken care of, and your kids will not have too many adjustment issues now.
Looks like you agreed to the R2I clause before marriage without discussing timelines. You have to decide whether to try and negotiate on that with H or just go ahead with R2I. What about your parents? Can you leave kids with them and go to work?
The first thing that struck me after reading your post is that this is a decision you have to take not only with your mind but with your heart as well.
Your husband is probably worried that something might happen to his mother while you are here and might want to stay close to her in her last years.
Just imagine; God forbid if something were to happen to MIL after you guys decide to LIA for some more time, I think your H will be guilty for life. That will put a strain on your relationship as well. The USC, underwater home etc. will not seem like a big deal if something were to happen.
Your elder kid seems to be the right age for R2I. I have seen that kids <=5 are able to ease into the Indian system much better than those who are >8. There will be more flexibility now and if your kid studies in an Indian school right from 1st grade, language/competition/volume(lessons) issues will not be felt as much.
Plus I do not want to sound mean, but R2I'ing and not having to stay in the same house as in-laws (even if it is temporary) would seem ideal to many R2I wives. You will still have your freedom at home, H will be happy cos his mom is taken care of, and your kids will not have too many adjustment issues now.
Looks like you agreed to the R2I clause before marriage without discussing timelines. You have to decide whether to try and negotiate on that with H or just go ahead with R2I. What about your parents? Can you leave kids with them and go to work?
Help needed for R2I decision
VPR;425268Hello,
I have been reading this forum for a month ever since my hubby announced his R2I decision.
...
I am confused here and cant make a decision.He wants me to make a decision and say yes to R2I.
Hmmm... a tricky dilemma. The first and last lines of your post seem to say it all.
It's not clear what you are looking for. Motivation to make the r2i decision, how to persuade hubby to LIA for a few more years, or something in between.
Going by your description, looks like what is happening is not exactly very fair or conducive to long term marital peace. You did know and agree before marriage itself about the r2i, but it seems to be happening in a bit too willy-nilly a fashion. Given that you've been working for 11 years, your comfort level w.r.t r2i'ing without USC, underwater house, does not seem to get enough weightage.
And, you having to give up your career does not seem right. Why is looking after kids solely your responsibility? From the description, looks like, hubby found a job that is a good career move, wants to be in same city as mother, wants to r2i.. so expects you to drop everything, pack up and move, handle kids and other r2i-settle-down stuff there while he probably is busy in new job. And his mother wants to stay in her own apartment. Everyone is sticking to what they want, and expecting you to turn your life upside down so they get what they want. Why is your career so dispensable? If you don't mind giving up your job or were looking to take a break any way, it is a different thing.
You could suggest that he go to India, maybe with older kid, and you stay on in the U.S. with younger one for a while. Anyway, he plans to keep GC alive and so will be making frequent trips to the U.S. Or, you could agree to r2i but say you will do so after you also find a job, and husband has to also help with taking care of kids. If you've been working for 11 years, and change to SAHM at the time of r2i without being 100% for the SAHM idea, with such young kids, the mind will go crazy. Esp. if hubby keeps long hours in office.