Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea..My dilemma

TSNJ · Post by **TSNJ** » Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:48 am

R2I'rs

This is a great forum and I have been following the posts here for a while now. Music composition is my hobby and I thought I would write a song to express the dilemma I have been going thro' and here is what I ended up with .:)

I wrote this song a few years ago and played the music for this song on my keyboard and recorded it on pro tools at home. A composer/singer called Thomas Regin whom I met on a music forum has sung this song. This is a home made track that I composed a few years ago, I thought I would share it with you all. OK, here is the song.."State of Frenzy " ..Enjoy :)

http://www.box.com/shared/m2pkmi4rkd

"Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea,
I wander on the shores of New Jersey,
"What lies ahead?", is well beyond me,
My mind searches for an answer in a state of frenzy..

I flew many a mile far away from my home,
Leaving my old parents by themselves all alone,
My mind is consumed by the wicked greed,
Of striking rich in the wonder land..
Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea,
I wander on the shores of New Jersey

Many a year have gone by, My palm still itches
For the green dollar..
My parents have gotten helpless and older..
Have I already pushed this too far..?
My heart cries silently within.

Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea,
I wander on the shores of New Jersey,
"What lies ahead?", is well beyond me,
My mind searches for an answer in a state of frenzy.."

tinu · Post by **tinu** » Mon Dec 12, 2011 12:29 am

This is beautiful. Reminds me a lot of my own situation.

TSNJ · Post by **TSNJ** » Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:46 am

tinu;427536This is beautiful. Reminds me a lot of my own situation.

Thank you all for all the "thanks given". Please feel free to comment on this song.

Tinu, I can clearly understand where you are coming from and most of the immigrants wherever they are would have gone thro' a similar dilemma. We all think when we leave the shores of our motherland that it would be a short stay wherever we are headed and we would be back home soon.It gets complex over a period of time. We get drawn into a vortex of emotions that sucks us slowly into it and then we tend to choose an easy way out and relationships slowly tend to take the backseat. We are caught between parents on one hand, the grown-up kids who we think "may have a tough time in India", our job situations, our immigration statuses etc. We then realize "heading back home" is not al that easy. It is easier to make decisions when we are young and as we get older, it becomes that more difficult. We are all caught between the devil and the deep blue sea and my song is an attempt to paint such emotions.

TowardsHome · Post by **TowardsHome** » Mon Dec 12, 2011 7:27 am

So true . This is so oft the theme in many posts of this forum. You are a gifted man, so you could express yourself artistically. Lesser mortals like us write posts in these forums and some good natured souls take the time out to give some good advice .At the end of the day we at the least draw comfort from the fact that we are not alone in this predicament. Each time the phone goes off in the middle of night for whatever reason, the heart skips a beat and starts racing until it is confirmed that every thing is okay with the two old frail people who gave everything to see us "prosper and be happy". The confident , know all ,authoritative parents we knew all our life before we left home seemed to have disappeared and replaced by dependent , frail individuals who want us to decide on everything from the replacement refrigerator to the new flat they want to buy.

I still remember a beautiful quote from a forum member who has returned to India .He summarized his return experience "[QUOTE] After we started living close to them , they sleep better, so do we "( some thing like this , I do not remember the exact lines ). Those lines continue to tug at heart every day .One day , some day , before it is too late, this indecisive mind will shed its fear ridden vision of destiny in the Desh and will take the leap of faith. That day I will also start sleeping better.

clarence123 · Post by **clarence123** » Mon Dec 12, 2011 7:41 am

Right from the 9th grade, I have been staying in hostels, mansions/lodge (after college-while looking for job).. I am in US for 9 years and I still feel like I am in hostel ....

While staying in hostel, I was able to go home for every festival but now once in few years only.
While staying in hostel, I was all alone but now I am still in hostel but with my DW and kids.
While staying in hostel, friends used to take the home-sick feeling away and here the social-circle helps to an extent..

itsme · Post by **itsme** » Tue Dec 13, 2011 11:39 am

excellent song ! underlining the dilemma situation.

bigdreamer · Post by **bigdreamer** » Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:08 pm

Fantastic song & very nicely sung!!!

:thup::thup::thup:

back2desh · Post by **back2desh** » Tue Dec 13, 2011 2:10 pm

Marvelous Song! I am really touch by every word of it! Good job.

On my side I R2Ied last year and have been living in Bangalore, parents are old but are living close by where I live. My commute to Office is bit long but I am glad that I am staying close to my parents!

My dad said this to me " I am so happy that you have returned to India for good after so many years, granted that this country has lot of challenges however this is your motherland and nothing can replace your motherland no matter where ever you live, and you have made the very right decision, now if I have to see you/grandkids I don't have to wait for 24 hrs, you can just come and see us in 10-20 minutes, and this has given me so much of strength, I can sleep much better now" I was really touch by his statement!

TSNJ · Post by **TSNJ** » Wed Dec 14, 2011 9:55 am

Homebound,
Great post! I can clearly see your pain in this post!
It is a feeling of helplessness, a good side of us says "Head back home and support your old and helpless parents before it is too late" and there is this parent in us that says "What about our grown-up children? What happens to them in India?". Our indecisiveness to R2I at the right time for whatever reasons could end up haunting us later. As we get older, we have this added responsibility that makes us that more indecisive. We need to stop thinking too much ahead and start weighing the positives of r2ing, but that is not easy. We are confused and so are many. What lies ahead is well beyond me thanks to the two sides that haunt me day in and day out.

TSNJ · Post by **TSNJ** » Wed Dec 14, 2011 10:09 am

Thanks clarence123, billyblue, Itsme, back2desh and all those who have thanked me for this song. Thomas has sung this song beautifully and I am glad you enjoyed this song. It was great working with him on this song.

Back2desh, I am really happy for you. I am sure your presence there in the city is a big boost to your parents. I hope I am able to get out of this "self created mental shackle" that seems to consume me all the time. I could also pursue my passion for music in India. I released my first album as a music director/ composer recently and I hope to do more if I can just to satisfy myself.