Hello fellow R2Iers
I have joined this forum recently and have been reading a lot of posts and the amount of knowledge and experience is very much appreciated here.
I am seriously thinking of R2Iing soon. I have been here for the last 6+ years. Came for my MS and then started working in a top software company. My salary is not that great compared to east/west coast salaries, as I live in the lower midwest working at the company's satellite office. I have been thinking of R2Iing since 2010 and wanted to come back in 2011, but everytime I was advised by family to keep at it and earn some more "and then you can think about it later". My family is a typical middle class family and I don't have substantial inheritances or property/real estate to bank on. So all I have is what I have earned in these last few years and what I will make on my own.
The thing is that I a few months ago, I met a girl that I liked, we took to each other, a quick trip to India and I was married, with my wife still in India. The original plan was that in January I bring my wife to the US.
She was indifferent to where we live (btw she prefrs India). I had made it clear that some day soon I will return. So now that I am here, it has started clawing on my mind, that why not make the move to India now itself? Yes, the job culture is satisfying compared to how much I would have to slog it out in India. But I want to start something on my own, and am basically just a zombie here and bored of my job. I really would love to move out of the IT line and get into some sort of Business, ideally that is geared towards emerging trends and with some social benefits to environment/country.
The dilemma is that now my wife is really against this planned decision. She says that I should give 3-4 more years here since the costs in India are rising. I really do not think I can do that any more. Every India visit my heart gives me a resounding answer to where I want to be, the struggles/atmosphere/people/life in India with all its deficiencies as well as plus points, I want to experience just as I did when I was in college. I know that "just another 3-4 years" later also it will be the same situation. I will have made some more money, but prices in India will also have gone up equally or more, and it will be the dog chasing its tail.
I am thinking of moving to a tier 2/3 city. Ideally Goa (as I am a native Goan, but very few opprtunities in tech field). Or probably even move to Pune/Mumbai for the first couple of years to sustain if need be.
Finance wise I have a house back home, so wouldn't need to worry about accommodation if I live with parents. Savings in earnings and 401K of about close to 120K.
I need advise if I am trying to make a hasty decision. I have thought and thought, but when I close my eyes and feel for the answer, India is the answer. Even if I had my wife with me, I feel so out of place in this foreign land.
I tried convincing my wife that I even if we come back in Jan, I would like to return for good by mid 2013 latest. She is still against it and is giving me an ultimatum against my plans.
Any members identify with my situation at all? Please advice...
Need advice
Need advice
What is your visa status?
Bring your wife before winter and spend few more years in US together.
Bring your wife before winter and spend few more years in US together.
Need advice
But that is my whole dilemma, I really am through living away from India. I want to work on a business plan or line a job as a temporary measure to move to India. And convince my wife. And bringing her here in December, to face the God forsaken winter, I don't feel good about that either.
Need advice
Why cant this things be talked before marriage ? It seems so obvious to me. Look whoever the person is, however good they are ALL girls & their families, be it arranged marraige, forced marraige, love marraige, eloped marriage will look at boys job, where he works, how much he earns, and how much potential he has to earn etc. It is their god given right and fully so. Now if you have gone their got married saying , giving them the impression you are in US and going to be, and if suddenly after 4 months say I'll be there in 4 months, yes, it is a cause for alarm.
It would have been a good idea if you returned before marraige, and right from the begginning made it obvious you are in India & going to be there forever, so much more easy, so less a heartburn for everyone. We have live in a utopia dream world, where no one need to accuse other of wrong doing. I am supporting that idea as well, certainly as you know very well, one perons who went to US and doing a R2I is 2% and both together doing makes it even more less (theory says .02 * 0.02 = .04 %) (Both has to do simulataneously. Even one person refuses it is LIA)
It would have been a good idea if you returned before marraige, and right from the begginning made it obvious you are in India & going to be there forever, so much more easy, so less a heartburn for everyone. We have live in a utopia dream world, where no one need to accuse other of wrong doing. I am supporting that idea as well, certainly as you know very well, one perons who went to US and doing a R2I is 2% and both together doing makes it even more less (theory says .02 * 0.02 = .04 %) (Both has to do simulataneously. Even one person refuses it is LIA)
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ephemeraldream
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Tue Jun 05, 2012 1:42 pm
Need advice
I would say r2iing without solid reasons may lead to frustration afterwards. Not sure I'd u have a gc or not but without it going back if you want to is gonna be hard. And with wife and family not on board it's gonna be harder. Things are getting expensive here and lot of ppl can afford it...but not sure for how long. I would say stay there, enjoy life with the missus, travel and later if you want to you can always come back. If u still want to come try and get a leave of absence go to your hometown and really look...see if you still like the feel of it and if so put ur heart into convincing your wife.
As for the business ...try and come up with a solid plan first ....plan how /what you will invest, what kind of resources you need. This is coming from a person who came back for similar reasons.....and has worked for startups. It's a very tough thing to get a business off the ground and withouht plans we can dream all we want but reality hits hard. So I would say think, rethink several times before going down that road. Not trying to discourage you...jus my two cents
As for the business ...try and come up with a solid plan first ....plan how /what you will invest, what kind of resources you need. This is coming from a person who came back for similar reasons.....and has worked for startups. It's a very tough thing to get a business off the ground and withouht plans we can dream all we want but reality hits hard. So I would say think, rethink several times before going down that road. Not trying to discourage you...jus my two cents
Need advice
The missus knows that I will come someday, my H1 will run upto 2014. I have not yet applied for GC, and never planned on. So I had given her the idea that r2i will be on the cards soon. Apparently her parents thought i will always be here, they actually shouldn't have an issue if i come back as i did mention to them that i might move to india "later". But yes, so soon within a few months of marriage might be a little too much. I am working on some business plans, nothing concrete yet. She has said that if I come finally, it is upto me, just that I don't want to come down and always have a displeased wife. I am a person who gets fixed in the comfort zone, so maybe deep down i know that if i don't move now, it will be a long time before i actually do, and all the while i will be miserably missing india.
Need advice
OP,
Happiness is where the heart is – and in your case it obviously is in India! But the other factor in this equation appears to be that your wife’s happiness is based on your staying in the US! Now, that’s a tough spot to be in.
However IMO, it’s very hard to be happy at a place – wherever that is – if you don’t have the support of your family and most importantly, your spouse. And happiness is in more way than one, related to success. You cannot be successful if you are not happy and vice-versa.
Since you have only recently married, why don’t you bring here here, invest these initial years in bonding with your wife and making her happy and getting to know one another better before you embark on your journey to move back to India as a family. I’m sure the time you invest in your marriage now will pay rich dividends in the longer run and might even win you her support in making your R2I a successful one. A happy marriage is a union based on mutual understanding, love, trust and support. An absence of a two-way flow of any of these attributes would only lead to disastrous results. Think about it and focus on the “here and now” and your soon-to-be will eventually fall into place.
These are just my 2 cents.
Happiness is where the heart is – and in your case it obviously is in India! But the other factor in this equation appears to be that your wife’s happiness is based on your staying in the US! Now, that’s a tough spot to be in.
However IMO, it’s very hard to be happy at a place – wherever that is – if you don’t have the support of your family and most importantly, your spouse. And happiness is in more way than one, related to success. You cannot be successful if you are not happy and vice-versa.
Since you have only recently married, why don’t you bring here here, invest these initial years in bonding with your wife and making her happy and getting to know one another better before you embark on your journey to move back to India as a family. I’m sure the time you invest in your marriage now will pay rich dividends in the longer run and might even win you her support in making your R2I a successful one. A happy marriage is a union based on mutual understanding, love, trust and support. An absence of a two-way flow of any of these attributes would only lead to disastrous results. Think about it and focus on the “here and now” and your soon-to-be will eventually fall into place.
These are just my 2 cents.
Need advice
Talked things out. She actually doesn't mind if i come back for good in jan. she is worried that her parents will get unduly worried about this move and that is her main concern. That i will come down, try to get settled with her into a new marriage, will possibly take a few months off to evaluate my options in India and then go from there. In short, according to her, as long as I have a concrete plan, she is fine. I totally understand what everyone is saying that I should invest time in the first few months of marriage. But this is only something i know how unhappy i am here. I feel confident that even if i move to Goa, with everything new also, I will be fine. Like OotyGuy says, happiness is where the heart is, and i might just follow mine...
Need advice
wifes can be a displeased bunch, so can husbands, you need to what is RIGHT for YOURSELF. Where do you think you will be happy, if it is india, if it is next month, then rally people round yourself and tell them "Here is what I am going to do......", and convince them about your decision making. you need to stop making decisions for anyone else other than yourself.
Need advice
rajradio;467401 you need to what is RIGHT for YOURSELF.
Egjactly!!! Do what you feel is right..at least you know you are happy. Bringing your newly wed wife to place where you are not happy will be disastrous...Your unhappiness will affect her mood too. Plus once she comes here and if she likes it here ...then what ...now you got to convince her to R2I.